Science...For Her! (29 page)

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Authors: Megan Amram

Tags: #Humour, #Science

BOOK: Science...For Her!
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Introduction

Four-Chapter Anniversary

Drugs Not Hugs

Dendrology: The Study of Trees

My First Christmas

Floriculture: The Study of Flowers

Geology: The Study of Solid Earth

Global Warming: The Study of Global Warming

The O-Zone: The Study of the Female Orgasm

The Apocalypse

Earth Sciences & Botany Recap

Introduction

“Earth sciences & botany” comes from the English
earth sciences & botany
, which, loosely translated, means “earth sciences & botany.”

Botany specifically studies the science of plant life, while earth sciences looks at the functioning of our planet, drawing from other scientific disciplines to try to understand how the planet Earth works and how it evolved to its current state. Like, back in the day, Earth used to be a molten pile of dirty magma (SEX MOVE DU CHAPTOUR, MADEMOISELLES!! “Molten Pile of Dirty Magma” is where you take a “molten pile” on your partner’s chest).

This is the section where we delve into the science of Mother Earth. Ladies, we all have mothers! It’s fun to think of Mother Earth like your own mother!
FIG. 4.1

HOW

MOTHER EARTH

IS LIKE

MY MOTHER

FIG. 4.1

Going a little bald up top! (hole in the ozone layer)

Hot flashes! (global warming)

Big fatso! (shaped like a perfect sphere)

Disgusting tramp stamp! (Mozambique)

Complicated relationship with her daughter! (earthquakes)

Our understanding of the earth has changed greatly over the years. Today’s scientists didn’t know anything years ago! Probably because those scientists were babies. Other scientists, who were older, may have known some things about the earth.

Like, here’s a crazy fact for you: people used to think that the earth was flat. Just like my friend LAUREN, HAW HAW HAW!

Autumn Essentials That Are as

FLAT

as My Friend Lauren

Two-dimensional poster of Audrey Hepburn

A very flat scarf that has been carefully ironed

The letter that my ex-boyfriend Craig wrote to Lauren saying he was going to leave me for her

The rainbow flag that I’m sure Craig flies above his Fire Island condo because he’d have to be gay to want a girlfriend as flat as Lauren

Craig’s gravestone (died of AIDS in 2009)

Four-Chapter Anniversary

Before we go any further, let’s take a moment to celebrate the FOUR-CHAPTER ANNIVERSARY of
Science . . . for Her!
We’ve been through so much together! Let’s take a look back at some of
Science . . . for Her!
’s best pieces from the past four chapters!

THIS SPRING’S TOP FIVE
SCIENCE . . . FOR HER!
SEGMENTS OF THE LAST FOUR CHAPTERS

PAULA DEEN’S HEALTH-FOOD COOKBOOK

HOW TO BUILD A BIOLOGICAL CLOCK OUT OF A POTATO

THIS SPRING’S TOP COVER-UPS!

THE PERIOD! ICK! TABLE

PHYSICS THROUGH NAIL ART!

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