Sex, Marriage and Family in World Religions (86 page)

they would stop their weaving.”16

s e r v i n g p a r e n t s - i n - l a w “With regard to a woman’s service to her parents-in-law, she is as reverent as to her own father, as loving as to her own mother. Maintaining this attitude is a matter of duty, and adhering to it is a matter of ritual. When the cock first crows, she washes her hands, rinses her mouth, and gets dressed to make her morning call. In the winter she checks that [her parents-in-law] are warm enough, in the summer cool enough. In the evening she checks that they are settled, in the morning that they are getting up. She is reverent in correcting inside matters, principled in her dealings with the outside. She establishes herself as a person of principle and decorum and then acts on them.”

The
Book of Poetry
says: “When a girl departs, she distances herself from her parents and brothers.”17

The girls said, “How exceedingly great is the husband.”

Lady Ban responded, “The husband is heaven. Can one not be devoted to him? In antiquity, when a girl went to be married she was said to be going home. She transfers her heaven to serve her husband. The principle in this is vast. It is the pattern of heaven, the standard of the earth, the norm of conduct for the people. When women follow the nature of heaven and earth, model themselves on the brilliance of heaven, make use of the resources of the earth, and guard against idleness and adhere to ritual, then they can bring success to their families. On this basis, a wife acts first to extend her love broadly, then her husband will not forget to be filial to his parents. She sets an example of rectitude and virtue, and her husband enthusiastically copies it. She takes the initiative in being reverent and yielding, and her husband will not be compet-Confucianism 411

itive. If she follows the path of ritual and music, her husband will join in harmoniously. If she indicates the difference between good and evil, her husband will know restraint.”

The
Book of Poetry
says: “Intelligent and wise in order to protect her person.”18

b r i n g i n g o r d e r t h r o u g h fi l i a l p i e t y Lady Ban said, “In ancient times, virtuous women brought order to their nine relations through filial piety. They did not dare neglect the lowest ranking concubine, not to mention their sisters-in-law. Therefore they gained the support of their six relatives, making them better able to serve their parents-in-law.

Those placed in charge of family business did not dare insult the chickens and dogs—not to mention the lower-ranking family members. Therefore they gained the support of their superiors and inferiors, making them better able to serve their husbands. Those in charge of the women’s quarters did not dare mistreat the servants—not to mention the master. Therefore they gained the support of the people, making them better able to serve their parents. Accordingly, while living, parents were well taken care of; after their death, their ghosts received sacrifices. In this way the nine relations were kept in peace and harmony. Pettiness did not occur nor disorder arise. Such was the way virtuous women brought order to superiors and inferiors through filial piety.”

The
Book of Poetry
says: “Not erring, not forgetting, conforming in all matters to the old rules.”19

The girls said, “May we ask of there isn’t anything in the virtue of a wife that surpasses wisdom?”

Lady Ban replied, “Humankind is patterned on heaven and earth; yin and yang are interdependent. Making use of one’s intelligence is always beneficial, especially when done in a purposeful manner.

“In former times, King Zhuang of Chu was holding court in the evening.

Lady Fan entered and said, ‘Why don’t you end this court session? It is so late.

Aren’t you tired?’ The king said, ‘Today I have been talking with a wise person and have been so happy I have not noticed the time.’ When Lady Fan asked the identity of the wise person, the king said Yu Qiuzi. Lady Fan covered her mouth and laughed. The king, perplexed, asked her what made her laugh. She answered, ‘Yu Qiuzi may be wise but he is not loyal. For eleven years I have had the favor of occupying a place in your rear chambers, where I still attend to you with wash basin, towel, and comb and clean up. During this time I have introduced nine other women. Today two of them are wiser than me and the other seven are my peers. Even thought I know how to safeguard your love for me and snatch your favor, I would not dare keep you in the dark [about other 412

women] for selfish reasons. Rather I wish that you be broadly informed. Now, Yu Qiuzi has been prime minister for ten years but the only people he has recommended are his descendants or his collateral relatives. I have never heard of him recommending someone wise or demoting someone unworthy. Can he be called wise?’

“When the king repeated this to him, Yu Qiuzi, in his confusion, he abandoned his home and slept outside. The king sent someone to invite Sun Shuao, and on his arrival made him prime minister. Thus because of the wisdom of a single person’s advice, the feudal lords did not dare attack, and in the end King Zhuang became the paramount leader of the states. All this was due to the efforts of Lady Fan.”20

The
Book of Poetry
says: “Those who obtain the right men prosper; those who lose them are defeated.” and “When language is harmonious, the people will be united.”21

Lady Ban said, “Let me comment on the way a woman serves her husband.

From the time her hair is arranged and she meets him [during the wedding ceremony], she maintains the formality appropriate between an official and the ruler. When helping him wash or serving him food, she maintains the reverence appropriate between father and child. When reporting her comings and goings, she preserves the manner appropriate between siblings. She always keeps agree-ments, thus maintaining the trust appropriate among friends. Her words and actions are unblemished, giving her the capacity to manage the family.

“Only a woman who has fulfilled these five requirements is truly able to serve her husband. Such a woman will not be proud in a high position. She will not be insubordinate in an inferior position. And among equals she will not be quarrelsome. If she were proud in a high station, she might be ruined.

If she were insubordinate in an inferior position, she might incur punishment.

If she were quarrelsome among her equals, she might end up fighting. Thus, unless these three evils are eliminated, a woman cannot be called wifely—even if she harmonizes with her husband as well as the lute and the zither.”

t h e fi v e p u n i s h m e n t s

Lady Ban said, “There are three thousand offenses subject to the five punishments, but of these the most heinous is jealousy. It is the first among the seven grounds for divorce. The teachings of the sages are encompassed in purity, obedience, rectitude, straightforwardness, gentleness, absence of jealousy, being orderly in the inner quarters, having no contact with the outside, and an ability not to be so stimulated by sights and sounds that desires are pursued recklessly.

You girls should put this into practice.”

The
Book of Poetry
says: “Fine his deportment and appearance. He models himself on the ancient rules and applies himself to attaining dignity.”22

Confucianism
413

e l a b o r a t i n g “ p r e s e r v i n g t r u s t ”

“The way of establishing heaven is called yin and yang; the way of establishing earth is called gentle and tough. Yin and yang, gentle and tough, these are the beginnings of heaven and earth. Men and women, husbands and wives, these are the beginnings of human relationships.
Qian
and
kun
are interconnected and pervasive, with no space between them. The wife is earth, the husband is heaven; neither can be dispensed with. But the husband has a hundred actions, the wife has a single purpose. For men there is the principle of successive marriages, but there is no text authorizing women to take a second dip.

“Formerly, King Zhao of Chu took a trip and left [his wife] Miss Jiang at Qian pavilion. The river flooded and the king sent someone to get the lady, but because he should have had a tally, she would not go with him. Miss Jiang said, ‘I have heard that a chaste woman, as a matter of principle, does not break an agreement, just as a brave soldier does not fear dying. Now I know that I will surely die if I do not leave. But without a tally I do not dare break the agreement.

Although if I leave I will surely live, to live without faith is not as good as dying to preserve principle.’ It happened that when the messenger returned to get the tally, the water rose above the pavilion and she drowned. Such was the way she preserved faith. You should strive to emulate it.”

The
Book of Changes
says: “The crying magpie resides in yin; its child joins it in harmony.”23

Lady Ban said, “With regard to the way people receive the five constant virtues, at birth they have an intrinsic nature, but much is also learned. If they are exposed to good, then they will be good; if exposed to evil, they will be evil.

Even while they are in the womb, how can they not be given education! In ancient times, when women were with child, they did not lie on their side while sleeping, nor sit to one side, nor stand on one foot? Nor eat anything with a strange taste, nor walk on the left side of the road, nor eat anything not cut straight, nor sit on a mat that was not laid straight, nor look at or listen to any evil sights or sounds, nor utter any wild words, nor touch any deviant objects.

At night they would recite the classical texts; in the morning they would discuss ritual and music. When they gave birth to children, their form was correct and their talent and virtue surpassed that of others. Such was their prenatal education.”

The girls said, “We have reverently heard your instructions on the way of the wife. Even though we children are not clever, we wish to devote our lives to putting your teachings into practice.”

“May we ask, were there also any bad women in antiquity?”

Lady Ban responded, “The rise of the Xia dynasty was because of [the wife 414

of the founder] Tushan. Its fall was due to [the concubine of the last king]

Moxi. The rise of the Yin dynasty was because of [the wife of the founder]

Youxin; its fall was due to [the concubine of its last king] Danji. The rise of the [Western] Zhou dynasty was because of [the mother of the founder] Tairen; its demise was due to [the concubine of the last king] Baosi. It was because of women that the kings of these three dynasties lost the realm, their lives, and their states. This is even more true at the level of feudal lords, greater officers, and common people. Thus the calamity that befell [the crown prince of Jin]

Shensheng resulted from [the slander of his father’s concubine] Linu. The demise of [the last heir of the Liang dynasty] Minhuai began with [the Jin empress] Nanfeng.

“When viewed in this way, there are women who deserve credit for founding their families and others who destroyed their families. Then there is the case of the Miss Xia, the wife of Chen Yushu who brought about the deaths of three husbands, a son, and a ruler, chased away two ministers, and brought on the destruction of a state—this must be the most extreme case of evil. It is appalling to think a single woman could destroy the patrimony of six families.

“
If, however, you practice the way of goodness, you will never reach such an extremity.
”

[Translated by Patricia Ebrey from
Under Confucian Eyes: Writings on Gender in
Chinese History,
ed. Susan Mann and Yu-yin Cheng (Berkeley: University of California Press, 2001), pp. 49–60, with many omissions]

YUAN CAI ON CONCUBINES

Yuan Cai (ca. 1140-ca. 1195) wrote a book of advice, called
Mr. Yuan’s Models
for the World (Yuanshi shifan)
in the tradition of Yan Zhitui’s
Family Instructions
. It too considers what can go wrong in a family and how family heads can try to avoid problems. The items given here concern a matter that Yan said little about: the issues that arise because the family head or other men in the family have one or more concubines in addition to a wife. Concubines were recognized as legal mates in Chinese law and their sons were considered full heirs, with rights to a share of the family property. Both maids and concubines were normally purchased and the distinction between maid and concubine was often blurry, as a maid could be promoted to concubine if the master began a sexual relationship with her.

Document 6–16

y u a n s h i s h i f a n

Maids come into close contact with their masters, and some make use of this to form an illicit relationship. When the servant class bear children, they attri-Confucianism 415

bute them to the master. As a result people often raise stupid and vulgar offspring who end up ruining the family.

The general rule with maids and concubines is to be careful of what is begun and to take precautions concerning how things may end.

When men do not prohibit their maids and concubines from freely coming and going, sometimes a woman may have relations with an outsider and get pregnant. If the master simply drives the woman away without clearly establishing her guilt, often after he has died she claims that the child was his and tries to get the boy accepted into the family. This easily gives rise to lawsuits.

Take warning from this so as not to burden your descendants with trouble.

Some men with jealous wives set up maids or concubines in separate houses.

Some even support prostitutes as their concubines, ordering them to stop seeing anyone else. Such men set up very tight precautions and arrange for very thor-ough supervision. Yet the man entrusted with the task of supervising may be bribed to turn around and serve as the lookout for some outsider who wants to come and go without the master’s knowledge. This can reach the point where the master rears the outsider’s son as his own heir.