More Than Miles (A Lost Kings MC Novel) (7 page)

I give her a simpler truth. “I didn’t know she would be there. She’s just a friend.”

“Right. Your downstate girl.”

Fuck. “Who told you that?”

This angry, frustrated groan works out of her throat. It reminds me of the noises she made yesterday when we were alone in her bedroom and I thought we could finally be together.

“You make me crazy and turn me into something I don’t want to be,” she snaps.

“What’s that even mean?”

Frustrated, she waves her hands in the air. “You’re not
good
for me.”

“Heidi—”

“Don’t ‘Heidi’ me. Did you tell your girlfriend about us?”

“Fuck no. She’s
not
my girlfriend.”

“Right. Just a girl you fuck from time to time. Well, sorry, I don’t feel like being added into your rotation.”

“My
what
? Why are you giving
me
a hard time, when you’re with Axel?” I swear to fuck I’m tired of hearing that kid’s name.

“Are you kidding me? First, that’s none of your business. Second, my
one
boyfriend—who I happen to love, by the way—hardly compares to the volume of women who’ve been in and out of your bed.”

“Volume of women? What the fuck are you even talking about?”

“Do you think I’m stupid? You think I’m dumb enough to think that horror show I walked in on a couple years ago was a one-time event?”

“That’s—”

“No,” she says, cutting me off. “You never even asked me why I showed up that day.”

I’d been too fucking embarrassed to dwell on it. “Heidi, the whole thing was embarrassing for everyone. I wanted to forget it happened. I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sure you are. Do you think I don’t know you two were up to that shit for years? And kept it up even after—”

“You were thirteen! What was I supposed to do?”

She glances at the floor, then meets my eyes again. “Don’t act like you’ve been pining away for me all this time. I’ve overheard plenty of stuff over the years.”

“From who? Your brother?”

“No. I only have to be up at the clubhouse for five minutes to hear the kind of dirty shit you’re into.”

What the actual fuck? “What are you talking about?”

She doesn’t hesitate with her comeback. “Please, everyone talks about how you have a different girl at every LOKI charter in the Northeast.”

“Who? Axel? Of course he’d say that.” That may have been true a couple years ago, but I’ve settled down a lot, so it pisses me off that she still thinks I’m like that.

“No. And leave him out of this. I’ve been hearing those stories since I was a kid. I never really believed it until—”

“You’ve got to let that stuff go. It has nothing to do with
us
.” Even as I try to convince her, a bad feeling forms in the pit of my stomach.

“I don’t
have
to do anything. How could I ever trust you?”

“I wasn’t in a relationship with any of them!”

That was probably the worst possible thing I could have said.

She nods as if I proved her point, which I probably did. “I couldn’t stand wondering who you were with all the time. It would break my heart,” she whispers, glancing down at her intertwined hands.

All I want to do is comfort her. My fists ball up in frustration as I try to find the right words to explain she’s all I’ve ever wanted. I’d rather lose a limb than ever hurt her. “You’re all I want. When have I given you a reason not to trust me?” I hate how desperate my voice comes out.

She can’t come up with anything. But she shakes off the question. “We won’t work. I want to finish school—”

Now
that
pisses me off. “
I
want you to finish school. For fuck’s sake, I offered to send you anywhere you wanted to go.”

“I don’t want your money. I’m not some whore.”

“What?” Is every woman this frustrating? “Why do you even go there? You’re my girl. I want to take care of you. What’s wrong with that?”

“I’m not
your
girl.”

“Forget the fucking money. You’re right, I’m an asshole for wanting to make sure you go to college.”

“I didn’t say that. I can’t take your money. It wouldn’t be right. I’m with Axel.”

She crosses her arms over her chest and glares at me. Shit, even that’s fucking hot.

I ignore the
I’m-with-Axel
bit. “Heidi, I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel bad, but I’ve always cared about you. In one way or another, I’ve loved you since the day I met you.”

“Then why’d you have to be so mean and push me away?” Her words are weighted with years of hurt that I unknowingly caused and it almost crushes me.

How do I explain it to her in a way that makes a lick of sense? “I didn’t know how to deal with my feelings. I didn’t want to end up doing something I’d regret later. I only ever wanted what was best for you.”

Silent tears roll down her cheeks, and I have to stop myself from kissing them away. “Why couldn’t you just say that?”

Her words punch me in the gut, because there were so many times I
did
want to tell her to wait and be patient. “How could I ever tell you that? You would have made things ten times harder on me.”

“You—”

“It
hurt
waiting for you, Heidi. There were days when I’d see you and think I’d lose my fuckin’ mind. That’s why I had to stay away sometimes.”

“But you kissed me—”

“I know, baby girl. And I shouldn’t have.”

“Please don’t say that.” Her voice, raspy from tears, slices right through me.

“I never regretted it for a second. That’s not what I’m saying. I shouldn’t have messed with your feelings. That’s what I’m sorry about.”

“But, why couldn’t—” She breaks off, sobbing, and I have to gather her in my arms.

Leaning down to kiss the top of her head, I close my eyes and give her the truth she needs to hear. “I’m so sorry I ever hurt you. I love you so fuckin’ much. You’re the last person in the world I’d ever want to hurt.”

She sniffles and wraps her hands in my T-shirt to get closer.

“Blake?”

“Yes, Bug?”

As if that word’s some magical, pissed-off switch for her, she flattens her palms against my chest and pushes me away. “Why do you have to ruin everything by calling me that?” She’s not quite screaming, but a few more decibels and my eardrums might bleed.

“We all call you that.”

“I hate when
you
call me that!”

“I don’t—”

She’s too mad to hear reason. “It makes me feel small and insignificant. It reminds me of every time you called me that to put me in my place. You say I’m your girl, but you never
listen
to me. I’ve told you a million times how much I hate it.”

She’s so wrong. When she was little, it was a sweet nickname that became a habit and later, I called her that to remind
myself
that she was off-limits. Never to hurt her. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I thought we were just joking around. I didn’t know it bothered you so much.”

“Well, now you know.”

“So you’re not going to give us a chance because I called you
Bug
?”

“There is no us.”

“There will
always
be an us.”

“I’m with Axel,” she whispers.

“Heidi, do you love him or are you trying to get even with me?”

Her jaw drops. It’s probably the most honest question I’ve ever asked her and I want a real answer.

“God, you’re so full of yourself! Yes, every time we make
love
, I’m thinking ‘This’ll show Blake!’ How’d you know?”

Fuck, fuck, fuck. That answer might have been a little
too
real. My vision swims red and the buzzing in my ears reaches an all-time high. Thinking about the two of them together has me about ready to lose my shit. I asked the question, though, so I deserve every bit of pain gathering in my chest.

“We can talk about this later.” I try one last thing. “Hey, remember how I promised to take you apple picking for your birthday? Let’s go—”

She shakes her head sadly. “I can’t. Axel and I have plans.”

I blow out a frustrated breath. “When can we get together and talk?”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Bullshit,” I growl.

I love her.

She can deny it all she wants, but Heidi’s
mine
. Every stubborn, bratty little inch of her.

The bond of true family isn’t always one of blood

Fourteen years earlier…

T
he ride to the Lost Kings MC’s clubhouse seemed longer on my own. Usually, I’d peddle as hard as I could to keep up with Marcel.

Rock was out behind Crystal Ball, the strip club located right next door to the MC’s clubhouse. The guys could always be found there or in the garages behind the clubhouse. I’d gotten to stick my head in Crystal Ball once or twice. Never got to see any of the good stuff, though. Just poor lighting, ugly decorations, and throbbing music.

Rock lifted his head when he saw me coming.

“‘Sup, kid? Where’s your buddy?”

“Don’t know.”

He cocked his head and gave me a more serious appraisal. “Everything okay?”

I lifted my shoulders and prayed like fuck any tears were wiped clean on the ride down.

“Needed to get away for a bit?” Rock asked.

“Yeah.”

He nodded and tossed his cigarette, grinding it out under his boot. “Come on. Let’s teach you how to change some spark plugs.”

Cool.
I followed him next door to the garages. I tried not to act too eager, but inside I was bouncing with excitement. Usually Marcel was the one learning stuff, and I just got to watch.

Rock was patient and when I froze up because I was afraid I’d wreck his bike, he assured me I wouldn’t. I was finishing up when screaming and shouting echoed across the parking lot. Ruger, the president of the Lost Kings, was tossing one of the Crystal Ball dancers out the back door. Rock’s hand tightened around the wrench he was holding, but he didn’t move.

Ruger slammed the back door shut and the girl focused on us. Rock called her over.

“What’d I tell you last time, Ashley?”

As usual, I was invisible to the girls that came out of the club. They either straight-up ignored me or wanted to mother me. Both sucked.

When Ashley turned, I caught the bruise forming along her cheek, her eyes wet, red and puffy from crying. Rock grasped her chin and turned her face.

“Christ, Ashley. You need to leave.”

“I was gonna, but a flight home’s like three hundred and thirty bucks. Then he called and was so sweet. I figured—”

“He ain’t ever going to change, Ashley.”

She stared down at the ground, misery all over her face. I should’ve probably looked away or gone away, but I didn’t have anywhere to go.

Rock tipped her chin up again. “Where’s home? Your family?”

“My momma’s in Texas. I—”

“If I give you the money, will you go now? Don’t stop by your apartment. Toss your fucking phone and get on the next plane.”

“Shit, Rock. You don’t—”

“Will you?”

“Yes, yes.” It seemed to finally sink in that Rock was serious and a look of relief washed over her.

Rock yanked out his wallet, flipping it open and pulled out a handful of bills. “That’s more than enough, Rock. I have some saved up. Thank you.”

“You need a ride to the airport?”

“No.”

They talked for a few more minutes, but I lost track of the conversation when I spotted Ruger watching them from just inside the back door.

“Rock?” My voice wasn’t loud enough to catch his attention, so I waited until Ashley finally left.

Without turning my head, I gave Rock a low warning. “Ruger was watching.”

“Yeah, I dare the fuck to say a word about it.”

When I looked up again, Ruger was gone. Rock turned his stare on me. “I ever catch you hurting a woman, I’ll break your hands.”

“I wouldn’t. But this ain’t the first time he’s knocked her around. Why she keep coming back?”

“‘Cause he’s a real good fucking liar.”

I might not have been the brightest, but even I’d figured that out about Ruger.