Perfect Contradiction (4 page)

“I’m sorry, Hunter,” I whispered. “I don’t think I can take that chance.” His eyes widened and then shuttered. I was screaming on the inside.

“Can you tell me why?” he clipped out.

I lowered my head and stared at the floor. “I have reasons I don’t want to talk about just now,” I answered. I glanced up after he didn’t say anything for a few moments. His jaw was clenched tightly, and his hands were balled into fists.

“I guess I deserve that,” he said finally. He sounded defeated. My arm lifted to cup his face before I stopped myself and let it fall to my side. He walked over to the steps of my porch and went down them. It took everything I had to stay standing still and not run after him. He turned his head to the side, but he didn’t look at me.

“I hope you have a beautiful life, Jen. You deserve happiness and love.” And with that, he loped across the yard and got into his truck. I still stood on the porch long after his taillights faded down the street. When I had the strength, I walked into the house to take a much-needed nap.

By the grace of God, I didn’t fall apart.

At least, not on the outside.

Beth came over as promised the next day, full of energy and excitement over the renovation plans and opening my business. I felt like such an old lady in comparison. I’d read on the internet the night before that my energy would start to return after the first trimester. I prayed that it would. I had so much to accomplish before I opened the inn for business.

“So what are you thinking as far as the quilts?” Beth asked as she browsed through one of the fifty copies of
Southern Living
and
Southern Décor
that she’d rounded up and brought over for us to get ideas from.

“I was thinking of doing one whole room in blue and cream like that set of plates hanging in the hallway,” I said as I flipped through my own magazine. “And maybe a spring green and cream in another room.” I glanced up. “I have no idea for the other three rooms though. Maybe one in a country rose color?” Beth nodded and wrote those on her list.

“You could do one to match a multicolored rag quilt. Kind of eclectic, but country and homey at the same time.” I smiled broadly. I liked that.

“I have just the thing for inspiration too,” I said as I stood. “I’ll be right back.” I darted up the stairs. Opening the linen closet, I rifled around until I found what I was looking for. I petted the handmade lap blanket and sank my face into it for a second, remembering all the love my momma had put into it when I was little. It still looked good… loved, but in good condition. Maybe it could find a place in a room, hanging over a chest or a chair. I smiled, making my way down the stairs and back to the kitchen.

“Do you remember this?” I said loudly as I came through the dining room. I stopped abruptly in the doorway to the kitchen, my heart stuttering in my chest. Beth stood at the table with my purse perched on top of it and opened. My prenatal vitamins, the pamphlets the doctor had given me, and my ultrasound picture were out on the table. Beth’s eyes were wide as she stared down at everything.

“Your cell phone was vibrating,” she murmured distractedly. I walked the rest of the way into the room and sat down heavily in my chair. Beth’s gaze met mine. I smiled crookedly.

“Surprise?” I said half-heartedly.

“Jen? What? When? How? Who?” Beth rambled before collapsing into her own chair.

“Pregnant? Yes. Eight weeks ago. The old-fashioned way. As for who… I think you can figure it out.” Gathering up the pamphlets and pills, I shoved them back into my bag. I picked up the picture of Mini Blob and sat it on the table in front of me. Beth still hadn’t said anything, but I watched as a myriad of emotions crossed her face. I knew the moment she figured out that her new brother-in-law was my
baby’s daddy
.

“Hunter!” She slammed her hand on the top of the table, fuming. I flinched. She jumped from her seat and began pacing across the kitchen. “Does he know?” she asked. I shook my head.

“And I don’t want him to know either,” I said vehemently. Beth groaned and continued her trek across the linoleum.

“When are you due?” she asked after a few minutes.

“Next March,” I answered immediately. Beth stopped her pacing and glanced over at the picture on the table.

“I’m going to be an aunt,” she murmured beneath her breath. I smiled at that. She grinned back and then came over to sit down next to me. “How long have you known?” she asked softly.

“Since the day after the wedding, when I went to the doctor.” I shook my head ruefully. “I hadn’t even realized I’d missed my period.” Beth picked up the ultrasound picture and ran a finger over it.

“You’re going to be a mommy,” she said, her eyes going misty. My own eyes widened as I tried unsuccessfully not to cry. “And that means I’m going to be an aunt,” she said once again. I hiccupped a laugh through my tears.

“What if I mess this up? What if I’m a horrible mom and I ruin Mini Blob’s life?” I wailed.

Beth laughed through her tears and sniffed. “You will be an
amazing
mom,” she said so sincerely that I started crying the ugly kind of tears. She came around the table and wrapped her arms around me. “You will do the mom thing better than any mom in the history of Mom-dom.” I snorted and then sniffled. “I’ll help you and we’ll figure this all out together, Jen.”

I nodded and took the paper towel she handed me. After I’d wiped my eyes and blown my nose, I tucked my picture back into my purse.

“And please tell me you didn’t refer to my niece as
Mini Blob
.”

“Hunter asked me to give him another chance yesterday,” I said softly. Beth’s eyes grew round. “He said he loved me and had made a mistake.”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” Beth asked gently. I smiled sadly and wondered if everyone knew how I really felt about Hunter.

“It was… but now that I have Mini Blob to think about,” I began, “I just don’t know if I can take the chance that he’d leave once he found out about the baby, or worse, leave after the baby got here. You know… if things got tough.”

“You know he’s going to find out sooner or later, right? About the baby, I mean?”

I nodded. It wasn’t like I’d be able to hide it for long. “I know, but I just can’t tell him right now. I want to wait for the right moment.”

“There may never be a perfect moment to tell him he’s gonna be a daddy. But, you better just be sure you tell him before he finds out on his own.”

I nodded and picked up the ultrasound picture. Tucking everything back inside of my purse, I sighed. “What will Pastor and Mrs. Wright think of me?” I whispered. “What will everyone at church say when I start showing?”

It was the first time I voiced my shallow concerns out loud. I hated the thought of people talking about me, maybe even thinking poorly of Hunter. I could weather the dirty looks and the wagging tongues, but I wouldn’t stand for anybody bad mouthin’ the Wrights or the baby. I put a hand on my stomach protectively. Beth put a hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t you worry about that, Jenifer Collins. The Wrights are good people and if anyone has anything to say about you or the baby, they can come and talk to me,” she said fiercely.

I smiled through my tears. I had no idea what I’d ever do without my best friend. Reaching out, I put my arms around her neck. “Thank you,” I whispered.

“What are best friends for?” she answered. “What are favorite aunts for?” she added in for good measure.

I laughed and hugged her even tighter.

“Don’t you worry one little bit, Jen. You don’t have to do this alone. You have me, and I’ll always be here for you.”

For a moment, I truly believed everything was going to turn out okay.

The house renovations had been underway for a week before I thought I was going to lose my ever-lovin’ mind. Everywhere I turned, there was a Wright in my house. Even Beth was technically a Wright. All three bathrooms were finished quickly, and the men were already working on refinishing the hardwood floors and hanging a swinging door between the sitting room and the formal dining room that was soon to be my little bakery. I didn’t realize how tightly strung I’d become with Hunter and his family in the house every day until I finally snapped.

“Jen, all the upstairs and downstairs room have been painted. All we’re waiting on is what color you’d like us to paint your room and what changes you want made to that small, adjoining room.”

“I was thinking a pale yellow paint. Something really subtle,” I answered over my shoulder as I chopped lemons and mint for the lemonade. Mrs. Wright and Beth were sitting at the table shuckin’ corn for the evening meal.

“And I’d like to have the entire wall between my room and the adjoining room knocked down to enlarge my room,” I answered, my eyes on my task. I tried to avoid talking to Hunter as much as possible, and I’d even tried not to look at him if I could help it without seeming rude.

“That seems like a big change,” he said in a bit of a surprised voice. I glanced quickly over at Beth, who was trying very hard not to listen to our conversation.

“I need more space in my room,” I answered softly. I glanced up quickly into Hunter’s questioning gaze. He shrugged.

“You could use it when your business opens. If not as a small, extra guest room, then maybe for storing some of your momma’s things you won’t want anyone to use when the inn is open for business,” he suggested in a perfectly reasonable voice. My reasonability must have fled days earlier. I swung around to face him.

“I don’t need it as an extra room or as storage,
Hunter Wright
,” I shouted. “I need my room to be larger. Is that such a horrible thing?” I asked, seething, my knife, still in my hand, dripping lemon juice as I pointed it at him. The entire room went silent, and I suddenly realized exactly how much I’d overreacted. I turned and found Beth’s eyes wide, her mouth hanging open. Even Mrs. Wright seemed shocked.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to holler, y’all,” I muttered as I threw the knife on the counter, wiped my hands on my apron, and pushed through the back screen door. A soon as I hit the fresh air, I began running. I ran out past the garden and clothesline until I reached the old oak tree in my backyard. Rounding it, I hid behind it as tears began streaming down my face. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t have him in the house and not go insane. Wiping my eyes on the hem of my apron, I then wrapped my arms around my waist. I was barely two months along, and I was already feeling like everything was going to be too much for me to bear. What if I couldn’t do it?

“Jen?” Hunter’s voice was close. I whimpered and drew further into myself. My tears had at least stopped.

“Jen, what’s wrong?” he asked softly. Concern radiated from his body. All I wanted to do was throw myself into his arms, tell him everything, and ask him to make it all better. Instead, I tightened my grip on my waist and shook my head.

“That’s a load of crap, Jennifer Collins. I know something is wrong. I’ve never seen you so emotional. You’re upset about something,” he insisted.

I laughed, but the sound came out brittle. It wasn’t a happy sound. “It’s nothing I can’t handle, Hunter,” I said after a moment.

“Let me help you. Talk to me, sweetheart,” he murmured, his hands coming up to caress my arms.

I flinched and pulled away quickly. I knew the instant I did it that I’d hurt him. “I want you to leave,” I said softly as I stared at my feet.

“Jen… you don’t mean that,” he said roughly, his voice letting me know he couldn’t believe what I’d just said.

I swallowed and took a deep breath before meeting his hurt gaze. “I do. I need you to leave, Hunter. I can’t have you here.” My voice sounded more assured than I felt. It sounded steady even though my heart was cracking on the inside.

He reached out a hand. “Jen, please.”

I moved back a step and stiffened my back even though that single word
please
nearly undid me. “I’m sorry, Hunter. I can’t. It hurts too much, and this is the way it has to be for now.”

He stared at me for so long I thought he meant to protest again, but something even worse happened. Taking a step back, his eyes suddenly went cold and distant. He nodded once before turning on his heel and leaving me alone behind the old oak tree.

As soon as I heard the back porch door shut behind him, I sank down to the soft grass and cried. When I made my way back to the house a long while later, everyone was gone for the evening… everyone except for Beth.

“You okay?” she asked.

I walked over and sat down next to her at the kitchen table. “I told Hunter I didn’t want him to come to the house anymore,” I answered. Beth raised her brow, but she didn’t seem shocked.

“I kind of figured. He lit out of here in some kind of a hurry with an impressive scowl on his forehead.”

I groaned. “The Wrights are going to hate me,” I said. Beth laughed as she handed me a tall glass of lemonade she must have finished for me.

“What?” I asked before taking a long drink.

“Jen, hun, the Wrights love you like a daughter. I guarantee they left here wondering what Hunter had done to you and how they could get him to make it up to you.”

I shook my head. “I’ve made such a mess of things,” I muttered.

Beth put a hand over mine on the table. “Don’t fret over this, Jen. It isn’t healthy for the baby, and the baby is top priority right now. Everything else will work itself out. Just you wait and see,” she said with a smile.

I smiled back. She was right of course. I needed to focus on the baby and getting the inn up and running. I’d worry about everything else—like the Wrights finding out they were going to be grandparents, about Hunter finding out he was going to be a daddy, and about how ill equipped I was to raise a child—after things settled down. This was going to be the easy part. I just had to make sure I told Hunter before anyone else found out. And I had to make sure I did it before I was as big as a house. I just needed a little more time to figure out how to break it to him.

“I can’t believe you’ll be opening in two weeks,” Beth said as she pulled down the attic stairs. She was right. Weeks had flown by and yet, when I was at home alone at night, thinking about Hunter and the last time we spoke, it seemed to me that time was crawling by intolerably slow. I hadn’t seen him since that afternoon when I’d asked him to leave and even though I knew it was for the best, I still missed him terribly. Not only that, but I was nearly out of my first trimester already, and I still hadn’t gotten up the nerve to tell him about the baby.

“Earth to Jen.” Beth waved a hand in front of my face. She was already halfway up the attic stairs. “You coming?” she asked.

“Yeah. Sorry, just wool gatherin’ I guess.” I climbed the stairs behind Beth. She had already begun sneezing. The attic was super dusty. Maybe I’d give it a good spring cleaning when I got a chance.
If
I ever got a chance.

“You’ve been doing that a lot lately,” she said over her shoulder as she moved a few boxes out of her way.

I sighed and shrugged. “I know. I’m sorry,” I answered.

“No need to be sorry, Jen. I just wish you’d let me in,” she said gently. “I want to help you, but I can’t if you don’t tell me what’s going on in that busy head of yours,” she said, smiling.

“Mostly how quickly my stomach is expanding and how much longer I’ll be able to keep it a secret,” I confessed, joining her to move a couple of old coats and piles of quilts that had seen better days.

“You thought any more about how or when you’re going to break it to Hunter?” Beth asked.

“Are you certain I should tell him at all?” I asked. “I mean, I could move to another state or join the circus.”

Beth snorted. “Seriously, though, it’s only going to get harder the longer you wait.”

She was right, but that didn’t make it any easier.

“I’ll tell him soon. I was thinking of taking a little day trip into St. Louis to do some shopping for the inn in a couple of days. I’ll go by and talk to Hunter then.”

Beth stopped and looked at me. “Really?” she asked in a surprise.

I took the last box out of her hand and nodded. We both looked down at what we’d uncovered. I ran a hand along the side of the bassinet that had once been mine and smiled softly.

“Yeah. It’s time, don’t you think?” I asked.

Beth nodded. “It is,” she agreed.

And just like that, I’d made a plan to head to St. Louis to visit Hunter in two days.

“Well, let’s get this downstairs and cleaned up so we can stow it in your room,” Beth suggested.

I smiled and got started. Beth knew it was better if I stayed busy. If I thought about it too much, I’d likely change my mind.

The bassinet cleaned up beautifully. I ran my hand over the carvings in the white wood. The cow jumping over the moon and the dish running away with the spoon. I rocked the bassinet with a large grin on my face.

“It’s perfect,” Beth said with a happy sigh.

I nodded and blinked furiously, refusing to let the water works begin
again
. Pregnancy hormones were hell on my mascara. “I think momma would’ve loved the thought of me using this basinet for the baby,” I said after a moment.

“She really would have,” Beth agreed.

“Now it just needs a fresh coat of paint, a new mattress, and a quilt.”

“It’ll look just like new.” Beth began looking around my newly renovated room. The guys had done a great job. New paint, a new throw rug, and a part of the wall that led into the extra room knocked down, and my room was a lot more spacious… spacious enough to add a bassinet, a chest of drawers, and a rocking chair for the baby. It was perfect. We already had the bassinet and the chest of drawers. All I needed was to find the perfect rocking chair and finishing touches and I’d be somewhat prepared to add a little human into my life.

Now to tell Hunter.