Perfect Contradiction (2 page)

The next day came too early. I mumbled beneath my breath the entire time I was in the shower and all the way down the stairs. I looked longingly over at my coffee pot, but I had to resist. I needed to get some blood work done and check in with my doctor. I’d been putting it off too long already. I hadn’t even told Beth I was going in today. I didn’t need her worrying about me going by myself when she was on her honeymoon in the Bahamas. Sighing, I sat down at my kitchen table and sorted through the shoe box of bills. They were really beginning to pile up. I’d used a good portion of my momma’s life insurance on the funeral and paying off medical bills. I wasn’t exactly hurting for cash, but I didn’t want to get to that point either. My momma had floated most of the bills when she was healthy by working two jobs when I was growing up. I was going to have to figure out what I wanted to do for income. I’d taken care of my momma for so long that I hadn’t really put much thought into what I would do when she was gone.

I glanced around my kitchen and smiled to myself. My momma had been toying around with an idea several months before she got really bad. She’d thought about getting a small loan, then putting a bit of money into the house and renting out rooms. Turning our family home into a small, country bed-and-breakfast was one of her dreams. I thought about it as I stared out of the kitchen window with my chin in my hand. It would be a lot of work. It’d take some money. I did have five extra bedrooms and a ton of extra square footage. I could even do the baking, which I loved, for the boarders. Maybe even set up a small room in the house to sell baked goods. The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. Glancing up at the clock, I sighed. I’d have to think about it later; I didn’t want to run late for my appointment.

Hurrying out of the house, I jumped in my little car and drove out of town, thoughts of the bed-and-breakfast spinning around in my mind as I went. When I got to the doctor’s office, I had to remind myself several times that I wasn’t here to hear any bad news—I was just here to run some simple blood tests and get a physical. I’d never been to the office by myself, and it was more difficult than I thought it would be. I took a deep breath and got out of my car.
I could do this
.

The staff all knew me by name, and I really did like every one of them, it was just hard seeing them, knowing I’d been there with Momma so many times when she was sick. The office was a difficult place for me to visit.

“Jennifer Collins?” I rose from my chair in the waiting room and followed the nurse to the back. She made small talk as she wrote a few notes down and weighed me. I’d gained four pounds since the last time I’d been to see them with Beth almost six weeks ago. She was happy to see me put on a few pounds. I hadn’t even noticed, but I guess my clothes were starting to fit me again. They had started getting a bit loose when my momma died. She took my blood pressure, asked me how I was feeling, and then took a few vials of blood.

“Here ya go, Jennifer. There’s a bathroom a few doors down. Just leave the cup inside when you’re done, and I’ll meet ya back in this room with the doctor when you’re finished.” I nodded and took my little cup to do my business. When I came back, I sat down in a chair and flipped through
Time
magazine. After twenty minutes passed, I glanced over at the door. The doctor was usually very prompt. I’d just begun to get concerned when the doctor and the nurse came back into the room.

“I was just about to go looking for y’all,” I said. The doctor smiled at me and asked me how I’d been since I last saw him. I told him that I was doing well, but I was still battling fatigue since the funeral.

“Jen, when was the last time you had a cycle?” he asked as he made some notes on my chart.

“Cycle?” I asked in confusion.

“Yes, your menstrual cycle, I mean.” I blushed and glanced over at the nurse. She smiled at me in encouragement.

“Ah, let me think.” I felt like such an idiot. Of course he meant menstrual cycle. I thought for a few seconds, trying to remember my last. So much had happened in the past two months, with my mom being so sick, the funeral, Beth coming home, her engagement, and the wedding. I frowned to myself as I thought.
When was the last time I had my period?
Then a flash of something lit in my brain. I hadn’t had a period since right after the funeral. As a matter of fact, I was pretty sure my period had begun the day after the funeral, and that had been a little over eight weeks ago. I glanced up at the doctor.

“I’m not sure, but I think it had to have been right after my momma’s funeral,” I answered in a quavering voice. I wondered if I had stressed so much that I’d thrown my cycle off, or maybe something
was
wrong with me after all. My head felt fuzzy all of a sudden. I reached up to place a hand on my forehead.

“Whoa there, you okay?” the doctor asked as he sat his clipboard down. I nodded, but he was already kneeling in front of me and handing me a small cup of water the nurse had procured.

“This could be bad, right?” I asked after taking a sip. I glanced up into the doctor’s eyes. He smiled.

“Well, that depends on your definition of
bad
, I guess,” he answered after a slight pause. I looked over at the nurse, and she was smiling as well.

“What does that mean?” I asked softly.

“Jen, we’ll need to send off for a blood test to confirm it, but according to the hormone levels in your urine, it is safe to say… you’re pregnant.” The doctor stood slowly, the smile never leaving his face. I blinked at him and then shook my head.

“I’m sorry, did you say…?”

“Pregnant. Yes, I did. Probably six weeks or so along, I’d wager. Congratulations.” I smiled at him and sat there while he went through all the things I should do next. He gave me a list of obstetricians he recommended, told me to take it easy, he’d call with the blood test results, and to try out the prenatal vitamin samples he gave me, and so on. I just listened like I was actually paying attention, like my whole world hadn’t been turned upside down.

I recall walking out to my car with a list of instructions and recommendations in my hand. When I sat in my car and put my seatbelt on, I knew my world had just been tilted on its axis. Still, I just drove home, in shock and disbelief. Pregnant? How could I be pregnant? I’d only been with one guy in the last two years and that was the two times I’d been with Hunter. Two times and we’d used protection.
Hunter
. What were the odds? My head started thrumming as I drove, and I had a full-blown headache by the time I pulled up to my house.

When I got inside, I headed straight upstairs to my momma’s bedroom and curled up in her bed, covering my head with the handmade quilt my granny had made. Still, I didn’t cry. I knew I was probably in shock. It would have probably been better if I had cried. Instead, I laid there for the rest of the day until night fell. And when night finally came, I took a shower and then crawled back into bed and…
slept
.

The phone was ringing again. I wondered idly how many times it had rang since that morning. Sighing, I rolled out of my bed. It was time to stop feeling sorry for myself and really think about what I was going to do. I hadn’t eaten in a while, and now I had… a life inside of me to worry about. I placed a hand flat on my stomach. For the first time since I came home the day before… tears threatened. A hot shower and food were in order. As I washed my hair, the only thing I could think was how I didn’t even know if coffee was bad for a pregnant woman. After that, the tears started flowing and I was powerless to stop them. I would’ve given anything for my momma’s reassuring embrace right about then. Twenty minutes later, I wrapped myself in a large towel and trudged back into my bedroom. I pulled my most worn and comfortable maxi dress and cardigan out of my closet and slipped it on. After I combed all the tangles out of my hair, I walked slowly down the stairs to my kitchen.

I made myself a plate of leftover food from the wedding and slipped on an old pair of glasses as I sat down at the kitchen table to read over all the info the doctor gave me. There was no way I was putting my contacts in as red and swollen as my eyes were.
A baby
. I wasn’t even in a relationship, and I was going to have a baby. I had no source of income, and I was going to be a momma. Dear lord, what was everyone going to say? I groaned and stared at the papers. What were my options? Should I tell Hunter? Should I consider adoption? So many questions. I didn’t know anything, and what if I’d hurt the baby taking medicine I shouldn’t have? Or drinking the champagne the day before yesterday at the wedding? My hand flew to my midsection, and I jumped out of my seat to grab the phone off the wall. I dialed the obstetrician’s number and all but hyperventilated by the time someone picked up.

“I just found out I’m pregnant, and I had champagne two days ago. Will that harm the baby?” I blurted. The receptionist on the other end asked me to calm down and give her some of my info. Before I knew it, I had an appointment for the next week and I was reassured that a little alcohol had never been proven to hurt a baby in utero. When I got off the phone, I was feeling a little less panicky, at least as far as harming the baby was concerned. I had so many decisions to make, and I knew none of them were going to be easy. A knock on the front door brought me out of my thoughts.

Pulling back the curtain sheers, I glanced out the window and found Hunter Wright standing on my porch, a hand running through his hair in agitation. I took a deep breath and ran a hand over the skirt of my dress before opening the door.

“Hunter, what can I do for you?” I asked, my heart pounding too loudly in my ears. His eyes widened, and I cursed myself for not realizing how I must look.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as he pushed into the house. I stepped back with a sigh and stared at a spot over his shoulder.

“Nothing. Everything’s okay,” I answered.

“Like hell it is,” he snapped. “Beth said she’s been calling you all morning to let you know they made it okay like she promised she would, and she said you weren’t answering. She got worried because you
always
answer.” He put a finger on my chin and turned my face until I had no choice but to look at him. “Why have you been crying, sweetheart?” he murmured. I pulled my chin out of his grasp and breathed in deeply.

“It’s nothing I can’t handle,” I said softly. I wondered if I should tell him. What would he say? Deny it was his? Worse, that he’d want to marry me because of the baby. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I trapped him to me because of our baby. He was just the kind of man who would do something like that too. We might not have worked out as a couple, but he’d be a good daddy to his kid. A stupid tear escaped the corner of my eye, and I wiped it away furiously.