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"Will you please get into the spirit! " She scolded her, going over the
guest list with her again. It had taken three months to get her to
discuss the menu. And now that the gifts had begun to arrive, Olivia had
to open all of them for her, and catalog them, Victoria never even saw
them. And in desperation, Olivia wrote the thank you notes for her as
well, for fear that she'd never do them.

"I think it's all stupid, " Victoria said, sounding more like a spoiled
child than a suffragette, according to her sister. "It's frivolous and
unnecessary, and wasteful. They should send the money they spend on
gifts to women in prison."

"Oh how lovely, " Olivia said, rolling her eyes at her, "I'm sure they'd
love that. We could send out little engraved notices explaining to
people how to do it."

"Okay, okay." Victoria laughed at her sister, but all she could think of
anymore was how much she was going to miss her.

It made her hate the thought of the wedding more than ever. She didn't
mind marrying Charles quite so much anymore, she could see the sense of
it, and she knew it had been a necessary outcome of her own
indiscretion, and she liked the freedom being married and living in New
York would give her, but she still hated the thought of being so far
from Ollie, and she was desperate to find a way around it. "You're much
better with Geoff than I am, " she said anxiously, thinking that was a
compelling reason for her to come to New York and live with them.

"That's why he's marrying you, or supposedly anyway." Olivia was quite
sure there were far more interesting reasons than that one. "He doesn't
want me around to take care of his son if he's married to you.

And besides, you know I can't leave Father. Look at the last month.

Who would take care of him if I weren't here to do it? "

"Bertie, " Victoria said blithely.

"That's not the same thing, and you know it, " Olivia said firmly.

"What if you got married? " Victoria said practically. "Then he'd have
to manage without you."

"I wouldn't, " Olivia said quietly, "and he knows it. So that's that.

Now what do you want for dessert at your wedding? " Victoria pretended
to scream and Charles rescued her for a walk along the river a few
minutes later.

"My sister is going to drive me to distraction with our wedding, "
Victoria said, looking up at Charles with an easy smile before they left
for their walk. They had managed to convince themselves in the past few
months that this was the perfect solution for both their lives, and they
both looked happier for it.

"She never wants to give me answers, " Olivia complained. "You're going
to have to beat her with a stick to do any work at all, " Olivia warned
him.

"I'll get a nice big one, or maybe a whip? " He smiled at his future
wife and sister-in-law, and then took Victoria away and left Geoff with
Ollie. He had long since begun calling her "Aunt Ollie." And when Easter
was over he took the bunnies and the chicks back to New York, but a few
weeks later, Olivia gave him another present when she went to New York
to do a few last errands. She had some odds and ends to buy, though all
the gowns had already been sent. The wedding gown was already in a room
of its own, waiting for the big day, in Croton-on-Hudson.

Charles was surprised when Olivia called from New York, and he was happy
to see her when she came by with a birthday gift for Geoffrey.

Their birthdays were almost the same. She and Victoria had just turned
twenty-one. Charles had given his future bride a very handsome gold
bracelet and Olivia a bottle of perfume. But Olivia had brought Geoff
something much more exciting. She had asked Charles' permission some
time before, and he had reluctantly agreed to it, though in the interim,
he had forgotten all about it. She had brought him a speckled cocker
spaniel puppy. And Geoffrey was beside himself over it. His eyes were
the size of dinner plates when Olivia took the puppy out of the box and
handed it to him gently. He clutched it close to him, and there were
squeals of excitement from both dog and owner, and when Olivia glanced
up at Charles, she saw tears of tenderness in his eyes, as he thanked
her.

"You're so good to him. He needs that. He's had a hard two years without
his mother." It had just been two years since the Titanic went down, in
April.

"He's a wonderful boy. We're going to have a great summer, " she said
optimistically, trying not to think of losing her sister. They were both
beginning to panic.

"We'll write to you from Europe, " he said, as though he sensed what she
was thinking. But that wasn't going to be the same thing, and they all
knew that. Perhaps Victoria was right, and she should come to live with
them in New York, she told herself, and then she laughed at her own
terror.

"We'll be fine, " she said to Charles, as Geoff came tearing back into
the room with the puppy. "What are you going to call him? "

"I don't know yet, " Geoff said breathlessly, all blonde hair and green
eyes and excitement. "Maybe Jack .. . George .. . Harry .

.. I don't know, he looks like chocolate chips, doesn't he? "

"What about Chip? " Olivia asked as she and Charles smiled broadly at
his excitement.

"Chip! " He shouted with glee, "I like it! " And so did the puppy.

He wagged his tail, what there was of it, and fell down and rolled over
and barked the tiniest yip Olivia had ever heard, as everyone laughed,
and Geoffrey took him to show the cook and the housemaid. They had a
modest but attractive house, on the East Side, with a view of the river.

It was certainly not glamorous, but it was respectable, and Victoria had
said nothing so far about moving or making changes. Her interests were
far less domestic than her sister's. Olivia would have been bustling
everywhere buying plants and new fabrics, and footstools and new
cushions and a piano. In some ways, it was easier this way.

Victoria had no great interest in their domestic life, or in changing
any of it.

She wanted her own life, mainly in political circles.

Olivia only stayed for a little while, as she had a thousand errands to
do, but Charles eventually convinced her to come back for dinner, which
she did, and the three of them thoroughly enjoyed themselves playing
charades, and laughing, and talking, and playing with the puppy.

"Victoria's right, " Charles smiled, as the cook led Geoff off to bed
with the new puppy. "Maybe you should come and live here."

"Has she bothered you with that nonsense? " Olivia looked blithe, and
glanced out the window at a tugboat on the river. "You'll be tired
enough of me when I come to visit. But I can't leave Father now, and she
knows it."

"That's not much of a life for you, Olivia, " he said sadly, feeling
guilty for taking her sister away from her. What would she have in her
life when Victoria was gone? The life of a sixty-year-old woman.

What were they doing?

"It's the way things happen sometimes. We don't plan them the way we
want them to be. They just are. Like you, for the past two years.

That couldn't have been easy for you either, " she said gently.

"It wasn't, " he said, his eyes searching hers, and then shrinking
instantly at the sorrow he saw there. Going anywhere near her was like
reaching into a hot stove and burning your fingers. The emotions ran hot
and high, and her heart was so warm he couldn't even bear to think of
what she must be feeling. "I worry about taking Victoria away from you."
She nodded at that, there was very little she could say in answer.

He had begun to glimpse how painful it would be for both of them. She
only hoped he would comfort Victoria adequately that summer on their
honeymoon in Europe.

Olivia kissed Geoffrey in his bed that night, with Henry in one arm, and
Chip nestled next to him, the boy was smiling from ear to ear, and she
laughed when she saw him.

"Don't forget to bring him when you come to see me, " she warned, and he
swore he would never leave Chip for an instant to go anywhere, except
school, and maybe his teacher would even let him bring the puppy with
him. "I doubt it, " she said, promising to see him again soon, and then
she went back downstairs to his father.

Charles insisted on taking her back to the hotel, and he walked her
slowly across the lobby. "I don't suppose I'll see you again until the
wedding, " he said with an odd expression. It was so strange to think of
marrying again, and in a way it felt like a terrible betrayal of Susan,
but he knew he had to, for Geoff's sake. It was no life for the boy
without a woman. Even Olivia's brief visits proved it. The boy blossomed
like a little flower when he saw her. Victoria had not quite had the
same effect on him, but he was sure she would in time. After all, they
were identical twin sisters.

"I'll be the one in the blue dress, " Olivia reminded him. "In case you
get confused." She was smiling.

"It'll probably be the only time I know which is which without looking
for my mother's engagement ring, " he said, laughing at himself, and his
constant confusion.

"Just ask Geoff, " she teased, "he'll tell you." And then she looked at
him, knowing that it would be different next time. They were just
friends, but he would be a married man soon, and even more, her sister's
husband. "I'll see you at the wedding, " she whispered, and he nodded,
with a look of sorrow.

He kissed her cheek then, turned, and walked quickly across the lobby.

Chapter 12.

Victoria's last night in the familiar room was strange for both of them.

They both knew she would never sleep there again. When she came back to
her father's house again, she would sleep in another room with her
husband. The sisters would never be together in quite the same way.

And leaving each other was like peeling skin from skin, heart from soul,
limb from body. Neither of them thought they would be able to bear it.

Victoria slept finally, curled on her side, as she always did, and
Olivia lay next to her and watched her. She touched the long silky black
hair, identical to her own, and touched her sister's cheek. She held her
hand, and lay clinging to her, praying that morning wouldn't come.

But when it did, the day was glorious and sunny.

Olivia had never slept, she just lay there watching her, when at last
Victoria stirred and turned to smile at her, and then she remembered.

It would be a day of bittersweet glory. A price to be paid, a promise to
be made, a life to be embarked on, a shore to sail away from. It made
her heart ache just to think of all that would happen to them that
morning.

"Today is your wedding day, " Olivia said solemnly as they both got out
of bed, in total harmony of movement. They often moved the same way at
the same time, and seldom saw it. And it seemed so odd to say the words,
to think of one of them getting married. And Olivia couldn't help
thinking somewhat angrily that if Victoria hadn't been so foolish in New
York nine months before, perhaps none of this would have happened.

They bathe , they dressed slowly, saying very little. They had no need
to say the words. They felt them, they heard them in their heads, just
as they had as children. They had had their own language when they were
very young, and sometimes they didn't speak at all, their messages to
each other were felt more than spoken.

And at last, their hair was done, they both wore it pulled back and in
buns. They wore silk stockings, and satin underwear, and each of them
had worn the smallest amount of eye makeup and lip rouge.

Everything about them was exactly the same, identical, and absolutely no
one could have told the difference between them that morning. Even
Charles' mother's ring lay on their dressing table.

"It's not too late, " Victoria smiled at her. "This could be your
wedding." Olivia laughed at her, and for just a moment, they felt their
private kinship, the world into which no one but them had ever entered.

"We could dare them to guess which one is the bride. I doubt if even
Charles would know the difference."

"He might. You would, " Olivia said calmly. "This is your day, and his
.. . and Geoffrey's .. . my darling Victoria, how I love you, " her eyes
filled with tears as she said the words, "I hope that you'll be very
happy." They held each other tight, and Victoria's eyes filled with
tears too, and then she pulled away and looked at her.

"And if I'm not?" It was a whisper of sheer terror.

"You will be. I know you will .. . give him a fair chance.

He loves you." Or at least she hoped so.

"If I'm not happy, Ollie, " Victoria said as she sat down and looked up
at her twin, "I'll divorce him. Toby may not have had the guts to do it,
but I would .. . I won't stay with him if I'm not happy." Olivia frowned
as she listened to her. "That's no way to start a marriage.

Give it your whole heart. I know he won't disappoint you."

"And if I disappoint him? We are both coming to it so strangely.

He, with the ghost of his wife trailing behind him, and I with my
terrible sin, " she said somewhat sarcastically, ".. . Toby."

"He's gone, it's over, " Olivia reminded her. "This is your life.

And Charles'. It's been two years since he lost his wife .. . it's time.
I know it's right for both of you. I feel it."

"Do you? " Victoria whispered unhappily. "Then why don't I?

Ollie, when I'm with him I feel nothing." The tragedy of it was that
when Olivia was with him, she felt far too much, and she was always
afraid Charles saw that.

"You haven't given him a chance yet. Wait until you're alone for a
while, with no one else around." Olivia looked at her wistfully.

"It will be very romantic."

"But I'm not, " Victoria said, and looked wearily at her sister.

"Sometimes I think I just can't do this. And the worst part is we
haven't even started."

"Give it a chance .. . please .. . for his sake .. .

for yours ..

. for Geoff's."

"You're trying to get rid of me, aren't you? " Victoria grinned at her
ruefully. "You want my closet."

"I want your yellow hat with the green plume actually." It was a horror
they had bought at the country fair years before and there had only been
one of them, so Victoria bought it.

"I'll give it to you. You can wear it today! It might look nice with
your dress at the wedding." They were stalling and they both knew it,
and a few minutes later Bertie came to check on them, and scolded them
for not being dressed yet.

"It's just our dresses, Bertie, " Olivia explained, "everything else is
done. We even have our shoes on."

"Well, you can't go to church looking like that. Hurry up ..

.

get your dresses on .. ." Olivia put hers on first, and it was
spectacular, ice blue, and it molded her figure. She put her mother's
necklace of aquamarines on, and then the bracelet and the earrings, and
she suddenly looked very grown-up, as she put on the lace coat and the
hat, as Victoria smiled at her, standing there in her white satin shoes
and her white silk stockings.

"I wish you were getting married, Ollie, " she said softly, and her
sister nodded.

"So do I .. . but this is your day, baby." She hadn't called her that
since they were tiny children, and then hand in hand they went into the
next room, and put on Victoria's wedding gown, adjusted the endless
train, pinned on the tiara, and settled the veil over it.

Olivia thought she had never, ever seen anything like it, and when
Bertie came in she burst into tears. The girls looked exactly like
replicas of their mother.

"Oh my dears, " was all she could say, adjusting their dresses,
straightening Victoria's veil for the tenth time, and just staring at
them. They were truly legendary beauties. She ran to get the flowers
then. They were each carrying armloads of white orchids interspersed
with lily of the valley. The fragrance was heavenly, and as Ollie
followed Victoria out into the hall, they both saw their father.

He stopped where he stood, and for a moment they were both afraid that
he would faint when he saw them. But he didn't, he just stood there and
cried with pleasure. Bertie knew exactly what he was thinking then.

They looked so exactly like her, and she had been just that age when she
died. It was like seeing a double vision, as he walked slowly toward
them.

"Well, at least today I know who's who, " he said gruffly, and then
wiped his eyes with his handkerchief, and then he smiled at them, trying
not to think of their mother. "Or are you two playing tricks again.

Is poor Charles getting the right one in church today? " "Who's to say,
Father, " Victoria answered for them, and all three laughed, as they
walked slowly downstairs and Olivia carried her train for her.

They all agreed they had never seen a dress as nice as this one.

It took ten minutes just to get the train, the dress, and the veil into
the car with them, but Donovan was extremely patient as Bertie helped
them. And at last they took off for the church, and Bertie came in the
Ford with Petrie. Olivia had offered to take Geoff with them as well,
but Charles had wanted to have the boy at the hotel with him the night
before, and they were going to the church together.

On the way to the church, the people they passed stopped and stared,
cars honked, children waved, it was good luck to see a bride as pretty
as this one. But Victoria only glanced at them, she was lost in thought,
thinking of Charles, and all the foolishness and bad luck that had led
them to this moment. It didn't seem providential to her at all, it
seemed like a huge mistake, and all she could think of were the things
she had said that morning to her sister. She was about to turn to her
father as they reached the church, and tell him that she couldn't do it,
that he'd have to send her to a nunnery in France after all, or Siberia,
or worse, but before she could say anything, Olivia was helping her out
of the car and straightening her veil again, and she had missed her
moment.

They were rapidly escorted into the back of the church, and Victoria
tried desperately to get a moment alone with her sister. It was another
ten minutes before things had settled down again, and Victoria could
already hear the music as she was engulfed with panic.

"I can't! .. ." she whispered, clutching Olivia's arm, just before they
were to start down the aisle with their father. "I can't, Ollie .

.. get me out of it."

"You have to! " Ollie whispered fiercely.

She could see that Victoria was dead white, and seized by terror. "You
have to do this. You can't stop it now. Go through with it, you'll never
regret it."

"And if I do? There's no way out. What if he won't divorce her?"

"You can't think of that now, Victoria. You have to make it work, for
his sake .. . for Geoff's .. . for your own .. .

please, please, baby .. . do it." Victoria's eyes were filled with tears
and she was speechless with grief and terror, as a door opened, the
organ played, and Olivia glided slowly down the aisle ahead of them, and
before she could stop herself, Victoria was clutching her father's arm,
and they were walking solemnly behind. She wanted to stop, to turn
around and run away, to leave before it was too late, but it already was
and she knew it. She felt as though she were marching to her death as
she walked slowly to the altar behind her sister in front of four
hundred people. And when they got there, her father squeezed her hand
and left her there, tears streaming down his cheeks, and then she looked
up and saw him. It was Charles, so tall, so proud, so decent, he was
trying so hard, and cared so much, and wanted so to do the right thing,
as he stood there in his morning coat and striped trousers. He looked so
handsome, and his eyes were so gentle as he looked at her M..

that she almost believed that everything would be all right between
them. She wanted it to be. They both did. And as he stood beside her and
took her hand, he felt her trembling violently, and tried to reassure
her. He stood very close to her and held her arm. He wanted her to know
that she would always have his protection.

It was less than he would have wanted to give her, less than he had once
shared, but it was all he had to give now. And she looked up at him
silently, and understood him.

Theirs was not the union either of them would have wanted years before,
but it was right for them now. It was an agreement, a solemn vow, an
exchange of honor between two people who understood each other, and were
willing to accept less than they had once dreamed of.

They exchanged rings, and vows, and promises, and Victoria stopped
trembling. And she smiled as she walked solemnly back down the aisle
beside Charles. Just behind them came Olivia on her father's arm,
holding tightly to Geoff's hand. Olivia felt loss and grief and joy and
love all at once, and along with her father, this small boy, this child
who had lost so much, was all she had now.