Royce (24 page)

They quietly piled into the car.  Justin seemed to feel the undercurrent, he looked at all of them, he squirmed and wiped his eyes.  He shook his head from side to side as if he could talk he’d say, “No, no, this isn’t how a family feels,” his car seat was in the middle between Karen and Dillon.  Justin looked over at Karen and she glared at him and he looked away, he looked over at Dillon. Dillon had his back to him looking out the window, he looked at his father and he saw the determination on his face as he backed out of the driveway.

Royce drove to the soccer field anger and determination fueled him.  Alongside the street there was a big grassy meadow they had to cross between the cars and the soccer fields, it was there Royce found a parking spot.  No one had said a word during the drive.  Justin sucked on his pacifier, Tammy and Karen wiped tears, and Dillon looked out the window.   His family piled out the car and he was left alone.  On the one hand he was grateful and on the other he was not that they’d left him to fend for himself.  He watched them walk together across the grassy meadow, all with their heads down.  He recognized long ago he was in this alone, but now with his family it was spelled out even clearer, no one wanted this but him. 

Royce took out the stroller and locked the latch in place, “Okay Justin I think we’re all set,” he placed him in his new stroller, “Yep, this’ll work little buddy, you can get heavy you know that?”
He said to Justin smiling at him and Justin returned the smile, clapping his little hands sucking on his pacifier. 
Man, it’s already getting hot,
he grabbed the diaper bag and rummaged through it and found the sunscreen, “You mother would not be happy if I let you burn,” he thoroughly rubbed sunscreen on Justin’s pale arms and legs; he smiled at Justin as he rubbed it on his little face and his heart melted at the little blue eyed boy smiling back at him.

He sun screened himself, and put on his baseball cap and sunglasses.  He’d put in the one bottle that was sterilized and he hoped it was enough. “This is it buddy, the moment of truth,” he pushed Justin towards the soccer field and he was relieved he had to walk a little before getting to the sideline, it gave him time to get his courage up to face whatever was coming. 

Royce walked up and saw his crowd.  Tammy was already sitting in a lawn chair crying, the wives were surrounding her, soothing and patting her on the back.  Karen was clearly upset, her eyes red and watery, she was standing with her teammates waiting for the current game to end so they could go warm up, and Dillon was standing there not paying attention to any of it playing his Nintendo Game Boy but his face showed he wasn’t happy.  The wives glared at him when he walked up.  Amanda gave him the worse look, and Sarah looked like she didn’t know what to do, and so did the husbands.  They looked at him and then at their wives, but they did acknowledge him, “Hey Royce,” they said, but looked over at their wives to see what they’d done, if they’d crossed a line or not. 

He saw the row of parents of both teams lined up on the sideline, there was a grassy space that separated the opposing team’s spectators and theirs.  There were no bleachers, everyone brought their own chairs, blankets, or big umbrellas to sit under.  He decided to go a little further down than he would’ve normally, closer to the opponents team parents than theirs, he strolled into the empty grassy space.  He parked Justin’s stroller and locked it down, it was May and already hot this morning so he decided to leave Justin’s canopy up to keep the sun off him.  Now Justin was sitting up clapping his hands when he heard the teams clapping as they ran on the field.

Bobby came over. “Man you really stepped in it this time,” he said.  Royce gave a little laugh, “Did I, are you sure you want to be seen with me man?”  Bobby laughed, “I have too you’re the boss,” and Royce laughed, knowing that was not true.  Bobby peered in at Justin, “Oh man he’s cute Royce.”  “I know, how can you not love a face like that?”  He joked and reached down and unstrapped Justin so Bobby could see him, “Say hi to Uncle Bobby,” Royce said waving Justin’s hand at Bobby. “Can I hold him or will he scream bloody murder if someone touches him?”  Bobby asked with a laugh.  “Oh no he loves people,” and Royce thought,
people who like him and will give him the benefit of the doubt
, he handed him to Bobby. “Hey little fellow, man you are cute,” Bobby said bouncing him a bit. Justin smiled at him, “I’m your Uncle Bobby,” he cooed and just then Royce heard a little girl say, “Mommy look at that baby he’s so cute,” and then a woman looked up and squealed.

And the next thing he knew the opponents teams mothers and children were over there oohing and ahhhing over Justin.  They wanted to hold him, the little girls giggling and touching him and his hair, and soon a few other ladies came over and he couldn’t stop the adoration and Justin ate it up, he laughed with them as they cooed or tickled his little cheeks.  This is what he hoped would happen with his family and friends, this is what a baby in the midst should do, it should bring out the cooing and happiness, not what he was getting.

He looked down the row of his friends and he saw disbelief, shock and when Amanda saw him looking her shock turned to anger, and Sarah looked uncomfortable, and he saw her mouth at him, “I’m sorry,” he nodded his acknowledgement, and Tammy was looking at him a used tissue wadded up in her hand, her eyes tear filled.  The men wore the same expressions as the women accept kinder as if they were still wondering how to handle this situation. 

He tried to relax and watch as much of the game as he could, and Karen was having a hard time of it, she was messing up big time. 

At half time he was able to wriggle Justin away from the ladies.  Bobby stayed with him talking and he could see Karen crying under the team’s tent and her coach consoling her.
This doesn’t look good,
he thought
.

After the game Karen was visibly upset and so was Tammy and Dillon still seemed to be in his own world. They got in the car and he strapped in Justin, as soon as the doors were shut.  “How could you do that to us?”  Tammy cried, “Now everyone is talking, how could you Royce?”  She asked through her tears, and he could hear Karen crying in the back seat.  He drove home and Karen went up to her room and slammed the door and Tammy went crying to their bedroom, Dillon went to the family room and turned on the TV and popped in a video game and began to play.  He put Justin on the floor and he immediately crawled over to Dillon who like yesterday acted as if he didn’t exist.  “He’s trying to play with you Dillon,” Dillon didn’t look at him or Justin, he just said, “Oh okay,” but he didn’t acknowledge Justin, he just played the game. 

Royce hurriedly went and got the bottles,
he couldn’t trust anybody in this house
  and when he came back sure enough Justin had crawled into the kitchen and was about to get into Duke’s food and water. “No, no buddy,” he said and scooped him up and put him in his high chair.  He was going to feed him, change him, put him down for a nap, and boil the bottles, it was up to him to take care of Justin until his family came around and he wasn’t going to let himself or Joy down.  He’d fought for this and he’d damn well better do it.

He did everything on his list.  He made up a few bottles with the new sterilized bottles and placed them in the garage refrigerator and he hoped Tammy wouldn’t mess with them.  He was wiped out by the time he’d given Justin his bath and put him to bed, and so far no one in his family had even bothered to acknowledge Justin, it was like he was invisible. 

When he took him home on Sunday he pretended everything went well enough, “How was everything?” Joy asked.  “Oh there was some minor adjustments but we managed alright,” he gave her a smile and said. “Oh okay, that’s normal, I mean there is going to be some adjustment when there’s a baby in the house,” she joked and smiled. “Yep, definitely.”

It took a couple of days before everything was back to normal, but Royce was still not in her bed.  Tammy had been praying in her head nonstop, “Oh God why has thou forsaken me?”  “Let the prodigal son return to me, let him return.” “Our father who art in heaven….” She was on a mission to get Royce back, and after dinner on Tuesday she said, “Can we talk later?”

Royce looked at her, “Yeah sure,” he said, although he was wary, last time she tried to use sex to get her way, but he knew they needed to talk too.  He wanted her with him on this, Justin was here, she had to accept that.  After the kids were in bed and he came in from walking Duke, and now the dog had a special place in his heart, more than he’d had before, Duke loved Justin. 

After his shower he came out wearing pajama bottoms and climbed into bed, Tammy was sitting up waiting for him, she clicked off the TV when he came in. “Can we pray first?” He looked at her, “Pray?  What is this all about Tammy, we’ve never prayed before.” “I know, it’s something I want to try, to pray for us, to pray for understanding,” she said. “Oh okay sure then,” he said and she took both his hands in hers, “Dear father God in heaven, I come to you tonight to ask for wisdom and understanding.  This is a trying situation that my husband and I are going through, and we ask for your guidance. Amen,” she said.

Tammy saw him watching her, waiting for her to start, “Royce I want to understand why it’s so important for you to bring him here and I want you to understand how I feel about that.”

“Okay, it’s important for me to bring him here because this is my home and I am his father and I have fought to have visitation with him and I want to have visitation with my son at my home.  I want him to know his sister and brother and you too… I want him to see us, all of us as his family,” and that was as plain and truthful as he could put it.  He lied about a lot of things, but this he didn’t, he wanted them to be a family for Justin too.

“Okay I understand that and I would like to say I can agree to that but I can’t.  He’s a child born of an unholy union.  What you and Joy did was wrong and bringing him here isn’t going to fix that.” 

“You know how he came here, it wasn’t an unholy union.  It was because of The Club.  I didn’t meet her on the sly or sneak around with her and you know it, it was just an accidental pregnancy and it just happened to be mine and I can’t pretend he doesn’t exist or wish him away.  He’s here and I intend to do right by him,” and he could see tears welling in her eyes.

“Don’t you love us Royce?”  She asked and wiped her tears, “Because if you loved us you wouldn’t do this.”

“Of course I love you, I love all of you and I love him too.  Can’t you see that Tammy, I love him too,” and that broke her heart and she knew she didn’t want him to love Justin, she didn’t.

“Well I don’t think you know how much I love you. I love you so much Royce, I love you, I love you more than anything in the world,” and now her water works were streaming down her face. 

Royce pulled her to him, “Tammy, Tammy don’t cry I love you too, I do,” and he did, he knew he did, but not as much as she was confessing to him.  He didn’t love her more than anything; he knew deep in his heart he didn’t love her more than Joy, he felt alive and whole when he was with Joy.  Joy had woken something deep in his core he never knew existed and he wanted nothing more than to hold on to that with everything he had.  He loved Joy to the bottom and depths of his soul and he knew he’d never felt that way about Tammy, but Tammy was his wife and he wanted this to work.  He wanted to bring Justin here and not have what happened this weekend ever happen again, it was shameful how they’d treated a six month old baby, he held her and consoled her, both showing emotion they hadn’t in a long time.

And that Wednesday he brought Justin over and the family ignored him again.  Duke was the only one eager to see him, he ran to Royce when he saw he had Justin, his tail going a mile a minute and Justin was just as excited to see him.  He let out a loud baby laugh as he reached for Duke.

That Saturday at Karen’s soccer game Tammy sat down with the wives who immediately gave him the eye and his buddies came over to him. “So you’re talking to me now,” he said to them.  “Well Royce you have to admit that was a shocker, I mean we didn’t know you had a baby with her.  We had to find that out from listening to the wives as Tammy came over crying, you have to understand we didn’t know what to do or what to say, I still don’t,” Collin said. Royce laughed a little, “Okay, I’ll give you guys that one, I caught you off guard.”  “Well yes
,
yes you did,” Eric said, “You have a baby with Joy Abrams,” he said in shock. “Yeah, can you believe it?”  “No,” they all said in unison and laughed. “When did you find out man?” Chris asked.  “Oh about a couple months ago.”  “Man that’s something, I’m still speechless,” Collin said.

Royce saw the wives looking over at him, all except Sarah with angry eyes.  Amanda was the worst; he glared back at her,
What was her problem
?   And that must have been the cue she was waiting for because she started walking towards him fire in her eyes looking for an argument, but as she walked by Collin grabbed her by the arm and pulled her out of earshot, and Royce only heard fragments of their conversation, “…between Tammy and Royce…,”  “…my friend…,”  “…embarrassing me…,” and he got the gist of the conversation.
Way to go Collin
, he had balls after all and maybe now she’d mind her own damn business.

Amanda stood looking at Collin he was angry with her and she knew it, and the only reason she was mad at Royce was because it wasn’t her he fell for.  She’d been crazy about him from the moment she met him and she couldn’t understand how Tammy had him, and she knew they’d become friends not only because of their children’s athletics but because she wanted to be around Royce and when he joined The Club, Tammy didn’t know it but she’d gotten her wish that she’d be the envy of the other women, she was the envy of Amanda.  Royce didn’t choose her often, she’d only been with him a few times, and she tried more times to get him than he came, but she loved those nights with him, he had the right equipment, the stamina and a need to please.  It was her hand he dropped that night when Joy and Michael walked through the door.  She thought she had him one more time, but Joy walked in and she lost him and he never came back, it was always Joy after that and she was jealous, so jealous that he’d chosen Joy and now to think Joy had his baby.  She could only wish she’d had a beautiful baby by Royce and Royce was glad Collin put a stop to her and now Amanda would mind her own business and he didn’t know how wrong he was.