Royce (25 page)

Now he stood back and watched the game, Karen was spot on; she scored two goals and was phenomenal all over the field.  She was happy when they piled into the car, “See daddy, see how good I play when he’s not around,” and Royce’s heart dropped, “Karen, Justin being here or not shouldn’t affect your play,” and again he saw that little smile on Tammy’s lips,
the good the kids are on my side smile.
  Karen took a big swig of her water, “Well it does, I was awful last game.”

“Well honey as an athlete you’re going to have to learn to handle obstacles and get past them and still do your best,” but he was hurt she felt that way, that she was blaming a baby, and that her mother sanctioned it. “I know, but I play better when he’s not here.”  Royce looked at her through his rearview mirror, his eyes narrowed on her, “He’s part of this family Karen, you have to get use to that,” and he saw her cross her arms angrily and slump back in her seat, and Tammy tried to hide her triumph, she placed her hand over her smiling mouth and turned to the window.

The next Friday right on schedule he was at Joy’s picking up Justin and Joy was wiping tears again, “Joy are you going to cry every time I show up?”  He asked with a smile, he hated to see her cry. “I don’t know, but right now I can’t help it.  He’s so little Royce and I worry and last time…you threw away his milk,” she said through her tears and he winced. “I know…” and he almost said babe, but he caught himself and he caught himself from reaching out and caressing her cheek like he wanted to too, “I’m sorry, I’ll do better this time,” she packed Justin’s bag.  She liked to show Royce what was in it so he’d know, “And bottles, you have half his bottles are they clean?”  She asked concerned, “Yes, I cleaned them,” he said. “Okay, well I put a bottle brush in this time in case you need to wash them again,” she said and showed him the brush, and now he felt like an idiot who didn’t know anything, he’d tried to wash those bottles with a dish towel. “Okay, thanks,” he said, “If I need it I’ll use it okay, now stop worrying so much,” and before he could stop himself he did reach over and wipe a tear from her eye that was about to fall.  She acted as if what he’d done was normal, she just smiled and said, “Just watch out for him, he’s so little.” “I promise,” and he picked up the diaper bag and Joy took Justin. 

Michael wasn’t home this time and he was glad but Lindsey came barreling in the kitchen, “Bye Justin, bye,” she said giving him a big hug and kiss while he was in his mother’s arms, “Bye Justin!” Deon yelled from the family room deep into a video game.

He arrived home hoping it would be a little better this time, but it was Duke again who was happy to see Justin, and Justin squealed when he saw him.  His heart was bursting with love for his son and it seemed Duke was right there with him.  He took Justin to the family room, Dillon was playing a video game, it was strangely like at Joy’s with Deon almost in the same position playing a video game, but Lindsey was usually on the floor with Justin.  She liked to lie on a pillow and watch TV or read, that’s where she was Wednesday and tonight when he picked Justin up. Karen was nowhere around and neither was Tammy.

He put Justin on the floor and went into the kitchen to see what he had to eat and to his surprise Tammy hadn’t left out anything, she always left him a plate.  He shook his head, this was getting ridiculous.  He checked the refrigerator and fixed himself a plate.  He turned to check on Justin.  Duke was laying on the floor tail wagging waiting for him, Justin was over at Dillon’s chair, pulling on his pants leg and like before Dillon acted as if he wasn’t there, he didn’t acknowledge him.  Justin gave up and crawled over to Duke who was more than happy to see him.  He rolled over and let him plop on him, he smiled, at least Duke the lesser animal understands he’s just a baby. 

He fixed himself a plate and shook his head again,
why was she being so childish
, just then he heard someone coming down the stairs.  He popped his plate in the microwave and saw Karen, she stopped when she saw Justin and he saw the glare in her eyes and his heart lurched, and he thought Tammy had something to do with this, if she’d act like a grown up the kids would handle this better, they’re feeding off her and her antics.  Karen headed in the family room and he stopped to watch her. Justin was all over Duke, she called Duke, “Come here Duke, come here boy,” Duke looked at her probably as surprised as Royce was that she was paying attention to him.  Since he’d grown out of puppyhood she’d shown no interest in him.

Now Duke looked over at Karen who was calling him harder now, “Duke come here, come here,” he decided to obey his master and he rolled over leaving Justin.  She scruffed up behind his ears, “That’s a good boy, that’s a good boy, stay with me,” she said and took him by the collar and led him away and Royce knew she just didn’t want him to be with Justin, and Justin tried frantically to crawl behind them and Royce saw the frustration on his little baby face, and he put his plate down on the table and went and picked him up. “Hey little buddy, you can hang with daddy,” he took him in the kitchen and sat him in his high chair.  He fed him mashed potatoes and green beans while he ate, and now he knew what he was up against, and soon enough Karen got tired of Duke or Duke got tired of her he came back looking for Justin.  Duke saw him in his high chair and went straight for him and Justin cooed and reached down for him and he licked his hands and Royce smiled and thought Joy would have a fit if she knew that the same fingers he’d let Justin feed himself green beans with the dog was licking like crazy right now.  “Okay Justin you want to take Duke for a walk huh?”

Tammy had been out back by the pool the whole time, he saw her when he was leaving in her bikini laying on a lounger a washcloth across her eyes a glass in her hand and bottle of wine  on the table.  And that night he would see the effects of that, “I see you brought her bastard over again,” she said drunkenly, and he found himself heading to the guest room. 

The next morning he was determined to bring the family along into accepting Justin as a part of the family.  He got up dressed and fed Justin and was ready to go to Karen’s soccer game and all hell broke loose. “Nooo daddy!  I don’t want him to come!  Nooo!”  Karen wailed, and Tammy was right with her, “Can’t you see you’re upsetting her!  Why do you have to be so stubborn?”  He ignored her, “Everybody get in the car now we’re leaving!”  He said angrily, and they filed in the car, Karen crying and upset and Tammy not happy at all, and Dillon looking lost like he’d rather be anywhere but with these people and Justin who didn’t know what was going on but sensed it wasn’t good started to cry, and he tried to soothe him all the way over.  He gave him his bottle, but he kept throwing it down, and Dillon had to keep picking it up because Karen refused and when they finally got to the soccer field everyone bolted out of the car and he was glad they were gone. 

Justin was crying and wailing by this point, “It’s okay buddy,” he was saying as he took the stroller out and opened it.  He took him out his car seat and held him and tried his best to soothe him.  He walked back and forth, rocking him in his arms, his cries lessened and lessened until they stopped.  Royce hugged him tight, he loved him so much, and his family didn’t know the more they tried to push Justin away the more he loved him. 

He stayed by the car awhile holding and soothing Justin before he finally put him in his stroller, he laid the seat back and gave him his bottle, he closed the canopy and zipped it up so Justin could have his privacy and hopefully go to sleep,
thank god I got this stroller. 
He strolled up to where the husbands were standing. “Meltdown huh,” Collin said, he nodded.  He saw Tammy standing with the wives and wiping tears as they were soothing her.  The guys stood silently around him and they were quiet too and in the quiet he overheard Tammy say, “He’s so god damn stubborn, can’t he see this is never going to work,” and his resolve hardened.  He watched the game quietly and little Justin wiped out from his earlier hysterics slept through the whole game and Karen played worse than she did the last time he was there. 

After the game they walked solemnly to the car, Karen silently crying, Tammy with her head down, and Dillon as usual looking lost.  They piled in the car and Justin woke when he put him in his car seat and smiled his baby smile and Royce smiled back.  When he pulled off Karen burst into tears.

“See daddy, I told you I play better when he’s not around!”

“It’s not his fault,” he said as calmly as he could manage.

“It is! It is!  And I hate him!”  She wailed and smacked Justin on his leg so hard the sound reverberated around the car.  Justin let out a blood curdling scream, and Royce lost it, he stopped the car in the middle of the road and turned around and smacked Karen just as hard on her leg, and pointed at her, “What the hell is wrong with you, you don’t hit a baby!” 

And Tammy yelled at him, “Don’t you hit her! Don’t you hit her!” 

“She hit him, are you saying that’s okay!”  And Tammy didn’t say anything, and that was enough for him to know to her it was okay, “What!  Are you saying it’s okay for her to hit him?”

He turned to Karen, “You will never do that again do you hear me!  Do you hear me?”  He yelled at her, she cried and nodded, “Yes daddy,” she said through her tears. Justin was screaming, other cars were behind them honking their horns. 

He looked for a spot to pull over and when he found one he jumped out and went around to the passenger side of the car and yanked open the door, “Get out!  Get out of the car!” He yelled at Dillon.  He unstrapped a screaming Justin, took him in his arms and walked away.  They were still by the open flat grassy park like area, the grass like the soccer fields mowed to perfection, he walked holding Justin to him.  His heart lurching and aching at the treatment his son was getting at the hands of his family, “She hit him! A baby!”  He was muttering under his breath as he walked and tried to soothe Justin, who was now whimpering and becoming more interested in his surroundings, the cars going by, the distant cheers he heard on the fields, but Royce walked on, holding on to him, “I can’t believe it,” he muttered. 

Royce saw a patch of tall trees further ahead and headed straight to canopy of shade, it was hot and he wanted to protect Justin from the penetrating sun rays.  Once there he shifted Justin to his other arm and saw the big screaming red mark on his thigh. “God!  If she left a bruise, oh god!  How am I going to explain that to Joy?”  He examined Justin’s leg, “Damn it, this is not good, damn it!”  He didn’t know what the outcome would be, right now there was a big angry red mark on Justin’s leg and he had to take him to his mother tomorrow, “Fuck!”  He paced under the shade; he had to work off steam, “What am I doing to you Justin, what am I doing?”

Joy was right, he should have accepted her terms, he should have waited until Justin was eighteen and came to find him.  He hugged him to him, but I couldn’t do that, I can’t do that. I loved him from the moment I saw him and I want to be a part of his life, he looked at Justin, his eyes red rimmed from crying, “I love you little buddy, daddy loves you,” he said and Justin smiled at him and his heart melted.  He knew he was doing the right thing, but Tammy and the rest why were they fighting so hard against him? 

Finally he was calm enough to walk back to the car. He strapped Justin in his car seat, and got in the driver’s seat, waited for them to get in and close the doors and he drove home and didn’t say another word to them, and that night he slept in the guest room and he was woken by Justin’s loud cries for his bottle.  He sat in the rocker and fed him, there was only a night light in the room so he couldn’t check the mark, but when he put him to bed it was still there, not as angry but it was definitely noticeable. 

And he was right Joy noticed immediately, “What happened?” She exclaimed shocked when she saw it, “He was crawling and bumped into the end of a table,” he lied, and Joy looked at him, he was a good liar, he knew that, and he’d been lying so often lately he was getting even better.  “Royce you have to watch him and baby proof the house,” she said.  “I know, I’ll do better,” he said, and Joy looked unsurely at him and he wanted to kick himself.  He wanted this, he fought for this and so far it was going horribly wrong, his family wasn’t going for it and doing things that made him look completely inept and inexperienced for the job.  Joy took his diaper bag, and again Michael was nowhere around.

Michael had made a promise to Joy, “I won’t hurt you again,” he said, and he knew the only way to honor that was to not be around when Royce showed up.  He despised him and only wanted to hurt something when he saw him and it was Joy who paid the price, so now he stayed away, if he didn’t see him, he wouldn’t hurt Joy, so on the Friday’s and Wednesdays he worked late and Sunday drop off day he played golf.  Whatever he thought necessary as long as he wasn’t there to see Royce’s face.  And it was working, he hadn’t hurt Joy since, as a matter of fact he’d made love to her with passion and lust he’d always felt for her.  His heart and soul was into her like it had always been, he loved Joy, had always loved Joy and for her he would put up with Royce coming by and he knew he had to.  For the next eighteen years he had to put up with Royce coming by so he’d better get used to it and he’d resigned himself to his fate.

Joy looked at him now, his blue gaze on her, “So everything is going okay then?”  She asked. “What do you mean?”  He had a feeling he knew what she meant, “With Tammy, the kids…,” just then Lindsey bounded in the kitchen.  “Justin!”  She screamed and Justin beamed and lit up when he saw her and held out his arms for her to take him, and Lindsey took him and placed him on her little girl hip and left with him smiling from ear to ear.  “Oh yeah, it’s going better, much better,” he lied. “Good I’m glad to hear that,” she said a smile on her face and he knew she wouldn’t be smiling if she knew the truth.