No Regrets (Bomar Boys #1) (31 page)

“No. Everyone wants a dad but I bet if their options were Decker or nothing, they’d gladly take nothing.”

Jemma crawled into his lap, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Bringing all of this up. I just thought…”

“I know, babe.” He brushed a kiss across the top of her head, “But like I said, it doesn’t change anything. I’m a Bomar either way. There’s no escaping it.”

Jemma leaned against his chest, tracing her name again, “Do you think it’s true?”

“I don’t know.” He admitted honestly, “Sometimes I do. Like when I think about how Auto used to stop by the house when we were kids. It was usually when Decker was gone and he always had a gentle way with Chrissy that I’ve never seen him use with anyone else. When I think of all the times he saved us from Decker’s temper, I think it’s possible.”

“But?”

He smiled at the prompt, “But then I think about all of the ways Colt and I take after that bastard and all it adds up to is wishful thinking.”

“You’re not like Decker.”

“I wish that were true but it’s not. Colt and I both have a tempers. We both use our fists to stop arguments and make points. We suck at the whole feelings game and we’re terrible with other people, outsiders. It’s us against the world, like everyone’s out to get us and even being an adult now, knowing that’s not necessarily true, it’s deeply ingrained.”

“But that’s where you could get into the nature versus nurture argument. Is that because you share the same DNA as Decker or because he raised you to mistrust and threaten anything that gets too close?”

He smiled against her hair, “Look at my girl with her big brain trying to figure me out. I wish it were that easy. I really do. But it’s not.”

“I know.” She smiled back at him, leaning up to brush a kiss across his jaw, “And just for the record, I don’t care who your father is. I don’t care if it’s Decker or Auto or the traveling salesman. I don’t care if you’re a Bomar or not. I love Cash and that’s simple and easy for me.”

He squeezed her tight, trying to commit everything about this moment to his memory. She loved him, no matter what. Loved him for who he was, good and bad, trouble and all. He didn’t know how he’d ever gotten lucky enough to find someone as good and decent as her once, but to have managed to find her this second time, he had to believe in some higher power.

She was a gift from God. His to protect and cherish. His to love. And he wouldn’t screw it up. It was the one thing in his life that he had to get right.

“I love you.”

Jemma smiled up at him, eyes twinkling, “I love you too.”

He pressed his lips to hers, soft and gentle and she sighed into his mouth. The kiss went on and on as their lips stroked and tongues tangled. He ran out of air and gasped, drowning in her happily. She let out a little squeak of surprise when he rolled her underneath him but when he met her gaze she was smiling again. Her eyes full of love and her cheeks flushed. She opened her legs for him and he moved between them, needing her again.

Looming over her, he kept his eyes locked with hers as he pushed deep, deep, as deep as he could get. He joined their bodies slowly and gently until she was shuddering beneath him. He took it easy this time, savoring every second, every stroke of skin against skin, every muttered word, gasp and moan.

Fuck, she was perfect. His. She’d been made for him, sent to him. She made him complete. Whole.

He worked himself in and out as she clutched at him, rolling her hips up to meet him. Twisting at the end of each long stroke, he ground against her pelvis, making them both moan as the pleasure spiraled to that intense place where the entire world receded, until nothing but reaching that peak existed. He kept his eyes on hers, knew the moment she closed hers, a tortured expression twisting her beautiful features a second before her body locked down tight on his and he joined her as they both fell over the edge together.

“Forever.” He whispered as he buried his face in her neck and let her surround him.

He would drown in her forever.

Jemma woke with a jolt and looked around. It took her a minute to figure out where she was. It had been happening to her for the last month. She got the same feeling every single time she woke up from a bad dream in Skylar’s guest room too.

She’d tried decorating a little. She’d hauled her old bed over from her dad’s house. Her mother had let her take her old dresser from her house. She’d bought curtains and a funky wall hanger that displayed her jewelry, but it still didn’t feel like her space.

Strangely, waking up here, in Cash’s bed, with him wrapped around her, she felt more at home than she had anywhere in a very long time.

She rolled to face the man snoring softly beside her and couldn’t help but smile. He looked so peaceful in sleep. Younger. The tension that framed his eyes and mouth gone. His sandy brown hair falling over his forehead. She barely resisted the urge to push it back, not wanting to wake him.

She lay there for a long time, watching him sleep, thinking about the offer he’d made that wasn’t really an offer but a request. He wanted her to move in with him. He wanted her to live here, with him. Spend every day with him, every night in this bed with him, for the rest of their lives.

He hadn’t proposed. Not yet. But she knew it was only a matter of time.

He was still trying to give her time. Everything between them had happened so fast. It had been a crazy month full of a flurry of feelings and emotions. It had also been full of changes. She had changed in the past few weeks.

She felt more like herself than she had in ages. More like the girl she’d been the last time she’d opened herself up to Cash. And maybe that should have scared her, but it didn’t. Because whereas Hoyt had made her feel weak and confused, Cash made her feel strong and sure. She knew what she wanted and she was determined to get it this time.

She wanted her happily ever after with the beautiful Bomar boy beside her.

She laid there, contemplating what other changes her life with him would bring, until the urge to pee overtook her brain. As quietly as she could, she slipped from the bed. She pulled the blankets back up over Cash and then tiptoed around his room.

She found a pair of boxer shorts in his top drawer that, once she rolled them a few times, stayed put on her hips. A second drawer was stacked with simple crew-neck t-shirts. It was huge, hanging off her shoulders and falling well past the length of the boxers so that she still looked half naked but she didn’t care. She had to pee bad by the time she was dressed so she darted from the room, trying to be quiet and shutting the door behind her gently.

After relieving herself in the bathroom, she washed her hands and then helped herself to some toothpaste. After spending a couple of minutes staring at the two toothbrushes and realizing there was no way she could possibly know if the blue or the red belonged to Cash, she used her finger as best she could. She shook her hair out, finger-combed it and then smirked when she realized she looked different too.

Her eyes were brighter. Her cheeks were flushed with color. Her smile was wider and real. She even looked more like herself.

With that smile still painting her lips, she went out to the living room to pick up their clothes from the night before. She figured they would owe Colt another apology. It was rude of them to keep leaving their clothes all over the apartment. She noticed her dress was draped across the back of the chair and her shoes were tucked neatly beside the boots at the door and winced. It was too late. Colt had already come home and cleaned up their mess again.

God, that made her feel guilty.

She remembered the way he’d looked at them yesterday when they’d finally rolled out of bed. He’d smiled and teased but there had been an underlying wariness in his eyes that she hadn’t missed. He’d talked about moving out, as if he were some sort of third wheel, and her heart had clenched with pain. She didn’t want that. It was the thing she’d been telling herself since that first morning after Colt enlightened her to the truth of her history with Cash. She didn’t want to come between them.

A quick glance at the clock told her it was early, barely seven. Before they’d eventually passed out last night, Cash had set his alarm for eight. It was Monday so she knew he had to go in to work but the garage didn’t open until ten. She didn’t know exactly what time Colt opened his shop but she doubted it was any earlier than that so she figured she had some time until they came stumbling out of their rooms.

She headed for the kitchen with every intention of cooking them breakfast. It was the least she could do. Her new job wouldn’t start until school picked up in August so she didn’t have anything productive to do today. The twins both had jobs to get back to after their crazy long weekend. She wanted to say thanks, do something nice for them, so she opened the fridge and tried to find enough ingredients to make a meal.

There were eggs, milk and cheese so she grabbed all three. She wasn’t a very good cook honestly but she could handle scrambled eggs. She tried to be quiet as she opened cabinets, looking for a pan.

Twenty minutes later she was stirring the mix of eggs on the stove and humming to herself when she heard the front door open behind her. She turned with a gasp, stumbling into the counter and knocking her funny bone. She winced and bit her lip to stifle a cry of pain as she watched Colt pause in the open doorway. He looked as surprised to see her as she was him.

She’d thought he must be in bed since his door was shut but he hadn’t even been in the apartment. She took in his half-naked body, a truly impressive body really, noting the sweat dotting his chest. He was wearing only a pair of mesh shorts and tennis shoes. His eyes took her in as well and she fidgeted, fully aware that she didn’t have on panties or a bra beneath Cash’s clothes.

“I’m wearing pants.” She muttered inanely and he grinned, one eyebrow tipping up.

“Me too.”

She grinned at that, “I can see that. Lose your shirt?”

“Nah, didn’t bother with one.” He shut the door behind him with a soft click, “I went for a run and figured I’d give the ladies a nice view to start their day.”

She couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up and out of her. That was just so… Colt. Cocky but endearingly honest. He never beat around the bush. He said what he meant and he meant what he said. And she was sure the ladies enjoyed that about him just as much as they enjoyed that chest of his.

She covered her mouth, “Cash is still in bed, try to keep it down.”

“Wore him out did you?” He wagged his brows suggestively and she threw a dishrag at him which he easily caught before lowering his voice, “I’ll hold off on a shower for a little while. Those pipes creak like they’re being abused and there’s no sleeping through that.”

She nodded, “Well, I’m making breakfast if you want some. Its scrambled eggs. Nothing fancy but its better than cereal.”

He leaned against the door, toeing off his shoes, “You don’t have to make me breakfast, Jem.”

“I made enough for all three of us.” She shrugged and then glanced away from his intense gaze, “I wanted to say thank you for accepting me back into your life so easily, and also sorry for leaving our clothes all over the apartment… again.”

Colt wiped his arm against his sweaty forehead, “You don’t have to thank me either. You and Cash are good together. I get that. It was always you for him and as long as you make him happy, we’ll be just fine.”

“I’m going to try. He makes me happy too. I’m not going anywhere this time.”

“I kind of like the idea of having a sister.” Colt smirked, “Never had one of those before. Not a lot of Bomar women running around.”

“I never had a brother either but that’s how I’ve always thought of you.”

His grin widened into that boyishly adorable smile full of white teeth and dimples, the one that she figured made most girls melt, “And as for picking up your clothes… it’s not a big deal. It’s not the first time I’ve picked up lady’s garments around this place.”

She flinched. She knew she did because his smile faded instantly. Something painful lodged in her throat just hearing those words. Other women in this apartment with their clothes scattered. She’d been with other men in the years she was gone. Hell, she’d agreed to marry one of them. She wasn’t naïve enough to think Cash had re-virginized himself or something but just thinking about him being with other women, here in this place, in the bed she’d just left, made her nauseous.

“Shit, that came out wrong.” Colt immediately started towards her, hands out to his sides, “I didn’t mean Cash’s women. I meant mine. He’s picked up after me plenty of times was what I meant…” He tilted his head and groaned, “You don’t want to hear about them either, huh?”

“Not really.”

“For the record, he never got over you. Never. There were a couple of other girls… Do you want to hear this?” He paused and she found herself nodding even though her heart squeezed painfully in her chest, “There were a couple of others girls but nothing serious. He didn’t go out and date. He definitely never got serious with anyone. You were it for him, Jem. I mean that.”

She nodded, her throat still feeling tight, “Thanks.”

“No prob.”

“I’ll still try not to leave my stuff laying around all the time.”

“If it gets me a warm breakfast, can’t say I would complain.” He joked, “Oh, by the way, I picked your phone up too. It’s on the coffee table in case you start looking for it.”

She blushed and avoided his gaze again, “Thanks.”

It had been in the pocket of her sundress, along with her keys. She didn’t remember it falling out but then again, she hadn’t been all that focused on her phone, or her pockets or even her dress after Cash tugged her inside and pressed her against the door to have his way with her.

“Jesus Jem, it’s just sex.” Colt chuckled, “You keep acting like a shy little thing and I’m gonna be required to give you hell for this, ya know? Big brother rules.”

She rolled her eyes at his teasing, “You’re not the big brother. You and Cash are twins.”

“Oh, I’m totally the big brother. I was born three minutes and forty-nine seconds before him.”

“Mmm, I never knew that.”

“Of course he never told you he’s the baby of the family. I bet there’s a lot he’s never told you.” He sighed, leaning a hip against the counter opposite her and crossing his arms over his broad chest, “He ever tell you how he got his name?”

“Cash?” She raised an eyebrow, noting the sudden shift in Colt’s mood from playful to serious, “Yeah, he’s named after Johnny Cash right?”

“The man in black, yeah.” He nodded seriously, “But there’s more to the story.”

She watched him out of the corner of her eye, trying to figure out what he was getting at. It was a strange topic of conversation but she supposed he was getting at something and she’d have to wait to see what it was. As it was, they were talking about her favorite topic ever, Cash, and Colt was, as per usual, giving her insights into her boyfriend that he never would.

“What do you mean?”

“You ever wondered why he’s the only one of us not named after a gun?”

Jemma paused in the middle of stirring the eggs, “Uh… no. Not really.”

She hadn’t thought much of their names really. Nobody she knew called Remy by his full name. And Cash and Colt, well they were twins and their names matched in a lot of ways. She’d never realized that Cash was the only one not named after a type of firearm because she hadn’t ever thought about the other two being named after guns.

“Remington. Colt. Cash was supposed to be named something similar but when he was born he screamed and screamed and just wouldn’t stop. Nobody could soothe him. He screamed and cried for days and do you want to know what Decker decided?” Colt snorted and Jemma winced, already expecting the worst, “He said Cash didn’t deserve a strong name because he was weak. He made that decision about a crying baby that was days old, a baby that was born a month premature because he beat the shit out of Chrissy so bad she was unconscious for nearly a week. He didn’t even get named until she woke up. That’s why Cash is named after our mother’s favorite singer instead of a gun.”

She winced at the painful truths that Colt had just laid on her. He looked half-angry just saying the words. His fists had clenched at his sides and all she wanted was to go to him and wrap him in a hug, tell him that he wasn’t alone anymore. He wasn’t the only one that wanted to protect Cash from their terrible parents.

But as much as Colt was like his twin, he was different too. He wouldn’t welcome her comforting hug, would most likely push her away and it would make things awkward. So instead, she simply pulled the pan off the stove and transferred the eggs to a plate.

She wanted to ask him how he knew all of those things but the sickening feeling in her gut told her she didn’t need to. Decker had told them. Probably as he beat both of the young boys senseless.

She searched for words for a long minute and finally decided to focus on the one thing she could handle, “Cash isn’t weak.”

“No. He’s not.” Colt frowned, “But he’s not like the rest of us either. He’s just as damaged but he’s not as hard. Decker saw it the second he was born.”

“Saw what?”