Pan's Salvation (19 page)

“I’ll drive,” Chase said. She hit the FOB and opened her door. Like a puppet, Lark entered the passenger seat and stared after the black SUV that took Pan away. Chase fastened her seatbelt. The click of the buckle brought her back to the present.

“It’s okay. I don’t expect you to spill your guts. I just don’t think you should be alone.”

Chase patted her shoulder.

Lark smiled. They’d grown closer since the birthday party. She’d checked up on her at her apartment, delivering much needed doses of estrogen to what Chase referred to as a
sausage fest
.

“Thank you,” Lark said.

“Fuck what Pan said. You’re family and nothing can change that.”

The words soothed the sting.

The days dragged on. She continued to live in Pan’s house, clinging to the memories made there to keep her going as she went through the motions of living, even though everything was on hold. She had no clue how he’d take to rehab, or how his feelings would change. Essentially, he could come out an entirely different person. There was no telling what that would mean for them.
It was the right thing to do.
She’d never regret her decision. If he came out on his way to being healthy and whole, it would be worth going their separate ways if necessary. As much as the thought ripped her to shreds.

The hardest part about rehabilitation, other than the detox and delving into his painful past, was not being able to talk to his little bird. He couldn’t even remember what he’d said to her when they hauled him out, but the look of horror and hurt was seared onto the back of his eyelids. Every time he thought of giving up the struggle for wellness, he remembered that and his brother. They both deserved more from him than he’d been giving. Even more though, he wanted to know himself. Who he truly was behind the mask of humor and light-heartedness.

He’d been lying to himself and everyone else for so long, he’d gotten lost. Each day, he worked through his issues he caught a glimpse of the stranger and regained a piece of his shattered soul. In the end, the mirror he put back together would be cracked, warped and never anything handsome. But it would be an entire reflection. He would be a man who could function.

At thirty days sober, he didn’t miss the alcohol, or the escape it provided. He had coping skills and a conscience that was becoming clearer and clearer. To crucify himself daily for something he did when he was so young in an impossible situation was insanity. He understood that now. He’d passed up the opportunity to see or talk to anyone other than Demon. He wanted to continue his treatment in radio silence. This time was for him.

At sixty days, he took to writing weekly letters. He’d never been a man of many words.

Sharing his emotions verbally didn’t come easy. But he could write, so he did. It was all about expressing himself and allowing the people who meant the most to see it, at least that’s what the doc told him. He wouldn’t go as far to say he enjoyed his time with the headshrinker, but the man helped. The first letter he received back from Lark had made his heart sing.

Hartley,

I can’t express how much your letter meant to me. Thank you for including me in your
healing process. I won’t lie and say the words you spoke to me were forgotten. We both know
that’s not how these things work. But I will say they were forgiven, nearly the moment they left
your lips. I understand addiction and hurt. Perhaps that’s why we we’re such a good pair. I
know you’re worried about the changes, but people are changing every day, the key is to grow
together. I believe we’re both doing that. We entered this relationship with enough baggage to
fill a cargo ship. Now, slowly but surely, we’re trading it in and becoming the people we never
knew we could be.

When I said I would never leave you, I meant that. My place is with you now. That means for
better or worse. In my mind, we’ve all but said the vows. I’m in our home, making it a little more
mine every day, the way you suggested months ago. I miss you. Going to sleep without you and
waking up to find your side of the bed cold is difficult. Yet, it’s nothing in comparison to the
pride I feel. You’re taking back your life. I admire you for that. I am counting down the days
until we can be together again. We’ll be better, stronger and so much happier for this.

Forever your little bird,

Lark

He’d re-read the letter so many times he knew it by memory. Better, Stronger and happier.

That was his end game.

Day 90…

This was the most important graduation day he’d ever have. He’d made it through

rehabilitation, attended every class required, let the shrink pick his brain. He’d painted, did yoga and walked outside to commune with nature. It sounded like some pussy shit, but damn did he feel good. Now, he was waiting for the people who meant the most, Monster and Lark were coming to pick him up.

“Hartley, your family is here.” The pretty brunette nurse gave him a bright smile.

Family, I like the sound of that.

Pan stood and grabbed his duffle bag. “Thanks, Sandra.” He followed her out of his room and down the hall to the waiting area.

His woman was a vision in a red dress that hugged her curves and stopped above her knee.

The rounded neckline showed off her generous breasts and brought out the matching red streaks in her hair. She’d put the weight she lost back on and had a smile that would light the darkest night.

His heart raced and he melted internally. He held out his arms and she ran to him. He lifted her off the ground and she kicked her legs giggling. His little bird knew where her home was. No matter where she flew, she would always come back. He buried his face against her neck

inhaling her womanly scent. “I fucking missed you, babe.” He whispered.

“I missed you too.” She pulled back, took his face between her hands and showered his face with kisses. “Monster and I drove separately. I wanted to let you talk to him first, since I’ll be taking you home.”

“Thank you, little bird.”

Lark sighed. “I missed hearing that.”

He set her on her feet, kissed her forehead and reluctantly let her go. She walked to the other side of the room and he turned his attention to Monster. They gave one another a manly hug and he clapped his back. “Thank you for coming.”

“No place else I’d rather be, brother,” Monster said.

“I owe you an apology. We’ve had an unhealthy relationship for the greater part of our lives.

I wanted to think you were the one who wouldn’t let go of what happened. But the truth

was…You made peace with it a long time ago. You had to. The only option was bitterness and anger and you knew that wasn’t the way to go. I was so busy pretending to be okay, I never grieved, or addressed things. When I saw you with Symone, it did something to me. It showed me everything I was missing out on, because I was too fucked up to try for anything real. I resented you for that. It opened up the badly healed scar and all the sick shit oozed out. While I was here, I did a lot of thinking and looking in the mirror. I didn’t like what I saw and I’m out to change those things. I’m not perfect, I’m going to slip up. We both know habits are hard to break, but I’m the best I’ve ever been and I’m actively trying here.”

“That’s all anyone can ask. I only want you to be happy,” Monster replied.

“I think for the first time, I’m in a place where I can be.”

Monster smiled. “I’m guessing you’re anxious to be alone with your girl.”

“Yeah.” Pan ran a hand through his too long hair and laughed.

“I’ll let you get to it. It’s good to see you man. You look….Healthy.”

“I am.” He grinned.

“I won’t keep you. Word to the wise though. You need to lock that shit down, ring, title, all of it. Because she deserves that and more.”

“I know and I have plans for that.”

“Good man.” Monster tapped his shoulder with his fist and walked away.

Lark walked over, hypnotizing him with the sway of her hips.

“You ready to get out of here?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe. You ready to do this again, the right way?”

“How about tell me what you want?” She pursed her full lips.

Pan felt his body heat as he choked off a moan. “I want us to move forward and be two

whole people in love and totally committed. The first thing I want to do after I’ve proved to you that I’m on the straight and narrow is go pick out a ring. I love you little bird.”

“I love you too. I think I can handle that,” Lark whispered.

Pan leaned down and captured her lips, getting lost in the woman who’d become his catalyst for all good things. All the happiness in his life began the moment she came out at him, roaring like a lioness. Maybe she’d imparted some of her bravery to him. Happily ever after was cliché.

He couldn’t even allow himself to think along those lines. He could, however—be her nest. The comfy shelter she always came home to.

Yeah, he liked the sound of that.

The End

About the Author

Shyla Colt grew up in Cincinnati, Ohio, but has lived a variety of different places, thanks to her wanderlust, interesting careers and marriage to a United States Marine. She's always loved books and wrote her very first novel at the age of fifteen. She keeps a copy of her first submission letter on her desk for inspiration.

After a lifetime of traveling, she settled down and knew her time had come to write. Diving into her new career like she does everything else, with enthusiasm, research and a lot of prayers, she had her first book published in June of 2011. As a full-time writer, stay at home mother and wife, there's never a dull moment in her household.

She weaves her tales in spare moments and the evenings with a cup of coffee or tea at her side and the characters in her head for company. A self-professed rebel with a pen. Her goal is to diversify romance as she continues to genre hop and offer up strong female characters.

You can interact with Shyla Colt online via her website:

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