Royce (21 page)

Joy knew Michael was taking out his pain on her.  She was trying to forgive him and she wanted to help him, but not like this, not like he was doing, hurting her when he should know she was hurting too.  The next day she winced when she got out of bed, she was sore and in pain.  Michael had long ago gotten up and gone into the office.  She went to Justin’s room, her beautiful baby; she loved him she knew that,
he looks so much like Royce
,
why didn’t I think about a condom
she asked herself, since that was the question that perplexed Michael.  It was the question she often pondered, why didn’t she think of it and she didn’t have an answer.  She’d never come up with one, she just knew she didn’t think of it and that was it she hadn’t thought of it and for Michael it was the one thing she should have, and the only thing she could do was suffer his attacks for it.  He made her pay for that indiscretion.  She picked up her baby boy and changed his diaper and gingerly sat in the pale green stuffed rocker and nursed Justin.

The phone rang, and slowly she went and answered it and still holding Justin she went back to his room and eased down in the rocker.

“Joy,” her heart leapt.  “Hey Royce,” and she could almost hear him smiling on the other end and she smiled too.

“Hey Joy…I miss him,” he almost said
you
.

“I know but I can’t have you come over anymore, so I don’t know how we can work it out. I’m sorry Royce.”

“I know, but can you meet me somewhere so I can see him?”  Royce had mulled over as he lay on the couch last night how to see her and Justin and as soon as he got to the office he called.

Joy was happy he wanted to see his son, but she knew she couldn’t, her body ached and it would destroy Michael, “I can’t Royce…”

“Is everything okay Joy?”  He could hear sadness in her.

“Well Michael isn’t too happy right now…You know this is hard on him,” she said and she didn’t want to say,
and he brutalizes me in bed because of it. 
“I see, he’s taking it hard, huh?”  “Understatement of the year,” she said, “What about Tammy is she okay with all this?”  “I can’t say she is, this is hard on her too,” he decided to be truthful.  “We sure made a mess of things didn’t we Royce?”  “Don’t say that Joy, we didn’t plan any of this.  All we can do now is make the best of this situation…It’ll work out,” he said.  “I know Royce but it is a mess,” an on the other end he smiled, “Yes, I’ll agree to that, it is a mess.”

“Do you regret joining The Club?”  She asked softly.  Joy was wondering if he hurt as bad as she did, and she hurt because of what she’d done to Michael, not for herself, but because he wasn’t the same loving man he used to be. 

Royce could hear the sadness in her voice and he hoped she didn’t regret their time together
,
he didn’t and he would never tell her it was him who asked Doug to pursue her and Michael.  It was him who called and asked, “Hey you know the Abrams they would be a nice addition to The Club?”  He had been thinking about quitting until he saw Joy at the Christmas party and after that he thought about nothing but her.  And the only way he thought he could have her was through The Club
.
It took him three calls to persuade Doug to go after them, like everyone else he didn’t see how they could be anonymous, “How would they be anonymous that defeats the purpose?”  Doug had said. “Well I admit I still don’t know a few members but most are not anonymous to me either,” he said to Doug, “We all know to be discreet Doug, even if we do know the identities of each other,” he’d said and Doug agreed, and that was that.  And then one day he saw Joy and Michael walk through the door. 

“I hope you don’t regret being with me Joy,” he said softly. 

“No, Royce I didn’t mean it that way.  You were fun, we were fun and I had fun being with you,” she paused, “And look what we made, he’s so beautiful, so beautiful,” she said and stroked Justin’s hair, “But the people we hurt Royce, that’s what I mean, you know Michael…Tammy,” she said.

“I know, but Joy we didn’t intend for that, and the only reason they feel hurt is because they feel betrayed,” he paused to get his next words together, “And you know the truth Joy, you and I know the truth.  We didn’t intend for it to turn out this way…but Joy you know we can’t do anything about that.  They have to work through their pain, they have to understand we didn’t plan for any of this, you know that,” he paused again, “And I hope they can Joy,” he was thinking of Tammy and her vile words, “I hope they can, but they have to deal with it and move forward.  All of us have to move forward and think of Justin.  He’s what matters now,” and Joy’s eyes filled with tears and she felt that draw, that pull.  She wanted to reach through the phone and kiss him, kiss his beautiful lips and lose herself in the blue depths of his eyes.  But she said, “I know Royce, I feel exactly the same, exactly the same.  Doing right by Justin is what matters.”

They talked for two hours before Joy said, “I better go and I know you’ve got to get to work,” and Justin had fallen asleep in her arms long ago. 

They wouldn’t speak again until the day they met in court.

And until then she dealt with Michael’s wrath.  He was beside himself with anger and preparing for their day in court.  He’d decided to represent them and when it got to be too much he’d hold her down and pound his frustration out on her. 

“I don’t want him here Joy,” Michael said, “I don’t want him coming to our house. I don’t want his money, are you with me on this?”

“Michael please he’s his father, we have to let him do right by Justin.”

“Oh are you going against me on this too?” 

“No, no I agree with you, I think he should wait until Justin is older, it’s just that what if we lose?  We’re going to have to let him see him.”

Michael glared at her, “Why didn’t you wear a condom Joy, that’s my question, why are you for him all the time?” 

Her mouth dropped, “I just thought…just thought…it’s the right thing to do,” she stammered out.

“Oh everything for Royce is the right thing isn’t it!  Not wearing a condom is the right thing!  Only fucking him is the right thing!  Naming Justin after him!  Seeing him behind my back is the right thing,” and he stared at her and she wondered was he right?  Everything he said was true and she felt her lips quiver, but she didn’t want to cry, she held it in, and that night after she tried to stay out of bed until he went to sleep she reluctantly went to bed and he rolled over and glared at her and she knew what was about to happen.

Royce was standing by his office window, the top of the Dallas skyline hidden behind thick fog, it was a grey dreary day and it matched his mood perfectly.  His court date was coming up and he hadn’t seen Joy and sometimes he still wondered if he was doing the right thing.  Tammy wanted nothing to do with it and was being a bitch about the whole thing and he knew Michael wanted him to disappear and not be in Justin’s life at all.

“Royce what’s going on man?”  Bobby walked in; he’d walked by twenty minutes ago and saw him standing there.  He turned and embraced Bobby.  “Oh god man this is so hard,” he said his emotions getting the best of him, “I love her so much and it hurts so bad man, so bad, and Justin he’s so little and beautiful I don’t know man what’s right,” he said his eyes full of tears.  Now that he hadn’t seen Joy or Justin he’d thought a lot about this situation and he knew if it had been up to just him and Joy that maybe he would have done it her way if it meant spending time with her and Justin, if it could be like it was and if he could have persuaded her to let him change his name, but Michael was the one he didn’t trust.  He needed something legal to be assured his rights or he knew he’d be vanquished just like he was now his visits stopped, so he knew in his heart he was doing the right thing, but it was so hard.

“Ah man, I know, but you have to do it, he’s your son and no one can deny that,” Bobby said reassuringly, holding him.  Royce was torn up about this he could see that and he didn’t know Royce had let it slip that he loved Joy, but she was heavy on his mind and his innermost thoughts blurted out in his anguish.  Bobby wasn’t sure he was doing the right thing either but the truth was Justin was his son and you can’t tell a father he can’t see his child when he so desperately wants to do so.  He hugged Royce tight, “Do what you have to do man, okay.”  “Okay, I know.”  “This came for you,” Bobby said handing him a big orange envelope. Ms. Severs handed it to him when she saw him contemplating going in to Royce’s office. “Thanks,” he saw it was from the clinic. 

That had been an unreal moment, he and Joy met at the clinic a few days after she’d been served and he and Justin got swabbed in their mouths and it didn’t help that the lab tech said, “Well I can see you’re his father, why do you need this?”  And he looked at Joy and blushed, “We need medical proof that’s all,” he said.

Bobby was heading out the door as he tore open the envelope.  He scanned through the numbers, numbers he didn’t understand, but at the bottom it said ninety-nine point nine percent he was the father and he smiled.  He called his lawyer, “Did you get a copy of the testing?” 

“No I haven’t seen it yet, have you?”

“Yes, I have it right here.”

“And what does it say?”

“Ninety-nine point nine percent I am the father.”

“Good, there’s your proof Mr. Harrington, not that there was ever any doubt,” his lawyer reiterated.  His lawyer had never met Justin, but Royce had shown him pictures and he said, “Well he sure looks like you I have to give you that, but a paternity test will confirm it,” his lawyer went on, “Good, that will definitely improve our chances…now where is your wife on all this, has she come on board?”  The question Royce dreaded, he’d been trying to convince Tammy and still she refused to come around. 

A few days after he told her they were eating dinner she said, “Look at us, look at our family, you want to ruin this?”  And he saw Karen and Dillon looking from him to Tammy and back again. “I don’t want to ruin it I want to add to it,” he said calmly and she slammed her plate down. “Uuurrgggg,” she said angrily and glared at him and he glared back, and Karen had tears in her eyes when she asked, “Mom, dad what’s wrong?”  And Tammy taunted him, “Ask your father?”  She said glaring at him and Karen looked sadly at him. “When the time is right I’ll tell you honey,” he said and Tammy stabbed into her mashed potatoes and took a forkful and angrily began to eat and he found himself not wanting to be near her and missing Joy more and more.

Now he found himself sleeping on the sofa or with his back turned to Tammy her shrill wailing always in his ear, “I can’t believe you’re doing this to us!”  She shrieked the other day, “I don’t want to see a baby by you and Joy, it’s a disgrace to you, me and our family,” she cried, and her favorite thing to say, “I can’t believe you want to bring her bastard into this house!” And he’d wanted to slap the shit out of her, but he tried to remain calm.  He needed her with him so he’d reply, “He’s a child Tammy, an innocent child,” and she’d storm off, so he answered his lawyer truthfully, “No, she’s not on board, does that hurt us?” “Well in my experience Mr. Harrington you never know what a judge will latch on to so I don’t know, it could go either way, but we deal with the hand we are dealt.  If she’s out don’t force her and my suggestion is do not bring her to court, her reaction could jeopardize us. I’d rather have them speculating on her absence and have to explain it rather than our opponent or the judge asking her questions,” his lawyer said. “Okay,” he said and through all this he missed seeing Joy.  He still wanted Joy and still loved her, Justin was Joy, Justin was his reason to find happiness now, and when he thought of him laughing his baby laugh, nursing at his mother’s breast, scooting around and his blue eyes following him as he played with him, he was love.

The day of their court date he awoke to thunder, lightning and rain coming down in torrents, it was a typical spring thunderstorm in Texas, scary, dark, dangerous and horrible to drive in.  He thought about cancelling and he wondered if Joy would show up it was so bad out there, but he went anyway and he drove slowly and carefully to the courthouse.  He didn’t want to chance getting into an accident and losing on a technicality like not showing up or being late to court, it wouldn’t look good, and he had to admit he was glad to get this behind him.  Whatever the consequences, he would move on an abide by what the judge said even if she decided it was best for him not to be in Justin’s life, he would do it.

Royce arrived at the courthouse and he saw Joy and Michael coming in.  She was shaking out her umbrella, inwardly he smiled, she still made his heart sing whenever he saw her.  He stood next to his lawyer who was going over some last minute details with him, “We need to stress your willingness to pay child support and the amount, you’re being very generous Mr. Harrington.” Royce nodded, “He’s my son, I can’t shirk my financial responsibility to him,” he said and they walked into the courtroom and waited for the proceedings to start.

He saw Joy and Michael come in and take their place at the defendants table.  Joy looked hard and soft at the same time, she was soft, vulnerable and she had a resigned look about her and as always he wanted to hold her, take her in his arms and kiss her with love and tenderness. He watched her for a moment wanting to make sure she was okay, but she didn’t make eye contact and he couldn’t tell her face was a mask, but he knew the day had come.  He had to do what he came for. 

His lawyer opened, and after both sides presented their case it was the judges turn to ask questions.