Of Body And Soul (15 page)

He remembered running to his room and slamming the door. His father followed him shou
ting, "Can't you take a joke, you wimp?"

One week later
the physical abuse began. After a night of taunting, Kurt barricaded himself in his room and hid in the closet. His father banged on the door, shouting obscenities. Then the bastard crashed through the door, through the barricade, and into the bedroom. The closet door flew open and his father grabbed him and threw him in the corner. The monster began to beat him with his belt. But it wouldn't be the last time he was beaten. As long as his father lived, Kurt was constantly taunted and beaten.
Why does my Dad do this to me, he’d ask himself, Would peace ever come to me?
he thought. Peace finally did come when his father died. And with the peace came the terrible burden of guilt. A guilt spawned by a child hating his father not loving him.

CHAPTER THIRTY

Kurt sat
on the edge of the bed, head in his hands as an excruciating headache pounded at his temples. Last night, he'd finished the bottle of scotch and let the darkness press down on him. Now it was morning and he must face the day. A rush of bitter remembrance engulfed him. He should go to Andrea and talk to her. He should tell her his reasons for not wanting children. He stood and quickly fell back onto the bed, pressing his hands to his temples and applying pressure. He scanned the room. "Where in the hell did I put my bag? God, do I need an Advil." He found his bag in the bathroom when he remembered where he’d put it the night before. He took a pill, and stood at the window.

A sheet of cold, gray clouds covered the sky, dropping giant snowflakes onto the already snowy ground. He debated about going to her room. Finally, he decided to wait until he showered and shaved. He’
d call room service and order dinner to be delivered to their room about eight o'clock. He thought a quiet dinner would help them come to some kind of an agreement. He wanted to see her. He needed to see her.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Grayson sat in the visitor's room waiting for news
of Andrea's condition. She checked her watch and walked over to the nurse’s station. "Excuse me," she said, "I've been here since eight o’clock and it is now eleven, could you please give me some information on the condition of Andrea Purcell? She came in earlier this evening."

Annoyed, the tired nurse looked
up at Grayson. "She just returned from surgery and they're getting her settled into a room right now," she said, waving her hand for Grayson to be seated. "I'll let you know when you can go in."                           

"Thank
you," Grayson said, and began a steady pacing. She waited for at least another hour before the nurse directed her to the ICU. When she entered the room, the nurse inside whispered, "She still hasn't regained consciousness. Try talking to her. Your voice may bring her around.” The nurse went to the door. “The doctor should be here shortly,” she said.

"
Thank you." Emotion engulfed Grayson as she peered down at Andrea and the mass of tubes. She was unrecognizable from of all the cuts, bruises, stitches, and the thick gauze that was wrapped around her head. "Dear God!" Grayson murmured. She leaned over and kissed Andrea’s cheek.

"Hello, I'm Doctor Reynolds. Are you Andrea's mother?"

"No. I’m Grayson Garrison,” she said. Grayson dabbed the tears from her eyes with a white handkerchief. “Her parents are deceased and I'm a very close family friend. Is she going to pull through, Doctor?"

“
Well, it's a little to soon to tell. She's been unconscious since she was admitted. She's had a severe head injury. We've relieved the pressure on the brain, but it'll be at least twenty-four hours before we'll know anything definite."

"Oh, my God!
” Grayson's hand rose to her mouth. "The baby?"

Dr. Reynolds grabbed Grayson before she hit the floor. "Come over here and sit down. I'll get a nurse to give you a sedative."

"No. No. No sedatives. I'm okay. Just tell me about the baby."

"As far as we know, the baby is fine. As soon as we can,
we'll do an ultrasound to make sure. It’s a miracle that Mrs. Purcell didn’t go through the windshield.” The doctor paused. “The air bag never discharged. They found Mrs. Purcell hanging out of the driver’s side of the car.”

Grayson brought her hands to her face.
“Oh, dear God.”

“H
ow can we get in touch with her husband? The officer who responded to the accident found her purse with her identification. He called her home in Kinderhook, New York, but no one answered. He did leave a message on the answering machine to call the Sheriff’s office, but so far no one has called. Do you know how to get in touch with Mr. Purcell?"   

"I know they were on holiday in Vail for the week. They had a lovers quarrel, and she d
ecided to spend a few days with me. Kurt, her husband, is probably still at the hotel."

"What hotel
?"

"I don't know. She nev
er mentioned it. Probably the Sonnenalp Resort Hotel.”             

"What makes you think
he’s there?"

"That's where he proposed to her, and after all, it is Valentine's week," she smiled. "Let me call Andrea's sister-in-
law, Emily. She'll know for sure. She may have heard from, Kurt."

"There's a phone right over there," he said to Gr
ayson, helping her walk over to the night table beside Andrea's bed.              

Grayson dialed and waited.
The phone rang until the answering machine picked up. "God, I hate these things," she mumbled, and waited for the beep. "Emily, this is Grayson, Grayson Garrison. Call me as soon . . . ."

"Hello, Grayson. What's the matter?"

"Would you happen to know where Kurt and Andrea were staying?"

"Sure," she said happily. "Do you plan to surprise them or something?"   

"No, no. Andrea’s had a car accident. She just came out of surgery and is in the ICU. She’s bad. Really bad.” Grayson began to cry. “We need to get in touch with Kurt right away."

"I don't understand what you're
saying. Are you in Vail?"

"No, I'm at the
St. Francis Regional Medical Center in Santa Fe."

"What . . . .
?”

"Andrea
had called me at the Inn. She told me she and Kurt had a terrible argument. He started drinking and he walked out on her. She asked if she could come to Taos and stay with me for awhile."

"That's impossible. There's some mistake.
First of all, Kurt is not a drinker and secondly, he would never walk out of her. Never! He loves her too much."

"I know, I know. But . . .
Andrea told him she's pregnant. Did you know?"

"Oh my God. No, I didn't."

"Well,” Grayson paused. “When she told Kurt, he became enraged. He began to drink. About an hour later, when she tried to talk to him, she said he stormed out of their room and took a room in another part of the hotel. She went to his room and he was drinking heavily. She tried once again to talk to him, but he asked her to go away. That's when she decided to come to Taos."              

"They had reservations at the
Sonnenalp Resort."

"That's where I told the doctor I thought they'd be."

"Grayson, is she going to lose . . . ?

"We don't
know yet,” she cried. “The next twenty-four hours will be the deciding factor for both of them.”             

"Michael's out of town, but I'll be there as soon as I can get a plane. Hang in there, Gra
yson."

"I will."
Grayson settled the phone in its cradle and looked down on Andrea. “Be brave, my dear, and fight,” she whispered.

The doctor helped her
back to the armchair. "I'll have one of the nurses call the hotel immediately."

Andrea heard soft voices. She opened her eyes to narrow
slits and saw nothing but deep, dark, grayness, like a winter sky, threatening and heavy. She blinked away tears.
The pain. Oh God. So much pain.

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

"Mr. Purcell, this is room service.
When I called the front desk to verify the room number you wanted dinner brought too, they said Mrs. Purcell had checked out."

"What? When?"

"I'm not at liberty to give you this information, Sir."

"What the hell do you
mean? I'm her husband."

"You can get the information from
the front desk, Sir."

"Thanks for nothing." He slammed the phone down. I'll get to the bottom of this, he thought
. He rushed out of his room and took the elevator down to the front desk.

"May I help you,
Sir?"

"
Yes,” he said.

Once he knew where she'd gone, he apologized for his beha
vior and asked the desk clerk to make a reservation on a flight to Sante Fe. He also asked to have a car ready for him when he arrived at the airport.

“I’ll get right on this, Sir.”

"
Thank you. I'll be in my room. Would you call me with the departure time?"                           

"Yes, Sir, I will."

Kurt went back to his room and turned on the TV to the weather channel. A severe storm had developed pounding, the area with no mercy.  As he listened to the weather man and watched the map, his heart sank.
Will I be able to get out
” he thought. He didn’t know what to do. Never before had he felt so vulnerable. This was unlike what his father did to him. This was different. He loved Andrea. Why was he so afraid of what children would bring? Of what children might make him? A knot formed in his throat. He tried to clear it, but it would not let go.
Andrea, I am so sorry. How could I have treated you so badly? How will I ever be able to make this right?
He buried his face in his hands and cried.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

The shrill
ing of the phone made him jump. Kurt dried his eyes and picked it up.

“
Mr. Purcell, I’m sorry. I couldn't get you a flight out tonight. The airport is closed due to extreme weather conditions."

“I know. I’ve been watching the weather. Thanks for your trouble.”

“I did arrange a flight out tomorrow morning at 9:00, if the airport opens.”

“That’s great. Thank you.” Kurt
ran his fingers through his hair and walked over to the bar. This time he poured a glass of Ginger Ale and turned off the TV. He stared aimlessly, sulking in his own private nightmare. The terror he remembered last night validated his decision.
I can't let . . . no, I can’t allow this terror to permeate my home. I can't have my children live in fear, like I did, fear that a volcano of rage will erupt at any moment.
Deep down I want a child but I am so afraid of what I would be like.

             
Though he had some counseling, he knew breaking the cycle would take a lot of courage. He knew he must stop acting like a victim. Was he ready for that? Could he let go of the demons and began a new life as a father?             

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

Pain exploded in Andrea's head. She tried to shift her position, but realized her right arm was in a sling. A volcano erupted in her stomach
, causing her to choke back the bile that tried to escape.
What happened to me?
Was it a plane crush? Car accident? What?
No imprint came back, not even a memory of fear. She closed her eyes, straining to recollect something. Anything.                                      “Andrea, Andrea," someone whisper.

She tried to shake
her head in rejection—not wanting to open her eyes—not wanting to feel the intense pain—not wanting to think.

"Andrea. Please wake up, dear." Grayson's voice quivered.    

"No," she mumbled. She tried to clear her head. "No."

"You must! You must for your child," the determined voice said over and over again.

For a long time, Andrea tried to digest what the soft voice said. She swam from light to dark—from dark to light a number of times. She was tired. She needed to sleep. The past lay behind her in a dark chasm with no end. And as she walked deeper into the abyss the darkness enveloped her.

“
Andrea! Wake up now. Fight to stay awake. Fight for your baby's sake."

She opened her eyes to a room as bright as the fireworks on the Fourth of July. A woman stood over her smiling
, her eyes soft and loving.

"Hello,"
Grayson said cautiously.

Andrea stared at the woman with
vacant look in her eyes. "Where am I?" she whimpered. She tried to move, but the pain in her head overwhelmed her and she lay back, scanning the room. Nothing came to her but a dark blur, like a heavy downpour in her brain, threatening and revolving and without focus.

"Try not to move," said the soft voice anxiously.

"Why do I hurt? Am I in a hospital?"

"You were in a car accident, and yes, you are in a hospital in
Santa Fe."

"
Sante Fe? Do I live here? How long have I been here? What day is it?" she asked, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"You had an accident yesterday afternoon. You've been unconscious ever since."

"What day is it, and who are you?" she asked, bewildered.

Grayson tried to hide her shock. "I'm Grayson Garrison, an old friend
, and it’s Friday evening. You were on your way to spend some time with me when the accident occurred."

"You called me Andrea. Andrea who?"

"Andrea Purcell."

"Andrea
Purcell?" she repeated. "Where am I from? Am I badly hurt?" she asked as she looked down at her arms. One was in a sling and the other wrapped in bandages.

"
You are from Kinderhook, New York, and yes, you're badly hurt. The doctor said in time you will heal. You have a severe concussion, a severely sprained right arm, a multitude of cuts and bruises, and a broken leg. You also have two fractured ribs."

Andrea
said nothing. Her head whirled and throbbed in an effort to discover anything in the deep hole that she had fallen into. Just one clear, concrete memory.  She blinked away the tears, closed her eyes, and welcomed the darkness of the abyss.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
                 

The morning flight to Sante Fe went smoothly. As Kurt waited at
Alamo for the car to be brought around, he had second thoughts about his decision to drive to the Inn in Taos. The desk clerk at the hotel had informed him of Andrea’s arrangements to go there. But what if she had changed her mind and decided to go home to New York instead? Maybe he should get right back on another plane to New York.

Kurt pulled out his Apple i
phone 4S and touched
home
. It rang four times before the answering machine picked-up. 
You have one message
, the machine said. Kurt listened in silence to the message from the Taos Police. He looked over at the agent, motioning for a pen and paper. He replayed the message and jotted down the officer’s name and phone number. He dialed the number. “I’d like to speak with Sergeant McKinney.”

“Who’s calling?”

“Kurt Purcell.”

“Wait one moment
, please.”

“Mr. Purcell. This is Sergeant McKinney.
I have some bad news. Your wife has been in an accident, and is in the ICU at St. Vincent Regional Medical Center in Sante Fe.”

Kurt could not register what he was hearing. “What did you say?”

The Sergeant repeated the information, and then asked, “Sir, where are you?”

“I’m at the Sante Fe airport. Can you give me directions to the hospital?”

“I’ll call the Sante Fe Police Department and have them send a squad car for you.”

“I just rented a car.
Can I follow it to the hospital?”

“Yes
, you can. What rental agency?”

“I’ll wait for
the car in front of Alamo.”

“
Wait a minute. I have one of my staff speaking with Sante Fe.” He paused.

“
Stay put. An officer is only five minutes away.”

Kurt’s hands shook when he took the car keys from the
rental agent.

“Mr.
Purcell. Are you able to drive?” the agent asked.

“I’ll be fine. Thanks for asking.”

The rental was waiting when Kurt rushed out the door. He looked around for the patrol car. He checked his watch. Minutes later a patrol car pulled up to him

“
Mr. Purcell.” The policeman asked.

Kurt nodded. “How far is the hospital from here?”

“Follow me, Sir. It’s about eight miles away.”

Kurt got behind the wheel, started the car,
and turned the lights on. He waited for the officer to pull out ahead of him. Heavy traffic and snow caused them to drive slowly.

They have been driving for more the twenty minutes. Kurt hit the stirring wheel. “What the hel
l is taking so long.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

She was sleeping
when he entered the room. Her head was cradled in a form of traction; one arm was in a sling and the other arm, completely covered with bandages. Where there were no bandages, there were intravenous tubes. Her right leg was in a cast from the knee down to her ankle. She moaned in her sleep and thrashed about. Her two black eyes stood out in contrast to the stark white of the gauze wrapped around her head.

Suddenly, he was a little boy again, figh
ting back the tears he was too old to shed, and feeling the suffocation of a child's fear. He sat by the bed. "Dear God, what have I done to you?" he cried.

Grayson cleared her throat, to make him aware he was not alone. He turned. Immed
iately, he knew who she was. Not a word was spoken between them as they automatically gravitated to each other. They wept openly, and held on to each other as if their holding on would bring Andrea back to them, safe and sound.

“
What do you know?” he asked Grayson.

“
She has had a severe head injury. The doctors had to relieve the pressure.”

“What does all that mean?”

Kurt had an inkling of what the doctors did. He’d been in Afghanistan long enough to see many head injuries and their long-lasting results. “Is there hope?”

“There’s always hope.”

Kurt sat close to the bed and held Andrea’s hand. He picked it up and brought to his lips. “I’m so sorry I’ve hurt you, my love.”

Grayson laid her hand on his shoulder. “When she comes to, she’s going to need all the p
atience and love that we can give. You know that, don’t you?”

“I know.” Kurt wanted to ask about the baby, but he was afraid of what he might here. He turned to Grayson and took a deep
breath. “The baby. Is he . . . .?”