Out of Mind (20 page)

“I look forward to hearing which option you chose on Tuesday.” She also stood up, smoothing her black skirt. “But Griffin?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t jump blindly into either choice. If you do see her, make sure you take things slow. You have to remember: She thinks you don’t love her. You broke her heart into pieces, no matter how honorable your intentions might have been. These things take time to heal. Even if she rejects your offer of friendship at first, try to be patient. She might come around.” She pointed her pen at me. “And that’s all you should offer in the beginning. Friendship. Another chance to get things right. No rushing into anything in a single day.”

I nodded. “Thanks, Doc.”

“Good luck.”

I left the office, paid my copay, and stepped out into the sunlight. Squinting into the brightness, I headed for my bike. It had taken a while for my arm to heal, but now I could act like myself again. I rode my bike. I hung with Hernandez. But…

I didn’t have a job. Didn’t have a plan. Didn’t have Carrie.

I scanned the crowd on Ocean Drive, looking for a redhead out of habit more than anything. I knew she was around her somewhere, eating breakfast with Riley. The desire to find out where she was hit me pretty strong, but I shook it off. If and when I saw her again, it wouldn’t be with Riley watching. We would be alone.

Maybe I’d buy her some flowers.

I revved the engine, looking over my shoulder at the spot where Carrie used to sit. There hadn’t been another woman in my life since her. Even at rock bottom, I couldn’t let myself fall even lower. Carrie owned my heart, and no other woman would do.

It had to be
her
, damn it.

“Hey, how did it go?” Hernandez shouted in my ear from behind me.

Jumping, I looked over my shoulder, shut off the engine, and frowned at him. “Aren’t you supposed to be guarding Carrie?”

“I am. She’s in that restaurant.” He pointed over his shoulder at a restaurant that was about three hundred feet away. “With Riley the Perfect.”

I picked up my helmet. “Shit, man. I gotta go before she sees me.”

“So you’re not allowed to approach her yet?”

“It’s not that.” I gripped my helmet tight. “I don’t know what I’m doing yet, but I’m not making rash decisions this time.”

Hernandez grinned. “That sounds like a therapist talking.”

“It was her advice.” I lifted a shoulder. “It seemed like it made sense, so I’m gonna take it. And while I might say hi to her at some point, it won’t be while she’s on a date with another guy.”

Hernandez nodded. “She almost saw you last night, when she kissed Riley and you knocked over that damn pot with your elbow.”

I flinched. “Yeah. I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

I’d been too busy watching her
kiss
Riley.

“I noticed,” Hernandez said dryly.

The restaurant door opened, making a bell jingle. Both Hernandez and I turned slowly. I knew it was going to be her. Just knew it. She walked out, holding Riley’s hand and laughing, and a fist punched in my chest. Riley’s eyes latched with mine, but Carrie didn’t look this way.

I knew the second he realized it was me. He paled and went all tense.

I slammed my helmet over my head and started my engine, watching as Hernandez headed her way without another word to me. She still didn’t see me, so I revved the bike and took off. As I passed her, I saw her turn my way with wide eyes, her mouth parted. She spun as I passed, following me with her eyes. I drove faster.

If I didn’t get away now, I’d go back.

And I’d beg her to love me again, Riley be damned.

I walked Riley to his car with my mind a million miles away on the motorcyclist that I was ninety-nine percent sure had been Finn. I hadn’t seen his face or anything, but there was no doubt in my mind that I’d seen Finn today.

Same type of bike. Same type of build. Same helmet.

“You’re thinking about that guy on the bike, aren’t you?” Riley asked, his voice level. “I saw him, you know. Before he put the helmet on.”

I stopped walking. “Wait. What?”

“I know you’re not mentioning it because you don’t want to hurt my feelings, but you’re dying to know if it was Finn.” He met my eyes. He looked so handsome in the sunlight. So tall and perfect. It almost made me sick to my stomach just looking up at him. “I can tell you, if you want.”

I sucked in a shaky breath. “I’m sorry. I know you want—”

“Sh.” He hugged me close, resting his cheek on the top of my head. It was intimate and yet withdrawn at the same time. “We both know what I want, but it doesn’t mean you have to give it to me. If you still have feelings for him…”

“Sometimes, I wish you were Finn. That you’d been sent here to protect me, not him.” I rested my hands on his arms. “It would be so much easier.”

“Me too.” He tilted my face up to his. “Maybe you could move on from the past at some point, though? From his hold over you?”

I swallowed past my aching throat. I wasn’t sure how to answer that. “I don’t know. He still owns the majority of my feelings; I know that. I don’t know what I feel for him anymore, but he fills my head all the time.”

“Fair enough.” He stared at my mouth, his eyes darkening. “How about one more kiss before I go?”

Before I could answer, his lips were on mine again. He kissed me, and it felt good. I even felt a little bit of desire stirring within me. But it just wasn’t Finn.

It wasn’t fair.

He deepened the kiss, his tongue touching mine. Even though I wanted to pull away, to end it, I kissed him back. Heck, I even pulled him closer. I owed it to both of us to at least try to feel something here. To try to get over Finn. Something within me came to life, a small flicker of something, but it almost wasn’t strong enough to notice.

I curled my hands behind his neck, moaning into his mouth, and he crushed me against his chest. When he groaned and cupped my butt, hauling me closer against his erection, desire hit me pretty hard, but it didn’t feel
right
. Panic crept up my throat, choking me. I gasped and lurched back, my hand covering my mouth. “I’m s-sorry. I can’t. N-Not yet.”

“I’m sorry. I got carried away.” He gave me a small smile. “But that was perfect. Just perfect, Carrie.”

Yeah. Perfect. “I know. It was…nice.”
Nice won’t make you scream out in bed, Ginger
. “Unexpected, even.”

He grinned. “I’ll take it.”

“Riley…” My heart wrenched. “Was it him?”

The grin slipped away. I felt like crap for asking, but I had to know. He slid his shades in place. “Yeah. It was Finn. He looked better than the last time we saw him. More whole.” He looked away. “Are you going to get back together with him now?”

“No.” I shook my head for emphasis. “Absolutely not. He’s over me.”

Riley hesitated. “I’m killing my own case here, but I have to be honest or I’ll never be able to live with myself. The way he looked at you today? He didn’t look
over
you. He looked like he wanted you back, Carrie.”

A small thrill shot through me, but I stifled it. He’d hurt me. Broke my heart. Even if he was regretting it now, it didn’t mean I would fall into his arms and hug him.

My heart was still broken.

“Well, it’s a little too late for that now.” I crossed my arms and forced a smile. If I were smart, I’d fall for Riley. I’d forget all about the boy who’d broken my heart. If only my darn heart would get the memo. “Thanks for visiting me this weekend. I had fun.”

“Should we do it again soon?”

I hesitated. My heart said
no
, but my mind screamed
yes
. “You know I’m still not over him, right? I can’t commit to you fully yet.”

“But you could in the future? I could definitely work with those odds. I’m a gambling man when the occasion calls for it.”

I bit down on my lip. “I want to, but I can’t promise anything.”

“Especially since he’s back.”

“That’s not why—”

“Carrie. I get it. You loved him, and still do—maybe, kind of, sort of.” He cupped my cheek, his thumb resting on my chin. It made me think of how Finn used to do something similar, but he’d run his thumb over my lower lip instead. My stomach clenched tight at the memory. “Those feelings might come back to the front if he comes to see you. And if that does happen, that’s okay. I know what I’m up against, but unless you get back together with him? I’m not going anywhere. I’m determined to throw my hat in the ring, or whatever people say nowadays.”

Tears filled my eyes, but I laughed. “You’re too good for me.”

Funny. Finn used to say that to me all the time. I finally understood what he meant now. Hindsight was twenty-twenty, after all.

“Nah. I’m just patient and understanding and…okay, maybe I’m a little too good.” He kissed me, smiling against my lips when I laughed again. “I’ll call you later this week to see if you want to get together. No pressure or anything, but I’ll be expecting a yes. Don’t break my heart, Carrie.”

I shook my head at his teasing. “Okay.”

After watching him drive away, I headed back toward my dorm. Hernandez stepped out from the shadows once I got close to him, a disinterested look in his eyes. “Here.”

“Um…thanks.” I took what he handed to me. It was a small rose. “You’re giving me a rose?”

He rolled his eyes. “No. Read the little paper.”

I opened the tiny scrap of paper that someone had wrapped around it.
Keep smiling
. I looked up at Hernandez, feeling more confused than anything. “Who gave you this?”

“No one. I found it on your car, so I took it off to make sure it wasn’t a death threat or something.”

I blinked down at it. It was yellow. Yellow roses were my favorite. “Maybe it was from Riley?”

He looked away. “Maybe,” he mumbled. “So. What’s next for today?”

I sniffed the rose and walked toward my car. “I don’t know.” I stole a glance at him. “Have you seen Marie this morning? Is she back at the dorm?”

“I don’t know. Last I saw, she was out with some guy getting coffee.” Hernandez tightened his fists. “She was wearing the same clothes she had on last night.”

“Oh. That must have been Sean. He seems like a nice enough guy.” When Hernandez clenched his jaw, I looked over at him. “You know, if you want her, you should just ask her out before she gets serious with some other guy—maybe even Sean. Right now, they’re having fun. There aren’t feelings involved or anything.”

He gave me an incredulous look. “Why in the hell would I want to do that?”

“Because you seem to like her. And believe it or not? I think she likes you, too.” I stopped at my door. “You should ask her out already. We’d planned on doing a double date when Finn came home, if you recall. We can’t double-date anymore, but you could take her out without me.”

He frowned at me. “Yeah, I don’t think so. We would be horrible together.”

“If you say so.”

“I do.” He leaned on the passenger side. “So, you staying in, or going out?”

“Um…” I looked up at the sky. It was a pretty warm day, and there was a good breeze for an early spring morning. I hadn’t been surfing since…well, since Finn. Suddenly, it seemed like the best idea ever to get out there again. To do something that I hadn’t done in months. To get back to living. “Actually, I’m going to go surfing.”

His brows slammed down. “You can’t. Finn said you’re not allowed to go out without him.”

“He did, yes, back when he was my bodyguard and my boyfriend. He isn’t either of those things anymore.” I raised my brows. “So why should it matter? It’s irrelevant.”

“Carrie…” He frowned. “You can’t go out there alone. Finn had his reasons for not wanting you out there alone, no matter where he is or what he’s doing now.”

Or who he’s doing it with
, I added in my head.

“Yeah, well, I don’t care what his reasons are. I’m an adult, and he isn’t my boss, boyfriend, or father.” I crossed my arms, the rose still in my hand. “Last time I checked, he didn’t have any say on what I did with myself. Not since he walked away. If I want to surf, I’ll freaking surf. You can’t stop me.”

He dropped his head back and glared up at the sky. “Days like this? I hate my fucking job even more.”

“Sorry.” I opened the door. “But I’m going anyway.”

I climbed up the stairs, feeling free. Feeling light. And for the first time in a while, I was excited about something. I pushed open my door and headed for my bikini and wetsuit. Marie sat on the bed, reading a biology book. “Hey. Whatcha doing?”

“I’m going surfing.” I grinned over my shoulder at her and tossed the yellow rose on my pillow. “What are you up to besides doing the walk of shame at a coffee shop?”

She flushed. “Nothing like that happened. I just fell asleep at Sean’s place.” Then she paused. “Wait. How did you know I got coffee this morning?”

“Besides the cup in your hand? Hernandez saw you.” I yanked my shirt over my head. “You might want to look away. I’m about to be naked.”

She huffed and turned away. “Why the hell is he watching
me
now? Who does he think he is? He doesn’t work for
my
dad.”

“I don’t think he was watching you.” I took my bra off and slipped the bikini in its place. “He just happened to come across you.”