Sex, Marriage and Family in World Religions (13 page)

And then they decreed that they cause her to wait without a divorce twelve months, in case she can be reconciled. And after twelve months the husband is forced to write her a bill of divorce.

And afterwards the Sabboraitic sages saw that Jewish women were attaching themselves to the Gentiles to get divorces from their husbands by force, and that there were those [wives] who were satisfied with a “forced” divorce which was not in accordance with Jewish law, and from which ruin emanates. It was therefore decreed in the days of Mar Rav Rabba and Rav Hunai [ca. 670 ce], may they rest in Eden, concerning a rebellious wife who demands a divorce, that he must pay for all the property that she brought with her into the marriage and for which he assumed responsibility; he must even give her restitution for those articles which were destroyed or lost. As for his own objects or property which he had included in the marriage contract as his obligation to her in the event of his death or divorce, [if she divorces him, their status is as follows:]

those which are not now in existence he need not give her, and whatever she seizes of those which are in existence, must be taken from her and returned to her husband.

They force him, and he must write her a bill of divorce immediately. She also receives one hundred or two hundred [
zuzim,
the basic alimony sum]. In this manner do we conduct ourselves today, and have done so for three hundred years and more. So should you do too.

[Shlomo Riskin,
Women and Jewish Divorce: The Rebellious Wife, the Agunah, and
the Right of Women to Initiate Divorce in Jewish Law, a Halakhic Solution
(Hoboken, NJ: KTAV, 1989), pp. 57–59.]

THE ORDINANCES OF RABBI GERSHOM

(THE LIGHT OF THE EXILE)

The communities of Ashkenaz, the Jewish cultural sphere of northern Europe, enjoyed considerable sovereignty under Christendom. Restricted by law to fi-Judaism 41

nancial and some commercial occupations, these Jewish communities achieved economic success, particularly with the opening of trade routes to the east that linked Jewish communities worldwide.

Economic improvement brought with it a rise in the status of women. As part of this enhancement, Rabbi Gershom, the unrivaled eleventh-century rabbinic leader, ordained that women could not be divorced against their will, as the Talmud permitted, and he outlawed polygamy, which both biblical and Rabbinic law allowed. Scholars speculate that economic conditions destabilized marriage and necessitated these ordinances: husbands traveling for trade would divorce their wives while abroad or marry other women and not return for long periods of time. In any event, the combined effect of these ordinances was to create greater balance in marriage by severely limiting the husband’s prerogatives.

These two ordinances quickly took hold throughout all of Ashkenazic Jewry and have remained the enforced position ever since.

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e n c y c l o p e d i a t a l m u d i c a , v o l . 1 7

Sources that cite the ordinances of R. Gershom regarding marriage and divorce:
Although there are no extant sources from the period of Rabbi Gershom’s lifetime (960–1040) that explicitly bear witness to his ordinances or those of the sages of his generation, Rashi (Rabbi Shlomo ben Issac, 1040–1105) and his grandchildren (the Tosafists) refer to R. Gershom as an enactor of decrees and ordinances in various matters.

The first source that refers to R. Gershom’s ordinances on marriage and divorce is Rabbi Eliezer b. Nathan (Raavan, one of the first of the Tosafists and a contemporary of Rashi’s grandchildren, 1090–1170) in his commentary to Trac-tate
Ketubot
(65:1): “Nowadays, that the decree upon the community is not to marry an additional wife and not to divorce a woman against her will . . . ”

We again find mention of R. Gershom’s ordinance as cited by Raavan in the responsa of Maharam bar Baruch (rabbi of 14th-century Austria): “On this Rabbi Eliezer b. Nathan wrote that [the law pertaining to]
Moredet,
a rebellious wife, still applies in our days even though the Enlightener of the Diaspora decreed not to marry two wives and not to force a divorce . . . ”

We also find the following by Raavan’s grandson, Rabbi Eliezer b. Yoel ha-Levi (Raaviah), in a responsum: “On the matter of a woman who became insane and her husband requested to be absolved of the prohibition of the Exalted Rabbi Light of the Exile (not to divorce a woman against her will or marry another woman simultaneously) and they did not want to permit him. . . . ”

And in another responsum [regarding levirate marriage (see Deut. 25:5–10)]: “. . . the widow desired to perform the halizah separation ceremony, while her deceased husband’s brothers wanted to perform the levirate marriage, despite the fact that they had wives. The brothers claimed that the commandment to 42

m i c h a e l s . b e r g e r

perform levirate marriage superseded the Exalted Rabbi Light of the Exile’s decree against having multiple wives.”

[Supplement to Shelomoh Sha’anan, “Herem deRabbenu Gershom,”

in
Encyclopedia Talmudica
(Jerusalem: Talmudic Encyclopedia Institute, 1969), vol. 17, col. 757ff., translated by Michael J. Broyde]

MEDIEVAL MARRIAGE CONTRACTS FROM THE

CAIRO GENIZA

Through the eleventh century the Eastern Mediterranean was the center of world Jewry, with major communities in Palestine, Babylonia, Egypt, and Asia Minor. In 1897 a synagogue storeroom in Cairo was discovered to contain thousands of centuries-old Jewish documents from these regions, ranging from sacred texts to secular forms. Dating from the eleventh through fourteenth centuries, they provide a fascinating snapshot of daily Jewish life at that time.

Many Geniza documents relating to family matters affirm Talmudic practices. In these communities betrothal and marriage were still separated by a significant amount of time, during which the ceremony and the terms of the marriage contract were arranged. The tendency to document every aspect of marriage continued with deeds of betrothal. The selection below, explicitly designated a “ketubah of betrothal,” has the groom unconditionally betroth the bride, but makes his obligation for support conditional on her entering the bridal chamber.

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k e t u b a h o f b e t r o t h a l f r o m t h e c a i r o g e n i z a On the first day of the week, which is the eleventh day of the month Tamuz, year four thousand, seven hundred and sixty-seven a.m., which is year one thousand, three hundred and eighteen of the era by which we are accustomed to count in Fustat, Egypt, which is situated on the Nile river, Israel b. [ ס son of] Daniel betrothed Sittu¯na, the virgin, who is of age, daughter of David, represented by her father David b. Abraham, after his agency had been verified by two witnesses—namely David b. Rabbi Sema”ya the elder and Khalaf b.

Abraham—with
qinyan
[a formal transaction] (to affirm) that she had consented to his agency to give her in marriage to this Israel. And the witnesses were acquainted with her. This betrothal is for
qiddush
with a marriage gift of 250

good, fully weighted dinars. At the time of her betrothal
(qiddush),
he gave her 100 dinars, which is the total advanced payment. There remain (as a debt) incumbent upon him 150 good, fully weighted dinars, which is the total delayed payment. And this Israel b. Daniel undertook to nourish her, to maintain and esteem (her), when she enters his home. And she undertook, this Sittu¯na daughter of David, to attend him in purity and cleanness, after she enters the marriage chamber.

Judaism
43

With this understanding, the two sides agreed, Israel, the betrothed, b. Daniel and David, the agent, b. Abraham. And this Israel gave to David, his father-in-law, the agent, in our presence, 100 dinars, the advanced
mohar,
and the rings with which he effected the
qiddushin
. This David, the agent, b. Abraham, received them in our presence. And the two of them instructed the scribe to write and the witnesses to testify.

We performed a complete and strict
qinyan
with them, with the consent of both of them, with a proper implement for performing it. Strong and valid.

Jephthah ha-Kohen b. Toviah.

Samuel b. Hanokh (whose) s(oul is at) r(est).

Nehuma b. Wahb.

Mu’ammar, the scribe, b. Isaac (whose) s(oul is at) r(est).

[Mordecai A. Friedman,
Jewish Marriage in Palestine: A Cairo Genizah Study,
2 vols. (New York: Jewish Theological Seminary of America, 1982), vol. 2, pp. 378–380]

LOVE POETRY FROM THE GOLDEN AGE OF SPAIN

In the early middle ages high culture in Islamic Spain was based on the twin pillars of philosophy and poetry. Jews participated fully in this courtly society, in what became known as the Golden Age of Spain. This integration also spawned cultural competition, with Jews developing Hebrew poetry in the same genres their Muslim hosts did in Arabic—including love poetry.

Medieval poetry was highly formalized, and love poems could be either descriptive—celebrating the beauty of a nameless, and often genderless, body of a beloved—or petitionary, where the poet pleads with another to respond to his unrequited love. In both we never learn of the particular circumstances of the individuals involved.

We do not know whether this poetry reflected realities in Jewish society or merely imitated literary conventions. Regardless, these Hebrew poems reflect the spiritualization of love, the Greek notion that beauty points to an ideal beyond itself—a genuine innovation in Jewish literature.

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p o e t r y o f m o s e s i b n e z r a

Caress a lovely woman’s breast by night,

And kiss some beauty’s lips by morning light.

Silence those who criticize you, those

Officious talkers. Take advice from me:

With beauty’s children only can we live.

Kidnapped were they from Paradise to gall

The living; living men are lovers all.

Immerse your heart in pleasure and in joy,

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m i c h a e l s . b e r g e r

And by the bank a bottle drink of wine,

Enjoy the swallow’s chirp and viol’s whine.

Laugh, dance, and stamp your feet upon the floor!

Get drunk, and knock at dawn on some girl’s door.

This is the joy of life, so take your due.

You too deserve a portion of the Ram

Of Consecration, like your people’s chiefs.

To suck the juice of lips do not be shy,

But take what’s rightly yours—the breast and thigh!

[Raymond P. Scheindlin, ed.,
Wine, Women, and Death: Medieval Hebrew Poems on
the Good Life
(Philadelphia: Jewish Publication Society, 1986), poem no. 11]

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p o e t r y o f m o s e s i b n e z r a

These rivers reveal for the world to see

The secret love concealed in me.

You who blame me, Ah! be still.

My love’s a stag who’s learned to kill,

Arrogant, with stubborn will.

Passion has disheartened me

Cruel of him to part from me.

A fawn is he with slender thighs.

The sun goes dark when it sees him rise.

Darts are flying from his eyes.

Stole my sleep away from me,

Altogether wasted me.

Never will I forget the night

We lay together in delight

Upon my bed till morning light.

All night he made love to me,

At his mouth he suckled me.

Charming even in deceit;

The fruit of his mouth is like candy sweet.

Played me false, that little cheat!

Deceived me, then made fun of me;

I did him no wrong, but he wronged me.

One day when my eyes were filled to the brim

There came to my ears this little hymn,

So I sang my doleful song to him:

“How dear that boy is to me!

Maybe he’ll come back to me.”

[Scheindlin,
Wine, Women, and Death,
no. 13.]

Judaism
45

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p o e t r y o f j u d a h h a l e v i

Bear my greetings, mixed with tears,

Mountains, hills—whoever hears—

To ten lovely fingernails

Painted with blood from my entrails;

To eyes mascaraed with black dye

From the pupil of my eye.

Though she’ll never call me dear,

Maybe she’ll pity me for my tear.

[Scheindlin,
Wine, Women, and Death,
no. 19.]

THE ORDER OF THE
GET

Under Jewish law, sex with another man’s wife was a sin with high stakes: the child of this union had the status of a
mamzer
(bastard) who may never marry another Jew. It was thus vital to scrutinize each divorce to ensure its validity, freeing the woman to marry another man.

Divorce among medieval European Jews was extremely rare, and only expert scholars conducted them, thus guaranteeing the marriage was truly terminated.

Beginning in the fourteenth century, persecution, migration, and conversions to Christianity both destabilized Jewish families and diminished the number of trained scholars to supervise divorce. These conditions produced a new genre— the divorce handbook—that guided rabbis through the complex and detailed process of writing the Jewish divorce. This guaranteed the documents’ validity, allowing divorced women to remarry.

The passage below, taken from the sixteenth century
Shulhan Arukh
by Joseph Karo, is one of the final versions of this genre and still guides traditional Jewish divorce.

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j o s e p h k a r o , s h u l h a n a r u k h 1. Some are careful not to arrange the
get
on the Sabbath eve (Friday).

2. A scribe should be appointed, as well as two witnesses who are not related to one another, nor to the woman.

3. One should take care that the scribe not be one of the witnesses. . . .

5. [The scribe or the sage arranging the
get
] must recognize that he is the specified man and she is the specified woman, unless it is a time of grave danger. . . .