Perfect Contradiction (3 page)

“Jen, talk to me. Tell me what it is you need.” The way he looked at me nearly melted me. It made me want to throw myself into his arms like I had not so very long ago and let him share my burdens. But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.

“I’m sorry I hurt you. I never meant to,” he said gently. “I wish I had a
redo
button so I could make it right between us.” I nodded and stepped back out of arm’s reach. He dropped his arm back to his side with his hand clenched into a fist.

“I never should’ve run,” he muttered. I frowned in confusion before shaking my head and stepping toward the door.

“I’ll call Beth right now,” I said, trying to summon a smile. “And, ya know, if you’d like to help me, perhaps you could recommend a handyman. Someone who can help me do a little remodeling in the house. I’m going to open up a business, and I’ll have a lot of work to do,” I said, proud of how steady I sounded.

“A business?” he asked.

“A bed-and-breakfast.” I watched him as he looked around the house, and then turned back to look at me with a small smile.

“Yeah, I can see it. And with your amazing baking, it’s sure to be a huge success,” he said sincerely.

“I hope so. I’m going to need the income,” I answered. A little voice of doubt inside kept whispering how I’d never make it work. How was I going to open a brand-new business all on my own while I was pregnant? And what if I kept the baby? How would I be able to take care of it and run a business at the same time? Just the day before, I’d been only concerned about myself and what I was going to with the rest of my life and suddenly, I was responsible for another life, another tiny, helpless human. Someone who’d have to depend upon me for everything.

“Well, if you’re sure you’re alright, I’ll make some calls for you and get back to you later today, if that’s okay?” I glanced up at Hunter, but I didn’t really see him. My mind was off in too many different directions.

“Sounds good,” I managed. I shut the door behind Hunter after he left. I had no idea if he’d said anything else; I couldn’t concentrate on anything other than the need to go out to my garden, my little sanctuary, the little place I went to when I wanted to feel closer to God and closer to my momma.

The moment I stepped outside and felt the breeze in my hair and the sun on my face I could breathe just a little easier. I walked slowly through my garden until I came to the huge, old oak tree where a wooden swing still hung from its ancient branches. Sitting down, I pushed myself back and forth gently as I thought. Another breeze rustled the leaves of the ancient tree above my head. I craned my neck back until I was looking up into the branches of the oak where spots of blue sky and white, fluffy clouds peeked through. Letting my eyes fall shut with my face still to the heavens, I spoke softly.

“Lord, I know I have no right to even ask anything of you right now. I know this…
situation
isn’t ideal, and it wasn’t exactly planned or asked for. But, I also know that sometimes good can come from our mess-ups, and I know beyond a shadow of doubt that this baby isn’t a mistake. I ain’t gonna lie and pretend I know what to do or how I’m going to make this work, but if you’ll just help me out a little down here, I promise I’ll give it my all. I guess I just wanted to let you know I’m still in shock and still processing all of this, but I’m going to deal and I’d much rather deal knowing you’re watching out for me. My momma didn’t raise no quitter, and she sure didn’t raise me to wallow in self-pity when the going got tough. So, please kiss my momma for me, tell her she’s going to be a grandma, and that I’m gonna do my darndest to make her proud.”

I let my head drop forward as I opened my eyes. I wasn’t sure how long I swung outside under that old tree, but when I went back inside later, my heart and my spirit were lighter. Now all I had to do was make those words truth. It was time for me to face the music and adjust my plans.

I was going to have a baby.

A week later, I sat at my kitchen table after my doctor’s appointment. I stared down at the picture the nurse had given me at my doctor’s office. It was just a little blob, but I couldn’t help but gaze at it in absolute awe. It was real… my own mini blob was now growing inside of me. Mini Blob, who was half me and half Hunter, had already stolen my heart. I popped a prenatal vitamin out of one of the five sample packages the doctor had given me and swallowed it down with a cool glass of iced tea. I stuck four of the packs deep into a drawer in the kitchen, and then put one pack inside of my purse. I was going to have to remember to take one every morning.

“Well, looks like it’s just me and you kid,” I muttered to Mini Blob. I tucked the picture inside of my purse with the pills and went upstairs to get ready to meet the contractor coming over in the next half hour. Dressed in a long, jean skirt and a striped, boat-neck shirt, I bounded down the stairs when the doorbell rang. I stopped long enough to make sure my hair was all contained in the claw I’d secured it with on the back of my head. Confident I looked halfway put together, I went to answer the door. When I swung it open, my mouth fell open in shock.

“Surprise!” Beth shouted over the voices on my front porch. I stood there, unable to understand what was going on. Beth laughed and wrapped her arms around my neck. “You might wanna close your mouth,” she whispered in my ear.

“I thought you guys weren’t due back until tonight,” I said breathlessly. Beth shrugged.

“We didn’t want to have to drive back from the airport at night, so we moved our flight up a bit.” She smiled again and chuckled under her breath. “The look on your face was worth it,” she said, suppressing a smirk. It wasn’t easy for her.

“I’m so sorry, y’all. Please, come in. My manners disappeared there for a sec.” I waved Matt, Hunter, and Mr. and Mrs. Wright in. “I was expecting someone else, or I wouldn’t have stared like an idiot for so long,” I said by way of explanation. Mrs. Wright walked over and air kissed my cheek.

“My dear, there’s no way anyone in their right mind would think you were an idiot,” Mrs. Wright said with a smile. I glanced over and realized the guys were all carrying casserole dishes. What in the world?

Mrs. Wright tutted beneath her breath. “I can also see by the look on your face that my son wasn’t exactly truthful with us when he said you knew we’d be coming.” Her glare at her youngest son was the kind that would have made a lesser man shrink back, but Hunter just grinned hugely and winked at his momma.

“Now, Momma, I said she knew she was going to have company and that she’d be meeting with a contractor,” he explained. “I just didn’t mention she didn’t know
we
were the company
and
the contractors.” He shrugged. My mouth fell open. Son of a… I couldn’t let this happen. I felt panic rising inside of me. Spend weeks on end with Hunter and his family in my house, all the time, while being knocked up with his baby?
Impossible
. I tamped down my horror and called on my years of deep-rooted southern hospitality, pasting a smile on my face.

“Let’s get these dishes to the kitchen, and I’ll make y’all some drinks.” Hunter flinched, and Beth frowned. Maybe I needed to work on my acting skills. I led the group to the kitchen, helping Beth and Mrs. Wright set out all the food on the counter and put the banana pudding away in the fridge. The guys went to take a look around the house while we set up lunch and drinks.

“I’m sorry about this, hun. If I’d known that boy wasn’t being straight with me, I’d never have let him do something so boneheaded,” Mrs. Wright said with a shake of her head.

I took a breath and smiled. “Oh, don’t worry about it. I’m glad to have y’all here. Really.” My smile was genuine this time, and Mrs. Wright smiled back. It wasn’t her fault, and I really enjoyed the company of the Wright family. No, Hunter was to blame and he was going to get a piece of my mind as soon as I could get him alone.

“So, how did your doctor’s visit go?” Beth asked over her shoulder. My eyes widened, and I nearly dropped the ice trays I was taking out of the freezer.

“My doctor visit?” I squeaked. Beth caught my gaze and then rolled her eyes.

“Did you think for a second I didn’t know you were going to see your doctor as soon as I went on my honeymoon?” she asked as she unwrapped a dish of steaming mashed potatoes. Right… my regular appointment. I cracked the ice trays and started filling glasses.

“It was fine. I told ya it was going to be nothing to worry about.” Smiling, I turned to face the glasses I was filling. I hated lying to her, but skirtin’ the truth was unavoidable. I was a horrible liar, though, and even worse at keeping secrets from my best friend. I was going to have to tell her soon. I just needed to figure out how to do it… and how to keep her from telling Hunter. I sighed and both Beth and Mrs. Wright glanced at me, their brows both quirking up in concern.
Dagnabbit!
I bit my lip and started pouring the sweet tea.

When we were all seated around the picnic table in my backyard, Pastor Wright gave thanks and then we all passed around the food dishes. Piling potatoes and fresh salad on my plate, I took a roll. When the BBQ rib platter came around, I nearly ran from the table. How awful was it that my absolute favorite food now turned my stomach? Instead, I tried not to breathe in as I quickly passed the plate to my right. Beth’s mouth dropped open. She knew how I felt about BBQ. I could put it away like a dude on my worst days and out-eat most guys on my best.

“I’m staying away from meats for a little while.” I shrugged and then bit into my roll, hoping she’d just chalk it up to me trying out some new low-protein diet or something.

“I hope you’re not dieting, Jen. You look so much healthier than you did when I first got back to Salem,” Beth said, her eyes watching me too closely.

“You look perfect, Jen,” Hunter said in agreement. “You definitely don’t need to lose weight.” I snorted when I thought what they would think of my weight in a few months when I looked like a beached whale. Everyone at the table stared at me. Snorting was definitely
not
the correct response to their comments. I stuck my fork into my salad.

“Y’all let her alone. She knows herself more than anyone else here, and she knows what she’s doing.” Pastor Wright winked at me, and I smiled back in thanks. I popped a sliced of radish in my mouth and nearly moaned. Were radishes always so tasty?

“So, Jen, what are you thinking as far as changes in the house? A bed-and-breakfast will be a welcome edition in Salem, I’m sure of it.” Matt waited for me to answer.

“The wood floors need refinished. I’d also like to make the small sitting room that’s near the dining room into a small bakery shop with a swinging door between it and the living room. All three bathrooms need to be completely redone, and all five of the bedrooms will need fresh paint, beds, linens, and such. I also have some changes I want made in my room.” I glanced over at Beth.

“I hoped you and Mrs. Wright would help me find all the right stuff to decorate the rooms. I’m thinking each room needs a special, handmade quilt, and then we can decorate the rooms to match.” Beth grinned, and Mrs. Wright seemed surprised and pleased that I’d ask her to help me with the decorating. Truth was, I didn’t like to shop, but I did love my home, and I believed the little, special touches would make a big difference.

“I’d be glad to help,” Beth answered.

“Good. I already applied for a business license, insurance, and all that other boring stuff, so we have a green light to begin whenever. You guys are standing on the property of the brand-new
Countryside Inn and Bakery
,” I said with a huge smile. Everyone just stared at me, seeming shell shocked.

“What?” I asked after a sip of tea.

“I didn’t realize you’d done so much while we were gone,” Beth said breathlessly. “Wow, you don’t waste any time when you make up your mind,” she said with a laugh.

“Congratulations, Jen,” Matt said, smiling ear to ear. Everyone else congratulated me and peppered me with questions and suggestions. The day was perfect, and I was actually sad to see everyone prepare to leave later that afternoon. When everyone started heading to their vehicles and after Beth had promised to come over for a visit the next day, I noticed Hunter hanging back. I waved to everyone as they pulled away, leaving Hunter and me alone on the front porch.

“Hunter Wright, I should wring your neck for pulling this,” I said with a sigh. I glanced over at Hunter, who in didn’t look sorry. Not one little bit.

“Come on over here and sit with me, sweetheart,” he said as he took my hand and led me over to the porch swing. I sat next to him reluctantly. I was bone tired. Every afternoon, I got super tired… and now I knew why. Growing a baby took a lot of work.

“I’m not sure this is such a great idea, Hunter,” I said softly. I glanced up into his eyes and found him studying me. “I mean, I love your family and I enjoy having them over, but I don’t know that us being thrown together will be a good thing.”

“You love my family?” he asked. I blinked.
Did he not hear anything else?

“Of course I do. Your family is great,” I snapped.

“Just my family?” he asked softly, watching my lips. I gulped and suppressed the need to lick my lips nervously.

“Don’t ask questions like that, Hunter,” I murmured, my eyes drawn to his lips against my will.

“Why not, sweetheart?” he asked, his lids lowered and his voice becoming husky with desire.

“It’s not fair to ask me things like that now,” I answered on a whisper. His hand raised and gently swiped a stray hair back, tucking it behind my ear. He cupped his hand behind my head, angling my face toward his.

“No one ever said love was fair, babe,” he murmured as his lips brushed mine softly. My treacherous eyes fluttered closed and my hands came up to rest on his chest as his lips pressed fully into mine, his lips coaxing a small moan from me. My head kept screaming for me to stop the foolishness. I was kissing a guy who’d left me high and dry when I’d needed him the most. My heart tried to shut out my head. I had fallen in love with Hunter a long time ago, and I felt like everything was right when I was in his arms. Eventually, though, my mind won the battle. Pushing myself out of Hunter’s arms, I stood up from the swing. I didn’t have just myself to worry about anymore. I needed to keep a clear head so I could make the correct choices for myself, but more importantly… for Mini Blob.

“No, I guess they didn’t,” I said after I had a moment to gather myself together. Hunter stood and shoved his hand in his pockets.

“Jen… please give me another chance. I’m a moron, and I screwed up. I should have been here for you when you thought you had cancer. I should have been here holding your hand.”

I turned to face him.
No
.
Don’t.

“I freaked out after you told me you might be sick… finding out that I might lose you.” His eyes begged me to understand.

I died a little inside.

“I won’t bother you with the
whys
of my freak out, but I realize now that I hurt you deeply when I left. I just didn’t realize until I came back just why
I
was hurting so bad when I left.” He captured my hand in his as he continued. “Only one thing has the ability to make you feel like heaven has landed in your lap even though you don’t deserve it, and a split second later hurt you so bad that you’d rather rip out your heart than to feel such pain ever again.”

I began shaking my head.
Please don’t
.

“Only love has that ability, Jen. I love you. I have probably since that first day at the fair when Beth came into town.”

I pulled my hand out of his and wrapped my arms around my midsection. He’d said everything I’d wanted him to. The words I’d longed to hear since we’d made love so many weeks ago. The apology I’d prayed for even up to the day of the wedding. But it was all too late. What if I took a chance on him and he decided he didn’t want an instant family? What if I took a chance on him and he decided to bail on me once again after I had the baby? Whatever issues Hunter had, I would have been more than willing to deal with if it had only affected me. But it
didn’t
just affect me now… it would affect the baby. I’d lost a parent when I was a little girl, and I’d lost a parent when I was an adult. Both were devastating, and I never wanted Mini Blob to have to deal with that. I would rather do it all on my own than to put anyone through the same thing. Stepping back, I met Hunter’s pleading gaze.