Make My Heart Beat (18 page)

It feels like it's been forever since I’ve seen Connor and the guys perform. I miss seeing them up on stage, doing what they love. It seems like that's where Connor truly lets all of his feelings out. He looks so free and happy up there.

I’m sitting in Michelle’s bathroom and I can’t help the feeling of déjà vu that overtakes me. We're all gathered here getting ready for Shameful Regret’s show tonight at Metro. Connor said he really wanted me to come tonight, and he has late night dinner reservations for us at one of my favorite restaurants overlooking Charleston Harbor.

Unlike the first time I went to Metro, I don’t feel like I’m being dragged against my will. I’m excited and antsy to get there already. I’m sitting on a stool in front of the bathroom counter while Gabbi does my makeup again.

“Girl, your skin is even more gorgeous now that you’re prego!” she exclaims. “I mean, I heard all that shit about pregnant women glowing, but you are seriously beaming!” Gabbi continues to sweep the bronzer brush over my cheeks.

“My face is the only thing that doesn’t feel like it’s swollen!” I laugh. I swear, my feet are killing me already, and it looks like I’ve shoved a small cantaloupe under my shirt. I’m only five months along, but my belly is really starting to show. I feel like everything is bloated, but everyone else keeps telling me that unless you are looking at me from the side, you can’t even tell I’m pregnant. Oh, and don’t get me started on my boobs. These things feel like they've doubled in size already. I don’t even want to think about how big they'll be by the time I deliver.

Michelle pops her head in, holding up a couple of tops. “Oh shut it, woman. You’re gorgeous and you are not swollen, bloated, fat, or whatever you think you are,” she quips. “Now, which shirt do you want to wear? I went shopping on my way home for you.”

I look between my options. Michelle is holding up a bright pink silky top that has some sliver embroidery along the high neckline that's absolutely beautiful, and a deep purple V-neck stretchy blouse with an asymmetrical hem. It reminds me of the first outfit I wore to Metro. I know that’s what I want to wear. I think it will look really nice with the black leggings I’m already planning on wearing with my black ballet flats. I point at the purple shirt. “That one, definitely.”

“I figured you’d pick this one.” She smirks. “Okay, finish getting your hair done, then we’ll head on. I told Connor you’d just ride with us and meet him there.” Michelle flounces back into the bedroom to finish getting dressed herself.

Gabbi straightens my hair and pulls the sides back with a clip to keep it out of my face. My hair seems to have gotten a lot thicker with all pre-natal vitamins and hormones. I've been strongly contemplating chopping it all off, but my hairdresser refuses. She does what she wants to with my hair. I don’t really get a say with what style I get.

“There! Perfect!” She sets her brush down and steps back to admire her work. “Now, go put a shirt on. I’m tired of looking at your boobs! I wish I just had half of them!”

Laughing, I walk out and let Gabbi start on her hair and makeup. This time, getting ready to go out, I don’t feel all the nerves and apprehension I felt before. It’s amazing what time can change. I turn and grab my new shirt off Michelle’s bed and carefully pull it on, trying not to mess up my hair. The shirt fits perfectly. The girls are on display, but even with a V-neck cut, it still seems modest enough for my tastes. My bump is impossible to miss with the stretchy material, but I’m proud of my little jellybean bump. This is part of me and Connor. It’s our love all rolled up into one little person.

Michelle and Gabbi put the finishing touches on their looks and we all head downstairs to meet Sly in the parking lot. He’s dressed in loose fitting dark wash jeans and a gray button-down shirt left untucked. He looks totally hot with his blond hair sticking up in every direction like he just rolled out of bed. Michelle gets all goo-goo eyed as soon as she sees him.

~

As soon as we get to Metro, we're lead immediately to the left side of the club to the back tables near the stage.  I sit down as soon as we get to the table and the girls shoot off to the dance floor. Sly takes a seat beside me and I can’t help but smile at the goofy look on his face as he watches Michelle dancing with Gabbi.

“You can go on and dance. I’ll be fine here. I may go to the back and find Connor anyway,” I tell him.

Sly’s attention returns to me. “No, babe. I don’t wanna leave you here by yourself.”

“Honestly, I’m fine. I’m just gonna sit here for a little bit, then I’ll go find Connor to wish him luck before the show.” I squeeze his hand.

Sly looks from me back to Michelle on the dance floor then back to me. “You look beautiful tonight. You really do. I’m happy for you, Lynae.”

I smile. I’m not sure where this sentiment is coming from, but I’ll take it. Connor and Sly have been getting along better the last week, and I’m glad for it. It almost feels like a switch has been flipped and they're suddenly okay with each other again. Sly even had dinner with us twice last week.

“Thanks love. Now go have fun. I’m fine.” I push his shoulder so he tips off the stool.

When he heads in the direction of the girls, I spot Seth coming out of the back hallway, walking towards me. He pulls me in for a big hug as soon as he gets to me and hands me a big bottle of water. “Connor said to make sure you drink plenty of water and for you to stay at the table. He doesn’t want anything happening to you tonight.”

Oh, Connor. He's so protective of me. I’m actually surprised he agreed to let me come out to the club tonight. He made me promise that I wouldn’t go on the dance floor, and that I’d stay with someone all night, not wanting me to leave the table by myself. “Seth, I’m fine. I was getting ready to come back there to look for you guys.”

“No, you stay out here, sweetheart. The set is gonna start in about twenty minutes. He’s in the back filling out some paperwork anyway. We’ll be out soon.” Seth pulls me in for another quick hug and kisses me on top of my head. “Love you.” He then leans down and kisses my bump. “Love you too, Jellybean.” He turns to head backstage again.

I shake my head and return my attention to watching Sly and my girls on the dance floor.

“I didn’t know Seth was seeing anyone,” a feminine voice comes up beside me.

I turn around on the chair to see a petite girl with jet black hair with bright purple streaks and a gorgeous face smiling at me. She has a small red apron on over her denim shorts and fishnet-clad legs. She looks familiar from my previous times here at Metro, but I don’t recall her name.

“He’s not, Seth is just a good friend of mine,” I respond.

She looks me up and down, her eyes stopping on my belly. “So… you’re not involved?” She looks skeptical. And I think I see a hint of relief in her eyes at my admission that I’m not involved with Seth.

I laugh out loud. “Lord, no! I’m with Connor.”

Letting out a little laugh, she smiles brightly. “Oh. You’re Lynae?”

Nodding my head, I extend my hand to shake hers. “Yes, Lynae Michaels. It’s nice to meet you.”

“I’m Felicity Gunnar. Nice to meet you too.” Felicity smiles and shakes my hand back.

“Yes! I’ve seen you here the other times I’ve been in, but it's been quite a while.” I smile warmly. “I don’t think I ever caught your name before. Trey usually took care of us whenever we came in.”

Felicity pulls out the chair next to me and sits down. “I’m on my break. Mind if I hang with you for a few?” she asks, looking towards the back hall Seth disappeared down.

I open up the bottle of water he brought me and take a big swig. I guess I didn’t realize how thirsty I was. “Please. All my friends are either on the floor or backstage.”

“Yeah, Connor has been going on and on about you coming back in tonight. Told us all to keep an eye on you and give you as much juice or water as you wanted.” Felicity laughs. “Seth and the other guys also said that you were to be treated like the queen you are. You have all those guys wrapped around your little finger.”

I shake my head at the thought of a bunch of rockers going out of their way to make sure I’m taken care of in a club. I mean, how much trouble can I really get into? I also notice the lift in Felicity’s voice and the twinkle in her eye when she said Seth’s name. I will have to investigate this further. “They did, did they?” I tilt my head to the side studying her. “The guys are so overprotective of me. Especially the further along I get.”

Felicity twirls a lock of her hair around in her fingers as she continues to stare down the hallway. “Huh?”

Yep, she’s got it bad for Seth. I need to see what other information I can gather from her. Felicity is cute, fiery and I think she’d be a great match for Shameful Regret’s drummer.

After a few more songs played by the house DJ, Michelle, Sly, and Gabbi come back to the table when the band starts to make their way on stage to set up for their set. Felicity reluctantly goes back to the bar on the right side of Metro to resume her shift, but not before we exchange phone numbers with promises of trying to get together to hang out some. My heartbeat picks up at the thought of seeing Connor performing again. It’s so much more intense than watching the guys practice in the garage.

I have been a nervous fucking wreck knowing Lynae is sitting out there without me. I wanted her back here, but I had so much paperwork to work on with Rich that I wouldn’t have been able to really keep her company. Michelle told me she would take care of getting Lynae pampered and dolled up so she would be ready for our dinner tonight after the set. Michelle and Sly are in on my plans. I have the ring in my pocket because I’m afraid to put it anywhere for fear of something happening to it. I have wanted to ask her a million and one different times this past week, but I want to make it special for her. This is a memory I want her to have where everything is perfect.

“She’s fine, man Quit freaking.” Seth says, coming back from checking on her for me.

Those two have formed a very tight bond. After Seth came clean with both of us about his feelings for her, we were all able to move on and maintain our friendship. Seth and I are back to the way things were, but Lynae seems to have become almost as close with him as she is with Sly. I know I can count on him to watch over her anytime I’m not around. I don’t want to punch his throat anytime I see him hug her or her lean her head on his shoulder. Lynae hasn’t had many males she can truly trust, so for her to let him in and feel like she can be free around him is a big deal for her. Don’t get me wrong, she is close with Marcus and Wade plenty, but something is different about Seth. It's probably him being there for her during the short time we were apart after the big fight.

I nod in his direction as I pat my pants pocket one more time. “Thanks. I really appreciate it. I just can’t wait to get this fucking set over and get to dinner. I’m freaking here.”

“Just grow some balls and do it.” Wade smirks while he drags his bass out of the case in the closet.

I don’t know what it is, but Wade’s crude way of putting things always sets me at ease. I just need to relax and get through tonight and things will be fine.

“Come on guys, we’re up!” Marcus calls out as he walks past us towards the stage entrance.

~

The bass thumping and the beat of Seth’s drums hammers in my heart. This is the best we've performed in a long time. I know it has to do with the caramel-eyed beauty sitting directly to my left. Exactly where she was sitting the very first time she saw me sing. This time, her focus is centered entirely on me. My eyes only leave hers for a few seconds at a time. I can’t help but stare at her. She was gorgeous when I first noticed her, but now, she is more beautiful than I have ever seen.

Shameful Regret goes through our usual covers with more of our original songs mixed in. We have really been hitting it hard with writing. The paperwork I had been working on with Rich earlier was securing a deal to perform at Metro every Saturday night for the next six months. This will give us a guaranteed paycheck and give Rich guaranteed shows. All of the support Rich has given us over the years, it wasn’t a question of if we would sign the contract with him when he asked
, just “Where is the pen?” The guys all love and respect him, and he has been nothing but helpful to us. Knowing we have a spot to perform at without having to audition gives us a platform to really work on our own music. A place to try it out.

But right now, we are doing a new cover. I heard this song the day I decided I couldn’t wait anymore to make Lynae my wife. The words and power behind it sum up our relationship perfectly. She hasn’t heard us perform it before. I made sure we only practiced it while she was at work, so this will be the first time she hears it. I’m nervous as hell, but excited at the same time. I hope she gets it too. I swear this was written just for us.

Looking back at Seth and Wade behind me, to Marcus at my right, I nod my head, signaling to them it’s time for the song I’ve been dying to perform for her. I turn my attention back to the crowd, then capture Lynae’s eyes as I address the fans.

“Thank you so much for coming out to see Shameful Regret tonight. You all totally kick ass! Right now, I want to sing something for my girl.” I point to the table where my sweetness is sitting, and I can see the blush overtake her face. “I love that woman with my entire heart. This one is for her.”

I don’t take my eyes from Lynae at all as I sing “Fade Into Me” by David Cook. And her eyes never waver from me either. Our souls are locked together in this powerful hold that the lyrics have over us. I see in the depths of her eyes that she gets it. She can hear how much I love her and how much I feel for her. As the last words leave my lips, I know deep down in my bones that I can’t wait anymore. This moment is the moment.

Right here.

Right now.

“I know you guys are expecting a few more songs from us, but I have to take a small break for a minute,” I say to the screaming crowd in front of us, without looking way from my sweetness.

Marcus, Wade and Seth don’t say anything to me. They can feel that this is the moment too.

Turning my body so I’m facing the left side of the stage, I smile down at Lynae. “It has been a very long and hard road for us. It hasn’t been easy. But then again, love never is.” I swallow against the lump forming in my throat.
You can do this, Connor. Just say the words.
“I love every single part of you with every single part of me. I love your smile, your tears, your heart, your everything in between.” I look down and see Lynae is smiling up at me with tears streaming down her face as she mouths ‘I love you too.’ 

“I wanted to wait until tonight. I wanted to give you the fairytale with candles and romance and soft music. I can’t wait anymore. Lynae, you fell into my life without warning. You told me once that you were broken and that you needed me to make you whole. Sweetness, you were never the broken one, I was. You heal me, love me and make me feel again.”

I hop off the stage and make my way to the table where she's sitting with her hands over her mouth. Michelle and Gabbi are standing off to her right crying and Sly is standing to her left with a knowing smile. When I’m standing directly in front of her, I pull out the ring that's been burning a hole in my pocket for days and drop to one knee.

“I know I don’t deserve you and I’ve told you before what a selfish bastard I am, so I don’t care. Kara Lynae Michaels, will you marry me?”

I hold my breath while I look up at her. Tears steadily stream down her face and I swear it sounds like not a soul is making any noise in the club. I’m suddenly flat on my back as Lynae launches herself at me from her stool. She's straddling my lap and planting kisses all over my face in between many whispered "Yeses" as she clings to me. I wrap my arms around her back and hold her to me. It feels like our hearts are beating as one against our chests. When she lifts her face up from mine, I look deep into her eyes. I see love, acceptance, passion, and most of all, I see fire blazing back at me.

“Yes, Connor. I will marry you. A thousand times yes.”

The roar of the crowd and exclamations from our friends surrounding us vaguely registers in the background as I move into a sitting position. Lynae wraps her legs completely around my waist and I move my hands into her thick mane of hair after I slip the ring on her finger. Tipping her head back, so she's gazing up at me, I lean forward and slant my mouth over hers. Tongues dancing and mingling, fighting and submitting. This kiss is full of hunger and power. She gives as much as she takes. The passion within her knows no bounds.

I’m not sure exactly how I manage to stand us up while Lynae is still wrapped around me like a vine on a tree, but I walk straight to the back hallway where she quite literally fell into my life. I press her back against the brick walls and I continue to make love to her mouth with abandon. My hands are now firmly planted on her ass and I know she can feel my arousal through my jeans. Those damn leggings she's wearing leave none of her curves to the imagination. I want nothing more than to strip her bare and have my wicked way with her, but a swift kick in the belly draws my attention.

I quickly pull my mouth away from hers and look down at her with heaving breaths. “It kicked me,” I say. She giggles and bites down on her bottom lip. The baby kicked me.

Gently, I help her lower her feet to the floor and step away from her. God, I hope I didn’t hurt the baby when I was pushing my weight against her. Lynae continues giggling. I take her chin in my hand and tip her up so she is looking me in the eye. “What are you laughing at? Are you okay?”

“I’m more than okay. That was the first time I felt the baby kick. I’m so glad you were here and got to feel it too.” Lynae stands up on her tiptoes and kisses my chin. “I think Jellybean is happy we’re engaged.”

Engaged. I’m engaged to the woman that has brought light back to my dark soul. I’m going to be a father. I know this thought would scare most men shitless, but all it does is make my heart beat in my chest with so much love. More love than I ever thought possible.

I look down into Lynae’s shimmering eyes so full of love and acceptance that I can’t stand it anymore. I need her. I need to get her home so I can make love to her. Fuck the rest of the set. I pull out my phone and text Seth. I know he has his phone in his pocket. The stage has been quiet the last few minutes since I ran off and dragged Lynae back to this hallway.

“Let’s go,” I say hungrily.

She smiles up at me and lets me take her hand to lead her out the back. She doesn’t ask about finishing the set or telling our friends we’re leaving. She happily follows me.

As we make it backstage, I hear Wade laughingly shout into the microphone “Sorry y’all. Lover boy can’t keep it in his pants any longer. He’s taking off. I’m sure you’ll forgive him.” Then the house DJ takes over.