PORN STARS... More Than Just Moans (46 page)

“You did it, baby, and I knew you could.”

Lust was so filled with happiness for me that he had to fight back his own tears. He couldn’t understand why he was feeling the way he did. Something special had happened out there and words would never be able to explain what it was. He had watched me transform as if I were a blank canvas before only to slowly gain color by the hand of a gifted artist. It was as if I were born, reborn in a way, right in front of him. He knew that this was nothing he had ever seen before and he also knew that it was something that he would never see again. He never said it but as he watched me his whole body shook, and he didn’t know why, but he did know that it was because of me and what just transpired on stage.

“Jeze-fucking-bel. What the fuck was that? Matthew wants to see you right away,”

Gina was talking a mile a minute. I gave her the “Who the hell is Matthew?” look.

“He’s my business partner, don’t worry about it, just come with me.”

I held on to Lust’s hand and followed Gina into her partner’s office. After ten minutes of talking to them, I was presented with a contract for two shows a month at thirty thousand dollars a show. With tickets ranging from one hundred seventy five dollars for what was considered the cheap seat, three thousand dollars for the first five rows, and with the first rows reserved for high rollers at five thousand dollars a pop, they would be bringing in serious money if they had a sold out show every time I came out.

“There wasn’t one ticket left to sell even if we needed one. The whole show, sold the fuck out, and that was within the first two hours of putting the billboard up. Are you sure you don’t want to make this a permanent thing? We could make a lot of money,” Matthew said as he leaned back in his chair. He smiled as if he could already count the money I could possibly bring in. If I agreed, he would up the price of admission and figured that if his place was licensed to hold up to five thousand people at once, well this could be the beginning of a beautiful and lucrative working relationship.

“If I were you, now don’t take this the wrong way cause I love Bobby, but,”

I could tell that Gina was trying to choose her word carefully.

“You could be so much more out here. You could make so much money, gain fame for more than fucking on film. We know you’re good at what you do, but this is a chance to start over. I hope that I’m not out of line here but Jezebel, you are something special. I wouldn’t waste your talent if I had it.”

FUCKKKKKKK, both her and Matt were making so much sense. I knew that they were right, but I was under contact with Fantasy Pictures.

“But my contra---.”

I didn’t get the word contract out before Matt spoke up.

“We would buy you out.”

I looked over at Lust hoping that his head wasn’t spinning like mine was. So much, so fast.

“At least think about it,” Lust said with a warm smile.

“He’s right; you should think about it and let us know. But in the meantime, at least we’ll have you here twice a month.”

We spoke for another hour or so working the kinks out of the contract and waiting for two lawyers to make their way to the club. It was late but you could get anything at any time in that city, good or bad. They made everything sound first class. They would put me up in the best hotel for three days and two nights, even though I would only have to work one night. They would also send a plane out every two weeks to take me from L.A. to Vegas and back. I would also have a car service to pick me up from my house and anywhere I wanted to go once I got to Vegas. They promised only the best their city had to offer, five star everything, all the way. Once the lawyers looked over and explained everything to both parties, it all seemed kosher, so I signed the contract.

*****

Could you believe that they asked me to feature at their club? The money, are they crazy, thirty G’s?”

I had showered, changed and now Lust and I were on our way back to the hotel. I jumped into his lap and spoke a mile a minute.

“Picture me, Jasmine Rodriguez, a Vegas showgirl. OH, MY GOD!” I screamed.

“Why are you so surprised, doing porn wasn’t your ultimate goal was it?”

I looked at him like he was crazy.

“Hell no, I wasn’t even supposed to be doing that shit. I went out to L.A. to act in “Real” films, you know, on the big screen. It just didn’t come as easy as I thought it would, so I had to find a way to pay the bills.”

“Can I ask you something Jazz?”

I shook my head yes.

“How come you didn’t jump at the opportunity they’re giving you? It’s way better than that porn bullshit and I’ve even been thinking about my exit, why don’t you do the same?”

He didn’t know that my heart was already set on transitioning. Although I didn’t know when or how I was going to leave my new-but-old life behind, I did know that I would leave it without ever looking back. So I stayed in his lap and told him everything. By the time I was done, the concerns he had before were soothed. He was so happy for me and with me that he knew it was time to fess up. He took my face into his hands and kissed me tenderly. He felt so good, so damn right.

“You know what, Jasmine?”

“What is it baby?”

“I think you should know that I have fallen in love with you.”

I just sat there, frozen, still unable to move. He must have thought that he weirded me out or that maybe I didn’t feel the same. He looked scared, embarrassed even. Then the laughter came, I couldn’t stop it even though I tried.

“What in the fuck is so funny?”

He looked so cute. He looked like a seven year old who hadn’t gotten their way.

“Calm down, baby, it’s not what you think. It’s just, well, I’m laughing because I have been in love with you for some time now and I don’t even know your real name.”

I laughed again. “I call the man I love by his “Porn name.”

Now we both were laughing. I don’t know if I had never thought about it before, or if it just hadn’t mattered until then, but it was odd that I only knew him as Lust.

“Well, Jasmine, you can call me Lanell.”

“Lanell?” I asked.

That was one I hadn’t heard before.

“Yeah, I was named after my mom’s first kiss. She thought that it was funny pulling that one over my dad.”

We laughed and I kissed my man. His kiss somehow tasted sweeter than before.

“I’m in love with you, too, Lanell.”

*****

The flight back was draining. Leaving Las Vegas was like leaving my soul behind. In a way I was. Lust had decided to stay a little longer. He said that he needed the time away from the real world and that since he was enjoying himself, he wasn’t in a rush to leave. I was afraid if he stayed that he wouldn’t be able to come and see me when I went back, but he promised to never miss a performance. I questioned his ability to go to Vegas every two weeks. It wasn’t like they were going to be flying him out like they were doing for me. But he told me not to worry, that he never broke his promises. So as the taxi pulled up to my building in L.A., I kept my head up and told myself that soon enough I would be kissing this place and all it held goodbye. I could and would be walking away from Breeze and his fucked up ways. I would turn my back on L.A. and the dreams that it swallowed whole. I would tell the porn biz to kiss my ass and break free from the shackles that it continuously puts on its participants.

I walked in to my apartment and noticed how small and unimportant everything in it was. Leaving all of this bullshit behind was going to be a breeze, no pun intended. I sat on my couch and turned on my phone, it hadn’t been on since I turned it off after speaking to Gina. I dialed Lanell’s number and waited to hear my lover’s voice.

“Hey baby, how was your flight?”

I sunk deeper into the couch. His voice relaxed me.

“Lonely, I miss you already. I should have stayed,” I said, feeling fed up with myself. I should have said fuck it and never came back.

“I wish you were here too but you did what you had to do. I have been thinking about you since I left you at the airport. I was like, damn nigga, man up, you’ll see her soon,” he said with a light chuckle. I closed my eyes and thought about out last night together. It was like saying the “Love” word changed everything. We made love over and over savoring every part of each other’s body. It was better than it had ever been, and it was because we loved each other deeply.

“So what are you gonna do while out in paradise?” I asked trying to sound up beat.

“Relax, think of you, gamble, and eat, and then go home.”

“Well, have fun.”

I was jealous.

“I’ll have more fun two weeks from now when I’m with you. I love you Jasmine.”

“That’s music to my ears, Lanell.”

“No, tell me you love me too so that I can sleep well tonight.”

“I love you with all my heart.”

“Now go to bed, call me once you’re done with work.”

*****

I got up the next morning and told myself to just go with the flow of life. I had a plan and although it would take some time to get there, I WOULD get there.

“Oh, shit, look what the cat dragged in,” DeeDee said as I entered the locker room. She walked over to me and gave me a hug.

“Girllllll, you know I want to hear all about it, but I’m about to go on set. Drink after work?” she asked as she headed for the door. I told her yes and watched her leave. I looked around and saw all of the same old faces including Ebony’s trifling ass. I rolled my eyes and went to the call sheet. I went down the whole damn thing and didn’t see my name on it anywhere. What in the hell was going on?

“No work for the big star, huh?”

I knew who it was before I even turned around. I should have just ignored her ass but she had caught the right person on the wrong damn day.

“How many times do I have to tell your ass not to look at me, let alone talk to me? Are you fucking hard of hearing or something? You say one more fucking thing to me and I’m gonna put my foot deep in your ass, understand?”

Tanya stepped up like she wanted to test me, I was ready.

“I will fucking kill you, bitch. DeeDee’s not here this time.”

I put my duffle bag down and was about to get it in. I didn’t need DeeDee for me to show this bitch what time it was.

“Tanya, get your ass out here, we don’t have all day,” I heard one of the directors say.

“You’re one lucky bitch,” she said as she walked by me bumping me with her shoulders. I walked up behind her and pushed her hard. She went flying into one of the lockers. I waited for her to come back at me but she didn’t. She just fixed her clothes and stood up straight.

“You may have won the battle but I won the war, hoe.”

“Yeah, whatever, Tanya. Come at me when you really wanna see me.”

I threw my bag into my locker, locked it and headed for Breeze’s office.

“Hey girl, don’t tell me that you’re just getting back?”

I was happy to see Jamar and gave him a hug.

“Yeah, I am but I can fill you in on that later. You should join DeeDee and me for drinks after work. But let me tell you what Tanya just tried to pull.”

I told him what just went down in the locker room allowing myself to get heated all over again.

“That’s one crazy bitch but she may be right about winning that war. Breeze called me yesterday asking if I heard from you. He was acting all crazy and he sounded pissed.”

“He knew where I was, his dad said that he would tell him about me staying a few extra days.”

“I don’t know; have you seen him yet?”

I didn’t want to tell Jamar that I was avoiding Breeze but he could tell. In a crazy way, I was kind of scared to find out what would happen when I did see him.

“Well, he’s around here somewhere so you’re bound to bump into him.”

“Who cares, I’m over the both of them to tell you the truth.”