New Beginnings (112 page)

“No problem.” I put an arm around each of my sons while playfully ruffling their hair. It was the only time I was allowed to touch their stylishly-cut tresses, pre-shower. I was aware of their eyes boring into me as I made my way around the island to say good morning to their dad. “Good morning, Ryker.”

He smirked, obviously aware we had an audience. “Mac, did you sleep well?”

“Like a baby. That’s a great mattress.” We were making small talk, trying to throw our kids off the trail, but judging by their sly looks at one another, they weren’t buying it.

“Grab a mug,” he said, gesturing to the cupboard above my head. “Coffee’s hot and strong, just the way you like it.”

“My hero,” I said, only loud enough for him to hear. I was tempted to stand on my tippy-toes and brush a kiss across his cheek, just to gauge his reaction, but I knew that would breach our agreement about keeping Zane and Cole in the dark for now.

“Pancakes or eggs and bacon?” he asked, inclining his head toward the skillets on the gas stove top.

Ryker was great on the grill, but his only foray into indoor cooking had been breakfast fare. When we were together, he’d often let me sleep in on weekends while he prepared breakfast for himself and the boys.

“Um, I have a session with my trainer in a couple of hours, so I should probably stick to eggs. I’ll need the protein.”

“Hey, Dad. Did Mom tell you Mr. Jefferson is training her?” Zane asked, referring to the father of one of his friends and teammates.

“No,” Ryker said, shooting a sidelong glance in my direction. “How’s Suzie?” he asked, referring to Mike Jefferson’s wife. “I haven’t seen her around in a while.”

“Didn’t you hear?” I asked, filling my coffee mug. “She and Mike divorced.”

The spatula he’d intended to flip the pancakes with halted, midair. “They did? So Mike’s single now?”

“Yup.” I reached for the natural sweetener Ryker left on the counter. That was one of the many things we had in common.

“Mike, uh, owns the gym, right?” Ryker asked, checking the pancake before he turned it.

“He does.” I leaned against the counter, wrapping both hands around the over-sized mug before taking a tentative sip. “Mmm, I needed this.”

“Does he usually train clients himself?” Ryker asked, reaching into the cupboard for a plate. He stacked the pancakes on it before placing it in front of the boys. “I mean, doesn’t he have personal trainers working for him?”

“Sure,” I said, reaching for the bread to pop a couple of slices in the toaster while Ryker cracked eggs into another skillet. He didn’t ask me if I wanted them scrambled. He just knew.

“But we’re friends and he knew I was new to the gym, so he offered to train me himself.” I reached into the fridge for butter, thinking how natural it felt to be moving around the kitchen with him again. “He’s really good at what he does. Not only have I lost twenty-eight pounds since I started working out with him, but I’ve gained a few pounds of muscle, which Mike says is important, given my age.”

Ryker rolled his eyes. “You’re not even forty.”

“Still, building muscle is important to guard against osteoporosis,” I said, reaching into the cupboard in front of him to grab a plate. My front brushed his back, and I suppressed a smile when I heard his sharp intake of breath.

“I didn’t realize you and Jefferson were so friendly,” he said, watching me butter my toast. “I thought you were closer with his wife.”

“Suzie and I are still friends.”

“And she doesn’t mind that you’re so friendly with her ex?” He turned the stove off and plated the eggs before thrusting them at me. Zane chuckled, and Ryker glared at him before asking, “What’s so funny?”

“Sounds like you’re jealous of Mr. J, Dad,” Zane said around a mouthful of pancakes.

“Mind your business and eat your breakfast,” Ryker muttered.

I tried to suppress a smile as I pulled a stool up on the opposite side of the large island, facing my kids. “Do you have any juice, Ryker?”

He muttered as he reached into the fridge, pulled out a large container, and plopped it down on the counter. “I’m going to grab a shower.”

“But you haven’t even eaten yet,” Cole said, waving his fork at the huge stack of pancakes.

“I lost my appetite.”

I felt bad for teasing him, but he was being ridiculous. We’d known Suzie and Mike Jefferson since our kids started pre-school together. I had no interest in him.

“So,” Zane said, looking entirely too smug, “we were surprised when Dad told us you crashed here last night. What’s that about?”

I knew I would have to answer their questions this morning, but I’d been so wrapped up in thoughts of Ryker I hadn’t decided how to respond. “Thanks to you guys, I had to haul my butt over here in the middle of the night. Your dad invited me in for a drink, we got to talking, and before we knew it, it was pretty late, so he invited me to stay. End of story.”

Cole watched me take a sip of coffee before he said, “He seemed pretty jealous when he heard about Mr. J, which obviously means he’s still into you.”

The boys hadn’t tried to talk to me about their dad since he left, so I didn’t want to shut them down now that they were finally trying to open the lines of communication. “Things are complicated,” I said, thinking it was the best way I could describe my feelings for Ryker. I still loved him, respected him, was ridiculously attracted to him, but the jury was still out on whether we belonged together.

“I hate it when you say that,” Zane said, rolling his eyes. “We’re not little kids anymore, Mom. This affects us too. We wanna know where things stand with you and Dad. Are you guys getting back together or what?”

He was right. This did affect them and they had a right to know what to expect, but it was way too soon to tell them anything. “Your dad and I have agreed to spend more time together,” I said, hoping that would be enough to satisfy their curiosity for now.

“Does that mean you want to get back together?” Cole asked, the excitement evident in his voice.

The last thing I wanted was to disappoint my kids, but I refused to give them false hope. “I didn’t ask your dad to move out on a whim,” I said gently, hoping I could help them understand what led to that decision. “I thought about it for a long time first. I made a concerted effort to make things better before I resorted to that, but…”

I thought of all the romantic dinners I’d planned when he’d called to tell me he had to take a client out instead. The new lingerie I’d worn to bed, only to find him already asleep. The note tucked into his lunch that he never bothered to acknowledge. I tried. I really tried to get his attention, to let him know I missed him, that I missed the way we used to be.

“But what?” Zane asked.

“Things just didn’t work out the way I’d hoped they would.”

“But you’re not giving up,” Cole said. “You wouldn’t be here unless you thought there was hope.”

My sons were so smart, so intuitive, sometimes too smart for their own good. “It’s still too soon to say what’s going to happen. Just know that we’ll always be a family, guys. No matter what happens, your dad and I love you, okay?”

They looked dejected as they mumbled, “Yeah, sure.” Collecting their plates, they loaded the dishwasher before excusing themselves to hit the showers.

Well, that didn’t go well.

***

Ryker

I knew I was acting like a jealous, possessive jerk, but I’d seen the way Mike looked at Mac when he thought no one else was looking. He was into her. And I hated knowing he was single and free to pursue that attraction now that he believed I was out of the picture.

I reminded myself that he hadn’t asked her out yet, as far as I knew, and we had agreed we wouldn’t see other people. So even if he asked her out, she would say no. Wouldn’t she? Of course she would. Mac’s word was her bond. I’d never questioned her fidelity when we were together and refused to question it now.

“Hey, baby,” I said, determined to put my insecurities aside and enjoy my time with her. “You didn’t have to clean up the kitchen. I was gonna take care of that.”

“I don’t mind,” she said, turning to face me. “You did cook breakfast. That’s the deal, remember?”

I smiled before pulling her into my arms for a kiss. I’d heard the shower running, so I knew the boys would be occupied for a while.

“I should head out soon,” she said, setting her hands on my shoulders. “I have that appointment.”

I sensed she was more withdrawn today than she’d been last night and that’s not the way I wanted to leave things with her. “I’m sorry for the way I acted earlier. Please don’t be upset. I’m trying to get used to—”

“No, it’s not that,” she said, slipping out of my arms. “They started asking me questions about us. I don’t think I gave them the answers they were looking for.”

My stomach plummeted because I knew they wanted the same thing I did—to reunite our family. “What happened?” I wanted details so I could figure out where her head was at and whether she’d changed her mind since our talk last night.

“They want us to get back together, obviously, and they were really disappointed when I told them it was just too soon to tell what would happen.”

I tried to suppress my disappointment, reminding myself that I was still a lot closer to getting her back than I had been yesterday at this time. Last night she’d gone out with another man. Today I knew that was no longer a concern. That was progress.

“I’ll talk to them,” I assured her. “I’ll ask them to give us some time and space to figure this out on our own and not to give you a hard time about it.” I knew if she felt pressured, it would only drive her further away, and that was the last thing I wanted.

“Thanks,” she said, slipping her arms around my waist and laying her head on my chest. “It’s exhausting, being the bad guy all the time. They idolize you, Ryk. Sometimes I feel given the choice, they’d be here with you all the time.”

“Hey,” I said, thrusting my hands into her hair to tip her head back. “They love you. Don’t ever doubt that.”

She sighed. “I know they do, but the relationship they have with you is so different than what I have with them. You guys have so much in common: sports, cars, fishing, motorcycles, video games…” She traced her fingertip over the colorful ink peeking out from beneath the sleeve of my T-shirt. “Do they, uh, talk to you about girls too?”

I didn’t want her to feel out of the loop, but they did confide in me. A lot. “Uh, sure, we talk about girls sometimes.”

“See? They totally clam up when I try to talk to them about stuff like that. They just roll their eyes and walk out of the room.”

I kissed her forehead, hoping to erase the lines of concern etched between her arched brows. “That’s why we’re such a great team, baby. Between the two of us, we’re able to be there for our kids in ways most parents aren’t.”

“But I want to feel like I’m a part of their lives too.” She leaned back, propping her hands against the counter behind her. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled that they’re confiding in one of us instead of sneaking around behind our backs and getting into trouble, but—”

“You just wish it were a little more equitable?” I understood how she felt, but my boys knew I’d faced some of the same challenges they were facing, so of course they would feel more comfortable talking to me about it. “I get that, but right now, my main concern is making sure they don’t take the path I did.”

“I know.” She sighed. “You’re right. I’m just being silly.”

“No, you’re not,” I said, grasping her hands in mine. “You have every right to feel the way you do. But I remember what it was like being a teenager. I had no one to talk to aside from my mom, and she was hardly ever there since she had to work so much. I got into so much trouble because I had no one to try to steer me in the right direction, no one who cared.”

She touched my face, her eyes softening. “I hate that you had to go through that. But it makes me admire the man you’ve become even more.”

“I wouldn’t be who I am if I hadn’t met you when I did.” I didn’t know if I’d ever told her she’d saved my life, but she did. “I was in and out of trouble. Drinking too much, mad at the world, fighting like it was my job, experimenting with drugs…” I hated talking about those days, but I knew our sons were on the verge of some big decisions that would revolve around intense peer pressure, and we had to be on guard. “I could have easily wound up being a career criminal, but I didn’t. You know why?”

“Why?” she whispered, hooking her thumbs through the belt loops of my worn jeans.

“Because I met an angel who decided she was going to make it her mission to save me from myself.” I grinned, remembering how I’d felt the first time I laid eyes on her, like all the oxygen had been drained from my body.

I was a cocky twenty-year-old, hanging around pool halls, selling drugs, and roughing up guys who didn’t pay their debts when
she
walked by. And my world stopped. Literally.

She was in high school, working the summer before her senior year at the deli sandwiched between the pool hall and arcade where delinquents like me hung out. She was a cheerleader, with scholarship offers and a promising future, and dating the pitcher of a championship baseball team. She’d led a sheltered life. Her parents had been able to protect her from the derelicts of society… until I walked into her workplace one night and informed her she was going to be mine.

No wonder her old man hated me. I was his worst nightmare. Any father’s worst nightmare. The kid I used to be still made me glad I didn’t have a daughter.

“My friends and parents told me I was crazy to think I could change you,” she said, smiling at the memory. “They said you were dangerous, bad news. But they didn’t know you the way I did.”

“You took a hell of a risk,” I said, brushing the back of my hand over her cheek. “Falling in love with someone like me. I could have ruined your life.”

“But you didn’t. You made it better. So much better.”

I thought I’d loved her before, but that paled in comparison to the love I felt for her now. Just knowing I could lose her brought everything into sharper focus. Over the past sixteen years, I’d built a successful business and become a multi-millionaire, earning more than ninety-nine percent of the population, but when she’d asked me to leave, I realized everything I’d been working for meant nothing without her.