Rite of Rejection (Acceptance Book 1) (12 page)

“I know what that look means.” Constance is grinning at me and this time it’s a full smile. “What are your plans for that rope?”

I work to unclench my fists and relax the tightened muscles of my shoulders. Eric takes one of my hands and rubs his thumb in a soothing circle along my knuckles. He sits straight as a board beside me and somehow he makes his words forceful without being demanding. “We need it.”

“Clearly.” Constance’s fingers drum out a steady rhythm on the old-door-turned-tabletop. “The question is really the nature of your need. It’s much too nice of a rope to be turned into anything as mundane as a clothesline.” She leans back on her makeshift seat, her fingers arching on the table, then relaxing to draw lazy circles along the worn surface. “Now, if I could trust the rope to have a…higher purpose, I can see letting it go.”

I stand and drop Eric’s hand. Leaning into the table, I meet Constance’s easy smile with one of my own. “We don’t need a clothesline.”

“And little Rebecca Collins is all grown up.” Constance stands, pulling her lumbering husband up with her. “I smell dinner calling.” They walk arm in arm toward the door, but Constance pauses before they leave us to collect our trophy. “Do watch that you don’t get yourself tangled.”

She can’t possibly know our plans, but Constance’s words carry a weight far heavier than the coil we carry back to our own bunkhouse.

Thirteen

The last hours before sunset are my favorite time of the day. It’s the only time all five of us can sit together in the bunk with no other obligations pulling us away. When the sun is up, Molly and Elizabeth are usually at work. Eric and I don’t start until after sundown. We still have our meals together, but decided that we shouldn’t discuss any part of our plan where there’s even the slightest chance someone can overhear us.

Right now, no one has to be anywhere and the freedom to talk openly without the threat of discovery always makes me feel more alive. There’s a sense of comfort about us in the evenings, and even Elizabeth feels like a friend. Tonight we’re using a small basin of brownish water to scrub out some empty tins that Elizabeth collected at work.

Molly is using the remaining hours of daylight to secure a few loose buttons on Eric’s outside shirt. We’ll have to get new clothes as soon as we hit dry land, but until then, Molly’s patched up shirts and dresses will have to pass the non-PIT standard.

“Did you find anything new today, Eric?” I cringe at the undisguised hope tinting my voice. I don’t really expect good news. Lucking into Constance’s rope a few days ago was a major find, but we still have a lot more to collect before we’ll be ready to go. Earlier today, Eric went out to an older part of the PIT we didn’t have marked on our map yet. I offered to go with him, but he declined on the off chance that he ran into any trouble.

“Not really. I spent most of the time taking note of building locations so I can update our map.” He gets up from where he’s been laying down on the bunk and brings the newly updated paper over to show me. The dozens of lines and dots barely fit on the ragged paper. The PIT is so much bigger than I ever could have imagined. “We’ve searched everything west of this area,” he says pointing to a roughly drawn row toward the edge of the wrinkled paper. “And here is the workshop.”

It feels a little premature to call it that, but eventually the remote building the guys searched out yesterday will be where we build our raft. For now, it’s empty.

“I went out from there to plot our evacuation route to the fence. We’ll need wide alleys to haul the raft without making too much noise.” On the map, Eric drew a dark black line with his broken pencil to show the fence that protects the rest of society from us riffraff inside. A small ‘x’ indicates the weak spot where we can get through to the coast. “I thought we could check out some of these remote areas after our shift tonight.”

I set the last cleaned-out can in the bag with the others Elizabeth washed. “As long as we have enough moonlight to make sure we don’t miss anything.”

“It’s a date.” Eric stands to tuck the map back under his thin mattress and flashes me a flirty smile. “One moonlit stroll by the beach.”

Elizabeth and Daniel snort at Eric’s attempt at romance, but I think it’s sweet that he’s trying. He’s always doing little things like holding my hand or helping me up from the benches in the dining hall. Elizabeth and Daniel are more like my parents, never touching or showing their affection for each other where other people can see.

Elizabeth rolls her eyes and carries the bag of clean tins to the corner where no one will trip over them once the setting sun sinks the bunkhouse into darkness.

“Come on, you stupid thing.” Daniel is camped out on a bed with one of the Noteboards, his face buried in his hands. “Ayesocose.”

“What?” His words are muffled by his hands. I know it’s not polite, but I giggle at his dramatics anyway.

“Sorry,” he says, lifting his head up. “I said, ‘I’m so close.’”

“Close to what?” I plop down on the bunk next to him. My elbow brushes against his and I’m suddenly aware of just how close we are, the warmth of his dark skin radiating out in the cooling air to lift goose bumps along my arm. I adjust the skirt of my dress to give me an excuse to scoot and create some distance between us.

“I found this old card reader out at the deserted security building. I’m trying to connect it to the Noteboard so I can recode our OneCards.”

“This is a card reader?” I pick it up and let the metal cool my heated palms. It does nothing to ease my racing pulse. Why am I acting this way? It’s just Daniel.

The heavy box is like a brick in my hand. The readers in the Admin building are all slick grey squares no bigger than my palm. The huge black box Daniel tinkers with is almost as big as the Noteboard it’s linked to.

“Don’t judge my reader.” Daniel says harshly, taking the box back. “Unless you’d like to grab a new one off the wall during your shift tonight.” He winks at me, destroying my minimal success at controlling my heart rate.

Eric calls across the room from his spot on another bunk. “Two Noteboards and half a dozen cables aren’t good enough for you?”

Daniel raises his hands in surrender, making all of us laugh.

It’s easy to joke around with him when I don’t think about how handsome he is. I shake the thought out of my head. Eric is handsome. “What exactly does re-coding our cards include?”

“Really, princess?” Elizabeth pipes up from the corner where she’s storing our newly cleaned cans. “Are you prepared for an hour-long dissertation on the intricacies of the Cardinal’s network?”

Daniel frowns at her, but Elizabeth just sticks out her tongue and turns away. They both chuckle, and Daniel picks up our conversation as if there wasn’t any interruption.

“Well, besides removing our Rejected status, I’ll need to give us new names and new backgrounds.” Daniel taps the face of the Noteboard and an official-looking site pops up. “Here’s the national marriage register I hacked into last week.”

The collar of my dress is tighter than it was a minute ago.

“See, here is where I’ll set up the licenses and backdate our documents.” He taps again and the screen flashes from one page to another. “You and Eric still look pretty young so I won’t have to backdate yours very far.”

“Backdate our what?” Even with the sun almost set, the room is growing steadily warmer.

“Your marriage date.” Daniel looks up from the screen and his face drops. “Didn’t you know?”

I can’t say anything. If I open my mouth I might spew my meager dinner. I close my eyes to keep the room from spinning. Marry Eric…now? Can I do that? I picture myself wearing a formal gown and making the marriage pledge to Eric. My stomach rolls and saliva fills my mouth.

Eric’s sad eyes meet mine from across the room and there’s not enough air to breathe. I get up, but blood rushes to my head and I sway on my feet. Eric rushes over and guides me back to his bunk, rubbing my back. I’m a horrible person.

“I’m sorry, Rebecca.” Daniel sounds far away, even though he’s just across the room. “I assumed you already knew about the marriages.”

I shake my head and the squirming in my stomach subsides some. I force deep breaths in through my nose. I have to calm down.

“We can’t go back to our own Territories because everyone knows us there. I can set it up for Eric and me to get a Cardinal-assigned Territory Transfer. That way, no one will be suspicious when we show up.” Daniel’s words tumble out almost faster than I can digest them. “The only reason for the rest of you to move with us is if we’re married.”

I nod my head, because everything Daniel says makes sense. A transfer is the only reason for people to show up in a new Territory. If the girls and I are going with them, we’ll need to be their wives.

Daniel stands up and looks to Elizabeth and Molly for support, but they’re tucked in the corner, heads together, lost in their own conversation. “It doesn’t mean anything; a name change and a checked box in the Cardinal’s system.”

“I’m okay, really. I understand.” I stretch my mouth into the best smile I can muster so Eric doesn’t think I’m upset about marrying him. My teeth grind together; I’ll be fine. “I just didn’t put it all together until now. I thought we had more time.”

“It’ll all work out, Becca.” Eric’s face is filled with understanding. My throat fills with sand and I fight the tears stinging the back of my eyes. Here I am, having a panic attack about marrying him, and he’s trying to comfort me.

“Eric, I didn’t mean…please don’t think.”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me. Your reaction was perfectly normal, but time isn’t a luxury we have anymore.” His hand is warm on mine and puts me at ease. “We’re going to make this work.”

“I trust you. I’m…” A new thought interrupts my apology. Two guys, three girls. “We don’t have enough people. What about Molly?”

Molly’s head lifts up at her name, her face completely blank in the dimming light. “I’m going to be a widow traveling with her sister. Of course, I’m heartbroken and you all feel horrible about my loss.” She winks at me and smiles. “I’ll wear black.”

Molly, the girl who rarely says more than four words to me and only in response to asking her a question, just made a real joke. Not a good one, but a joke all the same.

A small chuckle bubbles up from inside, trailed by a louder giggle, and followed by side-clenching laughter. My amusement is contagious and soon the others are laughing right along with me.

It isn’t nearly as funny as we’re all making it, but it’s been too long since we had something to laugh about.

“Maybe we should find an urn and fill it with a little PIT dirt?” Daniel barely gets his words out between loud guffaws.

“Yes, it’s the only proper way…to honor the memory…of your late husband…PITrick.” Elizabeth laughs so hard at her own joke, she snorts after the last word.

Tears roll down my cheeks and my side hurts, but I never want to stop laughing. “He was a fine man,” I get out between gasping breaths, “but an awful cook.”

Molly holds a pillow across her stomach in a losing attempt to hold back her laughter. “Don’t talk about my fake dead husband that way!” She tosses the pillow at my head, but misses me in the darkening room and hits Eric, instead. “He was only looking for a little Acceptance.”

We laugh until each of us is exhausted. The room is filled with heavy breathing and wide smiles I can barely see in the fading light. Even back home, I never felt so much like part of a real family as I do in this minute. With strangers I dismissed as monsters little more than a month ago.

I can’t agree with Constance that life inside the PIT is better than outside, but it has given me something I didn’t know was missing. What will it be like once we’re back in the real world? Life will be different, better, but will we still have this? How much will our freedom really cost?

Eric’s hand finds mine in the dark and squeezes tight. “Come on, Becca, time for work.” He hands me my dusty shoulder bag and we head out hand in hand for another night of picking through trash.

***

“Here, you should finish it.” I hand the greasy container back to Eric so he can fish the last bite out of the bottom. The mostly full take-out box of noodles was our best find yet. Eric found it resting at the top of a garbage can on his floor and saved it for us to share.

I lean back against the cool concrete wall behind the dining hall and savor the taste of salt on my lips. These noodles are the first thing I’ve eaten in weeks that doesn’t carry the distinct burnt taste that flavors everything in the PIT. The sixth floor cans aren’t as generous as I’d hoped.

The smell from the dumpsters we’re hiding between doesn’t enhance the meal, but walking around the PIT with food is a fast way to find trouble. Last week an Under got a broken arm when he carried a piece of bread out of the dining hall. A band of slightly older boys was on him in the blink of an eye and he was left holding crumbs and an arm bent in the wrong direction.

Eric throws the empty container into the darkness. It’s a small thing, but it bothers me. Lately, I’m bothered by more and more of Eric’s little nuances. That’s probably how it is for most couples the more they get to know about each other. It doesn’t make me feel any better about our future together.

I stand up from my spot in the dirt and toss the noodle box into the dumpsters.

“Really?” he asks, pushing up from the ground. “I hardly think one more piece of trash is going to matter in this dump.”

“We may be Rejects, but that doesn’t mean we have to live like barbarians.”

Eric only shrugs before wiping his hands on his dusty pants and pulling our wrinkled map out of his bag. He points to a spot on the grid close to the dark line of the fence. “I think we should go out to the edge tonight. I didn’t run into anyone else while I was out there earlier so it should be safe.”

The walk out to the area Eric selected will take us at least half an hour. Even though summer is nearly here, the heat of the day fades as soon as the sun sets. It’s already much cooler than it was when we walked into the Admin building. I’m not at all excited about a long walk out to search in a new area, but we can’t avoid the edge forever.

“Well, we aren’t going to find an escape boat sitting around here.” I slide my bag back on and take Eric’s extended hand on instinct. I don’t even bother to brush the dust off the back of my dress. My mother would die a thousand deaths of embarrassment if she could see me now.

It’s peaceful this time of night when almost everyone is tucked away in a bunkhouse, huddled against the cool air. The only people out on a night like this are those up to no good. Eric fills the silence with information he’s gleaned from Elizabeth.