Lost Without You (17 page)

Chip trudged back to camp as quickly as he could, but Zoe was faster. By the time he reached her tent, it was dark and quiet. He worried for a moment that maybe she hadn't actually found her way back to camp in the dark. Fear rose in his throat at the thought of her out there, alone.

A sniffle and a tiny crinkle of tissue came from inside her tent. Chip let out the breath he'd been holding, sagging with relief. Whatever had happened at the waterfall to make her flee didn't matter, as long as she was safe now.

“Zoe, I know you're in there and I'm coming in,” he said loudly enough for her to hear him, but hopefully not so loud the other nearby tents could eavesdrop.

“Don't,” she said as he slid through the tent opening and zipped it up behind him again. “Or completely ignore me.”

“Yes, I choose that option.” Chip sat on the ground beside her makeshift bed and pulled her blanket down to her chin. “What happened back there?”

“I don't want to talk about it.”

“Too bad. You can't sleep with me, which was fucking amazing, I'll add, and then disappear like something bad happened.”

She wiped at her eyes with the tissue again. The light was too dark in the tent to see how upset she was, but the sniffling was pretty obvious. Had she been crying since leaving the waterfall?

“I just can't be with you again, Chip. It'll never work out between us. I shouldn't have been with you tonight, although you're right, it was amazing.” She took a shaky breath. “But that makes this even harder.”

“You're not making any sense, Zoe. You want to be with me or you don't want to be with me, which is it?”

“I
can't
be with you,” she whispered.

He leaned forward, hovering over her, desperate to understand. What he wouldn't give to go back a half an hour ago to when he was in a similar position with her but when everything still made sense.

“Did I do something to hurt you?” he asked. His chest burned with the possibility. He'd never forgive himself if he had.

“No,” she said, her voice stronger. “It's just … me. I'm not meant to be with you. And contrary to what the tabloids would have people believe, I'm not into flings. I shouldn't have been with you tonight knowing I couldn't be with you ever again.”

“I think I should get some say in who I'm with and I want to be with you. I've wanted you since … longer than I care to admit. Whatever's going on, we'll work it out. Talk to me.”

“I can't. You won't understand. You think you want me and that you know who I am, but you don't. You don't know anything about me and … and I want to keep it that way. I can't be the kind of girl you usually date. I can't be some trophy girlfriend. Please just leave.”

He shook his head. “Trophy girlfriend? What the hell are you talking about?”

“I've seen pictures of the girls you usually date in those tabloid magazines and I know you think I'm like them but I'm not. I'm not at all who you think I am.”

He laughed, annoyed. “You keep telling me I don't know who you really are, but you're wrong. I probably know a hell of a lot more than you think. I research my contestants. And I didn't see anything in your file that made me not want to be with you. But this attitude you're throwing at me about trophy girlfriends is just about insulting enough to make me walk away right now. I do care more about the women I date than if they look pretty on my arm. Give me a little credit.”

“I'm never going to be the woman on your arm, so let's end this now. I'm sorry if I led you on, but I don't want to be with you again, now or ever. Please go.”

Zoe rolled onto her side, facing away from him. He knew he wasn't going to get anywhere talking to her tonight but it still took a few minutes to pull himself up from the ground and out of her tent.

She didn't make sense.

She wasn't telling him something. All that stuff about a trophy girlfriend was weird and out of left field. Did she really think that's what he wanted? Did she really think she didn't classify as a trophy girlfriend if that is what he'd been looking for? She was beautiful, well-spoken, and smart. Any man would feel like he'd won a prize to have her on his arm.

No way was he going to let her be with anyone else but him. Not after tonight. Zoe was the only woman he wanted to be with. Now he needed to figure out a way to make her realize she felt the same way.

• • •

Zoe stood on the edge of the pool beneath the waterfall, facing the contestants who'd lined up in their teams in front of her. It was time for the elimination challenge to start and she was about to read her cue cards, but the only thing she could focus on was that everyone stood where she and Chip had fooled around together. If she looked carefully, which she hadn't been able to resist doing, she could almost make out butt prints still formed in the mud. Thank God the contestants were now marking the area with their footprints so she wouldn't have the constant reminder of her time with Chip much longer.

Her gaze travelled to Chip. The expression on his face said he was reliving their night together too. The thought sent an unwelcome shot of heat through her body. Being with Chip had been more than amazing. It had been everything she'd never thought she'd get the chance to have.

After Chip confronted her in her tent, she'd lain awake in bed thinking. Maybe Chip had been telling her the truth about not caring about having a trophy girlfriend on his arm. She'd been so convinced someone as perfect and gorgeous as Chip wouldn't want to be with anyone less. And while she tried her best to look as perfect as possible on the outside, there was no amount of makeup that could cover everything.

But maybe Chip really wouldn't care that she was flawed. Maybe the tabloids had portrayed him in a way that wasn't a hundred percent true like they had her. If that were the case, maybe they could have some kind of relationship. Possibly, she'd overacted in the moment and panicked when she'd felt so close and comfortable with Chip after being intimate with him.

Of course, she still couldn't tell him everything. But it was possible she could give him the quick version to explain the scars.

He met her gaze and the corner of his mouth pulled up into a tiny lopsided smile.

She rubbed the pendants on her necklace in her fingers, the smooth sensation calming her instantly. Maybe she didn't have to worry about the past so much. Could she focus on the future for a change and forget about everything else?

Chip signaled that it was time to get started. Zoe turned her attention to the cue cards and started reading. “Welcome back to
Wild Expedition
, the show that puts your survival to the test. Today I'm afraid another team will leave us and return home. Let's find out what your challenge is.”

The cards flipped and she continued reading. “Behind me is the beautiful waterfall and pool where we had our reward challenge earlier this week. Today you'll be facing it again, only this time you won't be high in the air. Instead, you'll be diving deep to retrieve bags of puzzle pieces from the bottom. Each team member will be required to grab a bag of puzzle pieces, so I hope you all know how to swim.”

Zoe paused for a moment, glancing around at the contestants, while she swallowed her own fear. If she'd been competing today, she'd have had to forfeit the challenge. No way could she dive into the lake on camera. Most looked nervous but excited and ready to take on the new challenge. Rick looked pissed off and on the verge of getting sick.

“Each team member will dive and retrieve a bag of puzzle pieces before the next can go. Once all bags have been collected, teams can dump out their pieces and solve the puzzle. The last team to correctly solve their puzzle will be eliminated from the game. Are you ready to get started?”

The teams cheered and stripped down to their swimsuits then lined up on the water's edge in team clusters. At Zoe's signal, the first members of each team ran into the water and dived beneath the surface. A few seconds later, heads popped up to take a breath before diving back down again. Moments later, the rowing team member swam back to shore with his first bag and the next in his team ran into the water.

Zoe eyed Alex, the third of the rowing team members who would dive for a bag. A huge smile played on this face, the biggest she'd seen this whole game.

Rick's team was the second back with their first bag thanks to Todd. Pam was next in line to go for their teams so she tagged Todd's hand and sprinted into the water. Rick still wore an expression of discomfort.

The team of doctors made quick work of the bags, retrieving the first two quickly to tie up with the rowing team while the team of dating — and newly engaged — couples struggled in last place. They barely made it back to shore with their first bag when the rowing team had brought back their third.

The pace of the challenge was furious as all teams tried to dive and swim as quickly as they could. The rowing team made it to shore with their last bag as Rick was heading out for his team's final bag. She heard him grumble something to himself as he ran into the water, but couldn't make out what he'd said with all the other commotion around.

Zoe moved so she could watch the rowing team as they attempted to untie the ropes knotted around their bags. She secretly hoped they'd struggle enough that the other teams could catch up. The sooner Alex was gone, the sooner she could relax a little more. But even as she wished for their failure, they succeeded in dumping out the contents of their bags.

Rick yelled a profanity from the water where he bobbed on the surface, coughing and smacking the water. He was definitely annoyed about this challenge. Apparently there was something Rick wasn't so good at surviving — water.

Zoe laughed at seeing Rick so annoyed. She hadn't seen him be anything but completely cool this whole time. Finally they got to see Rick was human like the rest of the contestants and not some super outdoorsman.

She glanced to the side at the sound of a chuckle. Chip watched Rick flounder in the water with a huge grin on his face as if he thoroughly enjoyed watching Rick struggle. Against her better judgment, she wandered closer to Chip.

“You could try to hide your amusement,” she whispered, covering her mic with her hand so hopefully their conversation wouldn't get picked up.

“I could.” He smiled. “But I'm not going to.”

“Why are you enjoying it so much?”

His gaze met hers, as intense as it had been in her tent. “Because I don't want him hitting on you anymore. You're mine, not his.”

She sucked in a breath. She'd never been claimed in such a testosterone filled way before. It simultaneously annoyed and aroused her. “I'm not yours. I'm not anybody's.”

“You might think I don't know the truth about you, but I do. I know the truth of how you feel about me, and with Rick gone, it'll be much easier for you to admit your feelings to yourself. So yes, I'm happy Rick sucks in the water.”

Zoe wandered back over to the teams, three of whom were now putting their puzzles together. Rick's team stayed at the shore, cheering him on as he finally swam back with their last bag. The rowing team had lost their sizable lead while she'd chatted with Chip. Now the doctors were in the lead, making quick progress with their puzzle.

Rick's team untied their bags quicker than the other teams. Not really surprising since knot tying was one of Rick's survival skills. It stood to reason he'd also know how to untie them. They dumped the pieces on the ground and began putting their puzzle together at an alarming rate. Apparently Pam and Todd were really good at puzzles.

The smile fell from Chip's face as Rick's team quickly closed the gap on the dating and engaged team then passed the rowing team too. Unless something drastic happened to screw up their puzzle at this point, they were no longer in danger of losing.

Zoe heard the unmistakable sound of Chip cursing under his breath. She wouldn't mind if Rick went home, but right now she was more interested in Alex. The more his team sucked at puzzles, the better it was for her.

Team doctors threw their hands in the air and cheered. She ran over to inspect their puzzle. Chip had told her in advance the puzzle would spell out, “Reach deep and you survive.”

“Congratulations! Team doctors are our winners. Your team is safe for another week.”

Zoe turned her attention away from the celebration to the remaining teams. Rick's team high-fived as they put their final piece into the puzzle, securing their place in the game for another week. She congratulated them quickly then moved on to watch the rowing team and the dating team struggle with the last few pieces of their puzzle.

Zoe said a little prayer the rowing team would somehow screw up right at the end and open the door for the dating team. But her prayer was a little too late as the rowing team snapped their last piece into place, sending the dating and engaged team home.

When the cheering subsided from the rowing team, she joined the two couples, who looked less upset than she expected. “I'm sorry to tell you your team was the last to finish the puzzle, and because of that, your team has been eliminated from the game. I'm afraid you're all heading home today.”

They nodded. “That's okay. I think we were all ready to leave,” said Tammy. She spun her rope engagement ring around her finger. “We got so much out of this experience. It was really hard and challenging every step of the way, but also a lot of fun. Although after two weeks in the woods, I'm ready to get back to civilization and hot showers.”

Everyone laughed. Zoe knew exactly what she meant and suddenly a little spike of jealousy ran through her at the thought of them getting hot water and warm, soft beds. “I think we can all relate to that feeling.”

“I know I should be sad we're eliminated and we won't get a chance to win the money anymore,” Matt said. “But I can't help feeling like I won regardless. I'm not walking away with the money in my pocket. Instead I'm leaving with the most amazing fiancée I could ever have dreamed of. I'm still a little in shock she said yes.”