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But I’m not.

After almost an hour in the tub I get up and put on cotton shorts and a tank. Looking at my phone I see a text from Evan and smile.

Evan: Hey, babe. Sorry, it’s going to be a late night. I love you so much.

Me: I figured. Everything okay? I love you too.

Evan: Same shit. This case is fucking with our heads. Mason’s out in the back taking a nap and Devin’s going over new pictures. We can’t figure this shit out. Clarke’s about to blow a gasket over this shit especially with the mayor breathing down his neck.

Me: I’m sorry, sweetie. I hope you guys can figure it out.

Evan: Me too.

Me: Do you need anything?

Evan: I need you ;) but no I’m okay. I wish I could see you, babe. Fuck I owe you so much.

Me: A spa day at Del Monte would be nice. Hehe

Evan: Of course. Anything for you.

Evan: Go to sleep. I’ll see you in a few hours.

Me: Okay. I love you.

Evan: I love you.

Shutting off the bathroom light I climb into bed under the covers and stare at the ceiling. As much as I hate going to bed alone I’m used to it. I’m used to the sleepless nights and worrying if he’s going to walk through the doors and kiss me like he does. Maybe that’s why we haven’t had kids yet. We’re too afraid to bring a baby into the world because of how terrifying his job is to both of us. When my phone rings in the middle of the night, sweat and fear take over my body, and I can’t think straight. I don’t know if it’s Tonya, Evan or someone calling me to let me know Evan’s in the hospital. I don’t know if the call is a ransom because some low life has my husband. The feelings of anguish keeps me up at night and there are times I don’t sleep until Evan’s safe and sound.

“Okay, Caroline, close your eyes and go to sleep. When you wake up, Evan will be here and everything’ll be okay.”

The next night, Evan’s back at the station and, Tonya, my very best friend, is here with me binge watching reality television.

“What makes you think these beautiful women are desperate enough to go out with strangers and then shove their tongues down their throats? I mean come on.”

Holding a glass of red wine I nod my head and take a drink. “Amen, sister.”

Reality television is so staged and borderline trashy, but it’s our guilty pleasure and this dating show is something to laugh about. These women, who by the way are beautiful and successful, go out with three guys of their choice from the candidates on the show, and have to make a decision on who to continue with. It’s cute in a way, I guess.

“Do you think we’d ever be that desperate to go on a show like that?”

“Well,” I laugh and drink more of my wine. “We’d have to be single and I’m pretty sure our husbands will go all alpha male ape shit on those guys. It’s a lose-lose situation.”

“You’re right,” she sighs and grabs her glass of wine from the table. “Thanks for having me over. I love girl time.”

Tonya’s been over since noon and we have been lazy slugs all day. From giving each other manicures and pedicures we relaxed outside and tanned then made chicken salad for lunch and sat on the couch talking about everything and anything. We even tried doing Zumba in the living room after a few glasses of wine and fell on our asses after one song. We deserve a day like this especially since our husbands are out saving the world.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Tonya asks me while refilling her glass and mine. “We need more, by the way.”

“You know where it is, so grab another bottle,” I point to the kitchen.

“With pleasure. So what’s going on with you? We haven’t had a lazy day in forever.”

“I know,” I sigh. “Just wanted to not think about anything, you know?”

“I get it, babe. Have you heard from him today?”

I check my phone and read the last messages we sent to one another. “Not since six.”

“Oh shit! It’s almost ten,” she groans and plops back down on the couch. “I’m crashing here tonight.”

“You’re more than welcome to.”

“Good. Okay, back to trashy TV.”

We clink our glasses and go back to a world where we can be lazy and not worry about what’s going on.

After two weeks of nonstop work and stressing out the guys can relax a little bit and breathe for once. They made some arrests and the case is progressing. There’s still a lot of loose ends, but Clarke feels confident they’ll see the end to this case soon. Mayor Warren is excited, but I have a gut feeling something is going to happen. I don’t tell anyone how I’m feeling and I hope it’s just my mind playing tricks on me.

Walking outside I see the guys with Evan by the grill and Tonya pouring us another margarita. Taking a seat next to her I adjust my sunglasses and enjoy the delicious margarita in my hand. This is how our days should be every day-surrounded by our friends and drinking a margarita.

“You know what?” Tonya starts to say.

“What?”

“Our guy friends are H.O.T! Especially Mason and Devin. Why do you think they’re single? I mean, come on, they’re hot, officers and carry handcuffs.” She winks and creepily stares at our friends.

Nearly spitting my drink I turn and slowly lower my sunglasses to see what she’s talking about. “Well first I can’t even look at Mason like that. We’ve known each other for so long and Devin’s like a brother so I’m out with your creepy observations and lust. Honestly, my husband is the hottest.”

“Pssh whatever. Look at Clarke and the way his shirt is screaming for him to take it off so I can admire his body. You know for a man his age he’s damn hot.”

“You okay over there? Need a moment?”

“Oh shut up. Yes I am horny as hell and it’s because my husband would rather spend all of his time at the station than come home and be with me. It’s so annoying.”

“Tell me about it,” I mutter in agreement. “We haven’t had sex in forever and I’m dying. But, this is the life we agreed to.”

Tonya sighs and excuses herself from the table. Looking over at the guys I smile and wave. Our best friend, Mason, looks up and smiles at me then looks away. There’s something going on with everyone and I want to know what’s going on. I know Evan won’t tell me. Everything is kept secret, but maybe Mason will let me in. I take out my phone and send him a text.

Me: What’s going on?

Mason: What do you mean?

Me: Shut up and don’t lie to me. I mean it. What’s going on? I feel tension.

Mason: The case as usual.

Me: That’s all you can tell me?

Mason: Sorry, creepy.

Me: Oh shut up, ugly!

Mason: Ugly?

Me: Yep.

Mason: Right. I know you better than that, Care. You think I’m sexy as fuck. Admit it, baby. Say it and let me hear you.

Me: GAG.

Tonya comes back and sits down again. “Who ya texting?” Tonya asks and I show her it’s Mason. “Ew, Mason,” she rolls her eyes. “Honestly, sometimes he thinks he’s God’s gift to the world.”

“You think he’s sexy,” I remind her.

Tonya sighs and nods her head. “He is. But I don’t need
him
knowing that I think he’s hot,” she laughs and her tone changes. “The case is fucking getting on my nerves.” I put away my phone and turn to face her so we can talk.

“It’s frustrating, tiring and stupid,” I explain without sounding too much like a bitch. I know this is what Evan loves to do, but his cases are always a priority and I hate to wonder how long we’ll have to do this for. “This case is blowing my mind. How can one man get away with so much?”

“Trust me. I get it.”

Tonya Smith does get it. She’s married to Clarke Smith who is also Chief of Webster PD. They’re holding off on getting pregnant until things settle with his two-year-long case. Looking at my best friend I know she wants more than anything to be a mom and she would make a beautiful mother.

“And to make it worse no one’s talking. They’re all afraid of this jackass. Don’t get me wrong I’m glad they’re making progress, but it’s still a hard case. There’s too many people involved and not a lot of evidence.”

“Seriously,” I agree. “I wonder how long this case will go on for. I feel like it’s taking over our lives.”

Tonya nods her head and we drink our drinks. Looking over I see Evan’s face and I don’t like his expression. The look he has is telling me he just heard some bad news and quickly I get up and find out what the hell is going on.

As soon as I approach them they stop talking and I have to keep my annoyance at bay.

“So?” I ask with my hands on my waist. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Evan tells me in his
leave it alone
tone. I hate that fucking tone. “Don’t worry, babe.” He manages to put a smile on his face and places his hand on my arm. “Go back with Tonya.”

“Really?” I raise a brow and move away so he’s not touching me anymore. He thinks I’m a child and treats me as such. “So that little expression was for what? I’m not stupid, Evan. If you can treat me like your
wife
and not a
child
and be real with me then I’ll go back with Tonya. I know you and I know that whatever you’re working on is pissing you off. I am here for you.”

“Babe, stop, okay? I have explained this over and over to you. I am not allowed to talk about the case. Yes, I have an expression on my face and that’s because a lot of shit is going on, so for fuck’s sake get it through your head that things are happening. Okay?” Evan raises his voice a little and I’m taken aback. He never raises his voice and right now I want to slap him. “If you want me to stop treating you like a child then stop acting like one.”

Without saying another word I go back to Tonya and finish my drink and pour another. I feel my phone buzz and ignore it until I feel it again.

Mason: Don’t take it personally.

Mason: He’s under a lot of stress.

Me: Stop defending him.

Mason: Don’t be like this, Care.

Me: Okay. I’ll be whatever I want to be. He had no right to yell at me and use swear words.

Mason: I know. I’ll talk to him.

When the food is done everyone sits at the table on the deck and we talk about anything other than the case. I’m still mad at Evan and slightly embarrassed he would raise his voice to me in front of the guys, who are also our friends, so it shouldn’t matter, but it does. I know I’ve been annoying and ruthless about wanting to know more. He can’t blame me for wanting to know if he’s safe or not. It’s scary knowing there are people out there who will shoot a cop without thinking or people who will hurt others without a second thought. This world’s unpredictable and it’s hard to fathom all the dangerous possibilities. All I want to know is if he’s safe and if we should be worried or not. Looking at Evan irritates me even more. He thinks he has to be this macho jackass when really he doesn’t. There’s nothing he can say or do that’ll impress his friends. He has nothing to prove to them. I’m his wife and I should be privy to this information.