Never Forever (4 page)

“Shit, I am a bloody idiot. I am so sorry, Breanna,” Olivia’s voice is a soft whisper, full of regret.

“It’s alright. Like you said earlier I won’t be able to hide it much longer, at least the cat’s out of the bag now.” As I turn to walk out I notice Olivia is still attempting to follow me, “Please don’t come with me. I need to be alone.” She starts to resist, when I gaze into her eyes, uttering softly, “Please.” Reluctantly she nods, agreeing to my request.

As I walk away I can hear one of the guys say, “Well, Callum now we know she’s a slapper, not gay.” A thunderous rumbling noise ensues behind me, followed by a loud shout from the same obnoxious guy, “Bloody hell, Callum! What did you hit me for?”

As I open the pub door and walk out into the damp fresh air, I instantly am aware of how alone I really am. Now that everyone knows I am pregnant, how are they going to treat me in class? Will I be alienated even more?

Don’t Let Go

Winter slowly loses its grasp on the cooler weather. Warm air now begins to invade the outer edges of the breeze, leaving everyone to slowly start shedding the bulky layers once covering their bodies. I am no longer able to hide my fully formed baby bump. Everywhere I go I receive stares from all directions. Since everyone in my class already knows my predicament, either from that embarrassing night or the rumors flying around about me, I now care less about what I wear to my lectures. The stares and low vibrating whisperings have become an everyday occurrence. The onslaught of daily attacks is something I have now learned to embrace with a sense of familiarity. This is the only stability I have here. Everything else around me feels like a constant changing roller coaster. Olivia has tried talking to me, but I can’t let her in any more. This is something I have to endure alone, that way I am less likely to get hurt again. By keeping my shell thick and not allowing anyone to penetrate it, I am able to not fall apart. There is only so much I can handle before I become a useless mother for my future child. I have already had to endure more than any other eighteen year old, and I still have more I have to suffer through.

Unlike all the mud-slingers in my class, Callum has been eerily quiet. His eyes never turn in my direction. It is as if I have never existed to him. I don’t know whether he is embarrassed about kissing a pregnant woman, or just the plain fact that I am without a doubt having a child and there is no way he can get involved with someone like me. Getting involved with anyone is the furthest thing from my mind. I wish I can at least talk to him, explain that I will not ever be interested in him or anyone else. And whatever guilt, regret, or even disgust he has over the situation, he shouldn’t worry about it, I am a big girl. My biggest concern, though, is that he needs to patch up whatever ravine has been formed between Olivia and him. Olivia is a great person and doesn’t need to feel the burden from my situation. Having a family who cares about you, even if they piss you off, is something that should never be taken for granted. Every time I have tried to talk to him he has scurried out of the room like a rat running from a pouncing cat.

As I walk into my lecture today, the roaring sounds of everyone talking instantly comes to a halt. I go about my routine, heading back to the corner seat I have inhabited the past two months. Everyone’s eyes follow me as if I am a bride walking down the aisle. The sudden outbursts of derogatory comments such as, “
slut
” and “
slapper
” rip through the silence, slashing right to my core. I have asked myself so many times lately, why did I decide to come here? But as soon as my mind utters the question, I instantly recall my promise and the hell I would have to confront if I were home. I am not ready to face that reality yet. I’d much rather deal with this situation than have to face my world back home, yet.

Quietly I stare straight ahead trying to ignore all the berating comments, when suddenly I catch sight of Callum. His head snaps straight up, glaring out at everyone with fiery darts of chastisement. The class instantly silences, other than a few snide remarks directed towards Callum. His eyes briefly lock onto mine as he gives me a half smile. Returning his sentiment I nod my head in a grateful gesture. Then I resume my traditional position, gazing straight ahead, waiting for Professor Bramble.

A sharp pain tears through me again as I grip the edges of my binder and try to ignore the Braxton-Hicks contractions I have been having all day. The stress I have been going through lately has not helped in this situation. They seem to be coming with more intensity and frequency. The muscles around my stomach harden, causing intense pain to hastily roll up in intensity. Slowly my stomach relaxes slightly as the pain begins to decrease back to a normal level. Trying to hide what is going on, I breathe out slowly, gazing right through the table until it all washes away.  

Thankfully, Professor Bramble walks in. He is carrying a large stack of papers. Placing them on his desk he turns and faces us, “We have gone through a variety of subjects and now it is time to pull it all together. I want each of you to write a thesis about your favorite fictional protagonist.” The moaning and deflated sighs vibrate throughout the room. “I am so pleased that you are all excited,” he adds sarcastically. “But that is not all. I want you to take your character and do a comparison to the tragedies of your partner’s.”

Instant shock rolls through me as I close my eyes tightly in reaction to the horrific news. A sharp tingling sensation forms in my chest then drops, like a heavy rock into a still pond, causing a brutal contraction to develop within me. Doubling over in agony I grip my fists tightly under the table, as I hold my breath and wait for the intense pain to pass. Gratefully no one notices me, they are too busy whining and moaning over the apparent thesis we all have to do. Slowly the tight contracting of my stomach eases up, allowing me to open my eyes just in time. Mr. Bramble turns his attention toward me, “Miss Hayes and Mr. Hughes, I need the both of you to stay after.”

Callum remains facing forward. From the look of his frozen and erect posture he is in as much shock as I am. The grumbling voices slowly subside, transforming into an air of mocking and bantering back and forth. Most give comments on how they feel bad for him, while others state how he may just get something out of this situation. One chimes in stating, “You may be able to get your willy off mate, if you don’t hurl first.” Laughter begins to fill the room, while Callum’s body remains motionless.

“Mr. Beddows, you twit. I have had just about enough from you. Please exit my class.” Mr. Bramble’s tone, which is usually flat and reserved, is now firm with a cutting edge to it.

“What?” the rude guy I have come to know as Gavin Beddows, one of Callum’s friends, utters in surprise.

“I am hoping you are smart enough to understand what I mean. I don’t want to have to ask you again.”

Gavin grabs all his things and starts walking out. As he walks past me he looks in my direction and purses his lips together, simulating an insulting kiss. Meeting his gaze head on I raise my hand lightly off the table, giving him the universal crest with my finger. A low, rumbling laugh comes from the front of the room, as if whoever this person is approves of my gesture towards Gavin. Angrily he pushes the door open and stomps out of the room.

“Is there anyone else who would like to join him?” Mr. Bramble asks as he gazes scornfully around the room.

For the rest of the lecture the class is uncomfortably quiet as he explains what he is expecting from our thesis. Occasionally I gaze around at all the immovable statues staring up at our Professor. Callum remains facing forward, but a sense of ease now envelops him instead of his once rigid frame. As soon as the lecture is over everyone bolts from their desks as if they are fleeing from the scene of a crime. Slowly I grab my things, trying to avoid eye contact with my Professor, hoping after our eventful class he has forgotten about meeting with Callum and I. Nonchalantly I stand up and try to exit.

“Miss Hayes, where do you think you are going?” Mr. Bramble asks softly.

As I turn around I notice that Callum is waiting at Mr. Bramble’s desk with a mischievous smile streaming across his face, “Oh, sorry, I forgot.”

“That makes two of us. If it wasn’t for Callum coming up here and reminding me, I would have let you both leave without talking to you.”

Instantly, I shoot Callum a lethal glare. Why is he so interested in working together again? The last time was a nightmare. Grabbing whatever strength I have left I head over to the desk. Another contraction suddenly bursts through me, causing me to quiver with pain as I hold onto my stomach.

“Are you alright Miss Hayes?” My Professor asks.

“Yes,” I utter softly, trying to hide the agony in my voice.

“Good. I want to talk to you both about what happened during your tragedy discussion a while back. Everyone else did it, but you two. Why?”

Callum immediately chimes in, “I have no idea. I was a willing participant until she stormed out. So you might want to bloody ask her.” Callum looks over at me with a luring expression, baiting me to answer the question.

As I look at his arrogant face a surge of anger rushes through me. How can he question my reason for leaving now that he knows I am pregnant? “You absolute jerk. You now know why I left!”

“I know one of the reasons, but I don’t know it all, like if you are married,” he barks back in response to my accusations. A lingering ripple of fear resonates within him.

“And you will never know the rest. It is none of your business,” my trembling anger vibrates throughout my body now.

“I think it is my bloody business, since I kissed you and I’m pretty positive you kissed me back, too,” he snaps back with an edge of disappointment and disgust vibrating through him.

“How can you believe I kissed you back? I think I gave you a very strong response to your kiss.”

“Oh, you bloody well did,” he states firmly, as he gently rubs the side of his face, remembering the pain, “I felt the sting of your response the rest of the night.”

“Well then, what gave you any idea I wanted the kiss, least of all that I kissed you back?” This discussion is causing a rising wave of nausea to form in the pit of my stomach. Just the mere situation of having to talk about that night causes my stress and anger to escalate to an unsafe level.

The corners of Callum’s mouth pull up in pure satisfaction over a lucid discovery he is apparently about to share with me. His caramel eyes twinkle with mischief as a wide smile spreads across his face, revealing deep dimples sinking into the sides of his cheeks, “You accepted my kiss at first, lingering there before you decided to slap me.”

Just as I am about to share with him the logic behind my lingering lips, destroying his theory, Mr. Bramble butts in, “Wait a minute, is there something sexual going on with the two of you?”

Caught off guard we both shout simultaneously, “NO!”

Without warning a sharp pain explodes right through me, causing me to grab onto Callum’s arm for support. The throbbing agony is centered directly in my abdomen, but the pain vibrates throughout my back and down into my vaginal area. Grabbing onto his arm I begin squeezing it firmly, trying to fight the torture ripping through me.

“Ouch! Bloody hell, Breanna! What are you doing?” Callum’s obvious pain I am putting him through vibrates within his voice, causing his voice to lower and tremble.

The intense agony I am going through isn’t allowing me to talk. All I can do is hold onto Callum’s arm for some kind of stability. Severe pressure pushes down on me, as if something is ripping me open from the inside. I begin focusing all my attention on my breathing, trying to survive this penetrating attack. Slowly the contraction eases up, and for a brief moment my breathing seems as if it is going to stabilize, but no sooner than the sensation of respite tickles my body, another intense contraction immediately seizes down on me. This time the cramping within my abdomen reaches an excruciating level. The only thing I am able to utter is, “Help!”

Mr. Bramble jumps to his feet and hastily announces, “She is in labor!”

“What?” anxiety slashes through Callum’s question.

“She is going to have her baby any moment,” his voice is firm and full of authority. “Mr. Hughes, I need you to take her to the hospital, now.”

“Why me? Shouldn’t you take her? You’re the bloody professor,” honest terror of what to do vibrates within his voice and oozes off of his petrified body.

“I cannot, I have another lecture. Besides…”

“I don’t give a shit who takes me! Someone just help me!” I shout.

All of a sudden the realization of how serious of a situation this is for me rings heavily within Callum’s action. Reaching down, he immediately swings me up into his awaiting arms and begins rushing me out of the building. Wrapping my arms tightly around his neck, I bury my head into his chest as I fight the intense cramping pushing down on me. Tears roll down from my eyes as the fear of what is about to take place consumes me. I am fully aware of how my child is going to enter the world, but I am not ready yet. I always had dreams of when my child would come into this world to the awaiting arms of its parents. Dreams of both a mother and father there, gushing over the miracle being placed in their grasp. While they stare down at their child, realizing they are now a family. But instead of that fantasy, I am now being rushed to the hospital in the arms of an almost stranger, to greet my child all alone, robbed of the wondrous family event.