Reckless Secrets (30 page)

Blowing things up is good. Forget the shithead. He doesn't deserve you—Falcon26.

I played LoL regularly with Falcon26. We had a standing Friday night date. We played for half an hour to an hour and then went out to party in the real world. With Falcon's coaching, I got better. But not good enough to compete with most of the guys. Mostly I enjoyed hanging out in a fantasy world and the funny, flirty comments from Falcon26. While we played, we talked about some personal stuff, like how my heart was broken and so was his. I told him things I wouldn't have told a lot of guys. But it didn't matter because I didn't plan on ever meeting him in person.
 

The girls and I spent an inordinate amount of time speculating on what the Falcon was really like and what he looked like. I was thinking a
Big Bang Theory
-type nerd. Tay was taking an art class. She drew her interpretation of him for fun—a pudgy, short nerdy guy with glasses and wings and a beaky nose. I hung it up in my room and we laughed about it.

"You know, you should really meet Falcon26," Tay said to me one night in early February. "You two seem to hit it off online. Wouldn't it be nice to, you know, get out in the real world with a real guy? Maybe he's hot, like Logan. He's funny like Logan is and you two hit it off like you did with him."

I shot her a look of disgust, a look that warned her off talking about Logan. "And ruin a perfectly good virtual relationship? You're crazy. Besides, how do we know Falcon26
is
a real guy? He could be a fifty-year-old perv for all we know."

"Then why are you sharing your private life with him?" Tay asked. "Don't you even want to know what he looks like or who he is?"

I rolled my eyes and pointed to the picture she'd drawn of him. "You think he looks like that. Why are you trying to set me up with him?" I sighed. "I prefer my game version of him. Most of the time he looks like a hot, built knight in shining armor, and that's the way I like it. Reality won't live up to that. Reality will look more like your picture of him."

"Yeah, but if he has wings like Tay's rendering, that might be worth it. He could fly you around." Nic winked at me.

"Shut up. He's made no move to ask me out. Which is what our relationship is built on."

"Yeah, but you can tell he likes you," Nic said. "He's probably just shy and awkward around girls. He just needs a little encouragement." She lowered her voice into the seductive range. "You could make a real man out of him."

"Oh, that's just what I need—to go out on an awkward date with a socially inept guy like Byron." I shuddered.

Nic had to poke some more. "He could
be
Byron."

"Shut up again. He's not Byron. He hasn't said we have a covalent bond we need to explore our anything tacky like that. Falcon is charming." I didn't know why I was defending Falcon. But I was glad Byron had dropped out of sight.

"Great! He's a
charming
fifty-year-old perv," Nic said with a sparkle in her eyes.

"I'm just saying, this sitting around with no guy isn't a good thing," Tay said. But she was so happy that she thought relationships were fabulous and every girl should have one.
 

Just wait until she hit the inevitable speed bump.

"Not meeting him." I stuck my fingers in my ears. "And not listening to any more about it."

So I was a non-dater. Until early March, when this guy from my business ethics class asked me out. He was kind of cute and kind of funny. We'd worked on a couple of projects together. He wanted to take me to dinner and a movie and I thought, why not? He wasn't Logan, but I couldn't spend my life alone forever. Tay and Nic were ecstatic.
 

But I had to cancel my standing game with Falcon26 and I was reluctant about it. I could have blown him off and just let him log in and see my status was offline, but that seemed kind of cruel. It wasn't like I was cheating on him, but I didn't want to leave him hanging, waiting for me to log on. It was just respectful to let him know.

So I checked in earlier in the week and caught him when he was online.

He immediately sent me a message.
FrontGirl what are you doing here on a Wednesday? Did you know I was missing you? Want to play a game? I can scare up a team.

After getting that message, I felt like a jerk, kind of like Byron all over again. But we were only online video rivals and friends.
Not tonight. Just wanted to catch you. Have to cancel our Friday night game. I have a hot date in the real world. Take some towers for me.

I waited for a minute and sighed, feeling let down when he didn't reply right away. I was just about to log off when a message from him popped up.

I'm losing you to the real world. Shit.

I was stunned by his bluntness. Maybe Bre, Nic, and Tay were right. Maybe the Falcon really did like me. And maybe I did want to meet him. The thought surprised me.

Then make a move to meet me in the real world,
I replied, and signed out before he could say anything else.

My date with the business ethics guy was fun, if not mind-blowingly great. He wanted to hang out again. And I thought I would.
 

Falcon26 kept trying to message me when I was online and asking me to play. I ignored him. It was time I came back to the real world and found a real hero. But I finally relented because I kind of missed him. And I decided that honesty was the best policy. I had to tell him I was done playing video games. I'd never been that into it. It had just been something to do to forget the real world. And now the real world was calling.

So I got online and he immediately messaged me.

FrontGirl, I'm screwing up all my courage. There's an Up All Night on Saturday. Meet me there. On the second floor in front of the ballroom. You'll recognize me. I'll be the guy with my heart in my hand.

I didn't reply. I couldn't. I showed the message to Bre, Tay, and Nic. "What do you think he means by having his heart in his hand?"

Nic shuddered. "All I can say is I hope he's not an anatomy student."

"Or a butcher," Tay said.

"I think it's figurative," Bre said.

We all stared at her.

"What?" Bre stared at us like we were crazy.

"Yeah, I hope so," I said.

"What are you going to do?" Nic had an evil look in her eye. "I think you should go. He's given you the perfect out. You go. You see what he means by having his heart in his hand. If he's a creeper, you back out and run like hell." She laughed. "It's completely safe. He has no idea who you are."

"Yeah!" Tay said. "We'll come with."

"I don't know," I said, but I was intrigued. "I kind of like not knowing who he is. That way he's anyone I want him to be."

"It's an adventure! It'll be fun." Tay was really getting into it now. "You have to do it."

"We'll see," I said. But I was considering it. The thing was, sometimes Falcon reminded me of Logan. And I kind of liked imagining he was. Kind of like picturing him as the Logan I wanted, not the Logan who'd broken my heart and shut me out. Despite what I'd said about living in the real world, a big part of me wanted to keep the fantasy alive.

Chapter Nineteen

All right, it was dumb. It was stupid. I flipped and I flopped. But finally the girls convinced me I had to go and meet Falcon. That sometimes a fantasy wasn't all you needed. Sometimes you needed truth and reality.

"How do I dress for this stupid meeting?" I asked. "What if he stands me up? Stood up by a video gaming nerd—how could my ego stand it?"

"You dress hot. Scorching," Nic said. "So he'll want you no matter what. And if he stands you up, you'll have options. Like guys fighting to get to meet you. We'll help."

Which is how I found myself dressed in tight low-rider jeans, heels, and a cute, tight, low-cut blouse. My makeup was sultry and my hair fell loose.

"You look just like one of your game characters!" Nic nodded approvingly.

I rolled my eyes. "Right. Tell me again why I'm doing this?"

"Because you're back among the living and putting yourself out there." Tay handed me a set of dangly bracelets. "Wear these."

I slid them on and Nic handed me a jello shot. "For fortification. Nothing ever looks as bad when you're buzzed."

I set the shot down. "I'm not going to be blinded by alcohol goggles when I meet Falcon. I want to see him in all his nerdy glory."

"You are so pessimistic!" Nic raised her shot. "Let the adventure begin." She, Tay, and Bre downed a shot in my honor.

They propelled me all the way to the SUB, past the budding crocuses that were just coming up in the flowerbeds, optimistically spring-like. Into the building and to the bottom of the stairs, where we paused.

"Okay, this is the plan," I said. "I am going to have to face Falcon alone. You three can walk behind me for moral support. If we catch a glimpse of him and he's a creeper, we go to plan one, ditch him, and enjoy the rest of the entertainment."

"You mean troll for guys," Nic said.

"Exactly," Tay said for me. "She's dressed for it."

I ignored them. "If he's hot, or even decent, you all back off and blend into the crowd, leaving us alone. Agreed?"

They nodded.

I took a deep breath. "Let's do this." Somehow I made my feet move up the stairs. This was such a stupid idea. I kept flashing back to meeting Logan at that first Up All Night event. How far I'd fallen. I kept pushing him from my mind. The stairs curved halfway up at a landing. I paused again. The girls encouraged me to keep going. I was so stupid nervous it was crazy.

As I came up the stairs, I saw a red heart-shaped balloon with the words
My Heart
printed on it in neat engineering block letters floating on a ribbon in a pair of strong hands, being held between a guy's legs. I couldn't see the guy's face, but his strong thighs looked promising.

The girls gasped when they saw the balloon.

"He's a romantic!" Tay said. "This
is
promising."

I made myself keep moving, telling myself I could do this. His knees came into view as we climbed the stairs. Then his chest. And finally his face. He was totally hot. The hottest guy I'd ever seen, and he was watching the people coming up the stairs, watching for me with an expectant, hopeful look.

"Logan," I whispered, and froze.

The girls saw him an instant after I did.

"Go!" Tay gave me a shove.
 

Logan spotted me. I panicked. As I turned to run, I got a glimpse of him rising to his feet. "No! I can't believe this. I can't do it. He's not expecting
me
. I—"

"Of course he is, fool girl." Nic grabbed my arm. "You don't think Logan recognized you from your screen name? He knows who he's meeting."

I brushed her off and tried to run past her, trying to thread my way between her and Tay and Bre and the rest of the crowd coming up the stairs.

"Ellie! Wait! El!" Logan called after me.

"Excuse me. Excuse me! Coming through." I tried to push my way past the crowd, swimming in the wrong direction, going upstream against the current.

But Logan was fast. "El!" He caught me at the bottom of the steps, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind, the balloon still in his hand, floating in front of me. "You forgot something." He pressed the ribbon of the balloon into my hand. "This belongs to you. It has since I met you."

Tears danced in my eyes. I tried to swallow them back, but they came anyway. "You shut me out. You cut me off. You lied to me and pretended to be someone else. Someone I could talk to. Someone I told about you. I was telling you about you." I tried to pry myself free.

"El, please. Listen to me. You still owe me one. I'm calling it in now—just hear me out."

I took a deep breath. When it came right down to it, I owed him my life. "Stupid, stupid debts of honor," I said through my tears. "Why did I ever make them?"

"You'll listen?"

I nodded. Bre, Tay, and Nic had disappeared, probably staying on the second floor to give us space.
 

"El, come on," he whispered in my ear, his voice breaking with emotion as he cradled his height around me. "I thought you suspected Falcon was me. I thought it was our way of testing the waters and coming back together."