Sex, Marriage and Family in World Religions (15 page)

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3. One whose soul is drawn to Torah studies and is engrossed in them, like Ben-Azzai, and clings to them [Torah studies] all his days and does not acquire a wife, he does not transgress a commandment, he who does not let his desires overpower him. But he who does let his desires overpower him must take a wife even if he has sons, in case he comes to have forbidden thoughts.

[Translated by Michael J. Broyde]

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b o o k i i : c h a p t e r 3 6

Thereupon that individual desiring perfection would obtain knowledge and wisdom6 until he passes from potentiality to actuality and acquires a perfect and accomplished human intellect and pure and well-tempered7 human moral habits. . . . His thought will always go toward noble matters, and he will be interested only in the knowledge of the deity and in reflection on His works and on what ought to be believed with regard to that. By then, he will have detached his thought from, and abolished his desire for, bestial things—I mean the preference for the pleasures of eating, drinking, sexual intercourse, and in general, of the sense of touch, with regard to which Aristotle gave a clear ex-planation in the “Ethics,” saying that this sense is a disgrace to us.8 How fine is what he said, and how true it is that it is a disgrace! For we have it in so far as we are animals like the other beasts, and nothing that belongs to the notion of humanity pertains to it.

b o o k i i i : c h a p t e r 4 9

Another important consideration comes in as a reason for the prohibition of
harlots
. This is the prevention of an intense lust for sexual intercourse and for constant preoccupation with it. For lust is increased through the change of the individuals that are
harlots,
for man is not stirred in the same way by an individual to whom he has been continuously accustomed as by individuals who are constantly renewed and who differ in shapes and manners. . . . In order to prevent these great evils and to bring about the common utility—namely, knowledge of the lines of ancestry—
harlots
and
male prostitutes
are prohibited and there is no way to engage in permitted sexual intercourse other than through singling out a woman for oneself and marrying her in public. For if it is sufficed merely to single her out, most men would bring a
harlot
to their house for a certain time, having made an agreement with her about this, and say that she is a wife. Therefore a binding ceremony and a certain act have been prescribed signifying that the woman is allotted to the man; this is the
betrothal
. Then when the act is made in public, it is the ceremony of
marriage
.

Sometimes the union of the two may be discordant and matters in their house-52

m i c h a e l s . b e r g e r

hold not in good order. Consequently divorce is permitted. However, if a divorce could become valid merely by means of the utterance of words or through the man’s turning the woman out of his house, the woman might watch for some negligence on the part of her husband and then go out and claim to be divorced. Or if some individual had fornicated with her, she and the adulterer might claim that she had been divorced beforehand. Therefore the Law has given to us the ordinance that a divorce can only be made valid by means of a writ attesting it. . . .

Similarly with regard to
circumcision,
one of the reasons for it is, in my opinion, the wish to bring about a decrease in sexual intercourse and a weakening of the organ in question, so that this activity be diminished and the organ be in as quiet a state as possible.

[Moses Maimonides,
The Guide of the Perplexed,
trans. Shlomo Pines (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1963), pp. 371, 602]

JEWISH MYSTICISM ON MARRIAGE AND SEX

In thirteenth-century Spain Jewish mysticism flourished, evolving into a systematic understanding of the world, the Bible, and Jewish practice known as Kabbalah. Its main text was the Zohar (“the Shining Light”), attributed pseudony-mously to a second-century sage. In it divine metaphysics underlying reality are laid out and the proper intentions to accompany Jewish ritual are emphasized.

Despite Judaism’s strict monotheism, Kabbalists maintained that the God-head was divided into distinct aspects known as
sephirot,
which included male and female aspects. The human soul mirrored this system of divine forces; originally created in the divine image as a male-female combination, it descended into the physical world as “half a soul.” Marriage thus restored a soul’s original unity; intercourse was a sacred act that reflected and embodied divine unity.

Kabbalah spread widely in the later Middle Ages, most popularly through Hasidism, and seeped into many aspects of Jewish life. Modern Jewish spirituality draws heavily on Kabbalistic ideas.

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z o h a r i , 8 5 b [ o n m a l e a n d f e m a l e s o u l s ]

“Its fruit is sweet to my taste” (Song of Songs 2:3). These are the souls of the righteous, which are all of them the fruit of the deeds of the Holy One, blessed be He, and they abide with Him in the upper world.

Come and see. All the souls in the world, which are the fruit of the deeds of the Holy One, blessed be He, are all one, and [originate] in a single mystery.

When they descend into the world they all become separated into male and female forms, but the male and female are joined together.

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Come and see. The desire of the female for the male makes the soul. And the desire of the male for the female and his cleaving to her produce the soul.

He encloses the desire of the female and receives it, so that the lower desire is comprised within the desire above, and they become one desire undivided.

Then the female receives all, and she is impregnated by the male, the two desires cleaving together. Therefore all is comprised together, one with the other.

When the souls emerge, they emerge as male and female together. After this, when they descend, they become separated, one on one side and one on the other, and the Holy One, blessed be He, unites them subsequently. This union is accomplished by none but the Holy One, blessed be He, since only He knows how to unite them correctly. Happy is the man whose deeds are meritorious and who walks in the true way, so that soul may be joined to soul as at the very beginning. . . .

[
The Wisdom of the Zohar: An Anthology of Texts,
ed. Isaiah Tishby, trans. David Goldstein, 3 vols. (London: Littman Library of Jewish Civilization, 1989), vol. 3, pp. 1381–1382]

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z o h a r i , 1 2 b – 1 3 a [ o n t h e c o m m a n d m e n t o f p r o c r e a t i o n ]

The sixth commandment is that one should engage in procreation, for whoever engages in procreation causes the river to flow continually, so that its waters never cease, the sea is filled on all sides, new souls come into being and emerge from the tree, and many powers grow in the world above with these souls. This is the meaning of “Let the waters swarm with swarms of living creatures
(nefesh
hayyah)
[and let birds fly above the earth. . . . ]” (Genesis 1:20). This is the sign of the holy covenant [of circumcision], the river that flows continually, whose waters increase and swarm with swarms of souls for the living creature
(hayyah).

. . .

Whoever refuses to procreate diminishes, as it were, the image that comprises all images, stops the waters of the river from flowing, and damages the holy covenant on all sides. Concerning him it is written “They shall go out and look on the carcasses of the men that have rebelled against Me” (Isaiah 66:24).

“Against Me”—specifically. This refers to the body. As for the soul, it does not penetrate the royal curtain at all, but is driven out of that world.

[
The Wisdom of the Zohar,
pp. 1382–1384]

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z o h a r i , 4 9 a – 4 9 b [ o n c o n j u g a l m a n n e r s ]

“The Lord God made the rib
(zela),
[which He had taken from the man, into a woman, and He brought her to the man]” Genesis 2:22). . . .

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This teaches us that the bride’s father and mother should bring her into the possession of the bridegroom, as it is said, “I gave my daughter to this man”

(Deuteronomy 22:16). . . . Thenceforward her husband goes in to her, for it is her home, as it is written: “And [Jacob] went in to [Leah]” (Genesis 29:23), “And he went in also to Rachel” (ibid., 29:30). First of all, “He brought her to the man,” for up to that time it is the duty of the father and mother to act. After this, he goes in to her, for the whole house is hers, and he must obtain permission from her.

This can be substantiated from the verse “[Jacob] approached the place, and lay there, [because the sun had set, and he took of the stones of the place, and put it under his head, and lay down in that place]” (ibid., 28:11). First of all, he obtained permission. This teaches us that when a man wishes to lie with his wife he must first of all coax her and persuade her with words, and if he is unsuccessful he should not lie with her, for they must share the same desire and there must be no compulsion.

“He lay there because the sun had set.” This shows that it is forbidden to have sexual intercourse during the day.

“He took of the stones of the place, and put it under his head.” This teaches us that even if a king has beds of gold and precious coverlets in which to lie, nevertheless if his consort prepares a bed of stones for him he should leave his own and lie in the bed that she has prepared, as it is written “and he lay down in that place.”

Come and see. It is written: “The man said: This is now [bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall therefore
(le-zot)
be called “woman”
(ishah)
because she was taken out of man
(ish)
]” (Genesis 2:23). These are pleasant coaxing words, to arouse love in her and to persuade her to share his desire.

See how beautiful these words are, how full of love: “Bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh,” to show her that they are one and that there is no separation at all between them. Then he begins to praise her: she shall therefore
(le-zot)
be called “woman.”” This is she who is unparalleled; she is the glory of the home; all women compared with her are like monkeys when compared with men. Indeed, “for this she shall be called “woman””—the perfection of all, “for this” and for no other. These are all words of love, as it is said, “Many daughters have done valiantly but you excel them all” (Proverbs 31:29).

“Therefore, a man should leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife, and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2: 24). This is still intended to persuade her with love, so that he might cleave to her. When he had aroused all these things in her, Scripture then says “The serpent was more cunning [than any other beast of the field]” (Genesis 3:1). The evil inclination bestirred himself in order to take hold of her, to bind her with bodily desires, and arouse in her other things in which the evil inclination could delight. So much so that “when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired, [for it could make one wise],
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she took of its fruit and ate” (ibid., 3:6). She received it willingly. “And she gave some to her husband as well.” Her desire for him was aroused, so that she bestowed on him love and desire. This demonstrates that events among men are patterned on the world above.

[
The Wisdom of the Zohar,
1388–1390]

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z o h a r h a d a s h , b e r e s h i t 1 1 a – 1 1 b , m i d r a s h h a - n e ’ e l a m [ o n t h e s a n c t i fi c a t i o n o f i n t e r c o u r s e ]

Our rabbis have taught: Rabbi Judah ben Jacob said: I sometimes wonder whether most of the men of our generation were procreated in the proper manner. It is written “You shall sanctify yourselves and you shall be holy” (Le-viticus 11:44). This teaches that one should sanctify oneself during intercourse.

What is the relevance of sanctification here? Rabbi Judah ben Jacob said: It means that one should not act licentiously or obscenely, or with whorish intentions like animals, for this is how animals act. For we have learned whoever has intercourse for immoral reasons, or with any of the intentions that we have mentioned, and does not pay heed to those matters that are essential, then, as the Mishnah says, the child that is produced will be wicked, licentious, impudent, and shameless, and will not be counted among the seed of truth. But if he has intercourse for the sake of fulfilling the commandment [of procreation], and sanctifies himself, and directs his mind to heaven, he will have worthy children, righteous and pious, holy children, full of the fear of heaven. This is the meaning of “You shall sanctify yourselves and you shall be holy.”

Rabbi Judah said: The wicked, because they procreate only for obscene and licentious purposes, possess only the animal soul that is given to beasts, for their conduct is like that of animals. But of the righteous, who know how to sanctify themselves, it is written “I have planted you as a vine, entirely a seed of truth”

(Jeremiah 2:21). . . .

Rabbi Isaac said: “Truth
(emet)
” is an abbreviation for “Truth springs out of the earth” (ibid., 85:12).

What is the implication? Rabbi Isaac said: It refers to the time of intercourse, where there should be truth and uprightness; at the moment when [the child]

develops from the earth at the very beginning, and not when he is actually formed. . . .

Rabbi Zeira said: I was once traveling in the desert and I met an Arab who was carrying a load weighing ten
seahs
on his shoulder, although he was old. I told him that such strength should be applied to the Torah. He said: My father and mother did not make me for that, but to do this kind of work. For my father told me that when he begot me his desire was for a son who would be strong 56