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"I don't think you should. Robert's bringing the carriage around.

He'll be here in a minute."

"I don't want to worry Father."

"You'd have worried all of us if you'd killed yourself, Olivia.

I'd thank you to be more careful in the future." Geoffrey didn't need
another tragedy in his life, nor did he. As he knelt looking down at
her, he didn't know whether to scold her or kiss her.

"I'm all right."

"You look it." He grinned down at her, and the two exchanged a look that
spoke volumes. She had forgotten everything but him, their past, their
future, all of it, there was only this moment, with the rain beating
down on them, and her on the ground, with his hand gently touching her
cheek, and his eyes caressing her. She wondered briefly if she had gone
crazy.

"Is my horse all right? "

"Your priorities disgust me, " he said, as she tried to sit up.

"Your horse is fine. A great deal better than you are." She lay down
again, her head hurt so sharply, but as she moved, Robert came over the
hill with the carriage, and for a crazed instant, Charles wanted to hide
her from him. He wanted to keep her with him forever. They both knew
this moment would never come again, never be referred to, or spoken of.

It had to be forgotten.

Their eyes reached hungrily into each other's souls and then the doors
closed.

Forever.

"How is she? " Robert asked, as he stepped down from the carriage.

"Better, I think." Charles nodded and then turned to look at her again.

And then, with a single careful gesture he picked her up easily in his
arms like a doll, and lifted her into the carriage. He set her down on
the seat, and she leaned her head back with a groan, looking quite ill.

Nothing seemed to be broken, but she obviously had a severe concussion.

Charles got in with her, and sat across from her, as Robert tied the
horse Charles had ridden to the back of the carriage, and drove them
home, and he watched her in silence. There was so much he wanted to say
to her, and knew he couldn't. There was no point saying any of it.

It was far too dangerous for him. He had reached the fork in the road
and gone beyond it. He had chosen his path when Susan died, and his
marriage to Victoria was no threat to what he had felt for her. It was
precisely what it was meant to be, an arrangement. This was different.

This was fire that would sear his heart, and burn his fingers.

Victoria was all sparks and sensuality. Olivia was something he longed
for and knew he would never have again, nor dared to. He had had it once
and knew how devastating it was to lose it. He would never pick the
shiny penny up again, nor spend it.

She looked at him then as though she could hear his thoughts, and
nodded. She held out a hand to him, and he took her icy fingers in his
own and held them.

"I'm sorry, " he said softly, as though she understood all that he
hadn't said and was thinking. And she only smiled, and lay back again
with her eyes closed. It all seemed like a dream to her. Charles next to
her, the storm, the rain, the boy .. . his hand in hers. It was all so
complicated, and so difficult to understand. There seemed to be reasons
for things she hadn't understood, and then suddenly Victoria was there
with him, as it should have been .. . and Bertie, and her father, and
the doctor. Her head was reeling.

They put her to bed, and Victoria sat with her. And Olivia insisted on
seeing Geoffrey, she didn't want him to be frightened.

She told him that she had been silly to take him out in such bad
weather, and he understood. He promised to come back and visit her soon,
and then he kissed her, and he made her think of someone else, but she
couldn't remember who, or when. It seemed only moments before, or years.

She wasn't sure which. They had given her something to sleep, although
she didn't really want-it. And Victoria sat with her while she went to
sleep. Bertie had wanted to, but Victoria wouldn't let her. And Olivia
had something to say to her. It was terribly important, she knew, and
she had to say it.

"You must love him, Victoria, you must .. . he needs you." And then she
drifted off to sleep, thinking of both of them. She saw them all
standing there, on a ship. Victoria in her wedding dress, and Charles
next to her, trying to say something to her, but Olivia couldn't hear
him. Geoff was standing next to him, and he was holding his mother's
hand. Susan was watching them, and Victoria didn't understand .

.

. she didn't understand any of it .. . none of them did. And then the
ship went down in total silence.

Olivia woke at noon the next day with a crashing headache. She felt as
though she'd been awake all night, battered by demons, but she knew she
hadn't. Victoria told her the Dawsons were gone by then. Geoffrey had
left a handful of flowers for her, and Charles had left her a brief
note, telling her how sorry he was she'd had a fall, and hoping she felt
better. She lay in bed and read the note again wondering if what she'd
seen had been real or a dream. She'd seen something in his face that
she'd never seen before, or had she? It was impossible now to
distinguish truth from delirium.

"You got quite a knock on the head, old girl, " Victoria said, pouring
her a cup of tea, which she took with a pained expression.

"I must have. I've had the craziest dreams all night." She was still
haunted by all of it, real and imagined.

"I'm not surprised. The doctor said you'd be better in a few days.

Just close your eyes and sleep, " she said. The person Victoria cared
about most in the world was her twin sister. She sat beside her for
hours that day, watching her, smoothing her hair, talking to her when
she woke. And when Olivia got up somewhat shakily later that week, she
knew that all the ghosts that had visited her for days in her dreams had
been only that .. . figments of her imagination I .. . and visions.

Some of it was almost embarrassing. She actually thought she'd seen
Charles in some of her dreams .. . he'd been looking down at her and
holding her face .. . they had ridden in a carriage somewhere and he was
crying .. .

"Feeling better? " Victoria asked as she helped her down the stairs for
the first time, to join their father at dinner.

"Much, " Olivia said with wobbly conviction, but she was determined to
be completely herself again. She had no time for this nonsense.

"Now, we have to get busy and think about your wedding.

Victoria didn't answer her, and Olivia resolutely put everything from
her mind except what she had to do now. The slight quavering she felt in
her heart was entirely unimportant.

"You're looking very well, " her father said, pleased to see her.

And she was equally pleased to be with him, and far from the dreams that
lingered in her bedroom. She had been trapped with them for days, and
she couldn't stand it any longer.

"Thank you, Father, " Olivia said quietly, and both sisters silently
took their places on either side of their father, and sat down to
dinner.

Chapter 11.

As it turned out, Charles was too busy to come to Croton again in
January or February, as he had an important trial to prepare, and
matters to settle for his future father-in-law. But Olivia planned a
trip to New York for the end of February, in order to look for a wedding
gown for her sister. Victoria had agreed to it, but was far more
interested in the news from London. Emmeline Pankhurst had apparently
been released from prison after a year, and had organized an attack on
the Home Secretary's London office where they'd broken all the windows,
after which they had set fire to the Lawn Tennis Club, all in the name
of women's freedom.

"Good for them! " Victoria said fervently when she heard the news.

She had become more feminist, rather than less, since her engagement.

"Victoria! " Olivia said, shocked at the violence of it. "I think it's
perfectly disgusting. How can you condone acts like that? " Pankhurst's
last incarceration had been for explosives.

"They're for a good cause, Olivia. It's like war, it's not pretty, but
it's necessary sometimes. Women have a right to freedom."

"Don't be ridiculous." Olivia got seriously annoyed with her over it.

"You make us sound like circus animals in cages, for Heaven's sake."

"Hasn't it ever occurred to you that that's precisely what we are?

Animals, pets, for men to dispose of as they choose.

That's what's disgusting."

"Don't, for God's sake, let anyone hear you say things like that in
public." She gave her sister a quelling look, and dropped the subject.

It was hopeless arguing with her, she knew. Victoria was rabid about
women's rights and suffrage.

It was easier showing designs of wedding dresses to her, which aroused
no emotion in her whatsoever. She had already told Olivia to pick
whatever she liked, and she thought looked well on her. She had even
suggested that Olivia shop for it alone, since she didn't really need
her.

"That's bad luck, and no fun besides, and I won't do it." Olivia wanted
to strangle her sometimes when she tried to talk to her about the
wedding. As usual, Olivia was planning everything. She had dragged a
handful of names out of Victoria for the list, and Charles had been very
prompt in sending his. They had exchanged a brief, perfunctory, but
polite correspondence, and there were about a hundred people he wanted
to invite, if it was agreeable to them. He had no family, but a number
of friends, and some acquaintances from business.

Edward had two hundred or more, and the girls another fifty. In all
there were four hundred people on the list, and Olivia felt certain
about three hundred would come, some were just too old, or lived too far
away, or were simply invited by courtesy. And the wedding itself was
going to be in Croton-onhudson. The reception at Henderson Manor.

Olivia was going to be her maid of honor of course, and Geoffrey the
ring bearer, and Victoria had stubbornly refused to have bridesmaids.

"There's no one I like as well as you, " she said in a haze of cigarette
smoke late one night when they discussed it for the ninetieth time.

But Victoria wouldn't budge an inch on the subject.

"I wish you'd smoke somewhere else, " Olivia growled at her. She seemed
to smoke constantly these days, she was very nervous. "And besides,
there were lots of nice girls we went to school with. They would love to
be your bridesmaids." "Well, I wouldn't like to have them. Besides, we
haven't been in a school for eight years. And I can't imagine any of our
tutors as bridesmaids." They both laughed at that, they had had a series
of elderly, occasionally nearly bald, horse-faced maiden ladies as
their tutors.

"All right, I give up, then your dress will have to be that much nicer."

"So will yours, " Victoria said fairly, but still without much interest
in the wedding. The only way she could actually tolerate the thought of
it was to look beyond it, to their honeymoon, to Europe, to the things
she wanted to do, and the people she wanted to see there, and then back
to New York to a certain amount of independence. But the wedding itself
was of no interest to her. Why don't we both wear the same wedding
dress? " She mused wickedly with a grin, "and confuse everyone?

What do you think of that? "

"I think you've been drinking as well as smoking."

"Now there's an idea. Do you think Father would notice? "

"No, but Bertie would, so don't even consider it, and I'm not having you
run a bar here as well as a smoking room." Olivia wagged a finger at her
and then felt a stab of pain at the prospect of no longer having her
there, smoking up her room, and complaining. The thought of Victoria
leaving was unbearable, and it was only four months away now.

They went to New York, as planned, at the end of February, and stayed at
the Plaza, so Olivia didn't have to open the house, and they didn't have
to take a fleet of servants with them. Their father had suggested they
take Mrs. Peabody with them, just for appearances, but Victoria had
insisted they didn't need it. And she tossed her hat high in the air
when they reached their hotel room. They were all alone in New York and
could do anything they wanted. The first thing she did was order a drink
from the restaurant, and light up a cigarette in front of her sister.

"I don't care what you do in this room, " Olivia said sternly as she
looked at her, "but if you do not behave in this hotel, or elsewhere in
New York, I'm taking you right home, after I call Father. I'm not going
to have people thinking I'm a drunk, or I smoke all day long, because
you do. So behave yourself."

"Yes, Ollie, " Victoria said with a mischievous grin, she was loving
being there with her, particularly without a chaperone. She was having
dinner with Charles that night. But that afternoon they were going to
Bonwit Teller, to look at dresses. She not only needed a wedding gown,
and a dress for Olivia for the wedding too, but she needed dresses for
the honeymoon, both for the ship and for Europe.

Olivia had already copied some designs and had some things made for her,
but only simple things for her to wear on the trip. -The grand gowns,
and really stylish things, they were going to buy in New York.

And Olivia had already told her where to go in Paris. But the oddest
thing of all for them was buying things singly now. For the first time
in their lives, they weren't buying double. Olivia had no need for
stylish gowns, and they wouldn't be together to wear them. The first
order she had made for one dress alone had almost broken Olivia's heart,
but she knew she had to do it. It was almost time for Victoria to move
on now.

They had a quick lunch at the hotel, and then took a cab to Saks, but
everywhere they went, in the restaurant, in the lobby, stepping out of
the cab, people looked at them. They were doubly beautiful, incredibly
striking, and people couldn't stop themselves from staring. They caused
an immediate stir the minute they set foot in B. Altman, and an army of
salesgirls and a manager rushed forward to help them. Olivia had brought
drawings with her, photographs from magazines, and a few sketches she'd
done herself. At least for the wedding dress, she knew exactly what she
wanted. She wanted tiers of white satin, done on a bias cut preferably,
covered with miles of white lace, and a train the length of the entire
church. And on her head, Victoria was going to wear her mother's antique
diamond tiara. That would be covered with lace too. And Olivia knew she
would look like a queen if they could find someone to do it. And at
Bonwit Teller the manager said it would be absolutely no problem.

They sat and talked about it for an hour, looking at fabric swatches,
and discussing the kind of lace Olivia had in mind, while Victoria tried
on hats and shoes and ignored them.

"They need your measurements, " Olivia said finally, pleased with all
she'd accomplished.

"Have them take yours, they're exactly the same as mine, " Victoria said
easily, and Olivia scolded her for it.

"No, they're not, and you know it." Victoria's bust was slightly larger,
her waist just the smallest fraction smaller, but enough to make a hair
of difference. "Come on, take your clothes off."

"All right, all right." Victoria put up with the measuring, and then the
manager and Olivia got down to business about her own dress.

Olivia had envisioned ice-blue satin, in a design similar to her
sister's wedding dress, but not quite as long, without the train, and
without the lace over it. Just ice-blue satin in tiers, bias cut, and
perfectly simple. But as they sketched it, the manager insisted it was
too plain in contrast to Victoria's wedding gown, which was going to be
quite spectacular. They added a small train after all, and the piece de
resistance was a long pale blue lace coat over the gown, with a matching
hat. It was in perfect harmony now with what her sister was wearing.

Olivia smiled as she glanced at the sketches and showed them to her
sister, who smiled amiably and then whispered irreverently to her.

"Why don't we switch on my wedding day? No one will ever know the
difference."

"Behave yourself, " Olivia said sternly. And they went on to look at
designs for other gowns, and the countless dresses Victoria needed.

It was going to be a long summer in Europe.

Olivia realized they'd have to come back again, to pick more things out,
and also for fittings. She had just agreed to come back the next day
without Victoria, and stood up to thank the manager for her help, when
Olivia noticed her sister staring at some new arrivals. There was a tall
dark-haired man talking to someone, she could hear him laughing, and all
the salesgirls seemed to be flocking toward him and the woman with him.

She was tall and blonde and swathe in a chinchilla cocoon, and as they
turned, Olivia could see easily that it was Toby Whitticomb, and
Evangeline, enormously pregnant. She couldn't imagine what she was doing
out in public, looking like that, but she didn't seem to care, as she
took off the chinchilla coat and exposed a vast expanse of well-rounded
gray satin. She looked to be at least seven months pregnant. And as
Olivia stared back at her, she glanced quickly at her sister.

Victoria looked as though she had been struck by lightning. Olivia said
goodbye to the manager as quickly as she could, and urged her sister
toward the entrance.

"Let's go, Victoria, we're finished, " she said gently, but it was as
though she couldn't move. Victoria was riveted to the spot where she
stood, staring at Toby. And as though he felt her eyes on him, he
suddenly stared back at her, and then her sister, and it was obvious
that he had no idea which one she was, but he looked more than a little
unnerved by the double vision. He looked away from them as swiftly as he
could, and led Evangeline to a far corner of the store, but she had seen
them too, and she began arguing with him the moment she'd seen them.

"Victoria, please .. ." Olivia said in a firm undervoice, embarrassed by
the scene around them. Salesgirls were watching them, Toby had just said
something sharp to his wife, and Evangeline had started crying and
darting glances at the twin sisters.

With that, Olivia grabbed her sister's arm, and almost dragged her
forcibly from the store, and back out into the street where she hailed a
taxi. And mercifully, there had been one waiting. But as Olivia shoved
her sister in ahead of her, and almost collapsed on the seat next to
her, she could see that Victoria was crying. She gave the driver the
name of their hotel, and sat in silence as Victoria sobbed
uncontrollably. It was the first time she had seen him since that
ghastly scene on the steps outside his office.