Shameless (21 page)

“Yes. She thought I would have heard about it already.” She looked at him as though she was trying to gauge his reaction to the news he was going to be a daddy. “How do you feel about this?”

He let his head fall forward. “I don’t know. Part of me is thrilled that I’m gonna get the chance to be a father again, but I wish things could have been different.”

“You wish Sierra were the mother of your baby instead of Megan?”

He shook his head. “I do, more than anything. Is that terrible?”

She chuckled and shook her head. “No, son, that’s honest. But you have to deal with the situation as it is. So, have you decided how you’re going to handle it?”

“I want to be a father to this baby, but I don’t know if I can marry her, Val.”

“Who says you have to marry her?”

His cell phone buzzed, but he chose to ignore it. “Are you saying you don’t think I should?”

“It’s not my decision to make, Trey. It’s yours. You have to decide what kind of relationship you intend to have with the baby and his or her mama.”

“I want to be a good dad, Val. I just don’t know if I’m ready for this. It’s crazy, right? I couldn’t have been more excited when Sierra was pregnant with Callie, yet here I am almost six years older and feeling like I’m totally ill-equipped to be a father.”

“It’s not crazy. You’re at a different place in your life now.”

“What I wouldn’t give to go back and do it all again. I would do it so differently. I wouldn’t put anything above my marriage, not my career, my fans, nothing.”

“You can’t go back, but you can learn from your mistakes so you don’t repeat them.”

“I know. Listen, enough about me. I want to hear about your plans. When are you and Terrence tying the knot?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. We’ll probably just go down to the courthouse and do the deed.” She laughed. “At our age, it seems silly to make a big production of it.”

He slammed his hand on the table. “Like hell you will. You’re going to have a beautiful wedding right here in this house. We’ll fill it with friends and family, flowers, food, and decorations. For at least one day, it’ll be a home, just like in the old days.” He winked at her. “How does that sound?”

She linked her hand with his. “It sounds wonderful, Trey. Thank you.”    

Chapter Sixteen

Sierra was stepping out of the shower when she heard a knock on the entrance door. She thought about ignoring it until it became evident that her visitor did not intend to go away quietly. Cursing, she quickly
toweled
off and slipped into a terrycloth robe and slippers before making her way across the small condo to the front door. She threw the door open, fully intending to tell her guest she was not in the mood to buy what they were selling when she saw her sister standing on the other side.

She launched herself at Sierra, nearly knocking her over. “It’s so good to see you.”

Sierra hugged her back with as much enthusiasm. “I can’t believe you’re here, kiddo. I’ve missed you so much.”

Lexi pulled back to look at her, rolling her eyes. “We talk, text, or email almost every day, sis.”

“It’s not the same and you know it.” She grabbed her hand and pulled her over the threshold. “Get in here already.”

Lexi laughed. “Relax. I’m not going anywhere.”

Sierra paused to look at the sister who was eight years her junior. She looked gorgeous. Her ash-blond hair was tastefully highlighted and cut to her shoulders in bouncy waves. Her complexion was flawless, as always, and her blue eyes sparkled with mischief.

“God, just looking at you makes me want to hit the gym,” Sierra groaned. Her sister trained to run at least three marathons every year. She claimed it helped her to relieve stress, though Sierra couldn’t imagine how running over twenty-six miles could qualify as stress relief. 

“Please, you haven’t gained an ounce.” Lexi eyed her critically. “If anything, you’ve lost a few pounds. Have you been following that clean-eating program I emailed you? It’s amazing, trust me. You’ll feel and look better than ever.”

Sierra didn’t bother to tell her that her appetite in the past weeks had been almost nonexistent, not to mention the bouts with nausea. She was sure she’d caught a nasty virus, but didn’t want to worry her sister. “I’ve been trying, though I’m probably not as committed as you are.”

Lexi shed her cropped leather jacket and tossed it on the sofa. She looked around the small apartment. “Sierra, it looks like you just moved in. It’s been almost a year, hasn’t it?”

She shrugged. “More or less.” She hadn’t been able to muster enthusiasm for anything lately, least of all an interior decorating project that would imply she was putting down roots in a place that would never feel like home.

Lexi wandered around, finally standing in front of the window. “At least you’ve got a good view. Even with market conditions being what they are, I bet the place has gone up at least five percent since you bought it.”

Sierra settled on the couch, suddenly feeling tired. The past several weeks she hadn’t been herself and she was beginning to consider the possibility she would have to book an appointment with her doctor next week. “You’re probably right; units in this building seem to sell quickly.”

If there was one thing her sister knew well, it was the real estate market. She had turned a small loan into a multi-million dollar portfolio of residential rental properties in less than seven years.

Lexi turned to face her. “Hey, are you okay? You look a little pale, honey.”

Sierra laughed, tugging on her damp waves. “Of course I look pale; I don’t have a lick of make-up on.”

Lexi claimed the seat next to her. “You still look gorgeous. So, tell me. What’s been happening since you came back from Nashville. It’s been about a month, right?”

“You know about as much as I do. Trey is going to be a daddy, though I can’t say when. I haven’t heard a word from him, nor have I heard any wedding
rumors
, so he may be holding off on making the announcement. Unless he’s decided against marrying her.”

“Speaking of marriage, have you heard from Eric?”

“He stopped by the day after I got back. He brought flowers, apologized for the things he said. He seemed genuine, but it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change the fact that I don’t love him. At least, not the way I should.”

“So if Trey does decide to marry the girlfriend, how are you going to handle that?”

She leaned her head against the over-stuffed cushions. “I don’t know, Lex. I guess I’ll find a way. What other choice do I have? Hey, maybe I should cancel my Internet and cable subscriptions, cut off all ties to the modern world, and move to a remote region in Tibet where they’ve never even heard of Trey Turner.”

Lexi looked at her closely. “Tell me what happened between you and Trey when you were in Nashville.”

Sierra shrugged her shoulders. “There’s not much to tell. Can I get you something to eat or drink?”

Lexi grabbed her hands. “Why are you trying to change the subject? There’s something you’re not telling me, isn’t there?”

“Don’t be silly; you know I don’t keep secrets from you.” Except for the secret about her fertility problems. Not that it was an issue when you didn’t have any potential sperm donors on the horizon. Unless she was to follow through on her plan to adopt a baby on her own.

“You have that look on your face,” Lexi said, pointing her finger.

She feigned innocence, knowing her sister would see right through her. “What look is that?”

“That look you get when you’re busted.” Lexi leaned back against the cushions and tucked her legs under her. “Okay, spill. What is it you haven’t told me?”

Sierra sighed. The time had come; she had to come clean with her sister. “After Callie died, I got some news that I didn’t share with you or anyone at the time.”

Lexi grabbed her hand. “What kind of news?”

She looked down at their joined hands, thankful she wasn’t as alone as she felt. “I found out the chances of me ever being able to conceive naturally again were slim to none. In fact, the doctor said it was surprising I had been able to conceive the first time, though Trey and I hadn’t been using protection for years when we conceived Callie.”

She leaned forward to hug her, whispering in her ear, “I’m so sorry, honey.” She pulled back and wiped the tears streaming down Sierra’s face. “I know how much you’ve always wanted a family.”

Sierra nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

“You didn’t even tell Trey about it?”

She reached for a tissue from the box on the table. She had used so many tissues lately she would have to start buying them in bulk. It seemed the sight of Trey’s face in a magazine or the sound of his voice on the radio was enough to set her off. “I didn’t see any point. It was already over between us.”

“Is that why you decided to divorce him, Sierra?”

“It was part of the reason, but there was more to it than that. If I hadn’t found out about my fertility problem, I may have tried harder to make it work with Trey.” She shrugged. “I guess we’ll never know now, will we?”

“Just because you can’t have a baby the traditional way doesn’t mean you can’t have a baby. There are so many other options available now.”

Sierra leaned into the couch cushions. “I know. I’ve been giving that a lot of thought lately. Do you think it’s crazy of me to think about adopting a baby on my own, Lex?”

“Not at all, sweetie.” She rubbed Sierra’s knee. “Hell, you practically raised me. You’re the most compassionate, responsible woman I know. Any baby would be lucky to have you as a mama.”

Sierra smiled through her tears. “Thanks, sis. I just feel this emptiness, this longing for a family, you know?”

Lexi chuckled. “I can’t say that I do. You know I’m not into the marriage, kids, white picket fence thing, but if that’s what you want, I say go for it.”

“I would love that, but I’m tired of waiting around for it to happen. I love Trey, but we can’t be together and I’m not sure I’ll ever find the right guy at the rate I’m going. Hell, after Eric, I’m not even sure I trust myself to choose the right guy. Besides, I’m not getting any younger and my biological clock is starting to keep me awake at night.”

Lexi rolled her eyes. “Thirty-seven is not that old, Sierra.”

“Maybe not, but I’m just tired of waiting for the life I want. I think I’m ready to start making things happen for myself. You know what I mean?” 

Lexi laughed. “Look who you’re talking to. You know I don’t believe in waiting around for things to happen.”

Sierra nodded, suddenly seeing things clearer than she had in a long time. “I think I’m going to take a page from your book, Lexi. I’m going to start taking risks and living my life on my terms. To hell with what everyone else thinks.”

Lexi gave her a quick hug. “Good for you. You know whatever you decide, you have my support. Now, about this,” she said, pulling an embossed invitation out of her Gucci handbag.

“Are we going to Val’s wedding or not?”

“You bet we are. In fact, I can’t wait.”

More than a week after her sister’s impromptu visit, Sierra sat in her doctor’s office awaiting a myriad of test results that would hopefully explain her loss of appetite, fatigue, nausea, and depression.

The middle-aged, female doctor entered the small room and took the small swivel chair behind the scarred wood desk.

Sierra took in her professional appearance, no nonsense haircut, sensible shoes, and white lab coat.  For some reason, focusing on her doctor’s appearance put her at ease, made her feel less anxious about the potential for a grave diagnosis.

The doctor smiled and clasped her hands on the desk in front of her. “I know you’ve been anxious to get these test results, Sierra. I just wanted to be sure, so I asked the lab to run the test a second time.” She put on a pair of wire-framed reading glasses and opened a manila file folder. “The good news is that the symptoms you described can be easily explained.” She peered at Sierra over the top of her glasses. “You’re pregnant. Judging by the HcG levels, I would say about five weeks.”

Sierra felt a shift in the room. The sunlight filtering through the blinds seemed brighter and the pictures on the walls, pictures of
fetuses
at various stages of development, seemed to come to life, demanding her attention. “I can’t believe it,” she whispered.