Raining In My Heart (Book One of the McKay's) (17 page)

Kellie
grabbed the dash and turned to stare at her mother
.
"
Wade
?"

She said the name with such disbelief that
Julie
nearly applied the brakes.

"Yes, Cade's
twin
brother."

Kellie
's face flushed
.
"Then you didn't love my father?"

Julie
bit her lip again
;
how could she answer?
Now it was getting sticky, would
Kellie
understand it?

Julie
paused for a moment, trying to find the right words. "
Kellie
,
this is difficult to talk about.
I was young and had a crush on
Wade
.
You know what a crush is, right?"

Kellie
nodded
.
"Yeah, it's like when Missy thought she loved the captain of the football team, but really, she just had a crush
on him and now she likes someone else
."

"That'
s right. I thought the same thing
.
I thought I loved
Wade
.
He was the ramrod who practically ran the entire ranch.
And then one night…
Cade
kissed me and I was lost
and from that moment on, things changed
. At first I thought he was
Wade
, they look so much alike.
But I soon realized I had the wrong brother….or the right one
,
"
Julie
admitted.
"Sometimes I wonder."

Seeing the distress
growing
on her daughter
'
s face
,
she reached to push the hair from her eyes
.
"Oh darling, someday I'll be able to sit down and talk to you so much easier about this.
After you've had a few boyfriends you will begin to understand it.
But
I can't put this off any longer.
I can't wait until you
're
older.
Y
es, Cade Weston is your father, and he didn't even know it until the other night…
so it's not his fault. It's mine.
"

Kellie
let the tears she held fall,
her expression changing from sad to more confus
ed
.
"In all these years…you never told him?"
Kellie
's expression looked wounded.
"Why…that doesn't make any sense to me."

Julie
found a strange unforgiveness there. "No darling, and I know now it was a huge mistake…"

"He didn
't know?"
Kellie
repeated as though she couldn't quite believe it
.
"H
ow can you be a father and not know it?"

"
It's a little easier a father not knowing
than a mother
.
Because I left home and he never knew I was pregnant
,
"
Julie
tried to explain.

"Is that why you ran away from Grandpa and
him
?"

"Partly, I guess.
Yes, that's the reason.
"

"Why?"
Kellie
cried out, and then her face changed
.
"You didn't think he'd want me?"

"N-no…
.it was
n't
like that, darling.
Please try to understand
,
"
Julie
cried with her now.
"It really had nothing to do with him wanting you or not.
Your father is a very moral man
;
he wou
ld have offered marriage immedi
ately if I'd told him then."

"Then why didn't you tell him? Didn't you want to marry him?"

"I was very confused, but no, it wasn't the right time or place."

Kellie
frowned.

"
You see
,
when we made love, I thought he was
Wade
. When I found out he wasn't, I was shocked and even more shocked when I found out I w
as expecting you. I'd made such a big
mistake, and at the time I couldn't face it.
I was so embarrassed that I'd used your father, I couldn't put him in a position he might get fired.
"

"Grandpa would have fired him?"

"More than likely, yes."

"I'm a mistake?"

"No
,
darling
.
"
Julie
reached to pet her, but
Kellie
jerked away from her. "You were never a mistake.
I love you too much to ever think of you as a mistake.
"

Kellie
hugged the door and stared unbelieving at her mother. "How could you do this?"

"
Kellie
,"
Julie
cried and pulled to the side of the road. She reached for
Kellie
, but her daughter pulled away.
"It is so hard to explain this…that's why I've waited so long…"

"Don't touch me.
I'll never forgive you for this…
Not just my father but my grandfather, how could you?
"
Kellie
cried and got out of the car and ran down the incline.
She turned to look at her as she reached the bottom of the incline
.
"I had a father…all this time, and you didn't tell me or him?
I had a grandfather too and you never brought me out here to meet
him
while he was alive. I'll never forgive you.
Never!
All you were thinking about was yourself.
"

"
Kellie
, come back
, darling…"

But
Kellie
fell to her knees and cried.

Julie
stood watching, unable to know the right words to heal the situation, as her own tears began to blind her.
She wanted to run and comfort her but knew she was no longer welcome to do so.

An hour later,
Kellie
walked back to the car without glancing at her mother and
said, "
I want to talk to my father."

"Of course
.
"
Julie
nodded.

The rest of the ride was in silence and
Julie
prayed her daughter would learn to forgive, just as she silently wished
Cade
might do the same.

***

Kellie
had rushed from the car almost as soon as it was in the drive. She ran down the hill and into the barn where she'd found the horses that day, to find
Caleb
. He was there, cleaning a stall.

"Hi there, I'm glad to see you
. Have you come to curry them again?"
Caleb
asked with a smile.

"No, where's the bunkhouse?"
Kellie
demanded.

Caleb
took her to the barn door and pointed to one of the rows of buildings down the way.

When
Kellie
burst into the bunkhouse
that rainy afternoon
,
Cade
was playing poker with some of the hands.
Cigarette smoke billowed
in
the air, as
Cade
was reared back on the chair legs examining his hand
and glanced toward the door
.

Their eyes met, and
Kellie
moved toward him as though she
had a notion to just run into his arms.

Seeing the
distress on
Kellie
's
face, he rose slowly and went to her. "Hey there,
Kellie
…" He pulled her aside. "
Is s
omething wrong?"

"Is it true?"
Kellie
shouted, not bothering to look at the other men.

Cade's face went pale.

"Are you my father
?
" she blurted out, and several heads turned in their direction.

Cade
glanced around, and all the hands disappeared into the corral
at once
.
Cade
marveled at ho
w quickly it happened
.

He
stared down at
Kellie
's tear-washed face.
He hadn't thought about how he'd tell
Kellie
himself, and now it had been forced on him to explain it all to her.
"Your mother told you?"
h
e asked as he
gently
pulled her to the table to sit down, and joined her
straddling one of the chairs to face her
.

"Yes."

"
Well darlin', it's true I
am
your father
,
Kellie
…but I didn't know it…until recently
,
"
Cade
admitted
,
grabbing her shoulder
s with both hands
.
"And I couldn't be prouder."

Kellie
wiped her eyes and looked at him
in awe
.
"
You're proud of me?"

"Of course I am.
"
Cade
smiled and watched her expressions change.
"How could you think otherwise?"

"It is my Mom
's fault
,
" Kellie announced. "I'll never forgive her."

Cade
shook his head
.
"No…
now hold on there.
"
Cade
shot to his feet and turned away from her. "
You see,
it takes two
Kellie
to make a baby. And despite how dirty and ugly you might see all this…I loved your mother.
I was proud to make her mine.
I only wish I'd known all those years ago.
I wish a lot of things were different. But they aren't. So we just got to make the best of it now.
"

"But she didn't love you, did she?"
Kellie
narrowed her eyes on him.

"No, she didn't love me
and
Kellie
…in all honesty, I knew it
.
But you've got to try to understand that
sometimes young people make mistakes
,
"
Cade
began.

"So I'm a mistake?"
Kellie
frowned.

"Of course you aren't. Your mother and I were the mistake
,
Kellie
"
Cade
said firmly.

Kellie
shook her head
.
"I don't understand how love can be a mistake."

"
You've never been in love either, I'll bet.
You're a little young to understand all of this yet.
There are some things that take time to understand. G
ive us some time to explain it all to you."

Kellie
stood up
.
"All I want to know is…how you feel about having a daughter…now?
That
’
s all that matters to me.
"

Cade
pulled her to him
.
"
Well
,
it was a shock, I'll admit that, but…
I love it…"
H
e sighed happily against her. "Family is everything to me,
Kellie
.
Once you get to know me, you'll realize that.
And now that I know, maybe I can begin making up all those years we've been a
part
."

Her tears soaked his shirt
.
"I'll never forgive her!"

"
Kellie
…
"
Cade
pulled her away to look into her face
.
"You must always forgive people. It will make
you
miserable if you don't.
It's one of the things most people have to figure out for themselves, but it's the truth.
Besides, your mother was very young and…well, I guess I left some things unsaid
at the time
.
I should have spoke
n
up, told her who I was, and that I loved her.
"