Sex, Marriage and Family in World Religions (14 page)

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7. If the divorcing husband was on his deathbed, one must take care to ensure that he is lucid both at the time of writing and handing over the
get
.

8. If one wishes to divorce conditionally, he should not mention any condition at all; rather, he should instruct the scribe to write a
get
and the witnesses to sign it, and not mention any condition until the time that he hands it over [to her].

9. All are fit to write a
get,
except for a deaf-mute, an insane person, a minor, a slave, a non-Jew, an apostatized Jew, or one who publicly desecrates the Sabbath.

10. The husband himself should not write the
get,
wherever possible. . . .

13. The scribe shall bestow the parchment, ink, and quill as a gift to the husband, and the husband shall raise them to legally acquire them.

14. The sage shall ask the divorcing husband: “You are giving this
get
of your own volition, without any duress; you have not made any of the various forms of vows or oaths which are forcing you to give it—tell us and we will annul it.”

The divorcing husband responds: “I have not vowed nor taken an oath, and I have no duress; rather, of my own volition am I giving this
get,
with a full heart, without any duress or conditions.”

15. The husband shall extend the parchment, quill, and ink to the scribe before witnesses and say to him in their presence: “Write a
get
for me for the purpose of divorcing my wife—So-and-so, daughter of so-and-so—and for the purpose of ending the marriage. And I give you permission to write the
get
up to one hundred times until one fit draft emerges without any flaws, whether in the writing or in the signatures, in accordance with the sage—Rabbi so-and-so.

16. “And you, so-and-so and so-and-so, be witnesses and sign this
get,
for the purpose of divorcing my wife—So-and-so, daughter of so-and-so—and for the purpose of ending the marriage, and I grant you permission to sign up to one hundred different Gittin until a fit one emerges, in accordance with the sage—Rabbi so-and-so, without any flaws, whether in the writing or in the signatures.”. . .

18. The scribe shall not write, and the witnesses shall not sign, until they hear instructions directly from the husband—to the scribe to write and to the witnesses to sign—and not from a messenger-agent; Even if he told three [separate messenger-agents]: Tell so-and-so to write and so-and-so to sign, they shall not write or sign, as they did not hear directly from [the husband].

19. The husband pays the fees of the scribe; and if the wife paid, it is valid.

20. The husband shall say before witnesses: “Behold, I nullify before you any intent to renege on this later. . . . ”

21. The husband must appoint the same witnesses before whom he instructed the scribe to write the
get
for his wife, to sign it. And they must stand at the time that the line with the man’s name and the woman’s name and the date is written, and hear that it is being written specifically for this man and this woman.

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22. [The witnesses] must be able to identify that this is the
get
that the scribe wrote specifically for this man and this woman. . . .

23. It is a good idea for the husband to remain with the scribe and the witnesses until the
get
is written, signed, and delivered, so that he will not be able to renege and claim later that he was not intending to follow through on his plans. . . .

36. When the scribe comes to write the
get,
before he begins to write, he should inquire of the divorcing man as to his name and his father’s name, and whether his father had multiple names (e.g., a name changed as a result of illness), and whether he or his father have nicknames.

37. So, too, one should inquire about the woman[’s name] and her father[’s], like the man.

38. The scribe and the witnesses must stand in the same place (at the same time).

39. The parchment should be pre-cut to the size of the
get,
so that it will not be necessary to cut off anything after the
get
is written. . . .

41. The parchment must be longer than it is wide. And the length is determined by how it is read (i.e., vertically) from beginning to end.

42. Thirteen guidelines should be etched into it; and the last line should be divided into two shorter lines, as the witnesses sign there one beneath the other. . . .

54. If a flaw is found in the
get,
and one is required to write another one, if the husband is present, he must re-instruct, as before, the scribe to write a
get
for his wife and the witnesses to sign it.

55. When the scribe comes to write the
get,
he should say before the witnesses, “Behold, I am writing this
get
specifically for so-and-so son of so-and-so, and specifically to divorce his wife so-and-so daughter of so-and-so, so that he divorce her with it, specifically for him and specifically for her, for the purpose of ending the marriage.” And he shall [then] write the
get
immediately.

56. The [lettering of the]
get
must be dried before the witnesses sign.

57. After the
get
is dried, the witnesses sign one under the other.

58. The witnesses must sign in the presence of each other.

59. Each witness shall say before he signs: “I am signing this
get
specifically for so-and-so son of so-and-so to divorce his wife so-and-so daughter of so-andso with it, specifically for him and specifically for her, for the purpose of ending the marriage.” And he shall [then] sign immediately. . . .

62. Each of the witnesses must specify his name and his father’s name, such that he signs: so-and-so, son of so-and so, witness.

63. The writing of the witnesses shall be clear and legible, so that the letters not be joined to one another, just like the
get
itself.

66–73. The sage and the witnesses shall read the
get,
including the witnesses’

signatures. Afterward, the sage shall ask the scribe, “Is this the
get
you wrote— did you write it on the instruction of the husband, specifically for him, and 48

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specifically for her, and specifically for the purpose of divorcing his wife so-andso, daughter of so-and-so?” He shall answer, “Yes.” [The sage] then asks one of the witnesses, “Did you hear the husband instruct the scribe to write [a document] specifically for him and specifically for the purpose of divorcing his wife so-and-so daughter of so-and-so? Do you recognize this to be that
get
? Did you sign as per the instructions of the husband? Did you sign specifically for him, specifically for her, and specifically for the purpose of divorcing his wife so-andso? Do you recognize your signature? Did you sign before your colleague? Do you recognize his signature?” He shall answer, “Yes,” to each question. And so, too, shall be done to the second witness.

74. Afterward [the sage] shall give the
get
to the husband. Then he shall repeat and ask him again if he is giving it knowingly and willingly, as mentioned above. . . .

77. [The sage] shall gather a quorum, in order to give the
get
before an assembled group of ten.

78. The sage shall say to all the assembled before the
get
is given, “If there is anyone who knows of any flaw against this
get,
and wishes to object or raise questions, let him speak now before it is given, for after it is handed over, a ban will go into effect to not cast aspersions upon this
get
.” . . .

81. [The sage] shall instruct the woman to remove the ring on her hand, and afterward to put out her hands, open them, and bring them together in order for her to accept the
get
. . . .

84. The husband shall place the
get
in her hands and say the following when he gives it to her: “Behold, this is your
get,
and behold, you are divorced— through it—from me and are permitted to all men.”

85. After he places the
get
in her hands and removes his hands entirely, she shall then close her hands, grasp the
get,
and raise both hands (containing the
get
) upward. After this, the sage shall take the
get
from her hands and read it a second time in the presence of witnesses. He shall then place a ban upon anyone who will cast aspersions on this
get
.

86. He shall then cut it in a crosswise manner.

87. The sage shall warn the woman not to become engaged to another man until ninety days have elapsed (not including that day). . . .

90. The husband must not be intimate with the woman between the time that the
get
is written and the time that it is given. If he was intimate with her, it becomes a
get yashan
(literally, a
get
that has been slept with), and may not be used to divorce.

91. A messenger-agent who brings a
get
shall give it to her in the presence of two [witnesses]; and if he is a relative or otherwise invalid [to testify], he shall give it to her in the presence of three [witnesses]. He shall say at the time it is handed over: “Behold this is your
get,
which your husband sent to you, and behold, you are divorced—through it—from him and are permitted to all men; and this
get
was written in my presence and signed in my presence.” . . .

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101. A person should be very careful not to become involved in
get
matters unless one is an expert in the laws of
gittin,
for the minutiae are great and one may easily come to err in them, leading to the proliferation of children with the forbidden status of
mamzer
[which results from inappropriate sexual relationships, especially that of a married woman with another man; married, in this case, because her divorce proceedings were mishandled and thus null and void.] May the Strength of Israel save us from [such] errors, Amen.

[
Shulchan Arukh ha-bahir
[Bar Ilan electronic version 11.01 2003], translated by Michael J. Broyde]

MAIMONIDES ON SEX

Under the conditions of an open and educated Islamic society, Jews seriously engaged Greek philosophy and sought a synthesis with Rabbinic culture. The-ology, metaphysics, and science flourished among the Jewish elite. The greatest exemplar of this cultural fusion was the twelfth-century scholar-philosopher, Moses Maimonides.

A systematic thinker and writer, Maimonides organized the first compre-hensive code of Jewish law in almost one thousand years. All Talmudic law, even if inapplicable, was included, and classified under appropriate headings.

At the same time, Maimonides undertook the most thorough integration of Aristotelian philosophy and Jewish thought, embodied in his
Guide of the Perplexed
. For him, Judaism’s goal—to love and perceive the divine—required intellectual perfection, which could be achieved through philosophical study.

This approach provides the context for Maimonides’ view of sex, expressed in both his code and philosophical writing. Carnal appetites were base and to be suppressed, an attitude seemingly verified by the Torah’s many sexual prohibitions.

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m o s e s m a i m o n i d e s , l a w s o f d e ’ o t h ( c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s ) 3 : 2

A man must focus all of his thoughts and actions exclusively toward knowing God, blessed be He. His resting, arising, and his speech should all be directed to this end. How so? When he engages in business or does work to earn a wage, he should not have the intention merely to acquire wealth, rather he should engage in these activities in order to gain things that the body needs such as food, drink, shelter, and marriage. So too, when he eats, drinks, or has relations, he should not have in mind merely to gain pleasure from these acts until the point where he eats and drinks only that which is sweet to his cheek and has relations only for pleasure; rather, he should eat and drink only to remain 50

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healthy of body and limb. . . . So too, when he has relations, he should only have relations to maintain bodily vigor and in order to procreate.

[Translated by Michael J. Broyde]

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m o s e s m a i m o n i d e s , l a w s o f d e ’ o t h ( c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s ) 5 : 1 , 4 : 5

Even though a man’s wife is always permitted to him, it is fitting for a Torah scholar to behave himself in a holy manner and not to habituate with his wife like barnyard animals, rather from one Sabbath to the next Sabbath, if he has strength. And when he speaks with her, he will not speak with her in the beginning of the night when he is satisfied and his stomach is full, and not at the end of the night when he is hungry, but rather in the middle of the night when his food is digested in his intestines. And he shall not be frivolous, and he shall not pollute his mouth with words of nothingness, even between him and her. . . . And the both shall not be drunk and not lazy and not angry, or even one of them shall not be, and she should not be sleeping, and he should not rape her, and it should not be when she does not have the will, but rather when they both want it, happily. And he will speak and play with her for a while so that her spirit will be calmed and one will have relations modestly and not brazenly, and they should separate immediately.

[Translated by Michael J. Broyde]

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m o s e s m a i m o n i d e s , l a w s o f m a r r i a g e 1 5 : 1 – 3

1. A wife who allowed her husband, after the wedding, to hold back on her conjugal rights, this is permitted. When is this applicable? When he has already had sons and fulfilled the commandment of be fruitful and multiply, but if he has not fulfilled this commandment, he must have relations with her with all due frequency until he has sons, since there is a commandment from the Torah to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28).

2. The man is obligated to be fruitful and multiply, and not the woman. And from when is the man obligated by this commandment? From the age of seventeen. And when twenty years have passed and he has not acquired a wife, then behold, he has transgressed and negated a positive commandment, but if he was busy with Torah studies and immersed in them, and was afraid of taking a wife, for fear of having to work for sustenance and then be distracted from Torah, then behold, this is allowed, because one who is fulfilling one commandment is exempt from another commandment, and even more so with Torah studies.