Say Hello to the Broken-Hearted (21 page)

John held his eyes to the groun
d. The sudden intensity of the guilt was too much to suppress. “Calvin is right. I was cynical to call her a bitch and ended the relationship over a situation she had no control of. Oh God! How devastated she must be--Jesus Christ what have I done!” John pondered.

“John you know I am right. See if
it’s one thing I have learned, is that sometimes in life we may make terrible decisions, which we have to use the rest of our lives to pay for the consequences, but you don’t let it turn you into a bitter person at all. I know you are still a great person John. So you need to do the right thing--Apologize, at least do that, before it’s too late.”

John raised his head and looked at Calvin dead in the eye,
then nodded his head. “I know now…I appreciate it.”

“Yeah sure.
Now go do what you have to do and hurry.” Calvin replied with a smile. John hugged him with pats to his back then hurried off to the apartment.

John busted through the front door of the apartment calling, “Karla, Karla baby, Karla my wife, where are you?”

He heard
no answer. The house was graveyard silent. He checked in the bedroom, she wasn’t there, he checked in the bathroom and all he saw were a wet curtain and an opened makeup kit. John hurried to the kitchen, still yelling her name, hoping to hear her voice, but that proved only to be wishful desires. She wasn’t present in the house. As desperations seeped in, he double checked the rooms he first went into. Karla had left it seems.

“The pain, the abandonment and the repudiation were perhaps too crushing to bear further.” He thought as he searched frantically for a sign or something of the sort that would tell him that she isn’t gone for good.

“Don’t build your hopes on unlikely pleasures.” Was the first thought that went through his mind when he saw in the distance by the kitchen post, the yellow sheet of paper hanging on the hall door. His heart pounded against his chest. A sour and painful sensation soared through his body. Never was he known to be so vulnerable, but as he read the note, tears descended his eyes.

“I can’t do this anymore John.

Sorry I turned out to be the worst mistake of your life.

All in all, you broke my heart.

Goodbye.”

Chapter 29

    
 
Karla
Steelburg rang the doorbell three times. No one seemed to be home. As she turned around to leave with the heavy suitcases in hand, she heard the door behind her opened.

“Hello!” He uttered to gain the strangers attention.

She turned around, rested her suitcases to the ground, met his eyes and greeted in a subtle voice, “Hello Joseph.”

A stroke of surprise and disbelief wept his expression, but that lasted for a brief thirty seconds. The sad look in his eyes and the way his cheeks reclined brought images to her mind of h
er father as he lay in the coffin. How similarly cold and hollow the two faces were.

“I never expected to see you ag
ain. What brings you to my doorsteps?”

“I have nowhere else to go Joseph.” Her voice was weak and timid.

That plea fell flat on sentiments. He remembered in detail the feeling of repudiation she caused him and now it will be a dish served cold.

“See I didn’t count the
months, but the last time I saw you, if I can remember clearly the words were, “Goodbye Joe…It’s over.”

“I know
, I did some things I shouldn’t have. I made a mistake Joe, I realize that now. I was one of those people that didn’t appreciate what they have until it’s gone and I want--I am sorry Joe.”

“That’s exactly what I am talking about. It was al
ways about what you want--your selfish needs…Yes, I was courteous to your necessities, because all I asked for in return was some honesty and appreciation and yeah I thought you would love me sooner or later but that was only my crazy delusion.”

“Joseph I was always grateful for all that you did, even now,” Karla walked up close to him and looked in his eyes, “I know now that you are the best thing that ever happened to me. Despite the circumstances, you loved me
, and you placed no one above me and for that I owe you my everything…deep inside, I know you would never call me a bitch.”

Joseph gave no response. He just stood there with his arms folded. After a minute, she realized that his stringency was static. It would take more than passionate words and
promise to reenter his heart. As it is now, the door remained closed. No one is of worth to rekindle the flame.

She took a deep breath, mustered her cheeks and found the strength to walk away. As she picked up the suitcases to find her way through the gate she felt his fingers on her hand. “
I’ll carry the load for you. Come inside, let’s talk a little.” She smiled and followed him in.

“Can I get you anything to drink?” Joseph offered as he placed the suitcases in the locker room under the staircase.

“Water please.” She replied as she sat in the couch facing the television. The long restless days spent watching soap operas as Joseph worked in the shop were still warm in her memory.

“I am sorry I am out of ice.” He gave her the glass of room temperature water and sat in the chair lateral to her. She took a sip and
laid it on the coffee table. To her insight it was covered with Playboy magazines and Adult Confessions.

“So, what is with the black shirt and jeans?” Karla asked, “You’ve gone gothic?”

“No not at all. It’s my new favorite color since you’ve been gone.”

“Oh I see…How have you been holding up? You look five years older.”

“For the first few months I thought I would drown myself in bath water, but after that the days went by with the wind. Thank God for beers and cigarettes.”

“You started smoking again?” Karla asked.

“Joseph took a pack from his shirt pocket, lit the cancer stick and blew the smoke to the ceiling, “I forgot how magical these menthols are.”

“You know you are not supposed to be smoking, it could aggravate your asthma.”

“Life had taken on a whole new perspective Karla.” Joe added, “It may not be a brighter one, but the solitude is comforting.”

She watched him from an angle as he consumed the cigarette,
and coughed dry mucus from his throat. He had changed a world lot since she had left. It’s as if he had given up on life and all he saw were darker days ahead.

“So what of the shop?”
Karla inquired, “Business doing well as usual?”

“Not quite, I
laid off the guys. I have been in there once or twice since, waiting for the mood to go back.”

“You h
ave totally given up on life huh?” Karla asked.

“No I haven’t given up or else I would be dead. It’s just
that, life is much simpler this way.” He cushioned into the chair, and closed his eyes. He seemed relaxed as if there wasn’t a worry in the world that concerned him. She found that very troublesome.

“But Joseph, your family needs you, especially your youngest daughter. You can’t continue like this.”

“Not to worry Karla, my family is well taken care of.”

“Joseph
listen to me,” Karla persisted, “You are not thinking like a reasonable human being. You need to get yourself together.”

Joe made
an upright posture in the chair and extinguished the bud of the cigarette. “Look, of all the people in the world, I do not need a lecture from you.” Joe denounced with a tempered tone, “If I should blame anyone for the state that I am in, it would be you. So don’t come here and give me that crap about getting my life together, I don’t want to hear it, not from you.”

Karla
stood, went in front of him and held his hand in hers, “Joseph that’s why I am here now, to correct the wrong baby. Make a fresh start, in pursuit of happiness, just me and you.”

Joseph released his hands from hers and stood to his feet. “I am sorry Karla, I am afraid I have not the courage for that anymore. I’ll pass on this one.” He ascertained and walked to the staircase.

“At least give it a try Joseph.” Karla pleaded, “One last chance…”

Joe turned and looked at her. The sympathy was familiar. He felt the same way when she told him to leave, but it
was the incessant pain that shrunk his golden heart and converted him into a timid squirrel. He would be twice a fool to let anyone near his heart ever again.

“Karla I am an old man with a fragile
character. I have been through a lot over the years and I have loved at full speed. As it is now, this engine is starting to gather rust. There is no way I am going to love again. I have lost that drive.”

“I don’t understand.” Karla baffled, “So why did you take me back in?”

I figured you needed a place to stay, and apart from that, I don’t mind being friends, but that’s as far as I can go.”

“You can’t be serious.” Karla searched his eyes to find a spectacle of doubt and a sense of hope, “Joseph please…”

“I am sorry Karla, you broke my heart and there is no mending it back.” Joseph declared and proceeded up the stairs to his room.

Chapter 30

The
season had changed. Yesterday’s wind becomes today’s memories. The temperature descended into a cold lampoon and the days grew weary as the leaves fell, abandoning the fragile branches to join the withered blossoms facing down on the wretched ground. There wasn’t anything to hope for in the savages that tomorrow will bring.

The war was over, the cause wa
s lost. Now it’s time to drown your pain in bottles deeper than the ocean floor. The love had faded, the color turned and now the grey sky bleeds sorrow tears.

John
Steelburg woke the next morning on the living room floor with the yellow note in hand. The lonely pooch drained the liquor bottles to the very last drop, but the pain had gain resistance to the Mexican tequila and Scottish brandy. The remnant was rather emotional. The physical burn was more than bearable.

“Where could she possibly be?” John wondered as he lay on his back in the dark prior to the rising of the sun, “Oh God! I
can’t believe she left me like this.” He tore the note to pieces, “You were supposed to be here when I came back Karla…I would have been on bended knees, begging for your forgiveness, but now you are gone, only God knows where you went…”

In the depths of his bereavement, an epiphany conjured into his mind. John quickly rushed to his bedroom and searched the draw in which he kept his savings. There was none. She took every penny. “She went back to Jamaica…Joseph.” The perception had a sudden grip on him
, but the certainty would be far more satisfying or heart crushing.

John took the cell from his pocket and dialed the number he had.

“Hello?” Andrew answered.

“Hey Andre
w! I need to ask you a quick question.”

“Hold on, who is this?” Andre
w didn’t recognize his voice.

“
It’s me John, who else.”

“Oh, what the fuck do you want?” He tempered.

“Listen I don’t mean any harm, but Karla is missing and I was wondering if you heard from her.”

“Ha
ha ha,” Andrew laughed.

“I don’t get it. What’s so funny?”

“That’s what you get fucker.” Andrew replied, “Yeah I know where Karla is, but you won’t get that out of me.”

“You know what Andre
w,” John frowned as his blood heated, “Fuck you, you son of a bitch, I didn’t like you one bit and I never will!”

“Now remember, be careful how you use that word
--bitch.” Andrew provoked.

A dial tone succeeded the conversation. John wouldn’t have any more of it.

The poor soul didn’t stop there. He quickly called the number he had for her mother.

“Hello Miss Watson.” John opened.

“Yes, who is this?” She asked.

“I am John
Steelburg Mam, your daughter’s fiancé.”

“Ex-
fiancé.” Miss Watson added, “You have a nerve calling this number.”