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"I would have been five months pregnant by now, " she wailed, mourning
aloud for the first time the baby she'd lost in November in Croton.

"With your life smashed to bits around you. For God's sake, Victoria,
look at what he did to you. He ruined you, and then he denied you.

Please don't tell me you're still in love with him, " she whispered in
the back of the cab with horror, but Victoria only shook her head and
cried harder.

"I hate him. I hate everything he stands for, everything he did to me, "
and yet when she thought of those afternoons in the cottage, it still
made her heart ache. She had believed everything he said to her, about
leaving his wife, and loving her, and now Evangeline was parading
around, pointing at her like a floozie, and carrying his baby.

It brought home the bitter realization of what her father had tried to
protect her from when he forced her to promise herself to Charles
Dawson. And it made her grateful to Charles for
the first time, for his protection, but it would never make her love
him.

She was still crying when they reached the hotel, and when they got back
to their room, she lay on the bed and sobbed until Olivia thought her
heart would break, and nothing she said or did stopped it. It had been a
bitter lesson in the cruelty of men, and Olivia knew her sister would
never forget it.

Victoria stopped crying finally at six o'clock, and she sat looking
beaten and defeated as she glanced at her sister.

"You'll forget him one day. You will, " Olivia promised softly.

"I'll never trust anyone again. You can't imagine the things he said,
Ollie .. . I'd never have done it otherwise .. ." Or would she?

She wasn't even sure she knew herself now. He had made her do things she
never would have dreamt of. And how could she ever explain that to
Charles? It was hard now, seeing Toby again, to believe that Charles
would actually marry her, and she was even more grateful. "I was so
stupid, " she confessed to her sister again, and Olivia sat with her
arms around her until Charles came, and he found both sisters unusually
subdued, particularly his fiancee.

"Is anything wrong? " he asked worriedly. "Are you ill? " He glanced
from one to the other, and Olivia smiled as Victoria shook her head
dumbly.

"It was just a very long day, and somewhat emotional. Buying a wedding
dress is one of the most important moments in a woman's life, " Olivia
explained, but did not entirely convince him. He wondered if they were
both beginning to feel the pain of leaving each other, and he felt sorry
for them as he thought of it, and a few minutes later, he invited Olivia
to join them for dinner. They were going to the Ritz-Carlton, and then
on to a concert. But she insisted that they go alone, she didn't want to
intrude on them. They hadn't seen each other in two months, and she
thought it was best if they spent some time together.

She was going to have dinner alone at the hotel, in her room, and look
over some more designs for gowns for her sister.

"You're sure? " Charles asked her quietly, while they were waiting for
Victoria to finish dressing.

"Very much so, " she said quietly, remembering something vague and
elusive about the night she fell from the horse in Croton, but she
couldn't remember what it was now. "This is hard for her sometimes, "
she tried to explain to him, wanting him to love her sister. She loved
her sister so much that she couldn't bear to think of her with a man who
didn't understand her. But she knew that Charles was decent and,
and would be good to her, no matter what happened between them.

We're going to miss each other terribly, " Olivia said with a wistful
smile.

"I'm glad Geoff will be with me this summer."

"He's ecstatic over it.

" And then his eyes searched hers, but could find no answers. He
wondered who she was sometimes, and why she had been so willing to give
up everything for her father. She was just as beautiful as her twin, why
would she agree to give it all up for him?

What was her lonely secret? She hadn't struck him as being quite so
retiring when they met, the previous September. We were thinking of
coming to you for Easter, " Charles said cautiously, to change the
subject. "If it's not too much trouble. Your father mentioned it when I
saw him." "We'd love to have you for Easter, " Olivia said with a look
of pleasure, as Victoria joined them. She was wearing a dark blue satin
dress Olivia had chosen for her, and she looked like the queen of
midnight. Sapphires and diamonds their father had given them shimmered
on her ears, and she wore the long rope of pearls that had been their
mother's and they shared for important occasions.

"You look lovely, " he said, as he looked at her proudly. She was a
spectacular-looking young woman. And it was even more extraordinary to
think that there were two of them. He was momentarily sorry again that
Olivia wasn't coming out with them. He would have enjoyed it. But there
was no convincing her, and Charles and Victoria left a few minutes
later.

The restaurant was very elegant, and Victoria suddenly got nervous after
they arrived. What if Toby came in with his wife? She felt completely
unprepared to see him again, and extremely anxious.

"You're very quiet tonight, " Charles said, as he took her hand in his
own after they'd ordered. "Is anything wrong? " She shook her head, but
he saw tears there and didn't want to press her further.

.

They spoke of other things then, politics, their trip, their wedding,
and problems in Europe. He liked the fact that she was interested in
world events, and well informed, although her ideas were extremely
liberal, almost to the point of being outrageous, but sometimes that
pleased him.

He introduced her to a number of his acquaintances that night, and they
sat in a box with friends at the concert, and Victoria looked more
relaxed when he brought her back to the hotel. She even lit a cigarette
as she shared a drink with him in the restaurant next to the lobby.

"Oh my, " he said, and then laughed at his own reaction, as she smiled
in amusement.

"Shocked, Charles? " She liked that. She looked more herself than she
had all evening.

"Do you want me to be? " He sipped his Scotch and eyed her in
admiration. She had lots of spirit and intelligence along with her
looks. For the second time in his life, he'd been lucky, although this
couldn't be more different from his courtship with Susan.

"Maybe. Maybe I like it when I shock you." She smiled and blew smoke in
his direction.

"I suspect that's true, " he said philosophically. "In which case, we
should have a very interesting life, you and I, won't we? " And then
with the Scotch loosening his tongue, he dared to ask her something he
had wondered. "Were you very much in love with him? The man who broke
your engagement." He watched her closely, and waited.

She hesitated, remembering the Toby she had known, the one she had loved
so fiercely, and the one she had seen only that morning .

.

. the one on the steps of his office who had denied her .

the one who had told her father that she had seduced him .. .

"I was.

Once. But I'm not anymore. Actually, there are times when I think I hate
him."

"That's just the other side of love, isn't it? "

"I suppose so." It had almost killed her seeing him that morning.

"We weren't engaged." She met his eyes squarely, not wanting to be
deceitful. It was enough that he was saving her. She didn't have to lie
to him as well, but he nodded.

"I knew that. It just seemed easier to put it that way. Your father gave
me some vague idea of what happened. You were very young.

You still are." He smiled gently at her, wishing that there were
something more between them, and then relieved at the same time that
there wasn't.

She aroused him incredibly, but that was another matter entirely. "It
was unfair of him to take advantage of you. That's easily done with
young girls, and no gentleman should do it. Your father said he lied to
you, and promised marriage." She nodded, unwilling to add to what he
already knew. It seemed to be enough after all. And yet, he was willing
to have her. It was hard to understand why. Perhaps it was just destined.

"It's hard to understand the things people do to each other, " she said
sadly. "It won't happen again, " she said, eyeing him, as though with a
warning.

"I should hope not, " he smiled. But he had understood her meaning.

She was telling him that she would never trust him. But it didn't
matter. He would never hurt her. "I won't deceive you, Victoria. I won't
lie to you. If that's what you're afraid o I've never deceived anyone,
not that I know of. I'm an honest man. Dull, perhaps .. .

but truthful.

That has its uses."

"I'm .. . I .. ." Having seen Toby that day, she understood full well
what she owed him. "Thank you for doing this for me, " she said, raising
eyes full of tears to his. "You didn't have to."

"No, but you don't have to either, " he said softly.

"There are always other solutions. Perhaps we both want to, and we don't
know how else to do it." He wanted to believe that. And he smiled at
her, as he set down his drink, and she put down her cigarette and he
kissed her gently.

"Don't be afraid of me, Victoria. I swear I won't hurt you." She let him
kiss her then, but her heart ached to realize she felt nothing, and she
wondered if he knew it.

He took her upstairs shortly after that, and Olivia was waiting for her.

She could see that Victoria was still sad, but she was more peaceful
than she had been in a long time. In some ways it might have done her
good to see Toby and his wife that afternoon. Olivia hoped that it had
brought her closer to Charles. She seemed more at peace now about her
future.

He had left very quickly that night, and he took them both to lunch the
next day at the Della Robbia, in the midst of their shopping, and Olivia
kept him amused with tales of their acquisitions.

Victoria said very little, but she was pleasant to him when they left
and he dropped them off at Bonwit's to continue. And that night, without
seeing him again, they went back to Croton. Donovan picked them up at
the hotel on schedule, and drove them back up the Hudson.

Olivia was sorry not to see Geoff, but they didn't have time, and she
promised to see him in March when they came back to town again to finish
their shopping.

But all their plans changed when their father fell ill in late February,
and spent an entire month in bed with influenza. Olivia was deathly
afraid he would develop pneumonia, but he didn't. He was very ill, and
she seldom left him for more than a few hours, but on the first of
April, he finally emerged from his bedroom. And two weeks later, the
Dawsons came for their promised visit for Easter. And Olivia had a
wonderful surprise for Geoffrey. She had two little chicks that had
recently hatched, and a tiny white bunny.

"Oh wow! Oh wow! Dad, did you see them? ! " he said when Olivia
presented him with them. She had tried to get Victoria to give them to
him, but she insisted that she disliked animals even more than children.

Olivia constantly felt as though she were coaching a reluctant
schoolgirl to do her duty. But things were improving slightly. This time
she seemed pleased to see Charles at least, so that was something.

There were several parties in the neighborhood for them, and a lovely
concert at the Rockefellers', which everyone went to. And it was the
perfect opportunity to introduce Charles to those who had not yet met
him. He was always very polite to everyone, and extremely likable, and
Olivia kept reminding her sister that this was not a funeral they were
planning, but a wedding.