Shameless (26 page)

He turned his back on her and she wanted to reach out to him, but couldn’t take the risk.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“You’re sorry?” He turned on her. “You’re sorry that you walked out on me or sorry you gave up on me? Or maybe you’re sorry that you lied to me? Which is it, Sierra? What exactly are you sorry about?”

She knew he had a right to be confused, hurt, even angry, but not nearly as angry as he would be once he learned of her latest betrayal. A little voice inside her head urged her to tell him the truth, but fear kept her lips firmly sealed shut. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I made mistakes. I was still grieving.”

He glared at her. “So was I, Sierra. I was grieving, feeling guilty, blaming myself for everything. Do you have any idea what it’s been like for me these past five years? I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror. I thought I had caused the accident, destroyed our marriage, and drove you away. Now you’re telling me you left because of a goddamn medical condition.”

She realized how much her omission had cost him five years ago. He didn’t deserve to go through that again, but it was too soon to tell him about the baby. The doctor told her if she got through the next few weeks, her odds of carrying the baby to term would increase significantly.

She would tell him then, when she had reason to believe she may actually beat the odds and deliver a healthy, full-term baby. She didn’t know how he would cope if they lost another baby. She had to keep this to herself for a little while longer. For his sake.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” he asked.

“What do you want me to say, Trey?”

He stared at her as though he were seeing her for the first time. “You’re right. I guess we don’t have anything left to say.” He took a step toward the door.

“Trey, wait. About the wedding...”

He didn’t bother turning around. “Come, don’t come. I don’t care anymore.”

Sierra had barely moved from the sofa in days. She curled up on the couch, under the comfort of her duvet with a tissue box and wastebasket at her side and cried until her head ached. She cried for the childhood she’d lost, the baby that had been taken from them, and the love they had once shared. There was one thing she was sure of: he didn’t want anything more to do with her. She’d called him numerous times, left voice messages, emails, text messages, but he chose to ignore her. Not that she could blame him.

She had been given a chance most people never get. She had been married to the love of her life, her soul mate, and instead of fighting for what they had, she walked away from it and him. And when fate had blessed them with a second chance, she ruined that too. She should have told him about the baby when she had the chance. Hell, she should have jumped on a plane or hopped in her car the moment she found out about the baby. Now it was too late. He wasn’t even speaking to her. When he had asked her to forgive his mistakes and give him another chance, she had refused. Now she understood how devastated he must have been.

The phone rang. She grabbed it, hoping the number on the call display would be his, but it wasn’t. “Hi, Marisa,” she said, forcing herself to sit up.

“Hey, it sounds like you have a cold. Are you okay?”

“Probably just allergies.”

“Liar. You’ve been crying, haven’t you?”

She knew it was hopeless to try to suppress the tears. Once they started, it was like opening the floodgates. She sobbed into her blanket, trying to control the tremors wracking her body. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, don’t be sorry. Just tell me what the hell is going on with you.”

“I’ve made such a mess of things.” She wiped her nose and tossed the used tissue in the basket at her feet. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”

“Does this have something to do with Trey coming to see you the other day?”

“He didn’t tell you?”

“No, he’s been biting everyone’s head off since he got back, so I assumed it didn’t go well, but I was afraid to ask him. What the hell happened?”

She stared at the ultrasound picture on the coffee table. Not only was she ruining her own life, but she was running the risk of ruining her baby’s life as well. “I told Trey I divorced him because I found out that I couldn’t have any more children.”

Marisa gasped. “I knew there was another reason you left him.”

“What do you mean?”

“It just didn’t make sense to me. Sure, he was on the road touring a lot, but that’s his job. Even if the timing sucked, I couldn’t believe you would divorce the guy just for doing his job.”

She thought back to how she was feeling at that time and she knew her friend was right. She couldn’t blame him for being the man she fell in love with: determined, focused, driven to succeed.

She was the one who had changed, not him. She was feeling insecure, unhappy with herself, and she resented the fact that he had found his place in the world while she had yet to find her purpose. Ironically, when she finally found her purpose, she had no one to share it with. “I began to resent his career. I hated that it took him away from me so much.”

“You could have gone with him.”

“I know, but I had school, and then I got pregnant. Besides, I didn’t feel like he wanted me to go on the road with him.”

Marisa laughed. “Sierra, I love you, but you are clueless sometimes. That man loves you like crazy; he hated being away from you as much as you hated not having him at home.”

“I wish I could just relive the past seven years, Marisa.”

“That may be asking for too much, but you do have today, so why are you wasting it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Get your ass on the next plane to Nashville and tell my brother how you feel about him.”

Sierra wished it were that easy. “There’s something else. Something Trey doesn’t know, and I don’t know how he’s going to react when I tell him.”

“What is it?”

“I’m pregnant with his baby.” Sierra held the phone away from her ear when her friend started squealing. 

“Oh my God, girl! That is the best news I’ve heard all year.”

“You think Trey’s going to be happy about this?”

Marisa laughed. “Are you kidding me? My brother is going to be thrilled. Okay, you need to get ready right now. I’ll book your flight and text you the details. I’ll give you a few hours when you get there to enjoy your own private celebration. Then I’m bringing everyone over for a proper celebration. This is so exciting; I can’t wait to tell everyone.”

Sierra was trying to temper her excitement with a harsh dose of reality. “Maybe we shouldn’t tell everyone just yet. My pregnancy is considered high-risk because of my condition. What if...”

“I don’t want to hear any negativity. You are going to be fine; my brother is going to be ecstatic and my niece or nephew is going to be born healthy. Is that understood?”

Sierra laughed and dried her tears. “Okay, I guess I’ll see you soon then. Thanks, Marisa; you’re the best.”

Chapter Twenty

Trey was just stepping outside when a taxi pulled up his circular drive. He cursed the guard at the gatehouse for letting the car through until he saw the figure in the backseat. He tried to slow his racing heart. He tried to convince himself he didn’t want to see her, but as soon as she stepped out of the car, he knew he was only kidding himself. Not only did he want to see her, he needed to see her.

She stood by the car, looking up at him, waiting for him to invite her in or tell her to go to hell.

He walked down the stairs to meet her. “What are you doing here, Sierra?”

She looked back at the driver, who was waiting expectantly. “I wasn’t sure if I should ask the driver to stay and wait for me?”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a large bill to cover the fare. “Keep the change,” he said, handing it to the driver through the open window,

“Wow, thanks,” the man said, looking at the bill. His eyes narrowed as he looked at Trey. “Hey, you’re that country singer, Trey Turner, right?”

Trey nodded, wondering what he would have to do to get rid of this guy. Sierra looked like she was beginning to regret her decision, and he couldn’t take the risk that she would bolt before they had a chance to talk.

“That’s right,” he said, hoping to sign an autograph and be done with it.

“Hey, my niece loves you, man. She says you’re the sexiest man alive.” The guy snorted. “Course she’s only fifteen, so what does she know?” The guy grinned. “Bet you’re used to women throwing themselves at you, huh?”

Trey glanced at Sierra and chose to ignore the comment. The last thing he wanted was to remind Sierra of all the reasons she’d left him in the first place. 

“Course with a hot little honey like this to come home to at night, why would you want any other woman, right?”

Trey never ceased to be amazed by the audacity of strangers who thought they knew him just because they saw him on TV or heard him sing on the radio.

“My niece will be crushed when I tell her you’re off the market, man.” 

Sierra laughed and winked at Trey, her uneasiness seeming to vanish. “Not as crushed as she would be if you told her you met Trey Turner and didn’t get his autograph for her.”

“Geez, you’re right.” He pulled the pen off his sun visor and handed Trey the pen and a piece of paper. “Would you mind, man?”

Trey thought about telling the guy to get lost, but it would probably take less time to sign the autograph. He rested the paper and pen on the roof of the car. “What’s your niece’s name?”

“Trena.” He looked at Sierra. “So, you guys married or what?”

Trey handed him the piece of paper. “Or what. Have a nice day and say hello to your niece for me.”

“Will do.” He waved at Sierra. “Just call the office and ask for Bill if you need a ride back to the airport, honey.”

Trey clenched his jaw. “Don’t count on it, Bill. Don’t let us keep you; I’m sure you have other fares to pick up.”

He chuckled and smiled at Sierra. “I’m in no hurry.”

Trey hit the top of the car a few times for good measure. “You’re wasting your time here, buddy.”

“Huh, so you two are...”

“Yes,” he said quickly. He glanced at Sierra, who looked surprised by his admission. “We are.”

“Can’t blame a guy for tryin’, man.”

“Wanna bet?” Trey knew he was being ridiculous. There was no way Sierra was going to be interested in an obnoxious cabbie, but his jealousy seemed to kick into overdrive whenever he saw another man making a play for her.

The guy put his hands up. “Say no more.” He looked up at Trey and laughed. “You’re a big dude, man. I don’t wanna mess with you.”

Trey smirked and Sierra laughed as he pulled away, waving at them in his rear view mirror.  Once the car was out of sight, Sierra turned toward Trey, looking uncertain. “Are you upset that I came? I would have tried to call first, but I knew you wouldn’t answer my calls.”

He kicked himself for being an idiot. He’d received all of her messages and fought with himself over whether to respond. He should have called. In spite of everything, he still missed her.

“Why don’t we talk inside?” He led her up the steps.

“It looked like you were on your way out. I wouldn’t want to keep you.”

“It can wait.” He unlocked the door and gestured for her to enter. “So, what’s this about?” He knew he sounded cold, but he couldn’t help it. He was still hurt, angry, confused. But more than anything, he was terrified. His gut told him it was over, for good this time, but his heart wasn’t ready to let her go.

She stood in the foyer, looking around as though she wasn’t sure where to go.

He inclined his head toward the great room. It was a comfortable room, high ceilings, floor to ceiling windows, and a limestone fireplace dominating one wall. It was the room where they had spent most of their time, talking, watching TV, listening to music, enjoying a bottle of wine. There were a lot of good memories for them in this room.

She slid her hand over a gilded wood side table with mother of pearl inlay. “You haven’t changed a thing. It looks exactly the same,” she whispered.