Numbers (2 page)

“I’m Species, and I say it’s fine. We don’t need to hold a
meeting about this. Let’s go have lunch the way we planned.” Midnight grabbed
his hand and pulled him toward the door.

“I know what you’re doing, Midnight. It’s a bad idea.” Doc
Harris dragged his feet but the woman just yanked him harder, forcing him to
follow her.

As they left the room, Midnight laughed and said, “She’s
cute.”

“Damn,” Paul muttered after the couple was out of hearing
range.

“What?” Dana looked at him for clarification.

“She’s hoping you and Mourn will hit it off. Let me just
call for one of the Species to take you back to my house. I’ll stay until they
return to Medical so someone is here with Mourn when he wakes.”

Dana took a seat in the only chair. “Go do whatever you do.
I’m fine right here.”

“Did you hear me? Midnight thinks you’re cute enough for
Mourn to be interested in you as a woman.”

“I heard. He lost his wife. Believe me when I say that isn’t
going to happen. He obviously loved her very much. The last thing he’ll want is
to date someone. Take it from someone who knows.”

Paul glanced at the unconscious patient, and then back at
her. “New Species don’t date. I wouldn’t mind you hooking up with one since
you’d get to live here, but not that one, sis. He’s all kinds of screwed up.”

“That’s not why I want to talk to him. I’m not looking for
someone either. It might help him in some way. That’s all.”

Paul leaned against a cabinet. “Is that why you’re still
single? Don’t you ever get lonely?”

“I go on dates that Mom sets up.”

“We both know those don’t count. You only do it to get her
off your ass so she won’t badger you.”

“True. I get to tell her that I tried but there were no
sparks. She can’t fault me for that.”

“But don’t you get lonely?” He pressed the issue.

She decided to be honest. “All the time, but then I think
about Tommy and what we had. We grew up together. Who is going to love me the
way he did? I hear all the dating horror stories from my single friends. No
thanks. Men play games, cheat. Those I’ve met just wouldn’t mesh with me.”

“There are good guys out there. I’m proof of that.” He
grinned. “I didn’t need to date Becky since the seventh grade to make a good
husband. We met much later and I’m almost ten years her senior. I worship the
ground she walks on.”

“I know. One day I’ll be ready, but not yet.”

“Have you told our mother that?”

“She thinks I’m wasting my life by being single, and you
know she wants grandchildren. She’s given up on you and Becky presenting her
with one.”

He laughed. “Sounds like Mom. She was so disappointed when I
joined the military instead of working for Dad. She used to throw everyone’s
daughter at me right after I graduated high school. It was part of the reason I
wanted out. She always wanted a third kid and I think she figured a grandchild
would be just as good.”

Dana shrugged. “She’s pushy. No one can deny that. It’s
gotten worse since Dad died, and she lives alone. She asked me to move in with
her or to allow her to move in with me.” She winced. “I’d strangle her. Part of
it is my fault. I was really messed up after Tommy died so I didn’t fight her
as much as I should have when she took over parts of my life. I just didn’t
have the strength or the will. She’s way worse than she was when we were kids.”

“I know. I couldn’t wait to get out on my own. She loves us.
There’s no denying that, but she micromanages us. It drove me nuts.”

“At least you got away from her. I envied you that while you
were traveling around the world. She threw a fit every time I even went on vacation.
You should have heard her rant when I said I was planning to visit you. It’s
just a weekend but she started in with the guilt trips of what could happen to
her if I left her alone for a few days.” She snorted. “As if she’s some
delicate flower.”

“It wasn’t so great being enlisted. It’s why I got out and
work here now. Not to mention, once I met Becky, I didn’t want her worrying
about me being deployed, or to have to leave her for months at a time. I sure
as hell didn’t want to live close to Mom. She’d drive us crazy.”

She studied him. “Ever regret not becoming a doctor?”

“No. I like being a nurse. Way less stress.”

She nodded. “I understand that.”

“Is anyone here?” The male voice came from somewhere down
the hallway.

Paul pushed away from the cabinet. “Stay put and yell out if
Mourn wakes.”

“Will do,” she agreed.

Paul rushed out of the room and she turned her attention to
the still patient on the bed. Time passed as she watched his chest rise and
fall. Her gaze traveled over him, taking note that his arms had changed
position and the restraints were pulled tight. She sat up a little straighter.

“I’m Dana, Paul’s sister. We’re alone so you can stop
pretending you’re still out for the count.”

His eyes snapped open and he turned his head on the pillow.
She was amazed by their color—blue surrounded the black pupils, but the outer
irises were a reddish-yellow, reminding her of autumn leaves on a bright, clear
day. They were striking and surreal, but she was certain they weren’t contact
lenses.

She stood, but kept a few feet back. “Hi.”

“Release me.” He had a deep, gruff voice.

“You know I can’t do that. Your doctor put you in restraints
for a reason. I hear you started a fight with someone.”

He looked away and pulled roughly against the straps. They
held, but she heard little ripping sounds from the Velcro. The arm with the
torn shirtsleeve revealed bunched, thick muscles. He was really fit, reminding
her of some of the bodybuilders who frequented her local gym. She decided to
distract him since he looked strong enough to break free if he kept at it.

“You’re Mourn, right? That’s your name?”

He growled. It was a disturbing sound. He tried to move his
legs next, shifting them on the bed. One of the bedrails groaned.

She stepped forward and grabbed hold of the metal to pull in
the opposite direction in case it snapped. “Stop it.”

He glared at her and his full lips parted to reveal some
sharp fangs. “I don’t take orders from you, human.”

If looks could kill…
She pushed that thought back
though. “No. You just pick fights with other New Species. My name is Dana. You
can use it. I’m Paul’s sister, if you didn’t hear me the first time.”

“Let me go and I won’t hurt you.”

She wasn’t afraid. “You look terrifying, strapped down on a
bed, covered in bruises and fresh bandages.” She forced a smile. “You’d be
disappointed if you think I could inflict more damage. You’d hit me, I’d fall
down and stay there. What would be the point?”

Surprise widened his eyes and he grew still.

“Does it help when you get beaten on by some badass? That’s
the impression I got.”

He said nothing, just watched her.

“It’s a valid question, but I’ve never tried that. I’m not
into pain. I have enough of it on the inside, so I don’t need to nurse physical
injuries.”

“Are you a head shrink?” He curled his lip in disgust.

“No. We have something in common though. We both have
experienced the loss of someone we deeply loved.”

He turned his head away, staring at the door. “I don’t want
to talk to you. Get out.”

She moved into his line of sight to peer into those amazing
eyes of his. “How long has it been since you lost your mate?” She remembered
the term New Species used.

He didn’t answer.

“I lost mine two years ago. Do you know what I hate the
most? It’s when I sleep. I dream that he’s still with me, but then I always
wake up and have to face the reality of his empty side of the bed.”

His lips compressed into a firm grimace. She waited to see
if he’d say anything, but a good minute ticked by as they regarded each other.

“I’ll be visiting with Paul and Becky for a few days if you
change your mind about speaking to me. I won’t push any harder, but it does
help to talk to someone who understands the loss. I didn’t believe it at first
when people told me that, but I was wrong. You’ve probably tried everything
else so what do you have to lose?”

She turned away and took a few steps toward the door.

“You should avoid sleeping.”

The raw pain in his voice tugged at her heartstrings. She
faced him. “I tried that but eventually exhaustion sets in.”

“I know.”

She hesitated. “Do you ever allow anyone near you besides
when you’re starting a fistfight?”

“No.”

She approached his bed. He was a big guy, a stranger, but
the haunted, pained look in his eyes was one she knew well. They were kindred
spirits. “I’m going to hold your hand.”

Surprise widened his eyes. “Why?”

“Try it.”

Dana leaned against the bedrail and reached out to him. He
felt really warm, as if he had a fever. She laced her fingers with his. He
didn’t jerk away or try to avoid the contact. He also didn’t clasp hold of her,
but instead just seemed to endure her touch.

“Physical contact is a part of healing. It reminds us we’re
alive. We are, you know. Alive. Our lives didn’t end with theirs, even if we
wish it at times. You need to allow yourself to feel more than just the pain,
Mourn.” She squeezed his hand. “Let people help you. You only have things to
gain by doing that.”

He closed his eyes. “Leave.”

Dana stepped out onto the back porch and dug into her robe
pocket. She pulled out the case and eased into one of the patio chairs. Her
brother would have a fit if he caught her, but she’d waited until he and his
wife had retired for the evening. Sleep never came easily for her.

She flipped open the case and withdrew the electronic
device, inhaled slowly on the tube and blew out the vapor. The minty taste of a
menthol cigarette wasn’t exactly the same as the real thing, but was close
enough. She really wished for a bottle of vodka, but a quick search of the
kitchen cupboards had revealed no alcohol in the house. A nice stiff drink
would have been welcome after spending hours watching the loving couple
interact. It only made her ache for all she’d lost.

A memory surfaced of Tommy standing in their kitchen, making
spaghetti. It was the only thing he’d really known how to cook unless a grill
was involved. He’d smiled at her and poured two glasses of wine, offering her
one. “To us, my love.”

She took another drag on the electronic cigarette, that
memory causing her pain. It had been the last anniversary they’d shared, right
before the new tumor had been found. His blond hair had just grown in again
after rounds of chemo, and they’d been sure he’d stay in remission. Two months
later it had come back with a vengeance and he’d died within five months. She
pushed away the image of him in his hospital bed, struggling to take his last
breaths. It hurt too much.

The wind stirred and she glanced up at the tree branches
next to the short wall that enclosed the small backyard. The moon hung high in
the dark sky. She tucked her robe a little tighter over her lap, against the
chilly air. Her bare feet rested on another chair. She lifted the e-cigarette
to take another drag, but it never reached her lips. A large hand wrapped
around hers, freezing it inches from her lips.

Dana glanced up, expecting to see her brother. It came as a
shock when she stared into a pair of catlike blue eyes. Mourn still sported the
bandage on his forehead, but he’d changed clothes. He wore a black,
long-sleeved shirt and matching black cargo pants. Her heart rate slowed as she
realized he’d come to talk to her after all.

“That’s bad for you.” His voice was as deep as she
remembered.

“I know. I only picked up the habit after my husband died.
He would have hated me smoking since he never did it, but I was kind of grief
stricken. It’s an addictive habit. I stopped, but sometimes if I have a bad
day, I’ll use one of these vapor things instead.”

He frowned.

She decided to change the subject. “Were you released, or
did you break free?”

He pried the e-cigarette from her fingers and placed it on
the table. “They’d have had to use chains if they expected me to spend the
night at Medical.”

“Would you like to sit down?”

He glanced around. “No.”

“Is security going to come looking for you? We could go
inside.” She stood. “My brother and his wife already went to bed. They won’t
hear us as long as we talk quietly.”

“Not here.” His gaze searched the darkness beyond the yard.
“Will you come with me?”

He was a stranger. That wasn’t why she hesitated though. He
had lost the woman he loved, and he’d sought her out. He needed a friend,
someone to talk to, and she wanted to be there for him. “I need to change my
clothes first. I’m in my pajamas under this robe.”

He studied her then. “We aren’t going far, and no one will
see us. They might look here since they knew you spent time with me.”

Dana made a quick decision. “Let me at least grab shoes. I’m
barefoot.”

“There’s no need.”

She gasped when he moved suddenly, scooping her into his
arms and right off her feet. It was the last thing she’d expected. He strode to
the low wall and just jumped, clearing the three-foot-high brick yard
enclosure. She automatically wrapped her arms around his neck when he landed,
jarring her. The last thing she wanted was to be dumped onto the grass.

It was a little frightening to be carried off by someone she
didn’t know, but she managed to push down the panic. Paul always said good
things about New Species. He had told her dozens of times that they were way
better than regular people, that there was no crime amongst New Species, and
that they were honorable. Her brother’s words rang through her mind as she took
slow, steady breaths. Mourn probably didn’t realize it wasn’t appropriate to
carry her off into the night.

“Where are we going?” She turned her head and stared as the
dim lights from Paul’s back patio grew more distant. He lived right next to a
park. She hadn’t explored it so wasn’t sure how large it was.

“You’re safe with me,” Mourn whispered. “I’m just taking you
far enough away for privacy without the officers finding us.”

Dana lowered her voice. “Okay. Are they searching for you?”

He uttered a low growl. She took the frustrated sound as a
yes.

The wind blew harder in the open area without the house to
block some of it. Her robe was silky and paper thin. It was also short,
reaching just to mid-thigh. A lot of her bare legs were exposed, but she wasn’t
worried that Mourn would leer at them. He’d lost the woman he loved and grieved
her loss. He wasn’t some creep. He was in mourning.

He stopped and turned, carrying her toward the dark shape of
a low-hanging tree. When they reached it, he bent and gently placed her on the
lowest branch, just a few feet from the grass. She released his neck and
adjusted her robe. He crouched in front of her so they were face level.

“Does it get better? I feel so much pain.”

The anguished tone of his voice killed the last of her
fears. “Yes. When did you lose her?”

“She was ill for a long time and lingered. She died months
ago.” He paused, keeping his face in the shadows so she couldn’t see his
expression. “The pain doesn’t ease, and I’m angry.”

“At her,” she guessed. “She left you. It’s normal.”

“No.” He snarled. “The humans made her sick. They tested
drugs on her that destroyed her internal organs. She couldn’t recover, even on
the healing drugs. They just kept her alive longer. She fought hard to live, or
she would have died sooner. She was brave.”

Dana guessed it had something to do with Mercile Industries.
She’d read enough about the pharmaceutical company to know they’d done horrible
things to New Species, and had used them as test subjects for their
experimental drugs. That’s why they’d created them. “Were the ones who did that
to her arrested?”

“They were caught.” He lowered his tone. “It didn’t help.
I’m still enraged.”

“I don’t blame you. That’s normal too.” She wrapped her arms
around her waist and hugged her middle. The chilly breeze seemed to blow right
through her robe. “So is the guilt that I’m guessing you feel because she
suffered. My husband clung to life, regardless of the pain he was in. He didn’t
want to leave me. I think he fought so hard to keep breathing every day just
because he knew I’d be devastated when he died. He had cancer and it spread to
his liver, kidneys and lungs.”

Mourn kept silent.

“I feel guilty,” she offered. “It would have been so much
easier if he’d just accepted the pain medication near the end and stopped
submitting to every treatment they wanted to try. We both knew it wouldn’t
work, but neither of us wanted to face that. It was too heartbreaking. How can
you give up when you know you’re about to lose the person you love most in the
world? That’s what we were both thinking.”

“She asked me to end her suffering many times, but I
couldn’t do it,” he rasped. “I kept hoping she’d get better. We were engineered
to be stronger than humans, and we heal fast. She wasn’t weak, but they’d hurt
her too much for her to recover.”

“I’m so sorry, Mourn. Sometimes a body can only take so
much. We are all mortal. You didn’t want to give up hope. That’s a part of
loving someone. You just have to remember how much she loved you, and that even
the strongest will to survive can’t always defy death. It sucks ass, I won’t
lie, but the pain will fade over time. It will always be there, but it won’t be
the stabbing sensation it is now, like someone is shoving a knife through your
heart and twisting it. That’s how I felt right after Tommy died.”

“You’re cold.” He grasped the bottom of his shirt, pulled it
over his head and handed it to her. He wore nothing under it. The moonlight
revealed his upper body. He had a wide chest and massive biceps. The white
bandage on his arm was stark against his tan. “Wear this. It will fit over what
you have on.”

She hesitated. “You’ll be cold.”

“I’m fine. Wear it.”

She only hesitated for a second because she wasn’t as hardy.
The material was thicker than her robe and warm still from his body when she
pulled it over her head and tugged it down. He was right, it was large enough
to go over her pajamas and the robe. “Thank you. Tell me if you get cold, and
I’ll give it back.”

“I feel that knife,” he admitted.

“It does get better. You have to release some of the anger
and guilt. I kept hold of it as though it were a shield against the world. I
needed it. People never looked at me the same way after Tommy died. I hated the
pity and the whispers. I went from being Dana to becoming that poor soul who
lost her husband.”

He accepted that with a nod. “The others pity me.”

“It makes it worse. I know. I don’t pity you. You survived
her death. That makes you strong. Some people just call it quits. They hole up
inside their homes and never leave. They stop living altogether. I don’t agree
with how you interact with other people though, if you’re initiating fistfights
with big guys who are mean enough that you to think they could hurt you. It
might be a good idea to rethink that plan, and start talking instead.”

He shrugged. “The fighting helps me with the anger.”

“You came to see me. That’s a step in the right direction.
As I said earlier, I’d be the last person to pick a fight with, because I won’t
hit back.”

“It would kill you.”

She smiled, not afraid in the least. His race was made up of
strong, big guys. “Probably. Have you tried to talk to other New Species who
have lost their mates? It might help.”

“They don’t discuss it. Few had mates. Most of them who did
lost them when we were still in captivity. It’s too painful for them to speak
about the past.”

“There’s grief counseling available. It helped me when I was
ready to face my loss head on. I’m sure the NSO could bring someone in for
private sessions.”

“I don’t want to speak to a head shrink. I hate them.”

His tone revealed his anger. The experience must have been a
bad one. She understood. “You could go to group sessions somewhere close by.
There would be a therapist on hand if needed, but mostly it’s just people
talking to each other, sharing their pain and how they are dealing with
everything.”

“Humans,” he rasped. “No.”

“I’m not a pork chop,” she gently reminded him. “You’re
talking to me. Those support groups are for all the people who have lost loved
ones. Their race doesn’t matter. We’re all the same inside. We hurt.”

“You’re Paul’s sister. He’s Species to us.”

She liked being included, in a roundabout way. It also
touched her that her brother was considered family by the people he had decided
to live with. “I could extend my visit if you want to keep talking to me.” She
might lose her job, but she didn’t love it anyway. It was just something to get
her out of the house every day so she didn’t sink back into hiding from the
world. Her mother would have a fit, but she didn’t really care about that
either. “I’d be happy to stay for as long as you want.”

“You could do that?”

“Yes. I’m lucky enough to have some savings. My husband
wanted to make sure I was taken care of. I’m not dependent on a paycheck to
make my bills.”

“I could see if the NSO will pay you for being here.”

“It’s not needed.” She studied Mourn. He was a large,
intimidating guy, but he had a good heart. “But thank you. I’ll extend my stay
if you will talk to me.” A blast of wind hit her, and she shivered. “Perhaps
indoors next time though, when I’m not dressed for bed.”

“You’re tired?”

“No. I don’t sleep so well. That brings the dreams.”

“I don’t like sleep either.”

“What do you usually do at night?”

“I run or work out. It helps to push my body to the limit
until I’m exhausted. I don’t dream then.”

That accounted for how muscular he was. “Why did you get
into a fight today? I got the impression it’s something you do on a regular
basis.”

“I’m hoping they will kill me.”

She chewed on her bottom lip, trying to think of the best
thing to say.

“I’ll be deemed unstable and a danger to others. It’s
possible that the NSO will put me down.”

It horrified her. “I’m sure they wouldn’t.”

“I have nothing to live for.”

“I used to feel that way too, but I was wrong. You’re just
immersed in your grief right now.”

“What do you live for?”

The question surprised her, and she struggled to come up
with an answer. “I guess for my family. They would be devastated if I just gave
up. I couldn’t hurt them that way.”

“I have no family.”

“You have other New Species.”

“I am not close to any of them. I only had my mate.”

“What about your friends?”

“I have none. I spent my freedom time caring for my mate.”

He was breaking her heart. She made a decision. “Well, you
have a friend now. You’re important to me. Don’t give up, Mourn. Let me help
you. I know you probably feel as if there’s nothing that will make things
better, but take a chance. Just give it a shot. You can’t allow things to
remain the way they are.”

“You don’t know me.”