Marriage On Demand (21 page)

She swung her legs around and stood up. But before she could take a step,
Austin
leaned over and swept her up in his arms.

"Put me down," she demanded.

"No. You need to be in bed. You're exhausted."

"Oh, I'm not that tired," she said, quickly giving up the fight and snuggling close to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he entered the barn and started up the stairs.

She sighed. It was so romantic. He was carrying her over the threshold and to their bed. Her body began to heat up at the thought of making love with him. She eyed his tie and wondered if she could pull it free. She wove her fingers through his hair, loving the feel of the silky strands. Her forehead rested on his shoulder. She turned her head toward his neck, ready to press her lips to his skin, when he came to a stop.

"Here we are." He slowly allowed her legs to touch the floor.

When she was standing, she kept one arm around him and smiled. "I can't believe I'm here," she said, reaching for his suit jacket. "It's all been a blur, but I think I'll remember this part." She tugged at the lapels, pulling the fabric over his shoulders.

He stepped back. "Rebecca, no."

"What?"

He placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her toward the room. She hadn't been in the loft since that first night, but she remembered every square inch of his home.

There had been a change. At the far end of the loft a room had been closed off. She saw the tall walls and the open door. Through it she could see the foot of a bed. Her gaze flew to the king-size bed sitting where it had before. Two beds?

"
Austin
? What's going on?"

"I knew you'd want the privacy. Some space of your own."

She clutched her hands together in front of her waist. "Separate bedrooms?"

"Yes. With your pregnancy and all. I thought it would be best."

Best for whom? She took a step back and bumped into the railing. Grabbing the wooden support, she stared at the walls that enclosed her solitary space. He wanted them to sleep apart. All her dreams for a sexual relationship, all her hopes for the future, vanished in the blink of an eye. No, they didn't vanish. They'd never existed in the first place.

"This is what you want?" she asked.

When he didn't answer, she looked at him. He was staring past her, gazing at something she couldn't see. He twisted his wedding band around and around, as if it was uncomfortable. It probably was.

She'd been fooling herself. He'd never wanted a real marriage at all.

She took a deep breath, determined to make one more try. "
Austin
, I'm your wife."

"I know," he said, and started for the stairs. "I've thought this through. It's for the best. For both of us."

Chapter 10

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A
ustin
stood at the front window of the loft. From here he could see over the trees to the big house where the children were staying. He could see past that to the other side where a larger grave of trees separated his property from his nearest neighbor's. At night the stars glowed from the heavens and moonlight cast eerie shadows across the land. He knew. He'd spent each of the past seven nights staring out this window, listening to the silence and wondering how badly he'd messed everything up.

This morning was different. Voices filled the air. He drew he gaze from the horizon back down to the activity in front of the barn.

Rebecca stood in front of the new Volvo station wagon he'd bought her two days before. Several volunteers loading the vehicle under her careful supervision. At point she turned toward the barn and glanced up. He she could see him standing in the window, but he didn't move back. Their eyes met. He wondered what she was thinking. She didn't smile or wave. She simply stared for a moment, then went back to what she was doing.

He hadn't seen her smile at him since the wedding. He had no one to blame but himself.

It would be easy enough to go downstairs and join in. Knowing Rebecca as he did, he was confident she wouldn't object. His helping might even go a long way to bridging the distance that had grown between them. If nothing else, she could use the help. The state had come through with the money to rebuild the children's home, but it would take a while to get the funding in place. In the meantime, the original lot had been cleared and a construction company had given them a break on the cost. Rebecca had met with the town council and together they had decided to earmark the annual Fourth of July carnival proceeds for the construction project.
Austin
had offered to pick up the tab until they received the state funding, but Rebecca had refused. He wondered if she would have agreed if he'd made the offer before the wedding. Before she'd seen that he'd arranged for them to sleep in separate rooms.

He continued to stare out the window. Rebecca was gesturing now, motioning to a box. A young man picked it up effortlessly and slipped it into the back of her station wagon. As she smiled her thanks, a shaft of sunlight caught her hair. The silky colors glowed brown, dark blond and red, rippling and changing with each movement of her head. Her skin had turned the color of honey. By the end of summer she would be brown, and there would be freckles on her nose. She would also be showing.

News of their marriage had swept through the small town of
Glenwood
. He'd deliberately avoided leaving his property for the past week. He'd known what everyone was saying. Rebecca had also stayed close, but he had a feeling it was more out of convenience rather than a fear of gossip. As innocent as she was, she wasn't expecting people to talk. He had to warn her before she left for the carnival.

Travis and Elizabeth had been discreet, only mentioning the wedding and not the pregnancy. Time enough for tongues to wag over that tidbit. He didn't care what people said about him; Rebecca was another matter. If she thought talk was rampant about their marriage, wait until people started counting backward from the baby's birth. He clenched his hands into fists and vowed to protect her. Then he released his fingers and called himself a fool.

Who was he kidding? The person he should protect Rebecca from was himself.

He'd hurt her by closing off a separate bedroom. He'd seen the flash of pain on her face when he'd first brought her here, and he'd heard it in her voice every day since. He'd hoped to do his best by her, but he might have known he would get it wrong. He'd never been around married people He didn't know what being married meant. He only knew he had to keep Rebecca and the baby safe. If that meant making her unhappy, so be it.

Except he'd promised to be a good husband to her. He'd vowed to care for her for the rest of their lives. He hadn't even been able to accomplish that for a single day.

Maybe he should have paid more attention to the married couples he'd known when he was a kid. He frowned and raised his head to stare over the treetops. That wouldn't have helped, he reminded himself. He'd never had a close friend until Travis, and Travis's folks had been bitterly unhappy. Travis's father had made a habit of playing around, spending all his free time pursuing other women and ignoring his family. Not much of a role model there.
Austin
had no desire to be unfaithful to Rebecca. All he really wanted was to be with her in the most intimate of ways.

He turned slowly and glanced across the loft to the partitioned-off room. Maybe it had been a bad idea to build the second bedroom without asking her first. Given half a chance, he would jump at the opportunity to have her in his bed. But Rebecca was pregnant. A man was supposed to keep his animal nature to himself at times like these. It was hard enough being in the same house, hearing her footsteps, smelling the sweet scent of her body
so
close as she passed him in the kitchen. Having her in the same bed would be hell.

He massaged his temples. All this would have been easier if he hadn't seen the happiness in her eyes when he'd first carried her upstairs. She'd touched him and he'd thought he might explode right there. He'd wanted to take her to his bed, tell her that the separate room was for the baby. She would never have known it was a lie. But he couldn't. For once he was going to do the right thing and treat her as she deserved to be treated. It would be better for both of them.

So why did the right thing feel so wrong?

He turned back to the window, but everyone was gone. Then he heard the front door opening and the sound of footsteps on the stairs. Her tread was slow. Was it because she didn't want to face him? He was so damn confused about everything. He'd always known he didn't have a prayer of making a marriage work. That was why he'd always avoided commitment. He was bad at it. All he wanted was to make Rebecca happy. It had only been a week and they were both miserable. Would the kindest act be to let her go?

In his soul he knew the answer was yes, but his heart begged for mercy. Before he could make up his mind what to do, Rebecca reached the top of the stairs. She stepped onto the loft floor and crossed to where he stood by the window.

"The car is all loaded," she said, standing close enough h to tempt, close enough to touch, but not touching. Did she torture him on purpose? He wanted to think she did. It would make it easier to dislike her. But he knew better. A kind and giving spirit governed her every action. If she thought her presence in his life caused him pain, she would leave him to the silence. "
Austin
? What's wrong?"

He was surprised she knew to ask. Was she getting better at reading him, or was he getting worse at concealing his feelings?

He looked at her. She wore her hair loose. It fell down her back and moved in counterpoint to the graceful movements of her body. When most women would have worn shorts on such a warm summer's day, she was in a sundress with a full skirt. The peach material brought out the color in her eyes and cheeks. She wore something on her lashes and lips, but no other makeup. Her neck and wrists were bare, as were her hands, save for her wedding ring.

Without thinking he took her left hand in his. Slender fingers, strong yet feminine, curled around his. He studied the sparkle of the ring, liking the way it looked on her. As he'd wanted their first night together, he'd marked her as his. He'd claimed the woman, if not her body. He would make it be enough.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked.

He raised his gaze to hers. So many questions flashed through her eyes. He confused her. She tried to understand him and his moods. She tried so damn hard at everything. Had he even once made it easy?

"I was remembering our first night together." He shrugged. "I was remembering how innocent you looked dripping on my floor and how I could read everything you were thinking."

She flushed and ducked her head. "You must have thought I was a real dweeb."

"I thought you were beautiful and very tempting."

"You regret that night, don't you?"

He released her hand and cupped her chin. Slowly he lifted her head until their eyes met. He owed her, so for once he would tell her the truth. "I regret the loss of your virginity and that I got you pregnant. I don't regret the baby. "

"I don't understand."

"You should have saved yourself for someone you loved."

"You don't believe in love."

He smiled slightly. "You do."

"Okay. That sort of makes sense, but how can you be sorry you got me pregnant and not regret the baby?"

"I took away your choice, but the child is something special. I never thought I'd have that chance."

Her eyes misted over. He told himself it was an emotional reaction that had everything to do with hormones and nothing to do with him. He had a feeling he was lying, but he couldn't accept any other truth right now. He was already having enough trouble sleeping at night.

Her lips parted slightly. He could see her white teeth and the tip of her tongue. It would be so easy to bend forward and cover her mouth with his. Too easy. He drew back.

"You're leaving for the carnival?" he asked.

She nodded.

He folded his arms over his chest. "You need to be prepared for the talk."

"Oh. You mean people whispering that I trapped you into marriage? I probably deserve it."

He thought he'd taken care of her concerns about having "trapped" him, but obviously he hadn't. He wanted to assure her that was the last thing he was worried about. He couldn't. Then she would take heart and think there was a chance of making it work. She would only get hurt more. He had to keep her away from him for as long as possible. Better for her to leave because he was a heartless bastard than for her to stay and find out the truth. Her leaving then would destroy what was left of him.

"I doubt they'll have time to even think about that," he said, trying to keep his voice casual. "I have a certain reputation in town."

She smiled, some of the worry leaving her eyes. "I know."

"People are going to speculate about why I chose you."

"But I'm pregnant. Why else?"

"Travis and Elizabeth haven't told anyone. Unless you've been spreading the news, all anyone is going to have is news of the wedding. Nothing else. I just want you to be prepared for some unpleasant questions."