Royce (23 page)

Justin went to sleep in her arms.  She held him and led Royce to the freezer in the garage to where the bags of breast milk were.  “Wow Joy, you could feed ten babies,” he joked.  She laughed, “I know, take as much as you need.  Let’s see each bag holds four ounces, Justin drinks eight, so take a lot so you’ll have some for next time too,” she said looking down at her sleeping baby.  Royce took bags and bags and put them in a shopping bag. “Geez, this is a lot of milk.” “I’ll show you what to do,” she said, and led him back into the house.  Joy showed him how to make a bottle and he was feeling better now.  He at least had a bottle for the night and he wanted to kiss her for helping him, “Thanks Joy,” he said looking at her, and Joy could see the look in his eye, appreciation, love, and something else.  She felt that pull, that draw to Royce.

She walked him to the door, “I’ll see you Sunday, and give him a bath tomorrow.”  She helped him to his car and kissed Justin’s sweet cheeks and watched as Royce pulled off.  And when she turned around Michael was standing there.

“Did he screw up already?”  “Yeah, he threw out his milk because he didn’t put it in the refrigerator,” she said her heart racing.  “Are you coming to bed?” And she knew he was really ready for her now, “I’ll be in, in a minute.”  He stared at her for a long moment. “Alright Joy, I’ll see you when you get there,” he walked away to their bedroom.  She went into the kitchen to clean up the mess she’d made, her heart running like a rabbit, fast and scared.  She cleaned up and knew she couldn’t put it off much longer.

She went into her bedroom and climbed into bed and Michael reached for her, he kissed her hard, too hard and she knew it was just the beginning.  His tongue forcibly probed her mouth and she gripped the covers.  He abruptly left her mouth and went to her breast, he pushed her nightgown down exposing her nipple and sucked her, sucked her hard.  She winced and cried out in pain, she knew that’s what he wanted and he didn’t let up.  “Michael please,” she tried to pull away. “He fucked up this time didn’t he?”  He said as he sucked her hard. “Yes,” she agreed, she’d say anything to make him go easier on her.  He pulled her gown up and spread her legs and pushed hard inside her, and then the onslaught began, he rammed and pounded, using all his strength to penetrate her depths.  She cried out and turned her head to the side; she closed her eyes and gripped the covers praying it would be over soon, and when she felt him about to release she was elated, but like always he got in a parting shot. “He can make a baby, but he can’t take care of one,” he almost laughed as he said it.  Once he was spent he rolled off her and Joy got up and went into the bathroom and cried.

Royce went home and eased Justin in his bed and put the cover over him and kissed his sweet little cheek,
this has been a rough day for you I know little buddy
.  The mess was cleaned up and Duke was back in the house; he was right by his side as he put Justin down, “Watch over him Duke, I’ll be back,” he said.  He led Duke out the room and closed the door, “Stay,” he said and Duke lay down outside Justin’s door and he went back out to the car and started unloading his purchases and the shopping bag full of the precious breast milk.  The breast milk he was worried Tammy might destroy.  They also had a refrigerator out in the garage, he tied a knot at the top of the shopping bag and placed it with its precious cargo on the bottom shelf in the back of the freezer out of sight, he hoped Tammy wouldn’t find it and if she did, she wouldn’t do anything to it.  She hurt him tonight and she didn’t know it but he was thinking differently about her now, not as a loving partner but as a person to be wary of. 

He took the bags of baby food and diapers into Justin’s room and sat in the rocking chair thinking.  Duke lay beside him, he stroked his furry head and thought,
how long is it going to take for Tammy and the kids to get use to the idea of Justin being around? 
That was his biggest question, they’d treated him like shit today and he didn’t like that.  He was a baby and they treated him like shit, and he watched him sleeping peacefully and his heart went out to him and he loved him with all his heart and he was going to protect him through this no matter what.  He got up and went to sleep in the guest room; it was closer to Justin anyway.  He couldn’t imagine being in the same room with Tammy tonight.

Joy was crying in the bathroom, crying for what she’d done to Michael,
I made him like this, I made him like this
, she cried to herself over and over,
what I did with Royce, he hates Royce and seeing him makes him crazy,
but she didn’t hate Royce.  She thought he was a good guy and there was something about Royce.  She smiled through her tears,
he messed up tonight, he actually threw away all the babies milk.  Is he crazy, what if I didn’t have any more? 
She shook her head but she couldn’t hate him, he gave her Justin and in the back of her mind she saw them at The Club.  Royce riding her so good, her legs wrapped around him and him stroking her so sweetly, holding her and looking into her eyes, his deep blue eyes, his smile infectious, she wiped her eyes. 
Yeah, there was something about Royce
, and just then the bathroom door opened and Michael walked in. 

Michael saw her tears, she was seating on the toilet seat, the trash can full of used toilet paper from her tears.  He’d startled her and her heart jumped and her mind thought,
Oh god.
“Did I wake you I’m sorry,” she said, but she was thinking,
Oh God, oh no, oh God no! 
He walked towards her and knelt in front of her.  She could see the concern in his eyes, “Oh Joy I’m sorry.  I don’t know what comes over me I’m so sorry,” and she thought
Royce comes over you, seeing Royce comes over you and you hurt me that’s what,
“Please forgive me, I’m sorry,” he pleaded with her.

He stood up and took her hand and gently pulled her towards him.  Her heart was racing and he took her in his arms and held her tight, “I don’t know what else to say Joy. I love you, I always have, believe me when I say that okay, even when I do crazy shit,” he said and held her tighter.  Then he looked her in the eye, his eyes begging her to understand.  She gave him a smile, a smile that reassured him she understood, but she was scared and this was Michael.  Even though there was something about Royce she loved Michael and when he led her to their bed her heart raced not knowing what to expect, but he took her in his arms and held her. “I love you Joy and I promise I will not act like that again, okay,” he said, his embrace warm and secure, “I promise you that.”

“Okay Michael, I love you too, I love you so much,” she said and kissed him softly on the lips.  She wanted him to love her like he used to, passionate but loving and good, he held her tighter. “I love you too, I love you too,” and that was the first night in a while Joy went to sleep happy.

The next morning Royce woke up.  The first thing he was going to do was give Justin a bath.  He’d intended to last night; he had to show Joy he could do this, she was so worried he couldn’t, and last night almost proved her right.  He was thankful Joy had shown him how to take care of Justin in the few weeks before the trial; he had to admit he hadn’t done much baby care with Karen and Dillon.  He was working trying to make a living so Tammy took personal care of them and he’d come home and play with them, but she changed most of the diapers. fed and bathed them, but in the weeks he went by to see Justin, Joy let him do everything she would have done.  She let him feed, bathe, and dress him, and do whatever needed to be done in the few hours he was there and now he was grateful he was comfortable doing things for him. 

He filled Justin’s bathtub and picked him up, his diaper was full to almost bursting, he made a mental note,
change him before you put him to bed,
and once he had him clean and dressed he went into the kitchen.  Tammy was scrambling eggs and he would have liked some for Justin but he thought she might throw the whole pan away just so he wouldn’t have any.  She looked at him holding Justin, rolled her eyes and turned back to the pan.  He smirked and went to the pantry, but then he remembered Justin’s food wasn’t in there, he left taking Justin with him. 

The shopping bags of food were still where he left them,
I’m going to have to find a spot for these
, he took out the cereal and jar of apricots.  He took the new bottles out and read the back of the package, “Shit,” it said something about boiling them before use.  Tammy really screwed him around and he was mad at her all over again.  He took the empty bottle he’d used last night and for a moment he stood there not sure what to do; he needed to do things that required two hands and asking Tammy to hold Justin was out of the question.  He picked him up and put him back in his crib, he called Duke in, “Stay boy,” he said to Duke.

He went into the kitchen where he washed the bottle as best he could; he didn’t know he needed a bottle brush, he warmed up the milk and made a bottle and prepared his cereal like Joy showed him. 

When his cereal and bottle was ready he thought about going to get Justin, but he’d have to leave his food and he knew deep in his soul if Tammy did anything to that bowl of cereal he would beat the living shit out of her.  He’d never hit a woman in his life, but some button had been turned on last night after what she’d done he knew he was capable of doing things he’d never thought possible.  He looked over at her; she was taking strips of bacon off the skillet and placing them on a paper towel, he couldn’t chance it.  He put the bottle in his pajama bottoms pocket and took the bowl with him and went to Justin’s room and he heard him giggling and laughing. 

When he opened the door Duke had rose up on his hind legs on the side of his crib and was licking Justin all over his face, and Justin was laughing and giggling like it was the best thing in the world.  Royce just shook his head and laughed, “Down Duke,” he chuckled,
so much for a clean baby
.  

After he washed his face he went into the kitchen with a smiling Justin, Duke at his side, the kids and Tammy were eating breakfast.  He sat Justin in his high chair,
I thought of everything when preparing for him to come here, a new nursery, high chair, all the comforts for a baby, everything except a loving family,
he thought as he looked at his family sitting around the table.  They were quiet, no one was saying anything, he decided to break the silence, “So Karen who are you playing today?”

Karen was on a select soccer team, she played year round, soccer, soccer, soccer was all she thought about. “The Heat, they’re good too, one of the best,” she said. “Good, then they’ll offer a good challenge, but I know you’re ready for that,” he said. “Yep.”  “Okay as soon as I’m ready we can go,” he said and Tammy looked up,

“What are you going to do about…” she looked over at Justin.

“Justin,” he said looking squarely at her.

“I’m taking him with us of course” and he was thinking what kind of question is that.  Her mouth dropped.

“What?”  She looked at him in disbelief, “Oh no you’re not Royce, what kind of example is that?  To bring your…your…lover’s child with us!”  She yelled at him horrified.

“He’s part of this family now, get used to it!  All of you!  Get used to it!”  He said looking at all of them for emphasis.

“The hell I will!  The hell any of us will!  Take him home!  Take him to hell I don’t care but he’s not coming to the game with us!”  Tammy yelled at him and got up hard from the table so that her chair scraped loud against the tile.  She took her plate and angrily scraped her food into the sink, “Do you know how crazy this is, do you!  Do you actually get it in that thick head of yours how crazy this is!”  She screamed at the top of her lungs.

“It’s only crazy because you’re making it crazy!  It doesn’t have to be, but you’re creating all the chaos, destroying his food and creating a scene right now in front of the kids Tammy!”

“Me!  Me! You’re the one causing the problem!  You and her…her…seed from hell is what he is, her fucking seed from hell!”  She yelled at him, “He’s not going with us, you can’t take him with us!  You can’t do that to us, you can’t embarrass us like that Royce!”

“Embarrass you!  How is a baby, a little baby going to embarrass you?  People will talk Tammy you can’t stop that, but they’ll move on to something else once they know we’re okay with this, if we stand together…”

“You think I’m okay with this!  How in the hell can you think I’m okay with this?  I’ll never be okay with this!  Get that through your thick skull, I’ll never be okay with this!” 

Justin was starting to cry at the outburst.  He picked him up and stormed out, especially when he saw the looks the kids were giving them, disbelief and shock among them, and he had never known Tammy to curse in front of them, but she was that mad this morning to do the unthinkable.  He went into his bedroom; he soothed Justin, “What am I doing?  What am I doing?”  He said to himself, but he was in too deep now and determined to make this work and make Justin a part of their lives. 

When he was ready he walked out; Tammy was cleaning the dishes off the table and glared at him.  He went into the garage and placed Justin in his car seat and took out his stroller and followed the direction in opening it and closing it.  Tammy and the kids came out and he could see Karen was clearly upset and Dillon just looked like he wanted to get as far away as possible and Tammy was upset too. “Don’t do this to us Royce,” she begged.  “We’re going, we’re
all
going,” he said adamantly.