Reverie (Hollow Hearts Book 1) (13 page)

“I’ve prayed a thousand times, mother. I’ve apologized to the Lord more times than I can count. And I know He forgives me. But I can’t help feeling like my penance should be not to allow myself to have what I took away from Elias.”

“Is that why you won’t admit what’s happening between you and Hetty? Because you don’t think you deserve it? Honey, that’s not the Lord punishing you. That is you punishing yourself. If we ask, the Lord will forgive. He doesn’t wish to punish us. Do you have feelings for Hetty?”

Did he? Could he say it out loud? Could he admit that their kiss wasn’t a mistake, but instead a moment of pure perfection? “Yes, I do.”

Elizabeth smiled and Isaac instantly saw her relax. This was indeed a breakthrough for him. He’d tried to deny all along that something was developing between him and Hetty. That first day he’d met Hetty at Mrs. Calhoun’s house he was pulled in by her sweetness, her beauty.  And those early mornings in the kitchen? Nobody was that happy just to fry an egg. Maybe Hetty’s presence was softening his heart. But could he allow himself such love knowing what he’d done to Elias? 

“Isaac, I will say one more thing on the matter. I think you need to be open with Elias before anything else. He deserves that.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right. I just don’t know if he’ll ever forgive me.”

“If your brother offers forgiveness, it won’t be conditional. You fix things with him and then see how you feel about Hetty. If you want to spend your life with that sweet girl—and I suspect you do”—she grinned—“Then you need be sure that you’re offering her the strong family she deserves.”

“If Joshua doesn’t offer it to her first.”

“One day at a time, my boy. One day at a time.”

Hetty looked out the window hoping to see Elizabeth and Isaac pulling into the yard. The snow had held off yesterday, but they must have decided to stay in town anyway. It was now mid-afternoon and the first snow was falling hard. She prayed silently that they’d make it home safely and decided to have something warm and comforting while waiting for them.

“Lottie, would you like to help me in the kitchen? I’m thinking a nice roasted chicken would taste wonderful for dinner.”

“Yes!”

The little girl left her blocks in the corner and ran ahead of Hetty to the kitchen. Together they dressed the chicken with butter and several dried herbs from the garden. They peeled potatoes, made fresh rolls, sautéed green beans, and prepared dessert. Hetty allowed Lottie to mix and stir and enjoyed the smile and giggles coming from her little helper. With the chicken roasting and the rest of the meal keeping warm, Hetty decided to take Lottie outside to see the snow. They dressed in their warmest attire, put on hats and gloves, and slipped out the front door.

Lottie was instantly off the porch, her mouth hanging open to catch as many flakes as possible. Hetty watched her pick up small piles of snow and crunch it between her little fingers.

“Hetty, come play!” Lottie shouted.

Unwilling to pass on the fun of a first snow, Hetty joined her in the yard where they danced and laughed and tasted the air until their fingers were nearly frozen. Just as Hetty suggested they head back inside to warm their bones, they saw Isaac and Elizabeth coming up the path. Hetty couldn’t stop Lottie from running to meet her uncle and grandmother. No doubt there was a treat or two hidden somewhere in the overflowing wagon.

Isaac pulled the wagon to a stop and helped his mother down from her seat. He didn’t even glance in Hetty’s direction. “I’ll get the horses put up, mother, and then I’ll get your purchases inside.

“Thank you, dear,” she said as she reached down to kiss her excited granddaughter on the cheek. “Hetty, it is so nice to be home.”

It surprised Hetty that the woman didn’t look the least bit tired. In fact, she looked refreshed and very well rested. “Come inside, Elizabeth. Lottie and I have a warm supper waiting for everyone.”

“God bless you, sweet girl.”

Hetty helped Elizabeth up the stairs of the porch just in case there was ice. Lottie trailed behind them, her words running at top speed. Inside Hetty helped each of them remove their layers of clothing and placed several by the fire to dry. They made their way to the kitchen where the evening’s meal was heavy in the air. Hetty was glad she’d decided to make something hearty after their trip. She told Elizabeth to sit and tell her all about their time in town while she prepared a warm cup of tea for each of them. Lottie quickly lost interest in their adult talk and left to go play with her doll.

“I hope we didn’t worry you by staying in town last night.” Elizabeth sipped her warm tea.

“Not at all. I was getting a little worried when the weather turned this afternoon, but I see you both made it back in one piece.”

“Wait until you see all the supplies we picked up! It always surprised me how much we need to get through winter, but I assure you that by late March we’ll be begging for a trip to town.” Elizabeth laughed. “I also picked up a bit of fabric and yarn from Mr. Davis. I wanted us to have plenty to keep us busy when we get restless.”

“That sounds perfect. Elias needs a couple of new shirts. I can’t seem to get the dirt completely out of the ones he has.”

“That, my dear, is the burden of a ranch wife. I’ve struggled with the same thing since I married. Oh, before I forget!” Elizabeth rose from her chair and reached for her reticule. “I’ve got a letter for you. We didn’t want to head back today until the mail came in and I’m glad we didn’t since there was one waiting for you. Plus, I ran into Joshua while we were in town and he asked me to pass along a letter to you also.”

Hetty took the envelopes from Elizabeth and tucked them in her apron. They’d make for nice reading this evening after supper. “Thank you. I appreciate you picking them up for me. You saw Joshua while you were in town?” Hetty asked nervously. She wasn’t sure what her employer thought of her spending time with the young man.

“I did. We kept our horses in the livery last evening. He’s such a sweet young man. He couldn’t quit smiling about your afternoon together. I swear the boy blushed each time he said your name.”

“I had a nice afternoon with him. I think he’s a fine friend to have.”

“Friend?” Elizabeth asked and Hetty didn’t miss the undertone of her question.

“Yes, a friend. I enjoyed spending time getting to know him, but I think it is much too early to say anything else. He asked me to spend time with him again.”

The room grew silent as the women sipped their tea and warmed their bodies. Hetty wanted to ask Elizabeth more about Joshua. She’ never courted before—never even came close. She wasn’t quite sure what the rules were, what protocol was expected. She wasn’t even sure one afternoon together even qualified as courting. It was times like these when Hetty wished for her mother. Even her father. She imagined being able to open up to them, share her feelings for Joshua and Isaac, and seek their advice and wisdom. She imagined her mother brushing her hair as they sat together on her bed. Hetty would share what she was feeling, maybe ask her mother about courting with her father, and know her mother would be honest and comforting as Hetty explored such uncharted waters. She even imagined her father being firm, maybe a bit distant, with any boy who would come to court his daughter. Surely her father would press the boy for details, aspirations, and intentions before sending his only daughter anywhere. The thought made her smile—a comforting mother to share the details and a protective father to see to her safety and virtue.

Without her parents, though, Hetty needed to turn to someone. Maybe not share the depth of her feelings, but at least gain a bit of advice.

“Elizabeth, can I ask you...a personal question?”

“Of course you can.”

Hetty looked around to be sure Elias and Isaac were not nearby and that Lottie was still occupied. When she was sure it was just her and Elizabeth she took a deep breath. “What exactly is courting?” she whispered.

She watched as Elizabeth chuckled to herself. She knew she must sound silly even asking. Clearly no one had ever talked with her about the area of relationships. It wasn’t surprising, though. Hetty didn’t have many females in her life she could trust and Mrs. Calhoun wouldn’t dare talk about anything that could be construed as feelings.  That wasn’t the woman’s way.

“Well, I’m not sure how detailed of an answer you’re looking for. But courting is essentially when a lady and a gentleman spend time together and get to know one another.

“That’s all?” Hetty asked, a slight disappointment to her voice.

“No, that’s not all, but that’s the general idea. Courting isn’t just about getting to know each other, though. It’s about spending time with one another’s families, learning if you share the same values and beliefs. It’s about discovering if you’re compatible before any commitments are made. It’s about establishing a relationship before things become... romantic. It’s the step that comes before engagement.”

“Oh.” Hetty sat back in her chair. She looked around the kitchen. “Is that what I’m doing with Joshua?”

Elizabeth laughed. She patted Hetty on the arm and rose to pour herself more tea. “Relax, sweet child. There is nothing inappropriate about this conversation,” she said. “Is that what you think you’re doing with Joshua?”

Hetty thought about it for a moment. She’d known Joshua for a while, but she’d never gotten past just being a friendly acquaintance. They’d always been civil with one another, and she’d enjoyed getting to know him a bit more during their afternoon together. He was kind, hardworking, and genuinely interested in what she had to say. He’d asked to spend time with her again and she’d agreed. The limited time and experience she had with him was pleasant. Simple. But did she see it moving forward toward a future together? Did she see herself settled as the wife of a livery owner, mother to several children? And what about what Isaac was making her feel?

“I don’t know, Elizabeth. I really don’t know.” And the struggle was clear in the crease of her brow.

“Hetty, let me be honest with you. When you find the person God has chosen for you, you’ll know. Maybe it will be an instant realization that you want to spend your life being partners with this one person or maybe it will take time to see what is right in front of you. But when you do realize it, you won’t hesitate. You’ll want to begin the rest of your life as soon as possible because you can’t imagine going through any of life’s challenges without this person by your side. Does it mean it will be easy and beautiful at every moment? Absolutely not. But it does mean that together, and with strong faith, you can survive anything.”

“You make it sound so easy,” Hetty said.

“Loving is the easy part. Trusting that love is a whole different story,” Elizabeth said, wondering if it was really Joshua at the heart of Hetty’s question.

Isaac busied himself in the barn rubbing down the horses and settling them in their stalls for the night. He needed to hurry if he was to get their goods unloaded before supper. He’d purchased a small supply of wood on the trip so he could start Lottie’s Christmas present—a dollhouse. Elias had drawn a plan of what he wanted, and Isaac was happy to oblige his brother and create something special for Lottie. He could already see her sweet face lighting up Christmas morning—the dollhouse under the tree, the candles flickering, and the smell of pine filling the air.

It didn’t escape Isaac’s thoughts that Hetty would be part of their holiday this year. He imagined this might just be her first Christmas in a real home with real traditions. He wanted to do something special for her, but he wasn’t sure what that would be. He could build her something, but where would she put it? She didn’t have her own house, and her room was quite small. Cozy, but small. Perhaps he could purchase her a new book. She loved to read but her collection was minimal. He needed to give the idea more thought.