Of Body And Soul (19 page)

"How did they die?"

"They were coming home from a party and a wet snow had just fallen, covering the ice that lay beneath it. A car hit them head on. Everything possible was done to save them."

"Were you and Uncle Charles
with me at the hospital?"

"Yes, we were. Do you remember that?"

Andrea shook her head. "I thought it was a dream, but it was true," she said, dazed.

"Yes, he
and I waited with you for most of that night. It snowed the whole night. It took Uncle Charles almost an hour to shovel out before we could take you home. Do you recall any of that, Dear?"

"The only part I remember is waiting in the hospital and th
e fear of icy snow. But what does this have to do with me coming to see you?"

"Nothing really. The point I'm trying to make is how close
we were and why you chose to come to me for help. Your husband didn't want children. You never told me the reason why he didn’t.

“
Grayson paused. “Because my dear, you yourself didn’t know his motive for not wanting children.

"We
had discussed the issue a number of times and you said you'd get to the bottom of it, but I guess you never did. The last time I spoke to you was the night of your car accident."

Andrea shook her head
, and a confusing rush of anticipation and dread spun inside her.

Sh
e looked at her broken leg and remembered the cuts and bruises on her body, and knew a miracle had saved her baby. "Didn't I tell you why I was coming?"

"Yes,
you did." Grayson walked over to the window and watched the snow piling up. She turned back to Andrea, with her shoulders drooped and tears in her eyes. "You said your husband walked out on you when you told him you were pregnant."

"That's impossible. I couldn't have fallen in love with someone who'd do that." She shook her head. "I couldn't have."
At this moment, she felt a sickening sensation of life plunging downward.

“
Look at yourself. An hour ago, the anticipation of having a baby thrilled you. Now, the thought seems to make you unhappy."

"It's not the thought of t
he baby. It's the thought that my husband left me because of the baby."

"That's why you're here. You don't need to go back to
New York yet. You'll never have to go back if you don't want to. You'll stay here until after the baby is born, and then you can decide what you want to do. You know, the baby is due in June."

"June. Four more months," she
said and she smiled, closed her eyes, and rubbed her stomach. A shocked look flashed crossed Andrea's face as she remembered the other night, she'd felt another pair of hands on her stomach, rubbing her and talking to her and the baby. Could it have been a dream or did it actually happen? “It’s very hot in here,” Andrea said.  

Grayson
turned from the window. Andrea’s face had turned chalky. She screamed. “Someone help me. I need help. Oh my God."

Kurt
had headed back to the dining room almost three hours after he had left Grayson and Andrea. He heard Grayson scream before he saw her. He ran not knowing what to expect. He reached them just as Andrea slumped over, catching her to keep her from falling to the floor. "Andrea! Andrea!”                                         

"What happened, Grayson?"

Grayson covered her face with her hands. "I, we, my God, is she alright?"

"She's fainted. Get a napkin with some ice," Kurt
said,  gently laying Andrea on the sofa. Grayson placed the napkin Kurt’s hand and he put it on her forehead. "Andrea, open your eyes," he said softly. He watched her eyes flutter and close again. "Andrea, come on. Open those beautiful eyes for me."

She moaned
.. "What happened? Where's Grayson?"

"I'm here, d
ear. Do you want to go to the hospital?"

"No, no. I'm fine. It's just...when, when I closed my eyes and rubbed my stomach, I saw som
eone next to me. I could feel his hands on my stomach."

Kurt looked at Grayson. A hard fist of fear grew in his own stomach.

"Did you know where you were, or who he was?" Grayson asked, directing her attention to Kurt.

"No. The next thing I remember is feeling the cold on my forehead."

“Well, enough for one night. Kurt, why don't you carry Andrea to her room and I'll help her get ready for bed."

"Wait."
Andrea held up her hand. "Kurt, you already knew. Didn't you?" He nodded in acknowledgement. "Why didn't someone tell me earlier?"

"Dr. Reynolds had hoped you would start remembering," Kurt answered. "But as the days went by and you didn't remember, he advised Grayson to tell you about the baby.

"When you were admitted to the hospital after the accident, the doctors in the emergency room determined you were pregnant. They did an ultrasound two days after the accident, and concluded the baby was strong and healthy. The emergency crew that brought you to the hospital couldn't believe the baby survived such a severe accident. You and the baby were the talk of the hospital."

Andrea shook her head in disbelief. "All of this is happening to
o quickly. How can I be pregnant and not know?"

"Th
e only thing that matters now, dear, is that you're here with me and together we'll get you through this. Imagine, a new baby in the house."                            

"The day after tomorrow, you're going to s
ee Dr. Campbell. She's one of the best obstetricians in the area," Kurt said. 

"Shouldn't I've been taking vitamins?"

"Yes, and you are," Kurt said.

"I still don't understand why the doctors in ER
would even look to see if I were pregnant if I were in such bad shape?" She shook her head, as if the motion would make everything clear to her.

“Right before you lapsed into a coma, Jake and TJ
said you repeated over and over, ‘My baby, my baby. Is my baby okay’? They told the ambulance crew. The ambulance crew told the ER doctors.

"I'm surprised they didn't say something when they saw me."

"Well," Grayson said, "Dr. Reynolds told all of us to keep it from you until you were able to accept the fact of your amnesia. Then when Emily was here and you had that flashback, we thought for sure you'd begin to remember everything." 

Andrea rested her head the sofa pillow.
"I don't know if I can handle any more of this.”

The wind pushed hard against the windows
making them rattle. Andrea looked toward the windows. The snow was falling heavy.

Kurt knelt before her. "That's all for tonight. Come on,
Andrea. Put your arms around my shoulders." He lifted her with ease and carried her to her room. No one spoke a word. Kurt sat  her on the edge of the bed and stepped away. A harrowing headache pounded his forehead and he tried rubbing it away with the back of his hand.

"I'll be back in a minute, I need to get some Tylenol." Kurt rushed from her room. A devou
ring gulf of despair descended upon him. Tears of reality fell as he thought of how close Andrea had been to death. He loved her and he'd do anything to keep her happy. Right now, he didn't care if she ever regained her memory, even if it meant never seeing her again.

CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
                                                                     

Grayson
had just slipped a pale green nightgown over Andrea's head when Kurt returned to Andrea’s room.

“H
ere you are. Andrea wanted her back massaged. I told her I'd do it, but she said it was part of your job."

"Why don't you try to get some sleep,
Andrea? I think you need that more than anything else right now."

"No, a massage always relaxes me," she said confidently. Andrea gripped her side as she turned over. "Oh, what was that?"  She looked at Kurt, then at Grayson. "Oh, there it goes again." She grabbed Kurt's hand, there it goes again."

Grayson approached the bed. "Is it a sharp pain? Do we need to call the doctor?"

Andrea's eyes filled with tears. "I think I just felt my baby move. Can you feel it
, Kurt?"

"I think you're right," he said
, in a clinical voice.

"Well, aren't nurses suppose
d to know these things?" she said sarcastically.

"Feel
, Grayson."

"Oh dear, Andrea, i
t seems the baby is telling you ‘here I am’."

At that moment,
the ripple swelled into a series of movement.
Something is going on in my body, which I now can explain
. The realization took hold. The deep sadness she felt because her husband had left her disappeared as she recognized the heart-stopping joy of a life in her body. Suddenly, the narrow passages of her mind widened. This child was miraculously hers. She smiled and rolled over to her side. "Please, Kurt, just rub my back for a few minutes." She closed her eyes, picturing the life inside of her with a depth of parental love.

CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

Kurt
warmed the lotion between his palms before gently kneading her back muscles.

"That feels wonderful," she purred. Within seconds, she was asleep.

"I'm going to bed myself," Grayson said. "It's been an exhausting night."

"Grayson, I don't know what to say to you. You're an angel in disguise."

"At this moment Kurt, I feel like an angel with clipped wings. I feel weak and small, for betraying Andrea.” Grayson rubbed away her tears before they rolled down her cheeks. "I'm not an angel, and I hate lying to her. She's the best thing that's happened to me since my Charles passed away, and I'd do anything to help her and the baby."

"I know, but for now, this is what we have to do for Andrea's sake." Kurt hugged her and kissed her
cheek. "I'm going to stay awhile to make sure she's asleep for the night, if that's okay?"

Grayson smiled. "If it were up to me, I'd have you sleep right in here with her."

"I bet you would. But, what would the staff and the guests think?"

"Do you really think that concerns me?" she asked, as she left the room.

Once alone, he turned off the lights and closed the glass doors on the fireplace. He sat next to the bed and watched Andrea sleep. Kurt placed his hand on her stomach once again in the hopes of feeling his baby move. He waited patiently.             

He was just about ready to remove his hand when he felt the flutter. This wa
s it. This is what it felt like: anxiety, apprehension, and exhilaration gripped him. He could look up from his world of despair and see the brightness of the universe. He didn't want to leave her side. He wanted to sit there all night and memorize the expressions of her face with each movement of the baby.

He traced the
baby’s movements on her stomach, as if to protect him and to keep him safe. He glanced at the clock on the nightstand. Two hours had gone by. It couldn't be. He'd better get to bed or he'll never be there for her in the morning.

CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

The days went by like clouds floating through the sky. Each day had its own beauty, its own shape, its own speed. Andrea didn't question her life. She devoted herself to the things she loved the most. On sunny mornings after breakfast, she'd walk onto the balcony into the crisp cool air. She’d listen to the Blue Jays and Cardinals screeching and trilling at each other while Kurt set up her easel and stool.

The spectacular view of the Indian meadows blanketed in snow inspired her to paint.

After her accident she had spent days, then weeks grasping at straws, trying to pull tiny bits of information together drawing them to the forefront of her memory.  But now it wasn't important to her to remember her past. She had a bright future that she looked forward to moving toward. A future with her child and the man she had fallen in love with.

She had arrived at this time in
her life where she was comfortable, and pleased with her comfort. She was happy now, and her happiness showed in her work. Her paintings reached a level beyond her expectations. 

She smiled
when she thought of Kurt. He was at her side every minute. She couldn't wait for dark to take over the day. With the dark came the wonderful feel of his hands on her body. more like a lover than a nurse.

Each day she looked forward to those hands, and her heart raced in anticipation of what would happen. Soon sh
e realized his heart raced as quickly as hers did.

Every night, his treatment continued, whether she felt she needed it or not. She couldn't wait for his
touch. At times, she had to control the soft purring sounds that escaped from her lips. As much as she tried to suppress her emotions, she was falling hopelessly in love with her nurse.

Could he know the demands his hands had placed on her body? Could he feel her respond to his every touch? Why was her body deceiving her like this?

“You’re finally awake,” Grayson said.

“I didn’t here you knock.” Andrea placed the book
that she had never opened on the table.

“
I had stopped by earlier this afternoon and you were sound asleep with the unopened book on your lap.”

Andrea rubbed her eyes. “What time is it?”
             

“Getting close to dinner time.”

“I have to stop eating so much. Look at me,” she said and patted her stomach. “I’ve gotten huge. And my breasts are enormous.”

Grayson smiled and said. “You can’
t help but notice.”

“I need to go shopping for maternity clothes,” Andrea said.

“I bought you a few things. I hope you like them.” Grayson took the shopping bags from behind the sofa and gave them to Andrea.”

“Presents. I love presents.”
She quickly dug into one of the bags. “Grayson, this dress is beautiful. Where am I going to wear it?”

“
You never know what may come up.”

Andrea continued to open the boxes containing lovely un
derwear, lacy nursing bras, a pale blue nightgown with a matching robe for the hospital, lounging pajamas, slacks, blouses and sweaters. “How many things did you buy me?”

“Enough to get you through
the next two months. If you notice most of the things are expandable.”

Andrea picked up a pair of navy blue slacks and examined the waistline. “I doubt if I will get this big,” she said.

“At the rate your growing, we may have to go shopping next month.” She said with a laugh.

Andrea sat
on the bed with the presents surrounding her. “Christmas came early for me. Thank you.”

“You also need to thank Kurt.
He helped pick out most of these things.” Grayson paused. “Tonight I was invited to a cocktail party by one of my neighbors. I accepted the invitation. I hope you don’t mind?”

“Why should I mind. You’ve practically given up your social life since I’ve been here.”

“You and Kurt may want to dine outside tonight. We’re supposed to have a pleasant evening. I have already mentioned it to the staff and someone will come over to set up a table on the veranda.”

“You’
re full of surprises.”  Andrea slid from the bed and put her arms around Grayson.

You’re a special lady.”

Grayson gathered the clothes and helped to put them away.

“I think I’ll wear these aqua silk lounging pajamas. They look so comfortable.”

“Before I leave, do you need help putting them on?”

“I’ll be fine. Go and have fun.”

“I will,” she said and left the suite.

Once the door had closed, Andrea reached for her crutches and
went into the bathroom. She freshened up, brushed her hair, and moisturized her face. She'd been out on the veranda all afternoon painting, and her face was sunburned. She looked in the mirror and saw a radiant woman with a trembling smile, and wide gold-flecked eyes which waited for something celestial to happen. She patted her soft round protruding curve.

A
ndrea hobbled over to the bed and rested her crutches against it. The silk lounging outfit slipped on easily. She stood, grabbed her crutches  and walked over to the full length mirror. Andrea looked forward to her evenings with Kurt. Her heart raced in anticipation of what this night would bring. Every night after dinner, Grayson would help Andrea shower and then Kurt would come in and give her a massage. His strong hands kneaded and massaged, no, caressed and manipulated her body. She couldn’t wait for his touch. At times, she had to control the soft purring sounds that escaped her lips. As much as she tried to suppress her emotions, she had fallen hopelessly in love with her nurse.

“Hello? Miss Andrea.” She heard a knock on the door. “We’re here to set-up your dinner t
able.”

“Please come in,” she called.

The two waiters went directly to the veranda, set the table, and placed the flowers all within ten minutes. They carried out two arm chairs, placed them at the table, then lowered the outside lights and positioned lighted hurricane lamps around the veranda. The sight was breathtaking.

“Mr. Kurt wanted dinner served about seven. Is that agreeable
?”

Andrea nodded. “Thank you.”

Within minutes after the waiters left, there was another knock on the door. “Andrea, are you decent?”

“Yes, I am. Come on in.”

Kurt smiled when he saw her. “That looks great. Grayson and I debated about choosing that for you, but we made the right choice.”

“I love it. It’s soft and comfortable.”
Andrea fumbled with the crutches.

“Leave them.” Kurt whisked her up into his arms and carried her outside. He sat her on a chaise. “This is amazing. Everything is perfect.” He checked his watch.

“I know,” she said. “Dinner at seven.”

It was ten o’clock when the table was cleared and Kurt carried Andrea back into her suite and sat her on the edge of the bed.
                           

“Are you ready for your massage?”

“Not tonight. Its been a long day.”

“
A massage will help you relax?”

“I don’t think I’
ll need massages any longer. That’s all”

“But I thought you loved it?”

“I do, that’s the problem. It’s late, Kurt. I’ll see you in the morning.”

After Kurt left, she began to cry. At this moment she hated him for making her body respond to his slightest touch, but loved him for the response of her body. She fell back on the bed and rubbed her stomach and touched her tender
breasts. It was almost impossible for her to lie on her stomach and yet, desire burned within her

"What do I
want?" she asked her baby. "Kurt’s my nurse, not your Daddy. He does this for all his patients.
What makes me think I'm special?”

CHAPTER FIFTY

Kurt left Andrea and went to his room. He poured himself a scotch and stared at the roaring fire.
Why should I be denied a normal life and family with the woman I love? Just because I had an abusive father, why should I be abusive?
He tried desperately to convince himself of this. "I've got to get out of here."

He grabbed his jacket and gulped down his scotch. He barged out the
front door and took off down the road. As he walked the snow crunched under his boots. His walk became a fast pace and then he was running. From what, he didn't know. Finally he stopped, bent over, and tried to catch his breath in the freezing air. 

He knew he was going to have to leave before he lost control. He knew Andrea's thoughts were the same as they were before the accident. She had lost her memory, but her memory hadn't lost her. She was forming a picture of her life with him. She was seeing in this picture what a good father he'd make.

Seeing
wonderful images of father and son playing ball together. Putting up a Christmas tree, helping with homework. Seeing the Ozzie and Harriet family she always dreamed of. He not only wanted her to do this, he was forcing her to do this. Every night, he felt her body respond under his large hands as they gently and erotically massaged her legs, thighs, and back. He played her beautiful body like a concert harpist, caressing the strings with every movement. 

The
re was an explicit power in his hands as they asked questions of her body. Every movement he made was a proviso of revered order. He took advantage of her situation and now, he questioned, was it the right thing to do?

S
he had fallen in love with her nurse. Could she, would she ever forgive him for that? During his sessions with Dr. Correo, he had finally been able to drag his childhood memories into the open and face them. Especially the memories of the last night.

My father terrorized me, Dr. Correo. But the last night I saw
him, he tried to kill me. He waved a gun in the air and yelled, “Come on kid. Hit me, hit me.” I hit him like a linebacker hits his opponent. I heard the shot and was stunned. I
t
grazed my arm. I struggled with Him for possession. When I got the gun, he laughed at me. “You'll never use it,” he said. “You don't have the guts.” I fired that gun. I couldn't believe it. I still can hear the roar and smell the gun powder. I didn't hit him, but I could have. I could have murdered my own father.  

Dr. Correo's help and confidence gave him the courage to aggressively pursue Andrea. He waited for her to remember something of her past. But she seemed content without a past. It was as though she'd never had one and didn't want one. He was relieved she didn't want him to touch her anymore. But how was he going to stop?

He rubbed his hands together to get them warm. He'd run a long way and the night was getting colder. He trotted back to the Inn, tired, cold and breathless. Before he went back to his room, he stopped by Andrea's.

Kurt quietly entered the room and stood silently over her. Andrea had thrown the covers off
. She still had on her lounging pajamas. He smiled and he gently laid the comforter over her. She stirred a moment and whispered, "Kurt."              

He jumped back wondering if he'd awakened her. She stirred again, "
Kurt, I love you." He smiled realizing she was dreaming. He kissed her gently on the lips, and in her sleep, she responded. He forced himself to step back. "Oh, God, what am I doing?" He slipped silently from the room.

CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE

“Andrea,
are you ready yet? We have to go or we'll be late for the appointment with Dr. Mendoza," Grayson called, from outside her suite.

"Come on in, Grayson. I'll be one more minute. I just want to catch this last part of the mesa."

Grayson smiled as she watched Andrea put the finishing touches to her painting. She was pleased with Andrea's recuperation. Kurt had shown restraint and been extremely patient. He'd wanted to start talking to Andrea about the past, but she and Dr. Reynolds thought that under the circumstances they should let it come naturally.

Days turned into weeks and Andrea still had no memory of her past. Today was the day
she would start therapy with Dr. Mendoza, Grayson's colleague.

CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO

The
psychiatrist's office was in a part of town which recently had been restored. The waiting area, done in mahogany, heavy plaids, and leather, gave a northeast feeling to the room. Two Picassos hung on the wall over the rich chocolate leather sofa, and two large winged back chairs sat at either end of an enormous stone fireplace.

Andrea studied the paintings with a practiced eye and wondered if other patients saw these paintings as exquisite creations or
the work of children trying to connect lines. She smiled and thought,
such is art.

"Lovely, aren't they?
" the middle aged receptionist said.

Andrea nodded her head in agreement. "The doctor has a great eye for art," she said as she carefully hobbled
around the office, admiring sculpture and ceramic pieces.