She Comes First (15 page)

Gum-Press Close-up

Gum-Press with Perineal Pinch

• Press your thumb into her frenulum and massage the underlying tissue and pubic bone. As you lick, take note that the tip of your thumb is right below your tongue.

Whether you are applying pressure to the front commissure with your gum, or to the frenulum with your thumb or a vibrator, what’s important is that you’re creating a point of resistance that allows her to generate friction and create sexual tension on her own terms.

Now it’s time to deploy a gum-press in combination with a come-hither clasp. It’s this combination of focused pressure on both sides of the clitoral region, inner and outer, that will usher her into the preorgasm state.

• Maintain the pressure of a gum-press for five to ten seconds, and then vary it with tongue strokes—short horizontal passes that skim across the top of the clitoral head from
left to right, or vertical strokes that hit it head-on from bottom to top.

• All the while, maintain the manual stimulation of the come-hither finger clasp.

• Get your thumb into the action by pressing it against her frenulum.

• Get your free hand (the one supporting her buttocks) into the action by stimulating her perineum. If your hand is horizontally straddling her buttocks, simply rotate it so that it’s vertically aligned with the crevice between her buttocks. Now your thumb is free, willing, and able to stimulate her perineum externally.

In case you didn’t know it, at this point you’re working like a pro. You are stimulating the key areas of the clitoral network, both visible and hidden, and calling
all
of its parts to action!

• 1.
  In this chapter we discussed the importance of applying external pressure to the region around the clitoral head.
  
• 2.
  We introduced the technique of a gum-press against the front commissure, or alternatively fingertip or vibrator pressure against the frenulum. The point is to maintain pressure and provide a point of resistance as you continue to stimulate the clitoral head with your tongue.
  
• 3.
  Let her take the lead in establishing pace, rhythm, and pressure.
  
• 4.
  Finally, we introduced a combination that includes a come-hither clasp to stimulate the clitoral cluster; a gum-press that provides pressure against the front commissure; tongue strokes that stimulate the head; and manual stimulation of the frenulum and perineum.
  

Q
UESTION:
During a session of cunnilingus, is there anything I can do to speed up the process?

ANSWER:
Whatever you do,
don’t
attempt to speed things up by increasing the pace of your clitoral stimulation. One of the main complaints of women in regard to men’s oral habits is that they’re too fast and rough. So if you “tongue-fuck” her, or flick her clit like you’re a porn star, in order to move things along, you’ll likely derail the entire process and possibly even hurt her.

Also, do
not
do anything to indicate to her that you’re in a rush or growing impatient. Don’t sigh or groan; don’t get angry or frustrated; don’t glance at your watch, and certainly don’t say anything like “come on, already.” Refer back to the Three Assurances in Part I and take note of Assurance number two: There’s no rush; she has all the time in the world. You want to savor every moment.

Remember, one of the most common anxieties women experience
during cunnilingus is a fear that they’re taking too long, hence the importance of this Assurance. So if she even senses that you think she might be taking too long, her anxiety may well become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Foreplay is
the
key factor. The more a woman has been erotically stimulated during foreplay, the more easily, and quickly, she will reach orgasm. Rather than trying to decrease the time you’re spending, focus on increasing the pleasure and intimacy you’re providing.

Additionally, there are key moments during a session of cunnilingus when the introduction of a new element or variation—a tongue stroke, a finger, stimulation of the clitoral cluster or anus—will often hypercharge the process and take the action to the next level.

It goes without saying that a man should understand the female process of sexual response and be able to draw upon a wide variety of techniques when stimulating her. As the saying goes, “a stitch in time saves nine.”

But beyond general experience, a crucial factor is often the familiarity and intuitive sense of knowing that comes from being intimately involved with a woman and learning firsthand what works and what doesn’t.

Henry David Thoreau wrote, “Not that the story need be long, but it will take a long while to make it short,” and the same can be said of cunnilingus. In order to create a short work—one that has all the power and resonance of a longer one—you must know your craft as well as your subject. And such intimate knowledge comes with time, practice, and dedication.

O
NCE HER ORGASM
was but a distant and faraway destination in your journey down the road of arousal. Now the contours of her skyline are plainly in view, the throbbing pulse of Main Street tangible. You’ve just entered the city limits. Welcome to Orgasmopolis!

When it comes to sex and the “moment after,” perhaps the single most frequently asked question by men is, “Uh…did you come?” To many guys, the female orgasm is a mystery, a conundrum: a chimera so intangible and elusive that they often fail to recognize it when it’s happening right before their very eyes.

Shortly, we will examine
precisely
what occurs when a woman is
experiencing an orgasm. But for now, rest assured—if you are in tune with her process of sexual response, if you’re in lockstep all the way, then you will notice visible signs of the impending climax well before the event itself. These indications will be most apparent in the preorgasm phase, the moments just preceding her orgasmic contractions.

So what are the visible signs of arousal? How can you tell when she’s close to orgasm?

Throughout the ages wise men have reflected upon this question and, in
The Tao of Love and Sex,
author Jolan Chang offers us the “indications of female arousal” as laid out by Taoist master Wu Hsien:

• 1.
  She is panting and her voice is shaking uncontrollably.
  
• 2.
  She closes her eyes and her nostrils are widened and she is unable to speak.
  
• 3.
  She is staring at the man.
  
• 4.
  Her ears turn red and her face is flushing, but the tip of her tongue turns slightly colder.
  
• 5.
  Her hands are hot and her abdomen warm, and at the same time her language becomes almost unintelligible.
  
• 6.
  Her expression looks as though she is bewitched, her body is soft as jelly, and her limbs are droopy.
  
• 7.
  The saliva under her tongue has been sucked dry and her body is pressing against the man.
  
• 8.
  The pulses of her vulva become noticeable and her secretions are flowing.
  

Well, okay. While today’s modern man might not notice that “the saliva under her tongue has been sucked dry,” he is—as evidenced by the medley of quotes below—apt to observe:

“I feel her vagina tighten. It starts to throb and pulse, like the beating of her heart.”

“Her body stiffens, her muscles tighten. She flexes and releases, flexes and releases—especially her legs.”

“Her skin flushes; her entire body heats up.”

“She starts perspiring.”

“Her abdominal muscles tighten.”

“Her breasts swell.”

“I notice a difference in her taste; her juices start to thicken, they get sweeter and warmer. It’s like they’re being heated up from all the action, roiling in a cauldron.”

“She holds me tightly in position and won’t let me move.”

“She locks me in.”

“Her breathing gets really deep, like she’s running a marathon.”

“I feel her heart racing, pounding.”

“She starts grabbing at my hair and ears.”

“She pushes up her pelvis.”

“She grinds against me.”

“She bites her lower lip.”

“She tells me, ‘Keep going, keep going; don’t stop.’ ”

“She finds something to grab—my hair, a finger, a piece of blanket.”

“She enters another world. She’s completely lost in concentration.”

“It’s like she’s possessed and speaking in tongues.”

Cunnilinguists are in a great position to observe the visible signs of arousal, especially when the lights are on. Of particular note will be the darkening in color and deepening in luster of her inner labia, as well as the retraction of the clitoral head into its hood—
both are signs that she’s within ninety seconds of reaching climax.
Even in the dark, it’s not hard to observe when the glans has retracted; focus on
feeling the head when it’s fully protruded and erect, and you’ll easily be able to recognize its absence.

In this chapter, we discussed the visible signs of arousal, and how to determine when she’s within ninety seconds of orgasm.