Reverie (Hollow Hearts Book 1) (15 page)

“Elias, please. I need to tell you everything.”

“I don’t want to hear a damn word you have to say! You killed my wife!” His grip tightened around Isaac’s shirt.

Elizabeth and Hetty both entered the room, having heard the commotion. When they saw Elias holding Isaac against the wall, they knew it was bad. “Boys, what on Earth!?” Elizabeth said. “Whatever is going on, you need to stop.”

Elias turned to his mother. “He killed my wife! Isaac killed my Rachel!”

Elizabeth rushed to his side. Placing a hand on his shoulder she calmly said, “Elias, honey, that isn’t what happened. Please.”

Elias looked at his mother. “You knew? You knew and you didn’t tell me?”

Elizabeth couldn’t lie to him. “Yes, I knew. He told me recently. You need to hear what he has to say.”

Isaac looked at his brother and saw the battle of hurt and anger in his eyes. He slowly removed Elias’s hand from his shirt and backed away. Isaac coughed and tried to regain his composure. This wasn’t going well, and deep down he knew it was about to get worse. He was about to break his brother’s heart all over again.

“Hetty, let us leave the boys to talk,” Elizabeth said, leading Hetty away from where the boys stood ready to do battle.

Isaac took a deep breath and looked at his brother. He had been for a long time with what had transpired in the orchard that day with Rachel. He wasn’t sure Elias was ready to hear what he had to say, but he knew he wasn’t leaving this room until he’d spoken the truth. The entire truth.

“Well, brother?” Elias folded his arms across his chest.

“Elias, I’m going to be honest with you,” Isaac said. And he was.

He told Elias about working on the tree, Rachel joining him in the orchard, and the countless ways she’d tried to flirt with him. He watched his brother’s face turn to anguish as he recounted the details of Rachel’s declaration of who she should have married and the kiss they’d briefly shared before Isaac stopped it. And Isaac was certain he saw the shadow of tears in his brother’s eyes when he admitted that, for the briefest of moments, he’d kissed Rachel back.

“Elias?” The room stayed silent. “Elias, say something. Please.”

Elias took a deep breath and looked at his brother. They were both struggling with a range of emotions. “Tell me one thing, brother? Are you finally being honest with me because you want to move forward with Hetty without guilt? Are you trying to clear your conscience? Is that it?”

Isaac nodded his head. He knew this moment would change everything. He couldn’t move on without Elias’s forgiveness, without his understanding of the situation. But he couldn’t push his brother.  He had no doubt that Elias loved Rachel tremendously. He’d planned to spend his life with her, raise a family, and grow old by her side.. But now she was gone and Isaac was partly responsible for the abandonment of his brother’s dreams. Elias was alone. And Isaac needed to accept the blame for his part. No, he didn’t believe Elias would forgive him and maybe he didn’t deserve it having waited all these years to be truthful and open with the brother he loved dearly.

“Please, Elias…” Isaac whispered.

“Things are broken, Isaac. You want my forgiveness so you can move forward with Hetty without this guilt in your heart. Well, brother, I don’t forgive you. And you don’t deserve her.” Elias turned and walked up the stairs. Moments later he returned with a bag over his shoulder.

“What are you doing, Elias?” Isaac asked, suddenly worried.

“I just...I can’t be here right now.”

“No, Elias, please. Let’s just...”

Elias didn’t let him finish before he walked out and slammed the door, leaving the icy weather lingering in the house. Elizabeth came up behind Isaac and put her arms around him.

“Let him go, son.”

“But, mother...”

“Isaac, it took you years to admit what happened. The least you can do is give him the time he needs to process all of this, to grieve.”

His mother was right. He needed to give Elias space. He’d been honest with his brother and now Isaac needed to deal with the aftermath. The consequences would be great. He had a feeling he was going to be forced to choose between his feelings for Hetty and his relationship with his brother—a choice he didn’t want to make.

Hetty stood in the kitchen trying to absorb everything she’d heard between Isaac and Elias.
Isaac and Rachel? Is this why he got so angry that night in the porch? Does he see me as Rachel?
Her heart shuttered and she knew. Hugging Elias, spending time with Joshua, kissing Isaac—she was no different. She was making the same dangerous choices. It needed to stop. Their family didn’t deserve this. And she didn’t deserve them. She didn’t want Isaac to be forced to make a choice between his family and his feelings for her.
Maybe I need to make the choice for him
, she thought.
Maybe that is the one thing I can do to make things right for this family. 
Not wanting to interrupt Hetty slipped quietly into her room and shut the door. She needed to pray, to give her hurt to the Lord, knowing deep down that he would confirm the answer she already knew. She needed to leave.

Hetty sat at the table sharing cake and coffee with her new friend, Sarah. She hadn’t had time to visit since the apple festival, but the tension on the Wheeler farm made her want to get away for a bit. And a small break in the weather gave her the perfect excuse. She’d bundled up Lottie and brought the girl with her for an afternoon visit. Lottie was busy playing with Caroline, Sarah’s youngest, giving the adults plenty of time to talk.

Hetty hated to gossip, but she needed to be open with someone about what was happening. Elizabeth was so tied to both her sons that Hetty hesitated to share the strain she was feeling inside. It wasn’t about taking sides, but of course Elizabeth would support her sons no matter their differences. Hetty needed someone she could trust, someone who could help her see how to fix the mess she’d somehow caused. She shared the details with Sarah including her time with Joshua, her kiss with Isaac, and the fight between Isaac and Elias, who still hadn’t returned home after four days. She trusted Sarah. And it was good to have a friend right now.

“I can’t help thinking that I’ve caused all of this tension. They were a quiet, happy family before I took this job. Now things are so...unsettled,” Hetty said, taking a bite of her pumpkin spice cake.

Sarah laughed. “Hetty, you didn’t cause all of this. It’s silly to think so. Whatever is happening between Isaac and Elias existed long before you took the job. And I can say with a fair amount of certainty that the only reason it came to light now is because Isaac has feelings for you.”

“The kiss was a mistake,” Hetty said, trying to convince herself as much as Sarah.

“I don’t see it that way. I see a man who needed to deal with his past before he can commit to his future. And I see a woman so scared of folks thinking she took advantage of a family by kissing her boss to even see that the family wants her to be part of it. Isaac cares for you. Elizabeth and Lottie adore you.”

“What about Joshua?” Hetty asked.

“That’s an easy one. Listen to your heart. Do you want him courting you?”

Hetty thought about it. She’d thought about it many times since reading his letter. He was a good man. A kind man. He was offering her so many things she wanted. It was tempting. But in her heart she only felt friendship toward him. She didn’t see him in a romantic way. He was going to make a wonderful husband and father someday, but Hetty knew it wouldn’t be with her. It was Isaac who filled her heart. It was his face and stunning blue eyes filling her dreams. It was his hands she wanted to be holding hers. And it was his kiss that made her want to abandon all of the rules.
I love him
, she thought. And she knew she had her answer.

“No, Sarah. I don’t want to give Joshua the wrong idea. I see him as a friend...nothing more.” Hetty felt a sense of relief when she finally admitted to herself what she’d been feeling all along. Why hadn’t she been honest with herself from the beginning? Maybe it was because admitting she didn’t have feelings for Joshua meant that she had to accept that she had feelings for Isaac. And accepting her feelings for Isaac meant that their kiss wasn’t a mistake. But it was too late. She needed to let go. Even if the kiss wasn’t a mistake to her, Hetty was sure Isaac felt differently.

“Well, I think you’ve got your answer.” Sarah smiled. “Too bad you can’t tell me when this baby is going to make an appearance. That’s the only answer I need these days.”

“That reminds me, I have something for you.” Hetty rose from her chair and reached in her bag. She pulled out a soft, cream blanket and handed it to Sarah. “For the baby.”

Tears sprang to Sarah’s eyes. “Oh, it’s just beautiful! And so soft! When did you have time to do this?”

“I worked on it in the evenings. I wanted the baby to have something warm and cozy.”

Sarah hoisted herself from the chair and wrapped Hetty in a hug. “You are a true friend, Hetty. Thank you.”

With both women on the verge of tears, they decided they’d had enough emotion for one afternoon and should indulge in another piece of cake instead. With the children busy playing together they spent the rest of their visit laughing and talking about the holidays, grateful for the fellowship.

Thanksgiving was tomorrow and Elias still hadn’t returned to the ranch. Isaac had no trouble admitting to himself that he was worried. His brother had been gone nearly two weeks and he had no idea where. Lottie constantly asked where her daddy was and when he was coming home. Both he and Elizabeth did their best to answer, but the truth was they didn’t know. Even Elizabeth, who admitted Elias needed time to cool off, was beginning to think he might not come home. Isaac wouldn’t let the ranch suffer if that were the case. He’d cease making furniture and put his full efforts into keeping the ranch going until Elias returned to the helm. He prayed it wouldn’t come to that. He could work the ranch, but he didn’t have the passion or skill Elias had.

What have I done
? he thought. Isaac hated that he had caused his brother so much pain.
Lord, I’m so sorry for what I’ve done. I didn’t want this to tear us apart. Please bring Elias home.
He just wanted his brother here where he belonged. He wanted the two of them to spend the afternoon hunting for the Thanksgiving turkey like they did every year. They’d laugh, exchange jokes and banter, and return at dusk with the biggest bird they could catch. Their mother would work her magic and turn it into the centerpiece of their holiday table. He loved this tradition with his brother. This year he’d have to do it alone. He saddled up his horse and bundled himself in his warmest coat and gloves.

The snow had ceased a few days before but left a bitter cold in its absence. Isaac wanted to be prepared to be out in the weather. It could take all day to find and shoot their Thanksgiving turkey. This year he’d have to entertain himself. Elias wouldn’t be there to provide company. When he was sure he had his gun secure, extra bullets in his pack and his dinner tucked away, he set off for the farthest part of the ranch where they always went to hunt.

Elizabeth and Hetty busied themselves in the kitchen preparing several delicious items for the next day’s meal. Several pumpkin pies cooled on the counter, bread dough was rising steadily in the warmth of the kitchen, and a massive amount of potatoes waited to be peeled. Thankfully Elizabeth seemed to have an excess of strength today. Maybe the extra rest and a break from the daily chores were having a positive effect. Perhaps it was the medicine working its magic. Either way Hetty was glad to see Elizabeth enjoying herself, and she appreciated that they were making the Thanksgiving meal together. Her good health and holiday spirit would make it easier for Hetty to break the news. She was leaving.

Over the last two weeks she’d watched the Wheeler family suffer in near silence. They missed Elias and were bothered not only by his absence but that he had yet to return. He’d never left Lottie before. They wanted him home. Lottie, only understanding so much, couldn’t quite grasp why her father wasn’t there to tuck her in or read her stories. Hetty had spent several nights comforting the sweet girl, reassuring her that her father would return soon. But she wasn’t so sure. He’d been gone quite a long time, and his departure was not on the best of terms with his family. His anger at Isaac was understandable. Elias had every right to feel betrayed. She prayed he could forgive Isaac and that the bond the two of them shared would be repaired. Isaac hadn’t spoken much to anyone since Elias left. He kept his head down, tended to the chores on the ranch, and retired early each evening. Hetty saw how much he was suffering and it nearly broke her heart. It had taken so much strength for him to be honest with his brother, and now he was faced with the possibility of their relationship being altered forever. This is what prompted her decision to resign as their housekeeper.

She knew they needed to concentrate on rebuilding their family. They needed to forgive and heal old wounds. Hetty’s presence would hinder their efforts. She loved Isaac. She’d finally admitted it to herself. But the past two weeks showed her that it wasn’t meant to be. He’d become distant, cold even. She knew he was torn about his relationship with Elias. He’d never choose her over a relationship with his brother, and she’d never allow that even if he tried. Isaac wouldn’t allow himself a happy ending after what he believed he’d taken from his brother. And staying here, seeing him each day, watching him struggle, was too much. She needed to leave, to allow him to find some peace. She had to let go so the Wheeler family could heal. They deserved that.

Earlier in the week during a short trip to town she’d inquired about other employment. Her savings would not last long. There was little cushion to get by until she found a job. She’d offered all she had to Isaac to get Elizabeth’s medicine. She didn’t regret the decision to offer it to him at all, but maybe the Lord had been looking out for her when Isaac refused to accept it. Thankfully, she’d run into Catherine, who still ran the orphanage, and discovered she was looking for someone part-time to help with the cleaning and laundry. It wasn’t glamorous work and the pay was terrible, but the offer did come with room and board at the orphanage. She didn’t relish the idea of returning to Hope Place, but it would be different as an employee instead of a child in their care. Hetty hoped she might even be able to do some good, make a few changes to give the children a happier experience. She’d accepted Catherine’s offer and would be moving after the Thanksgiving meal. It wasn’t much notice to give the Wheeler family, but a condition of the job was the ability to start immediately. Oh, how she’d miss them.

“Elizabeth, I need to discuss something with you,” Hetty said as she began to peel potatoes.

“What is it, dear?” Elizabeth looked over and smiled.

“I’m afraid I won’t be able to continue working here.”

“What do you mean?” Elizabeth’s smile disappeared.

Stay detached,
Hetty told herself.
Don’t get emotional. “
I’m sorry for the short notice, but I’m afraid I’ve accepted another position and I must start tomorrow.”

“Another position? Where?” Elizabeth looked worried.

“I’ll be working part-time at the orphanage. The position starts immediately.”

“But why on Earth would you want to leave us?”

Hetty hesitated. “It’s time. Your health has improved and I need to...get some distance.”

Hetty felt Elizabeth’s eyes watching her, the coldness and hurt could not be contained. Elizabeth had to know she was referring to Isaac. Hetty needed distance from Isaac. Watching him suffer was too much and she would give anything to not cause this family any more turmoil.

“Do you really believe this is the right choice?” Elizabeth asked.

“Yes. I believe it will be better for everyone if I moved on.”

“But back to the orphanage? Why there?” Elizabeth asked.

“It’s good work. Hard, but good work. And frankly the orphanage is the only family and home I’ve ever known. It’s where I belong.”

Hetty felt the words choke in her throat. She needed to say them, though, even if they were hurtful. She knew she wasn’t a part of this family even if she’d convinced herself that it would be different working for them. They had all made efforts to include her and share their lives with her, but she was still an outsider. An outsider whose presence threatened to destroy the love between two brothers.  She couldn’t trust that Elias would come home and Isaac would come around. She wasn’t worthy of whatever they could offer. No matter what argument Elizabeth made, Hetty knew she wasn’t meant to be part of a family, especially one so loving as the Wheelers. She couldn’t believe that
this
family, right here in this house, wanted her. Elizabeth couldn’t change Hetty’s mind. The truth was clear and Hetty believed leaving was her only choice.

“Perhaps you’re right,” Elizabeth said. “Perhaps this is for the best. In fact, with the snow headed this way, it may be best if you made the journey to town today. If you wait until tomorrow afternoon you may very well be snowed in.”

She wants me to leave right now
, Hetty thought. “But what about Thanksgiving?”

“We’ll manage. Most of the work is done and I’m sure I can handle what’s left, especially since my health is so much better.” Elizabeth didn’t intend for her words to hold so much sarcasm, but the truth behind them was the same. She would be fine. They would all be fine.

“I guess I’ll go pack,” Hetty whispered.

“And Hetty? One more thing.” Hetty looked at Elizabeth, tears stinging her eyes. “I always thought of you as family.”

Isaac returned from his hunt satisfied that the large turkey he killed would feed his family for days. There would be delicious roast turkey tomorrow followed by mounds of turkey pot pie, turkey sandwiches, and turkey soup. By the time they finished this bird they’d all be happy to wait another year for more turkey.

He finished settling his horse in his stall, gave him an extra apple as a treat for carrying him in the cold weather, and headed to the house to turn the turkey over to his mother. When he entered by the back door he was surprised to find the kitchen quiet and clean. He’d expected his mother and Hetty would still be busy prepping tomorrow’s meal, no doubt ready to pester him for taking so long to bring their bird home. But the kitchen was empty. He walked to the front of the house and found his mother and Lottie reading quietly by the fire.

“Uncle Isaac!” Lottie shouted when she saw him enter the room. Jasper lifted his head to acknowledge Lottie’s shout, but quickly returned to his favorite past-time, sleeping. “Grandma is reading me a story! It’s about a whale and the boy was stuck inside!”

Isaac looked at his mother. “Jonah 2:1-10? I still remember when you read that to me the first time. I was convinced a whale might live in our creek.”

Elizabeth smiled. “No whales, just fish you and your brother never could catch.”

Isaac rubbed the top of Lottie’s head. “It’s awfully quiet here. I expected you and Hetty to still be busy in the kitchen. Your bird in on the back porch ready to be plucked, stuffed, and buttered.”

“Thank you, son. Hetty isn’t here.”

“Oh, did she go visit Sarah? I heard they had their baby a few days ago. A little boy!”

“No, she didn’t go visit Sarah. She quit, Isaac.”

“She what?!”

“She accepted another job and left this afternoon.”

“Where? What job?”

“At the orphanage. She said that the orphanage is the closest thing she’s ever had to a home and a family. I think she left because of you and Elias. She believes she caused all this tension. Maybe it’s better that she did leave,” Elizabeth said, as much to convince herself as to convince Isaac. “She doesn’t believe she’s worthy of family, Isaac. And I’m guessing she’d never admit feelings for you if it caused your relationship with your brother to suffer.”

“What did you say to her, mother?”

Elizabeth hesitated. She knew she’d been too harsh with Hetty and that wasn’t her intention. “I was hurt when she told me she was leaving...so I suggested she not wait until after the meal tomorrow but should go now before the snow.”

Isaac ran his hands through his dark, wavy hair. This was all too much. His brother’s leaving, Hetty’s quitting her job—how had things turned so chaotic in such a short time? Isaac knew he needed to fix this or at least try. Maybe he should go look for his brother, find him, and explain everything. Maybe he could convince Hetty to come back or at least stay on through the holidays. He didn’t enjoy the thought of her working through the holidays, no place to enjoy a meal or fellowship. He wanted her here with his family, decorating the tree, sipping hot cocoa, making ornaments with Lottie, and opening presents Christmas morning. He ached to do it all with her. For the first time he realized that so much of his life had become wrapped up in Hetty being a part of it. She belonged here. She fit with this family. He wanted her here not as their housekeeper, but as his wife. He wanted to give Hetty the family she deserved.