Reckless Secrets (28 page)

"Ellie, can I see you in my office?" His tone was kind.

I followed him in.

He shut the door and hung his coat on the rack, looking like he'd gotten about as much sleep as I had.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. I've ruined everything." I burst into tears again.

Jason pulled me into a hug, which was what had gotten us in trouble in the first place. "There's nothing to forgive. It's not your fault. We'll work it out."
 

He sounded so confident that I believed him.
 

"Are you going to be okay? Can you pull yourself together?"

I nodded.

"Good." He patted my arms and went around to sit in his desk chair. "Let's put the personal stuff aside for a minute. I have business to discuss with you. Sit."

I pulled up his guest chair.

"I just came back from a meeting at the admin building to discuss our situation."

My heart pounded like it was going to burst out of my chest. I was just about to lose my job, too.

"Hey, don't look so glum!" He smiled tightly. "It's good news. You can finish the semester here with me. After Christmas you're being transferred to the records department in the admin building. They have plenty of need for a good management info assistant. You'll like it there."

I let out a sigh of relief. "I like working here."

He nodded.

"You're not in any trouble?" I asked.

"I talked my way out of most of it."

"Most?"

His smile was still tight. "Don't worry about me."

I nodded and asked another question I was dreading. "Why isn't Logan on the list of RTAs?"

Jason looked me directly in the eye and smiled sympathetically and sadly. "He quit this morning."

I put my head in my hands. I'd done it, really done it. I'd ruined Logan's relationship with Jason just like I'd feared I would. And caused Logan to quit the job he loved, the job that had helped save him.
 

Jason didn't say anything, but I knew we were both worrying about the same thing—Logan.

Chapter Seventeen

Logan didn't text me. He didn't call. When I Facebook stalked him on Thursday, I discovered he'd unfriended me. All I could see was his profile picture—him partying with a beer in one hand and his arm around Kelsie, who was beaming. The picture was obviously recent, like since our breakup recent. I swallowed hard to keep from crying. He was turning to Kelsie for comfort again. I tried, mostly unsuccessfully, to push images of them together from my mind. He was back to his old support system now that he had cut himself off from Jason and me.

On Saturday night I stayed home to wallow alone in my single-again misery. For kicks, I logged in to the video game. Almost immediately Falcon26 contacted me.
What's a beautiful girl like you doing playing video games on Saturday night?

I replied:
How do you know I'm beautiful? That's just the way my character was drawn.

Girls who play video games are hot,
he said.
You still haven't answered my question.

I hesitated and tossed caution aside. Even though he was a fellow student here, I had no intention of meeting this guy. Why not tell this video game geek the truth?

Bad breakup. I'm single.

His loss,
Falcon26 said.
Want to play a game?

Only if you help me.

Deal. What about you? What are you doing alone on Saturday night?
Fair's fair, I thought.

Waiting for a girl like you.

Okay, so he was a sweet geek. Maybe my experience with Byron should have taught me a lesson. But I guess it hadn't. Besides, this was a fantasyland. No one expected reality here.

Haha
, I replied.
Let's play. Be Jayce again. I like him. I could really use a handsome hero.

But I'm the enemy,
Falcon26 replied.

Yeah, isn't that the way it goes?

Mom texted me half a dozen times, begging me to spend Christmas with her. I deleted them all. The weekend went by and slid into Monday. Finally, I couldn't stand it. I texted Logan.
I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn't mean to. I should have told you about Jason. I should have told you about Byron. I should have trusted you. I'm really sorry I didn't. You should go back to your RTA job with Jason. I'm transferring to another job after the semester ends.

My fingers trembled when I pressed send, and I still wanted to cry. But I felt lighter, like a burden had lifted. My experience with Austin had taught me about forgiveness and making genuine apologies. All I could do was apologize and take responsibility for my part. Whether Logan forgave me or not was totally up to him.

I held my phone in my hand, waiting for a response. But the phone didn't buzz. Logan was silent. I ran to the dining hall and grabbed a coffee. Tay had saved me a cobblestone bar. I had it and my coffee for breakfast as I ran to chemistry. To my relief, everyone was dressed normally. Dex and I sat in our old favorite seats. I set my coffee and cobblestone bar on the speaker in front of me.
 

Byron looked relieved when he went to the lecture podium and saw the class wasn't dressed alike.

"This is no fun," Dex whispered to me.

"Chemistry isn't supposed to be."

He rolled his eyes.

Byron spotted me in the crowd and kept looking at me during lecture. I knew what I had to do was the right thing. Heartbreak sucks. But it's better to know the truth than keep hoping for something that isn't going to happen.

Logan didn't text me back. On Tuesday Dex went with me to my chem study session with Byron.
 

Byron was sitting in his usual spot behind his messy desk in his broom closet of an office. His eyes lit up when he saw me and turned just as quickly to disappointment when he spotted Dex with me. Byron craned his neck like he was trying to see if a whole crowd of students would be joining us. He looked nervous about that.

"It's just me and Dex today," I said.

Dex and I stepped into the office and closed the door behind us. Dex was risking his grade coming with me. He really was a true friend.

I took a deep breath and launched right in to what I had to say before I lost my nerve. "The love notes in my lab reports have to stop," I said.

Byron flamed so red the patches on his cheeks looked ready to ignite. His gaze flicked to Dex.

"It's okay," I said. "Dex knows about it. I brought him along as a witness."

"Is he your boyfriend?" Byron sounded angry and jealous.

Dex elbowed me, obviously amused by the question. I wanted to tell Dex to shut up, but I ignored him.

"No," I said. "He's my friend. Back to the love notes and the missed-connection posting and wanting to ask me out—I'm sorry, but I'm not interested. You're a nice guy. A smart guy. And I know there's a girl out there for you. I'm just not it. There's no chemistry between us." I tried to smile and sound light.

But the sad, defeated look on Byron's face didn't make it easy.

"I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression by baking you cookies. And I appreciate all the help you gave me with the cobblestone bars and chemistry. But writing personal notes on my lab report is crossing a professional line. It's unacceptable and has to stop.

"There's been enough scandal with this class." My voice broke as I thought about Logan. "We don't need any more. The university is in enough trouble already. They'll come down hard on anyone who even looks like they're violating the ethics code. For all our sakes, this ends here."

Byron looked scared now as well as heartbroken. "Are you going to turn me in?"

I shook my head. "Not if you stop now."

"Okay." Byron nodded and slumped in his chair.

"You have to promise to grade us fairly and not let this affect our grades," I said. I didn't mean to make a veiled threat, but it came out that way.

Byron nodded again. "Sure."

"Good," I said. "Thank you. And I promise not to tell anyone else about the notes. That's all I have. We'll be going." I nodded to Dex.

As we turned to leave, Byron called out to me. "After the semester? What about then? Maybe we could have coffee?"

I knew better than anyone that you can't just turn your feelings off. Logan was clearly sending me a signal that his feelings for me had died. I had to send the signal to Byron that I had
never
had any for him. I couldn't lead him on. "No thank you," I said.

Dex and I walked together in silence. When we were out of the chem building, Dex finally spoke. "Nice job. Seriously. I was proud of you in there. You did the right thing."

I had expected Dex to joke or poke fun. His words touched me. "Then why doesn't it feel better?"

"The perils of being a heartbreaker."

"And being a good baker," I said, trying to join in. "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I never grasped the power of it before."

"Then I'd better watch out for you," Dex said. "I've eaten a boatload of your cookies."

"Why does that sound dirty when you say it like that?" I said, punching him in the arm.

He laughed.

"I think you're immune to my charms. Too bad. I think I'd really like to torture you."

"Cruel woman," he said. "Let's get something to eat."

The week slipped by in a blur of studying and late nights. Then finals hit with a vengeance. I still didn't know what I was going to do about Christmas. My dorm was closing the day after finals ended. I could spend the holidays as a guest at the one dorm the university kept open for the foreign students who couldn't go home. Tay invited me to go home with her. I wasn't going to push Jason for an invitation. Lyssa still hadn't accepted me. I remembered Thanksgiving and thought about the surprise Logan had had for me for Christmas and I got depressed all over again.

I had finals all the way through Thursday of finals week. On Wednesday night, I was up at two a.m. still studying for my one p.m. MIS final when my phone buzzed. "Jason?"

"Ellie! I'm frantic. I need someone to watch Mia and I can't reach anyone." His voice cracked.

"What's wrong?"

"Lyssa's spotting. We think she's miscarrying. I'm at the emergency room with her and Mia, but I can't take Mia in with me—"

"I'll be there," I said. "Let me find a ride and I'll get there as soon as I can."

"Call the university ride-share service. They'll bring you."

I asked Nic instead. She drove me. I arrived at the hospital less than fifteen minutes later to find Jason frantic. Nic came in with me. Jason gave me his house key. We took Mia and her car seat and took her home. Nic dropped me off at Jason's. When I put Mia to bed, she went right to sleep. But I spent a restless night waiting for news about Lyssa.

Jason stumbled in about eight, looking worn out. "It's all right." He hugged me. "She hasn't lost the baby. The doctors say Lyssa needs bed rest, but they think the baby will make it. Thanks for being there for us."

I nodded. "That's what family does."

He saw my backpack lying in the entry. "Were you studying? Oh, crap. Don't tell me I made you miss a final?"

"Spoken like a real dad," I said. "Not until one."

He looked tiredly pleased. "Is the baby still asleep?"

"Yep, she's sleeping like—well, a baby." I smiled.
 

"I'll get her and take you back to the dorm."

I stopped him. "Let her sleep. We can wait until she wakes up. I have time. Want me to make you some breakfast? I'm a good cook."

He looked exhausted, but happy at my suggestion. "How can I refuse an offer like that?"
 

"Do you like eggs and cheese?"

"Love them. I think we have some good bread for toast, too. And some university honey."