Sex, Marriage and Family in World Religions (16 page)

m i c h a e l s . b e r g e r

enough to bring in produce from the field, and he was thinking of it at the time. And now I am old, and what can I do?

[
The Wisdom of the Zohar,
pp. 1394–1395]

THE BOOK OF THE PIOUS

OF MEDIEVAL GERMANY

In the thirteenth century a pietistic movement known as Hasidism (distinct from the eighteenth-century eastern European movement) emerged among Ashkenazic Jews of Germany that emphasized purity in thought and deed.

Sexual temptation was seen to lurk everywhere, and so Hasidim pursued a more thorough separation of the sexes. Penance was critical for the sinner’s rehabil-itation, demanding at times radical acts of self-deprivation.

Genuine piety was, in fact, a communal affair, and required the support of others. Teachers, friends, and especially spouses had to be carefully chosen; at the same time, educators and even parents were expected to expel the noncom-pliant child lest others be infected.

Although pietists were instructed to find women from scholarly families, they nevertheless viewed marriage as divinely predetermined. Thus the Hasid in a bad marriage must resign himself to his fate and seek to improve it.

Ashkenazic practice was greatly influenced by this work, whose contents can be found in the traditional legal literature down to the present.

Document 1–52

s e f e r h a s i d i m , c h s . 9 , 9 9 , 1 6 8

[ o n s e p a r a t i o n o f m e n a n d w o m e n ]

c h a p t e r 9

The essence of the fortitude of piety is that a person, despite ridicule, never abandons his piety, and his intentions remain for the sake of Heaven. He does not ever look at women’s faces, particularly when amongst other people who all are looking at women; for instance, if he was at a wedding where women are dressed in beautiful clothing and everyone is looking at them, he refrains from looking. . . . Therefore, it is good for a person, when he encounters a woman, whether single or married, Jew or gentile, old or young, to turn his face away from seeing her as we find in Job (31:1), “I made a covenant with my eyes; how then should I look upon a maid?” So too it says in Ben Sira, “Avert your eyes from a woman of grace, lest you be ensnared by her net” (var. of Ecclesiasticus 9:5, cited in BT Yevamoth 63b). . . . And so the sage said, there is no barrier to forbidden desire like the closing of the eyes.

c h a p t e r 9 9

“You shall not covet [your neighbor’s] wife” (Exodus 20:14) is written incompletely [without the letter “
vav
”] to indicate that it includes a prohibition against
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beautifying oneself in order that . . . there shall not be an arousal of desire in your neighbor’s wife. Also, the verse “You shall not covet” encompasses the prohibition not to extol the attractiveness of a beautiful woman in front of his neighbor, lest he be drawn after her and encounter sin. . . .

c h a p t e r 1 6 8

Boys and girls should not mingle together lest they sin: “Then shall the virgin rejoice in the dance”—by themselves—but, “The young men and the old together” (Jeremiah 31:12). Also, “Boys and girls playing in the streets” (Zachariah 8:5)—boys separately from the girls.

[Judah ben Samuel,
Sefer Hasidim ha-shalem le-rabenu Yehudah he-hasid
(Jerusalem: Netivah, 1984), translated by Michael J. Broyde]

Document 1–53

s e f e r h a s i d i m , c h a p t e r 1 6 7

[ o n p e n a n c e f o r s e x u a l t r a n s g r e s s i o n s ]

If a man who had relations with a married woman comes to ask how to repent. . . [The Rabbis] said (BT Megillah 7b), “Those deserving of communal excision who received lashes become exempted from the punishment of excision”; therefore, he should do penance in a way equal to lashes or excision.

This is appropriate penance: In the winter time, when the river freezes, if he desires [appropriate penance], he should break the ice and sit in the freezing water, and he should continue to do this so long as there is ice in the river. In the summer, he should sit in a disheveled state and have a vessel filled with water to wash with afterward. During the time where there is neither extreme cold nor heat, he should fast, eating only bread and water at night, as it says regarding Reuben that he returned to his sack and his fasting. . . . In the case where she gave birth to an illegitimate child—such an incident occurred and he was advised and he carried out the advice to step on ant-hills during the day and lie on the ground during the summer nights in order that that fleas crawl all over him. . . . If one has sinned repeatedly with [illicit sexuality], he must do for many years as is written here.

[ Translated by Michael J. Broyde]

Document 1–54

s e f e r h a s i d i m , c h s . 1 8 8 – 1 8 9 , 3 0 6 , 3 1 3 , 6 8 5

[ o n r a i s i n g a n d e d u c a t i n g c h i l d r e n ]

c h a p t e r 1 8 8

There was a man whose son converted to another religion and went among the gentiles and acted like them. His father and mother attempted to extract him 58

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and bring him back to their house, even attempting to bribe him to return. The sage said to them: Desist, lest you come to regret that he do more evil. I have heard that he wanted to take evil council to seduce and attempt to sway his brethren to go among the gentiles, and even more, when he was still a Jew he would place forbidden meat into [kosher] pots. It is better that you leave him among the gentiles and not have him cause others to sin and feed others forbidden things.

c h a p t e r 1 8 9

If a sage has students and one of them seeks to vex the teacher and his fellow students, it is best to banish the one bad student for the benefit of the others as it says, “Cast out the scorner, and contention will go out” (Proverbs 22:10). . . .

c h a p t e r 3 0 6

A person should not allow his son to learn from those easily given to anger, for the teacher will hit the son or punish him harshly. . . .

c h a p t e r 3 1 3

A man is obligated to teach his daughters Jewish law. That which they said (BT

Sotah 20a), that one who teaches a woman Torah, it is as though he taught her foolishness—this refers to the depth of Talmud, the reasons behind commandments and the deep wisdom of Torah; these things one must not teach a woman or a child. But the laws of how to keep the commandments one should teach her, because if [, for instance,] she does not know the laws of the Sabbath, how will she be able to observe the Sabbath? And so too about all commandments [one must teach her], in order that she be able to keep the commandments diligently. . . .

c h a p t e r 6 8 5

If a man has many sons and one among them is a glutton and a drunkard, he should not put out (literally, uproot) himself and his sons on behalf of the one son, because eventually that son will end up rebellious and depraved. Therefore, it is better for him to act as though he never had this son in the first place and not [actually] harm him.

[Translated by Michael J. Broyde]

Document 1–55

s e f e r h a s i d i m , c h s . 3 8 5 , 3 8 7 , 7 4 9

[ o n p r e d e s t i n e d m a r r i a g e ]

c h a p t e r 3 8 5

There once was a young maiden who did not adorn herself. They said to her, Whoever sees you unadorned will not desire you [for marriage]. She responded,
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since the Holy One, Blessed be He, creates couples, I am not worried. It turned out that she married a righteous Torah scholar.

c h a p t e r 3 8 7

One man fasted for a few days so that the Holy One, blessed be He, should arrange for him as a wife a particular woman he loved, but his fasting and prayers were not answered. He inquired of a sage, Behold I fasted and I cried, but it was to no avail?! The sage replied, Perhaps this particular woman was not decreed [by Heaven] to be your mate. The man further asked, But why are my fasts and tears to no avail, for I also pray and fast that [God] turn my heart from she who was not decreed for me and open it up to love the one who is indeed decreed for me? The sage said, [Your prayers have not been answered]

because you leer at women. . . .

c h a p t e r 7 4 9

If a man hates his wife, he should not ask G-d to give him another wife; rather, if she angers him or is not good in his eyes, he should request from G-d that He influence her heart to love him or that she should find grace and favor in his eyes so he should love her, and so she shall [then] love him.

[Translated by Michael J. Broyde]

“THE EPISTLE ON HOLINESS”

(“IGGERET HA-QODESH”)

The view that carnal urges were inherently antithetical to the goal of religious perfection (previous selection) was not universally held among Jews. Some took the view that marital sex, like most human actions, could be either sanctifying or demeaning, depending on the person’s intentions and behaviors.

An essay dedicated to this position, “The Epistle on Holiness,” argued against the Maimonidean view. It is attributed to Nahmanides, the premier authority of thirteenth-century Spanish Jewry, who was both a major jurist and a member of the emerging mystical circle there. The author makes the assumption, common in medieval physiology, that a person’s intentions during sex affect the quality of the semen that in turn affects the character of the resulting progeny.

Time, food, and temper thus all contribute to the right frame of mind for intercourse, critical for producing proper children. Marital sex thus partakes of
imitatio Dei,
imitating God, who created human beings.

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t h e e p i s t l e o n h o l i n e s s

c h a p t e r o n e

Know and understand that the nation of Israel is singled out and designated to God. . . . Now God, who is our Master and we His servants, who is Holy like 60

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no other holiness, commanded us to be holy as He is holy. . . . And since all our actions are to imitate divine behavior, the result is that whenever we do the right and proper thing we sanctify God’s great Name . . . And whenever we do not behave properly and our actions are depraved, we thereby defame the heavenly Name, since we are required to imitate Him. . . .

Now that we have informed you of this, know that since man’s nature and material cause him to be good or wicked from the aspect of the balance of humors according to the drop [of semen] from which he came into existence, it follows that human copulation is the cause of sanctifying God or defaming Him according to the children that he will sire. Therefore, God commanded and warned us that we must sanctify ourselves during intercourse. . . . This is divided into five subjects: the essence of copulation, the time of copulation, food intake appropriate for copulation, intentions during intercourse, and the quality of intercourse.

c h a p t e r t w o : t h e e s s e n c e o f c o p u l a t i o n Know that intercourse between a man and his wife is a holy and pure matter.

Copulation should be engaged in properly, at the proper time, with the proper intentions. And do not think that within proper intercourse there is degradation and ugliness. On the contrary—copulation is called intimacy. . . . And the matter is not like what Maimonides, of blessed memory, theorized in
The Guide
of the Perplexed,
when he praised Aristotle for saying that the urge for sexual gratification is shameful. Heaven forbid, the matter is not like the Greek’s statement. . . . Those of us under the yolk of the Holy Bible believe that the Holy One, blessed be He, created everything according to how his wisdom dictated, and did not create anything that has within it degradation or ugliness.

If we say that intercourse is a thing of degradation, then behold, the sexual organs are instruments of degradation, yet our exalted God created them, as it says, “He made you and intended you” (Deuteronomy 32:6). . . . But the matter is, as it says, that the Holy One, blessed be He, “Has eyes that are too pure to see bad” (Habakkuk 1:13); and He doesn’t see before Him the matter of depravity or filth, and He created man and woman, and created all their organs and prepared their framework and He did not create within them any degrading parts. And the clear testimony said in creation, “And the two of them, the man and his wife, were naked, and they were not embarrassed” (Genesis 2:25). All this occurred before they sinned, because they were involved with their pure consciousness, and all of their intentions were for the sake of Heaven. . . . This is how it is with the sexual organ: it is praised and exalted by good deeds, and it is degraded and made ugly by bad deeds. This is what occurred with Adam’s sexual organs. If so, it seems that the ways of the Lord, Blessed Be He, are just, pure, and clean, and it seems that the ugliness comes via man’s actions. . . .

And this is the deeper meaning of, “Let us make man in our image, after
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our likeness” (Genesis 1:26). Meaning, I, [God,] am also a partner in the creation of man, and this partnership is that different elements of the body are drawn from the mother and the father, and the Lord, blessed be He, thrusts their soul into them. As it says, “And He breathed in his nostril the breath of life” (Genesis 2:7). And it says, “And he will return the dust to the earth like it had been, and the wind will return to the One who gave it” (Ecclesiastes 12:7).

And it is impossible for the perceptive among us to see something degrading in something that the Lord, blessed be He, participated in creating. Therefore, proper intercourse between a man and his wife is the underpinning of the world and its inhabitants, and makes [man] a partner with God in creation.

c h a p t e r fi v e : i n t e n t i o n s d u r i n g i n t e r c o u r s e And behold, when a man is having intercourse with his wife, if his mind is focused on words of wisdom and understanding and proper manners, those very thoughts have the power to influence the drop of sperm and create [in the child], without a doubt, qualities akin to his thoughts during copulation. . . .

And this having been said, the thoughts and intentions [one has during intercourse] cause the fetus to be a righteous or wicked person. If so, every man must strive to cleanse his thoughts and intentions, and to make them meritorious during copulation. He should not think words of sin and decadence, rather he should think only holy and pure thoughts. He should turn away from evil and hasty thoughts; he should think about righteous, pure, and holy people, because those thoughts will have influence on the sperm and will cause it to be created in the mold of his thoughts during intercourse. And so it is fitting for him to settle his wife’s thoughts; he should make her happy and prepare her to think thoughts that are pleasing to the heart, in order that she will be receptive to pure and meritorious thoughts. And the two of them should be one in the matter of this commandment, because then their consciousnesses will meld into one, the divine presence will rest with them, and they will have a child created in a pure form.