Random Acts of Senseless Violence (2 page)

At dinner tonight Mama and Daddy were talking. She was asking when he'd be getting money from the producers. Daddy said he thought he'd be coming back with a check when he got back from Los Angeles. He has to fly out there tomorrow to meet with them. Mama said ‘Oh darling they're not hiring at Yeshiva they're cutting back just like the city I heard from them today.' They talked about tenure and why she didn't get it. I wasn't sure what they
were talking about and Boob was hopelessly lost like always. Boob asked ‘What's tenure?' ‘Sweetie if you have tenure you're always a teacher no matter how bad you are.' ‘Why didn't you get tenure?' I asked. ‘I wasn't bad enough' she said and she laughed but later she took a Xanax and I don't think she feels very good.

Daddy never comes in to check on me in my new room and I'm glad. I don't want to be tucked in anymore. I was able to write as long as I wanted tonight. He was in with Boob for a long time talking but I couldn't hear what they were saying. Once I asked Mama if Daddy wishes Boob was their only child and she said ‘Don't be silly darling he loves all of us.' Boob's talking in her sleep now. She jabbers on all the time. I can hear her through the door but at least I can sleep through it now. Our rooms are separate and I'm
GLAD
,
GLAD
,
GLAD
. I like having my own room. Weekend's almost here! Night night, Anne.

FEBRUARY
23

Today my friends Katherine and Lori came over. We almost always do something on Saturdays. They're my age and go to Brearley with me. I've known them since first grade. They're my best friends.

Daddy flew to Los Angeles yesterday and so Mama slept late because she knows I can fix breakfast for me and silly Boob. Sometimes Boob goes along with us when we go out on Saturdays but not today ha! ha! she had homework to do. It was so warm out today we thought we'd go to the park. Mama said to us ‘Be careful little geese and don't go far past the museum. There's perverts in every bush.' Mama calls us geese but Daddy always calls us the vipers because he says we're always up to no good.

We went to the park and we weren't going to go far but Anne you know how it is when you start walking and talking. There were hundreds of people in the park and the next thing you knew we'd walked down to the lake
around the ramble. There were men down there sunbathing in their bathing suits. One of them that was hairy like a gorilla gave another one a kiss. ‘Look at them they're bendover buddies,' Katherine said. Lori started giggling. I asked ‘What's so funny?' ‘How do they walk?' Lori said. She meant with their things between their legs. ‘You'd know,' Katherine said. Lori went out with a fourteen year old boy named Simon Norris last Halloween. He was a brother of her brother's friend. They didn't do anything, she told me. She said they kissed for a while and he tried to take off her bra but she wouldn't let him so he stopped. ‘You'd know, Lori' Katherine kept saying. Lori said ‘Shut up Kat you're so stupid.' They're always arguing.

I finished my Coke so I took the can and stuck it between my legs and walked around all straddle legged. ‘They walk like this' I said. Lori fell down laughing and Katherine acted like she didn't know us. ‘That's so disgusting' she said. She's a real prisser.

We walked back to the east side of the park because Mama says it's safer on that side. When we got ready to cross the road we smelled something burning. There was an ambulance and some people and policemen were standing by a tree and we ran to see what happened. Somebody set a homeless person on fire a rollerblader woman told us. Katherine got sick and said she was going to spew. Lori and I tried to see if he was all burned up but they already put him in the ambulance. ‘That's nothing you want to see' an old man said to me and I wanted to say how do you know but I didn't. Katherine was all green and shaking but she didn't blow. Lori called her a sissy but Lori didn't look like she felt good either.

On our way back we saw some black and Spanish girls breaking bottles on the wall of the park. From the way they were laughing I just knew they set the man on fire. ‘You're racist' Lori said when I told her what I thought. ‘I am not' I said but she said I was. I think Katherine thought I was right but she didn't say anything. I'm not a racist but I'm
sure those kids did it, I don't know how I knew but I do. When we walked by the homeless people we saw on 86th Street Anne I wondered how many times somebody tried to hurt them or set them on fire. Mama and Daddy always give money to homeless charities but there's still homeless everywhere.

We went back to Lori's apartment and hung out in her room for awhile. Lori and her parents live on 83 rd between Park and Lexington. Katherine said she was worried because her mom said she should be getting her period soon but she hadn't yet. Lori said don't be in any rush. When granny comes to visit me it's not so bad. I think I came out lucky, it only hurts the first day and then not anymore. Katherine says she doesn't want to use tampons, she tried to use one and it hurt. ‘Then you'll have to use mouse mattresses' Lori said. ‘No tampons for sissies.' Katherine got mad again but not for long. We listened to music and then I came home.

There wasn't anything about the man on the news tonight. I remember there used to be when they set people on fire. I didn't tell Mama or Boob about what we saw in the park because it gets Mama upset to hear about things like that. Boob gets so mad when I see something and she doesn't that I'd never tell her. So there, Boob.

FEBRUARY
24

Daddy's in Los Angeles. He comes back tomorrow. Mama said he called late last night after we went to sleep. I asked her what he said and she told me he sounded happy. She didn't say if he had his check or not. I bet he doesn't.

It was raining out today so I did my homework this morning instead of tonight. I'm supposed to read
Silas Marner
but it's so awful. Daddy calls it
Silas Mariner
because he says George Eliot must have written it underwater. I think if Miss Dudley gives us a pop quiz on it I can handle it but I wish we had other books to read in school. I
read
Life Among the Savages
by Shirley Jackson again tonight. I've read it a dozen times before, I love it so much. It's all about this crazy family. I love to read stories about crazy families. Like I don't know any! Daddy says he knows people who knew the people in the book and they were even crazier than the book says. I wish I'd met them. We'd have a lot of fun.

Boob got one of those silly magazines somewhere and asked me if I thought the guy on the cover was cute. ‘You think he is?' I asked.

‘He's cute cute cute' she said. ‘Here's a picture of him riding a horse. He could take me for a ride.'

‘You'd fall off' I told her. ‘Go away Boob.'

We watched TV while we ate dinner. Mom sent out for Chinese. I had noodles. The news was on and the TV people were talking about riots in Miami. They said there wouldn't be riots in New York. They don't know, they're always wrong though they act like they know everything. I hope there aren't any riots here.

FEBRUARY
25

Daddy came back this afternoon before we came home from school and when we got home he was in his office making some phone calls. Mama said ‘They gave it the old thumbs down darlings.' She meant they didn't buy his idea so it's going to be harder than it's been around here because I think he was counting on signing the deal. I know there's been a lot more bills coming in lately than usually and Daddy's accountant was over last week talking to him about taxes. It's all making him and Mama a lot more upset this time. After he finished talking to people he went for a walk down 86th Street and while he was gone Boob and I asked Mama if we were in bad shape.

‘No no no darling' she said but I could tell she was fudging. I can always see it in her face. ‘Michael's a sweetie but he's such a spendthrift. I guess we both are but what
can you do. He has to come up with something new but he doesn't know what yet and here the wolves are at the door.'

Boob went to look. ‘I don't see them' she said. Mama laughed.

‘Why doesn't Daddy save more money?' I asked.

‘Angel we try but it's very hard with prices going up all the time. They go up every week the way it is now and devil take the hindmost. New York's not an easy place to live in the best of circumstances.'

‘I wouldn't live anywhere else' I said.

‘No sweetie and we wouldn't either but living in New York means you're going to have to spend a lot of money you ordinarily wouldn't spend.'

‘Unless you were Daddy' I said.

‘We're going to have to think what to do' Mama said. ‘Get a plan of action. It may be a little hard around here for a while but not for long my darlings.'

‘How long?' asked Boob.

‘Not long' said Mama. Then Daddy came back and he called the Chinese restaurant because Mama got distracted talking to us and forgot to fix dinner. I think she took too many Prozac it makes her forget things too easily. The fellow brought our food and we ate dinner. I had shrimp with cashew nuts and Boob had beef in garlic sauce and Daddy and Mama had sesame noodles because they said they weren't that hungry. While we were eating we watched the news. The President said things aren't as bad as they seem so nobody should worry. He's such an idiot said Daddy.

‘A buffoon' said Mama. ‘If I went to school with one of him there must have been a hundred. Now they're in charge of everything.'

Everything, Daddy said.

‘But you say things aren't as bad as they seem so don't worry' I said. ‘Just like him.'

‘He doesn't know what he's talking about darling' Mama said. ‘He hit himself over the head with that golf club one
time too many.'

The President blinks his eyes like Mama and Daddy do when they say everything's fine so I bet he's fudging too. Somebody asked if he was going to do anything and the President said people have troubles because they make their own reality and there's nothing you can do about it. Then he got in his helicopter and flew away. There was a riot in Detroit and one in Seattle and in Miami. Not to mention Chicago and Los Angeles. There's too much reality these days, said Daddy.

FEBRUARY
27

Yesterday wasn't a good day Anne. Whenever Daddy's upset Boob flips and she could tell as soon as she saw him something upset him really bad today. I asked Mama what the matter was but she said ‘Nothing sweetie don't worry.' At dinner Daddy and Mama started talking and before you knew it Anne they were talking about money like they always do. Daddy said he didn't know where to get any.

‘Get the bank to give you money' Boob said. ‘Go in and say give it to me now.'

Daddy told her they wouldn't let him in the door at the bank anymore. Mama said ‘Darling you worry too much you shouldn't.' Daddy said he had some ideas but nobody was buying anything right now with the way things were. He looked at me and Boob and said he wasn't sure what we were going to do.

‘What can we do to help?' I asked. I figured he'd say nothing because that's what he always says and sure enough that's what he said. ‘Are you sure?' I asked. He shook his head.

‘Darlings there is one thing we've been talking about' Mama said. ‘It probably won't be necessary but we thought I should talk to you about it.'

‘About what?' Boob asked.

‘About moving somewhere for a while. Not long darlings
just while we're in such perilous straits.'

Boob didn't say anything but she kept looking at Daddy while Mama was talking. ‘Moving where?'

‘We'd stay in town darlings but we'd get a smaller apartment for a while. We'd rent this one out. Just a couple of months over the summer or even in the fall. Not for long though sweeties, not for long. And it's just maybe.'

‘How long?' I asked.

‘Not long.'

‘We're not going to Long Island this summer?'

‘Oh darling that's out of the question even if we had money you know it's a bit rough there what with the accident and all the Chrissies out there in a tizzy.'

‘We wouldn't move out of New York would we?'

No, Daddy said. That would cost too much money. We'd just find a smaller place in Manhattan for a little while he said. He said he just wanted to know how we'd feel about it if some things had to change.

‘What other things?' I asked. He shook his head and said probably none but they'd be big things if they did have to change. ‘How big?' I asked. He said he wasn't sure but he asked if I thought it would upset us. ‘Depends on what the big things are' I said. ‘Are you and Mama getting divorced?' Boob didn't say anything but the way she looked I could tell she was real upset. No no no he said not at all. ‘I didn't think so. I'm glad' I said. He said whatever happened it would be the four of us sticking together there wasn't any question about that.

‘When do we have to move?' I asked. We may not have to he said so don't worry about it yet.

‘Don't worry about anything my geese not anything at all' Mama said and then we finished dinner. Well of course I'm going to worry about it. I don't want to leave here even for a little while Anne, I've never lived anywhere else. Boob wants to leave here even less than I do.

Just as I was getting ready to write you last night and tell you all about what happened Boob knocked on the door
and asked if she could come in and sleep with me. I told her sure and so we went to bed. ‘Are you all right Boob?' I asked. She nodded and didn't say anything and I knew she wasn't. Usually she keeps me up half the night talking if she gets half a chance but she didn't tonight. She was so hot it was like having a fat puppy in bed with me and I kept pushing her off in the night and she kept rolling back. Poor Boob.