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"Who did all this? " Charles looked stupefied as he looked around, but
Victoria knew, and she wasn't entirely sure she liked it. This was her
home now, and it was up to her what she wanted to do. She didn't want
Olivia making her look bad, starting them off on the wrong foot, showing
off all her domestic skills. Victoria had no intention of following in
her footsteps.

"Olivia did, I'm sure, " Victoria said quietly.

.

"Well, do have her come and visit more often, " Charles said gratefully,
with a playful look in his wife's direction.

"I don't do things this way, Charles. I do other things. We're very
different."

"You wouldn't know it to look at you, " he said jokingly.

And when they went downstairs again, he illustrated the point without
meaning to, by kissing his wife's cheek respectfully and thanking her
for all that she'd done for their homecoming. He had thought she was
Olivia, and they all laughed, as Victoria chuckled.

The maid had made lemonade for them, as Olivia had asked her to, and the
men sat in the living room and discussed the war, and Geoff went out to
the garden with his puppy. Olivia went upstairs with her twin to help
her unpack, and there Victoria finally relaxed, and sat down with a
smile as she stared at her sister.

"I never thought I could do it .. . leave you like that ..

. it was terrible."

"I don't believe you." Olivia smiled, but it had been agony for her too.
Every hour apart had seemed like a lifetime. "Did you have a wonderful
time? " Olivia asked hesitantly.

She didn't want to intrude, but she needed to know that her sister was
happy. Victoria looked at her for a long time before she answered, and
when she spoke, Olivia was shocked by her answer.

She spoke very softly so no one else could hear her. "I'm not sure I can
do this, Ollie. I don't know. I'll try for as long as I can ...
but we never should have done it. I think he knows it too, and he wants
to make the best of it. But it's so wrong .. . he's still in love with
her .. . and I can't seem to forget Toby, neither the good, nor the bad
of him. He constantly comes between us."

"You can't let a man like that ruin your marriage, Victoria." Her sister
looked horrified, as she sat down next to her and took her hands in her
own.

"You have to put him out of your mind completely."

"And Susan? He's still in love with her. And Ollie, " she looked sad but
not heartbroken over what she was saying to her sister. "He's not in
love with me. He never was, he never will be. All that nonsense about
people growing to love each other is just that. How do you come to love
a stranger? "

"You'll get used to each other. Give it time.

And Geoffrey will help you."

"He hates me. They both do."

"Stop saying that." Olivia was near tears as she listened to her.

She had never expected this. She had had some vague feelings of malaise
about her once or twice, but nothing like this. She'd had no idea that
Victoria would come home and say anything like this to her.

"Give it time. Promise me. You mustn't do anything foolish."

"I can't even begin to imagine what I'd do, " Victoria said honestly,
and Olivia thought she suddenly looked more grown-up and more womanly,
but perhaps it was only an illusion. To the untrained observer, they
looked no different. In fact, it almost seemed as though they looked
more identical than ever.

"I've never felt so helpless, " Victoria went on. "Ollie, what shall I
do? "

"Be a good wife to him, be patient, be kind to his son. At least try
what you promised him you'd do on your wedding day."

"To love, honor, and obey him? It sounds so undignified, doesn't it?

There's something degrading about all that, " Victoria said irreverently
and lit a cigarette. This was her home now.

"How can you say something like that? " Olivia looked shocked, and then
she frowned at her. She was impossible, and even though she loved her,
she could easily see how she would make a difficult wife. Will Charles
mind you smoking here? " Olivia asked with a look of concern, and her
sister laughed at her.

"I hope not. I live here too now." Although it didn't feel that way yet.
She was living in a strange house, among strangers. It was an odd
homecoming for her, and all she wanted was to go home with her father
and sister. But she knew without asking that Olivia wouldn't have let
her, and neither would their father. Will you stay in New York for a few
days? " she asked worriedly, and was relieved when Olivia nodded.

"I don't even know where to begin, " she said frantically, and Olivia
smiled at her.

"I'll come every day till you get settled."

"And then what? " Victoria almost wrung her hands in anguish. Now that
she had her sister to lean on again, she could let out all her feelings,
and they were coming out now in a rush of terror.

I "What do I do after that? I don't even know how to be a wife to him.

What if I can't do it? "

"You can, you're just upset." Olivia put her arm around her, and
Victoria immediately felt the effect of it. It was like coming home to a
mother, and she began to sob as she put her head on her sister's
shoulder.

"I can't do this, Ollie .. . I know it .. . It was terrible in Europe ..
." All her sophistication and grown-up poise had suddenly vanished, and
she felt like a child again in her sister's arms, no older than
Geoffrey.

"Shhh .. . you can do it, " Olivia said soothingly. "Be a good girl and
calm down, and stop worrying. We'll do it together." Victoria blew her
nose after that, and when they went downstairs again, neither man could
tell which was which, and when their father spoke to Olivia finally and
said it was time to go back to their house on Fifth Avenue, both girls
answered and everyone laughed. It was hopeless.

"I'm going to make them wear signs when they're in this house together,
" Charles said good-naturedly, pleased to be home, and happy to see his
son again. It seemed like the old days suddenly, with a woman in the
house, and flowers everywhere. The only thing he didn't fully understand
was that the woman who had put the flowers there and made the house
shine for him was not the woman he was getting.

As they left, Olivia kissed Victoria and promised to return early the
next day to help her settle in, and she kissed Geoff and held him close
to her.

"I'm going to miss you terribly, " she said softly to him. "Take good
care of Chip and Henry."

"Come back soon, " he said mournfully as they waved from the front step,
and one by one the Dawsons went inside and closed the door behind them,
as they began their life together.

Chapter 17.

Olivia spent a week in New York helping Victoria unpack and settle into
the house on the East River. It was a bright, happy place, but Victoria
thought it was uncomfortable and longed for the familiar surroundings
she had shared with her sister. She and Charles shared a large sunny
room, but she thought Geoffrey was too close to them. He was just across
the hall, and he was always underfoot with his cannons, and his cars,
and his dog, and his balls and marbles.

"My God, doesn't he ever go anywhere, except school? " Victoria
complained. He had just started back that week, but he was anxious to
come home and spend time with them. He had been away from home for two
months, and he was happy to be back in his own house with his own
belongings. And he waited on the front steps for his father every night.

Victoria felt as though she had to stand in line to see her husband.

She had absolutely no idea what they liked to eat. The first dinner she
ordered for them, they both detested although they tried to be polite,
but they could barely eat it. She complained to Olivia about it the next
day, and Olivia gave her a list of Geoff's favorites that they had been
cooking for him all summer.

"Maybe you should stay here and do it, " Victoria said petulantly, but
she almost meant it.

"Stop saying that, " Olivia chided her, she could see that Victoria felt
unsure of herself, and she didn't like being so domestic. She .

sl seemed to feel it demeaned her, which seemed more than silly to her
sister.

"He doesn't know the difference between us anyway, so why not switch
with me for a while? " Victoria said jokingly, but there was something
in her eyes Olivia didn't like when she said it. It was the birth of an
idea that wasn't going anywhere, but Victoria didn't mention it again,
which relieved her sister. And by the end of the week, things seemed to
be going a little more smoothly.

Charles was in a fine mood, the dinners had been good, he was getting
his work under control at the office again, and he had already started
some new business for his father-in-law that week, and Geoff was
behaving nicely. The only thing Victoria didn't like was that the
business of running the house seemed to eat up her entire day, and she
never got time to do anything else.

"Just do it for a week or two, " Olivia suggested to her, "and when you
get it under control, you can do other things you want to do as well,
like shopping, or lunch with friends, " or meetings, or demonstrations,
or rallies. There were some informational meetings Victoria had read
about at the press club too, and she wanted to go to those as soon as
possible, to learn more about the war in Europe. Victoria devoured the
news, but there was never enough information to help her understand all
the complexities of what had happened. And by the time Charles came home
from the office at night, he was too tired to tell her.

Olivia went back to Croton with their father finally. She had stayed as
long as she could to help, and eventually he complained that he was
tired and wanted to go home, so she had to take him. But she promised to
come back soon, and Victoria and Charles said they would come to Croton
in a few weeks for the weekend. But things piled up on them, as they
always did in busy lives, Charles found he had a trial to prepare, Geoff
was busy at school, and Victoria got engrossed in her meetings.

She called Olivia once or twice, and they both wrote to each other
almost daily, but it was late September by then, and the face of the
world had already changed, not to mention their own lives.

Japan had declared war on Austria and Germany at the end of August.

The Battle of the Marne had ended the German advance into France, but
the Germans had begun air strikes on Paris. The Russians had suffered
major defeats at the Masurian Lakes, and again in Prussia. Victoria
could hardly keep up with it, but she was trying.

In fact, the war was almost beginning to obscure her interest in women's
suffrage. Somehow, for the moment, this seemed so much more pressing.

So much so that she was almost never at home anymore. She had followed
Olivia's advice for the first few weeks, running Charles' house for him,
and then she had drifted back to her old ways, and spent all her time
pursuing her own interests. There were several very interesting
lecturers speaking about politics these days, and Victoria went wherever
she could to learn more about it. It made her far more interesting to
talk to when Charles came home at night, when he had the energy to talk
to her about the subjects she was interested in, which wasn't often. But
what concerned Charles was that, once Olivia was gone, Victoria seemed
to have no idea what the responsibilities of married life were.

Without Olivia prompting her, or doing all her chores for her, Victoria
left everything unattended. And within days, the house was uncared for,
the place looked a mess, the garden was a shambles, and Charles had
heard from their neighbors that Geoff was spending all his time playing
in the streets because Victoria was never home to watch him.

"This was not our agreement, " he reminded her, and she tried to listen
to him, and do what was expected of her, but somehow she just couldn't
do it. And the private situation between them had only worsened since
they got home. They never made love at all anymore. She had an obvious
aversion to it, and she seemed to be terrified that Geoff would hear
them. Charles was drinking more than he had before they left, and she
smoked constantly, and the smell of it drove him crazy. It was
everything Charles didn't want in a house, a wife, or a marriage.

And when Olivia came back to visit them again six weeks after she had
left, she found Victoria in a total state, and her husband in a worse
one. Olivia had had a feeling of vague malaise before she came, and
didn't know why. But she had been drawn to New York like a magnet.

She was staying at a hotel, and when she visited them, the two of them
barely appeared to be speaking.

Olivia took Geoff to the hotel to stay with her for a few days, with
Henry, and the dog, and she suggested to her sister, in the strongest
terms possible, that she do whatever she had to to make amends with her
husband.

But when Olivia saw them again the next day, matters only seemed to have
worsened.

"What's going on? What are you doing here? " Olivia ranted at her, and
Victoria looked almost as angry as she did.

"This isn't a marriage, Olivia. It's an arrangement. That's all it is,
and all it ever was. He hired me to be the maid, the housekeeper, and a
governess for Geoff. That's all I do here."

"That's ridiculous, " Olivia argued with her, as she paced around the
sunny living room, scolding her "younger" sister. They were exactly the
same age, but once again Olivia was far more responsible than she was.

"You're behaving like a spoiled brat, " she told her bluntly. "He
offered you the protection of his name, and saved you from disaster with
that mess you'd made, he's given you his home, his son, a very pleasant
life, and you're furious that you have to run his house and see that the
cook serves him a proper dinner. No, Victoria, he has not hired' you to
be his maid. But you don't seem to be willing to be his wife either."

"You know nothing about it, " Victoria raged at her, angry that Olivia
had come so close to the truth in her accusations.

"I know how self-indulgent you can be, " Olivia said to her more
quietly, wanting to reach out to her and help her change it. She still
missed her terribly, but not enough to want her to do something foolish,
like walk out on Charles. Olivia knew how disastrous that would be, and
how devastating not only for Charles, but for Geoffrey.

"You have to make an effort, Victoria. You owe it to him .. . and to
Geoff.

Give it time, you'll get used to it. I'll help you run the house, " she
said, her eyes pleading with her sister not to do anything stupid.

"I don't want to run the house, his or anyone else's. I never did.

This was all Father's idea, this was my punishment for what I did with
Toby." But Olivia knew her real punishment had come long before, in
their bathroom in Croton. This was simply an obligation she had to
uphold, a life she had to become resigned to. But Victoria was like a
bird thrashing about her cage, catching her wings in every corner. She
could no longer fly, and she hated it. "I would rather die, Olivia, than
be here, " she finally said glumly as she sat down in a chair and looked
miserably at her twin sister. But Olivia was not in any way amused by
her performance.

"I don't ever want to hear you say that."

"I mean it. There's a war in Europe going on, men are dying by the
thousands, innocent people are being killed. I would be better off doing
something useful there, than wasting my life here, watching Geoffrey."

"He needs you, Victoria, " Olivia said with tears in her eyes, wishing
for a moment that she could change her sister. She always had some wild
idea, some allegedly worthy cause that she was willing to live and die
for. But she seemed to care nothing at all about her own world, and the
people who needed her right on her own doorstep. "And Charles needs you
too." Olivia's eyes implored her to listen, but Victoria shook her head,
and walked across the room, to stare out the window at the unruly
garden. She hadn't even spoken to the gardener since they'd returned
from England.

"No, " she turned to face her sister again, "he needs Susan and she's
not here. She's never coming back. Perhaps she's lucky, " Victoria said,
and Olivia looked more upset than ever. Victoria had to settle down and
adjust to her marriage. "We have no life at all, if you understand what
I mean. We never did. It hasn't been right between us right from the
first .. . I suppose he still dreams about her, and I . ..

I just can't .. . after what happened with Toby." Her eyes filled with
tears this time, and she bowed her head, looking completely defeated.

And Olivia knew, as she looked at her, that this was most unlike her.

It wasn't like Victoria to give up, or feel she couldn't do something,
and it was so obvious to Olivia that with a little effort, her sister
could set it all to rights again, if only that was what she wanted.

"Perhaps you need time alone with him, " Olivia said softly, somewhat
embarrassed by what she was saying. But this was no time to be shy with
her. The situation was serious, and she knew it.

"We had two months in Europe, " Victoria said hopelessly, and told her
that, in all honesty, it had never worked there either.

j "That was different, " Olivia said, sounding like a mother now, "you
scarcely knew each other. Perhaps you need some time here to get
acquainted." She blushed faintly, and Victoria smiled at her.

Olivia was so innocent, she had no idea about the complications of their
situation, about how dismal it was to lie in his arms, and shudder every
time he touched her, about what he expected of her, and she couldn't
give, nor about what he could no longer do in the face of her scarcely
concealed revulsion. "This house is new to you, so is he.

Perhaps if you had a little time alone here, maybe without Geoff, you
might grow more comfortable with each other."

"Maybe, " Victoria said, unconvinced. But it didn't change any of the
things she felt about him, the fact that she had felt forced to marry
him, and that she sensed how lonely he was for his wife, and that
although he desired her flesh, he really didn't love Victoria at all, in
fact he loved no one.

He was holding everything back from her, and she knew it. At least Toby
had lied to her, he had made her feel she was adored, he had made her
believe him. She had never doubted for a moment that he loved her.