Mosaic (23 page)

“Nothing replaces the way this feels.” I said, following his gaze out to the dark blue water at the horizon.

“I miss it. When I’m in Savannah, I can take a break and run down to the water, but it’s not like this.”

“You don’t have your board.”

He didn’t answer, and I took a chance to reach out and hold his hand. He didn’t pull away, so I laced our fingers. “I wish we had another day.”

Dropping his chin, he turned our hands so mine was on top, then he traced a line down the back of it. “I wasn’t sure I was coming home at all.”

Pain twisted in my chest, and I tightened my grip on him. “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. The time never seemed right, and then I decided to wait until we were together again—”

“And then it would’ve been some other reason.” He pulled his hand away and sat up, but I couldn’t let him get angry again, not after the way we’d been earlier. “It’s the second time it’s happened, Anna. I thought we’d agreed—no secrets.”

“Isn’t there anything I can say that will make you forgive me?” My voice broke, and I could feel the tears heating my eyes. “Just tell me what you need to hear, and I’ll say it. I love you, Julian.”

His blue eyes cut to mine, and for a half-second I saw him soften, but the anger wasn’t far gone. “I just want you to be honest with me. How do you think I feel when people ask me if we’ve broken up—if you’re back with Jack? Shit, Anna, of all the people you could go to dinner with.”

“Who asked you that?”

“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you didn’t tell me.”

“It matters to me.” At the same time, I had a good idea who’d be keeping up with him, asking if we’d broken up, and her name was Renee Barron. Nothing had changed since high school. She was still making plays for him just like always.

We sat for a few moments longer in silence until he pushed up and held his hand to me. “Come on. We don’t have a lot of time left.”

Squinting up at him, I slowly put my hand in his and allowed him to pull me to my feet. The board was under his arm and we walked back, hand in hand, until we were at the garage again. I waited while he stowed the board and then we went inside the dark, quiet house.

“So tell me now. Why were you with him? Why did you kiss him?”

“It wasn’t like that! He was talking and… he kissed me.” I had to back up. It wouldn’t make sense if he didn’t know about Jack’s hospital visit or me finding him on the park bench. It was a long story, and I hated wasting our precious time on it. Still, I’d do anything at this point. “Remember how I told you he’d been drinking a lot, something was wrong, but I didn’t know what it was? I still don’t, and that night—”

“He just showed up at your house and kissed you? Was he drunk then?”

“No…”

“Then what happened?”

“Remember my Saturday morning thing? How I like to go down to the Quarter?”

Julian nodded, and I rubbed my forehead. I hesitated a moment, wondering if Jack wouldn’t want me to tell his newfound half-brother the extent of his problems. It didn’t matter. He’d lost that right when he’d stolen that kiss.

“About a month ago, I found him there on a bench. He was incoherent, almost freezing, and completely drunk.”

That got Julian’s attention. His brow lined. “What are you saying?”

“He almost died. I called EMS and Lucy, and I took him to the hospital. They got his vitals under control, and Lucy finally showed up. That’s where I left him.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this?” Julian shook his head and paced the room. “It’s things like that you need to tell me about.”

“I didn’t know if it was fair to tell anyone. I didn’t know if he might want to keep that problem in the family.”

“I’m his family, Anna.”

My lips twisted into a frown. “That’s very new, and I guess I just… I didn’t want to talk about it. But I’m telling you now!”

“After I’ve spent a month thinking the worst.”

I took a deep breath and sank onto the couch. “It’s only been a week.”

He walked over and sank on the couch beside me. “Longest week of my life.”

My eyes rose to his, and at last I could see the pain in them. He was opening to me again, and relief hit me so hard, I dove forward into his arms. “Oh, Julian. Then last week, he just showed up wanting to buy me sushi. He said it was to thank me, and he wanted to tell me why it had happened. Only, he never did. Then when he walked me home, he… he said a lot of things. He apologized for how he’d been in high school, and then he just… kissed me.” Saying it out loud flooded my body with shame, but I had to keep going. “I pushed him away. I locked the door. I actually cried.”

Holding him around the torso, I could feel the slight relaxation of his body. “I heard that part before the wedding. I’m sure that was a nice buzz-kill. Why did you?”

For a while I only held him, breathing deep of the fresh scent of the ocean always surrounding him. “I’m not sure. I was stunned, and his apology… well, it was something I’d needed to hear for a long time. But more than that, it wasn’t you kissing me.”

His arms were around me, and for the first time in days, the knot of fear in my chest released. I was able to hold him; he was here with me. Lifting my chin, I found his lips, the ones I did want to kiss. No tears, only rising heat that neither of us were able to deny any longer. We quickly found a way to fulfill the shortage, to lose the swimsuits and come together until I was holding him, my arms wrapped around his neck, my legs straddling his sides as he sat on the couch.

We were both breathing heavily, and I held him, my cheek against his. “Please say this means you forgive me.” My voice was thick from nearly crying and desperation and making up.

I felt his cheek move just before his warm lips pressed against my bare shoulder. “I do. I already had after I over heard your conversation earlier. It’s just hard to be away and not see you for so long, and then to hear that.”

Relief, happiness, all of it surged through me. I leaned back to catch his face in my hands and lifted it so I could kiss each of his eyes, his nose, his lips. “It’s the worst thing in the world, but I promise. I will never do that to you again. I won’t put myself in a position to be alone with him. I won’t make you worry or doubt me or even feel that way ever again.”

He took a deep breath and then smiled a little. “You don’t have to say that.”

“I know, but I am saying it. I love you too much.”

Moving me to the side, he jerked his shorts loosely up his hips before going to the kitchen. “I’m starving.” He peered into the refrigerator then shook his head. “Mom must never stay here anymore. We’ll have to order in or go somewhere.”

I pulled the hoodie over my shoulders and zipped it up. “Order in. That way we don’t have to leave.” Walking over to him, I slid my fingers over the skin of his waist, causing him to rest his forehead against mine.

“I like the way you think.”

Thirty minutes later, pizza and beer were spread all over the table. We’d ordered sausage, cheese, and Hawaiian. I didn’t care for pineapple on pizza, but Julian loved it. We sat on the floor in the living room around the coffee table with the television on low as we caught up on the last few weeks.

“The last time we talked, you were kind of upset about your parents.” I managed around a bite of cheesy-tomatoey-goodness. “Is that any better?”

He shrugged, picking off a bright yellow cube of fruit and popping it in his mouth. “You’ve seen how these guys are. They don’t talk. It’s all work, all the time. Dad’s cool and Lucy’s great. But I don’t ever hear from Jack, and well, I’m not sure I want to hear from Will.”

My nose wrinkled. “He’s just a big bully. Lucy was right when she said that.”

“I’ll have to figure him out, though. I want to get more involved with what’s going on here.”

“You deserve to be a part of it.” Placing my slice down on the plate, I thought about what it meant if he got more involved with his dad. “So you’re going to pursue Brad’s plan?”

His lips poked out a moment before he answered. “I haven’t officially committed to anything, but he’s making really great points. It’s our heritage, and with his business and engineering degree and my business and architecture work, why not get the old ball rolling again? Will’s still adjusting to the idea of me, but Brad says he’s been trying to jumpstart operations for years.”

“And your dad pulled you aside today to talk about the Caribbean. It sounds like you’re fitting right in.”

He crawled over to where I sat and rested his arm on the table. “Why does that make you sad?” Reaching out, he touched my cheek, which I leaned into him.

“It doesn’t make me sad. It just means you’ll be here. This will be your permanent residence.”

“That’s okay, though, right? We love it here.”

I only nodded. I couldn’t agree more about how much I loved it here. I also couldn’t forget about JYA, what might happen with my career path. What kind of choice I might have to make between the man I loved and my dreams for my future.

He studied my troubled expression before changing his statement to a question. “We do love it here, don’t we?”

“Of course. It’s home.” I blinked up at him. His earnest expression, his blue eyes, shiny dark hair, and full lips made me want to forget these hard questions. We only had a few hours left, and I only wanted to spend them in his arms.

I stretched up and covered his mouth with mine, the sweet-tart flavor of pineapple touching my tongue with his, and that’s exactly what we did.

Anna’s Private Blog: Labyrinth

After spring break, the days leading up to summer hung over everything like a giant countdown clock. I tried to focus on my Algiers project and not think about it, but since I had done much of the B-roll, the background shots and setting, the other two members of my group were handling man-on-the-street interviews and voiceovers. I wrote the narrations they read, but once that was done, my part was over.

So I developed a new habit. I started walking through Audubon Park every day. It was steps from campus and similar to Central Park in New York—an enormous rectangle of green in the middle of a bustling city. But unlike Central Park, Audubon was absolutely magical. I discovered it by accident when I was researching sites in Algiers, because it was purchased by the city in the 1800s.

It had the typical, ruined statues and quatrefoil-shaped fountains, but what made it feel enchanted were the rows of enormous, ancient live-oak trees. Some were as big around as six adult men, and in some places, their huge roots—bigger than branches—wrapped over the ground like prehistoric tentacles.

The actual branches stretched out for several feet until they drooped down, almost touching the earth. It all formed a dark-green canopy, and on foggy morning walks, I felt certain the spirits of the past walked alongside me. One tree was actually called the Tree of Life, and it was incredible, with those same branches and an enormous, undulating trunk.

The park also had a zoo, a carousel, and a vast, green lake that stretched through the center with arching bridges. After the hurricane, an enormous mosaic of small, square bricks was constructed in a circular pattern to form a labyrinth. It was a meditation path that visitors were supposed to follow without question, with only trust, until they found healing. So far, I’d only looked at it, wondering if it actually worked.

Each week, I spent a few days there, trying to find peace with the future, with the decisions that were coming. It was where I ran into Jack again on a rare, cool April evening.

I was by the pond, sitting on a root of the Tree of Life, studying the six branches and wondering how it had gotten its name.

“It’s creepy.” His voice startled me at first. “But I guess it’s beautiful, too.”

I stood and dusted my hands, thinking of my promise to Julian and looking for a way to excuse myself politely. “I think it’s more the base, how all the roots seem to be spilling toward us like a bark waterfall.”

Trying not to be obvious, I backed away. When I’d promised never to be alone with Jack again, I hadn’t counted on accidentally bumping into him.

He laughed quietly. “I hadn’t thought of it that way, but that’s exactly what it’s like. A bark waterfall spilling toward us from hundreds of years ago.”

I frowned up at him. “You’re feeling poetic tonight?”

“I guess.” He was dressed in the usual, khaki pants and a chambray oxford untucked. His light blonde hair was messy over his forehead, and I remembered always sliding those bangs to the side.

By contrast, I was dressed in black yoga pants and a tank, with my old green hoodie and sketchers. Occasionally, I joined the joggers along the path, but I was not a jogger—I walked.

“Well, I should get exercising. It was funny running into you here.” Then I decided to tease a little as I left. “Almost like you were following me.”

“I was.” His quiet answer momentarily snared me.

“You were?”

“Sort of. I’ve started running again.”

My brow creased. “That’s good, but I don’t see the connection.”

“I’m getting back to the things that helped.” He put his hands in his front pockets and started walking slowly. Cautiously, I followed him. “I was out here a few weeks ago and I saw you, then I saw you again last week.”