Random Acts of Senseless Violence (4 page)

‘Darling do you need it or do you want it there's a difference you know' said Mama.

‘I need it because I want it' said Boob.

‘We always want something sweetie but there's only a little bit we really need. If you really need it we'll see but if you just want it we'll have to wait awhile.'

‘I need it' said Boob. I know they'll get it for her tomorrow. She'll wear it to school and somebody will say something about it and then Boob won't want to wear it anymore. Anything Boob wants she needs. I never know what I want or what I need. Sometimes I do but not
usually. I think I can get by with a lot less than Boob but I wouldn't say that's bad for either of us, we're just different, that's all.

Granny's gone home. Hooray!

MARCH
8

It's so late but Anne I need to write you because I don't know who else I can talk to about what happened. Lori's party was tonight and even before I went I was afraid it wasn't going to be any fun. I was so right. It was just getting dark when I was getting ready to leave. Mama and Daddy let me walk down by myself since it's only three blocks away. Boob was a howler, crying when I told her she couldn't come, it wasn't a party for little kids.

‘I never go to parties' Boob said. ‘You just went to Sherrie's house for her birthday party last month' I said.

‘I hate Sherrie' Boob said.

‘You're a baby Boob' I said. She was wearing her new dress by the way.

‘Oh my darlings you're both our babies' Mama said and she hugged us. ‘Be careful walking down the street sweetie and don't turn off Park till you have to. The creeps are out and about.' ‘Where else would I go?' I asked. ‘China' said Boob. ‘I want to go to the party too.' Daddy told Boob if she didn't stop fussing he was going to sell her to a Satanic cult. ‘They'd want a refund' Boob said and then they both laughed. ‘I want to go though.' ‘But you don't need to go do you?' I asked. ‘Yes' Boob said. She stopped crying. ‘I want to go to China' she said.

I was so glad to leave the house. Boob was boohooing so much. Mama's really depressed because no one wants her to teach for them and Daddy's still working on the project he won't talk about. He says it's about done but he's still fiddling. My family drives me crazy all the time sometimes.

Anyway I think I looked very chic for the party not that anyone noticed. I wore barettes in my hair to pull it off my
face and my pretty blue dress with the white Eton collar. Mama calls it a baby doll dress though I tell her not to call it that. I wore my blue knee socks and my black patent leather party shoes. It was cold out so I wore my green coat. I walked down Park to 83rd Street as I promised I would. The only creeps and perverts I saw were the ones who live in our building though there was a man lying in the street near the curb on Park. There were fire trucks whizzing uptown but I didn't see anything burning so it must not have been major.

Lori and her parents have a duplex and a garden in a townhouse. The party was downstairs in the living room and the kitchen. Her father stayed upstairs but her mother came down sometimes to look in on us. Besides me and Lori and Katherine, Susan, Icky Betsy, Tanya, Whitney and Edie were there, and some other girls. Lori's brother Tom was there too and ten or eleven stupid friends of his. They're all fifteen or sixteen and think they're real grown up. They kept acting like they owned the place showing off but they didn't impress me. Simon Norris who I told you about before was there. Lori likes him a lot. He's fifteen but he has an evil baby face so her parents don't know he's as old as he is though they still don't like him she says. Lori looks older than she really is so they look like they're the same age.

Well Simon Norris has a friend named Clark and he must have thought I wanted to be around him as much as Lori wanted to be around Peter. He's a slimy toad. He followed me around all night like he was a baby duck who thought I was his mother. He kept telling me how rich his family was like it was a big deal. Our apartment's so big Dad pays two hundred dollars a month just on gas bills he said. ‘He'd better find another doctor' I told him. He didn't get it of course he's such a fool. He even tried to paw me with his toad flippers. Finally I told him ‘Would you stop bothering me' and then he
finally
did.

It was a stupid party because it wasn't anyone's birthday
or anything. Everybody was just standing around listening to music and acting like they were brain dead. The younger boys from Walden looked at us like they wanted to eat us up but none of them tried anything with their paws, they're still tadpoles. Tom's friends from Trinity except for Simon and Clark stood around like they were too cool to breathe.

I ate half a bowl of potato chips and dip and listened to Whitney tell me about her headaches. Then Icky Betsy came over and started talking and I just had to get away because she'd been eating. Every time she eats something she goes and heaves it right up afterward and then she smells like vomit even though she washes her face. I wanted to talk to Lori but she was gabbing with Simon. I think the only reason she had the party was because that way she could get together with him whenever her mother left the room. I went over to where Katherine was standing by herself looking geeky.

‘What's the matter?' I asked. ‘Nothing' she said. ‘Do you think he's cute?' she asked and pointed to a Trinity boy who was bigger than the others. He looked a lot older than his friends and he was the dumbest looking one of all. His face looked dirty but it wasn't. He just didn't know how to shave yet not that he seemed smart enough to ever learn. His arms were hairy like a dentist's and he wore a sweatshirt that was cut off so you could see his hairy stomach. You could tell he thought he was hot hot hot.

‘He's the Abominable Snowman' I said. ‘What are you talking about?' Katherine said. ‘I bet when he takes his shirt off he looks like he's wearing a sweater.' ‘You mean like hairy shoulders?' Katherine asked. ‘Like hairy everything' I said. Well sure enough a few minutes later she went over and started talking to him. He was at least a foot taller than she is and she acted more shy than she really is. My friends act so dumb around boys sometimes you wouldn't think they had any sense at all. I ate more potato chips and some Triscuits and then I went to the kitchen to get a Diet Coke.

Simon and Lori were in there and nobody else. They
were standing between the refrigerator and the door to the garden.' ‘Close the door behind you Lo' Lori asked me and I did. ‘Why?' I asked. ‘Just circle and don't let anybody come in' she said. I did but a second later I looked behind me and sure enough Anne there they were like kissing fish slurp slurp slurp. He had his hand down the front of her pants. When I saw that I got out of the kitchen right away. Katherine was back over in the corner and she looked like she was trying not to cry.

‘What happened?' I asked but she wouldn't tell me. The Snowman was with his buddies laughing. ‘Did he say something mean to you?' I asked but she didn't say anything. ‘Do you want to go home?' She shook her head and I said okay. I hate it when you know something's wrong with your friends and they won't tell you what it is. When something bothers me I usually tell whoever's around. But not always, really. Even though what I saw Simon and Lori doing bothered me I didn't tell Katherine. I wasn't going to say anything to anybody. Then Lori came out of the kitchen. She walked over like she was going to hit me but didn't.

‘What's your agenda?' she asked me. She whispered so nobody would hear but of course Katherine did. ‘Nothing' I said. ‘Did you look?' Lori asked. ‘I didn't want to be in the room while you were doing that. You were almost doing it.' ‘I didn't know he was going to do that' she said and I knew she was telling the truth. Lori hides what she thinks in her face worse than Mama and Daddy do. Simon was back over where his buddies were and they were all laughing and I was mad because I could tell they were laughing at us. Boys always laugh at girls no matter what they do.

‘Oh sure' I said. Even though I believed her I was so mad at her. ‘It hurt so I told him to stop. If you'd have stayed in there he wouldn't have done it.' ‘He would have.' ‘You were watching then' she said. ‘Saw it all' I said. ‘If I'd stayed in there he'd have wanted to do it to me too' I said. That made her go post office. ‘You think you're treat city'
she said. ‘Well I wasn't going to stay in there while you two were fishfacing' I said. ‘I'm going home now.' ‘Go ahead.' So I went into the hall closet and got my coat. Katherine came over while I was there and got her coat too. ‘Can I walk with you' she said, she didn't ask because she knew I'd say sure, which I did. ‘Bye' I shouted at everybody as we left.

‘Say goodbye to the queers everybody' Lori said and that made me pipe so I almost ran back in to hit her. Then I thought that would just make things worse so I didn't. Nobody else said anything anyway. The boys laughed, but I don't care what boys do. They may hurt some girls but not me.

It was nine-thirty and I didn't have to be home till ten so I was happy walking Katherine home. ‘Lori's so stupid' I said. ‘She's always telling on what other people do and then she does the same things herself. I hate her.' Katherine didn't say anything and I could tell she was still upset. ‘What's the matter?' I asked her. ‘Nothing' she said. ‘Did the Snowman say something mean to you?' I asked her. ‘He was just stupid like you said.' ‘What did he say?' ‘Nothing' she said but I know he did but I'll never know what he said unless she tells me and she won't.

We walked down Park to her building. I looked down 78th Street and saw searchlights in Long Island and I wondered what was doing over there tonight. Katherine asked me something but I couldn't hear her because of the sirens. ‘Will you go upstairs with me?' she asked again and I said okay. She looked like she was ready to flood. ‘If something had you racked would you tell me?' I asked. ‘Sure' she said but she fudged and didn't look at me. We rode in the elevator which opens up at her front door. Before she got out her keys her father opened the door. He's tall and skinny with gray bushy hair and looks like a mushroom. He stood there with his arms blocking the door and then he started screaming like I wasn't there. Blah blah blah blah. Didn't I tell you you could only stay out
an hour he said. Can't you tell time? What am I supposed to do with you?

‘You're supposed to hit me' she told him and she ran inside under his arm. He turned around and slammed the door. I didn't know what to do Anne so I rode back downstairs. When I got outside I looked up but I couldn't see the lights in their windows because they live in the rear. I stood outside for a long time until the doorman said something to me and then I walked away. I walked up Park as fast as I could to 79th and then I crossed the street. There were only a few people out and they didn't pay any attention to me. At 81st this bum came around the corner. He was talking to himself and I don't even know if he saw me but I ran up the street anyway until I got to the next block. I had to wait to cross at 86th because of all the fire trucks going downtown but as soon as I could I ran and then got to our building and went inside. The man in the gutter was still there.

Mama was sitting in the living room staring at bills. Daddy wasn't in his study and I figured he'd gone to bed already. I could tell Mama had had a couple of somethings because she could hardly keep her eyes open and it wasn't ten yet. ‘My darling you're home by yourself you should have called and I'd have come down and walked you home.' ‘I'm all right' I said. ‘Did you have a good time with your little friends sweetie?' ‘It was all right.' ‘Oh darling you must be starving come in the kitchen so we can put some more meat on those little bones.' She fixed me a cheese sandwich and a glass of apple juice and sat with me while I ate it, though I wasn't really hungry and just wanted to be by myself. But I didn't want to upset her so I stayed up until she got sleepy which wasn't long.

Anyway Anne I've been writing for over an hour. I want to go to sleep now too. I'm so tired I bet I just drop right off. So night night.

* * *

MARCH
9

When I woke up this morning I didn't know where I was even though of course I was in my own bed in my own room. Before I got up I lay there for a long time thinking how I was still mad at Lori and wondering why Katherine's father seemed so mad. I don't know why Katherine said what she said to him except to make him mad. I'm glad I have my parents and not hers. Daddy never would hit me but if he did I'd hit him back.

Mama finally knocked and came in and ‘Darling you must be so tired you're just lying here like a lox all morning.' ‘No I feel fine' I said. ‘Boobster says she's got something and I was afraid you might both have come down with whatever plague it is. Nothing's the matter sweetie?' she asked. ‘No' I said and got up. I didn't really lie to her Anne because there was nothing wrong that I wanted to talk about.

Lori called at eleven. ‘What do you want?' I asked her. She said she was sorry she yelled at me and called us queers in front of everybody. ‘If you're scoring me that's one thing but there's no reason to cut Kat' I said and then I told her how Katherine's father acted. I didn't tell her about the bruise I saw on her because then she'd want to know how I saw it and it's none of Lori's business. ‘I think we should do something' I said. ‘There's nothing we can do Lo if that's what's happening and she wanted to spill she would' Lori said. ‘Kat never spills anything' I said. ‘That's her cross' Lori said.

I accepted her apology after making her squirm a little longer. I told her she better be careful with Simon because if her parents ever caught them she'd be in trouble. Lori can be so bad, she's always getting into something and I know Miss Taylor's threatened to suspend her before. She really is a viper. ‘Well you seem awfully obsessed about it' Lori said and I didn't say anything because I didn't want to get into a fight all over again.