She Comes First (22 page)
Authors: Ian Kerner
CAUTION:
When pregnant women enter their second trimester, they are advised not to lie flat on their backs for prolonged periods of time, as this flat position could cut off the circulation of blood from the vena cava and affect the process of oxygenation within her body. Remedy this issue by placing a pillow underneath her hip and lower back (either side will do) and then tilting her slightly.
Another benefit of pregnancy is that she may be able to have orgasms much more easily, and they may be more intense and longer lasting. This is because her uterine contractions are stronger and more sensitive to the release of oxytocin during sex.
The flip side of all this arousal is that she may feel like she’s in a constant state of sexual tension as her genitals are persistently engorged with blood. It’s often during pregnancy that women first discover their potential for multiple orgasms by dint of sheer necessity.
Since cunnilingus is more up close and personal than any other sexual act, you might notice some changes during pregnancy: she might experience some spot-bleeding around the time she would normally menstruate. This light bleeding is nothing to worry about and should not be confused with the heavy bleeding that is usually symptomatic of an en-topic pregnancy or impending miscarriage. Also, you might notice that her clitoris is engorged with blood, causing her labia to enlarge and change color—usually they become darker. Her natural lubrication could take on a thicker texture and more distinct odor. Be sensitive to these changes, know that she’s probably sensitive to them as well, and find your comfort zone as a couple.
During pregnancy, the Three Assurances are more important than ever. Be sure to let her know that she smells great, tastes great, you find her beautiful in every aspect, and you genuinely enjoy going down on her.
Question:
“I’m fairly inexperienced in the art of cunnilingus, and I can’t get my hands and tongue to work together—it’s just too hard to concentrate on both at the same time. What can I do?” (Geoff, 32)
Answer:
Try introducing a vibrator into your action. No matter what your skill level, a vibrator can prove to be a valuable addition to a cunnilingus session.
If your girlfriend doesn’t already own a vibrator for masturbation, then buying one together can be fun and, perhaps, daunting: there’s no shortage of sizes, shapes, textures, styles, and add-ons to choose from.
But as far as specifically choosing a vibrator that will augment your cunnilingus session, once again
form should follow function.
Many men make the mistake of thinking that the way to employ a vibrator is to thrust, jab, and penetrate, in cheap imitation of the penis during intercourse. This being the case, many vibrators are designed to resemble the male form.
Just as you focused your tongue and fingers on the application of gentle rhythmic motions that engage the visible aspects of the vulva, as well as the first couple of inches inside the vagina, use the vibrator in a similar fashion.
Think of the vibrator as a proxy for your tongue and fingers, not as the introduction of a plastic penis.
Just because it resembles a penis doesn’t mean that it should be used as one. To that end, a standard “wand-shaped” vibrator, four to six inches long, with the diameter of a quarter, will do just fine. You’re mainly going to engage only the first couple of inches, so really length is immaterial.
Most vibrators are encased in a hard plastic shell, or else softened by a jellylike silicone sheath. Either type will do, but select a vibrator that is firm and solid, with just a bit of soft bend to it. In short, pick a no-frills toy that is reliable, unthreatening, comfortable, and easy to handle.
As with any tool, what matters most is how you use it. During a cunnilingus session, feel free to introduce the vibrator anytime after the first kiss, but know that it’s best applied once you are well into your session and approaching the preorgasm phase.
While you can warm up and ease in by using the vibrator to gently stimulate all of the visible aspects of the vulva—labia, perineum, on and around the clitoral head—use it as a substitute for your fingers. Keep it set to a low speed—a diffused, persistent hum that gradually builds in resonance within her.
• Insert the vibrator into her vaginal entrance (use lubricant if necessary). Stay close to the entrance, and focus on her clitoral cluster. Gently thrust the vibrator in and out. Remember, since you’re focusing on her vaginal entrance, the range of the motion should not exceed the first inch or two of her vaginal canal.
• Work primarily with the tip of the vibrator. Take your time; let the vibrator rest against her vaginal entrance; this slow, small movement should cause her clitoral cuff to tighten around the vibrator.
Tongue Tip:
Once you’ve been stimulating her for a while, insert a finger or two underneath the vibrator and push up on it. This will enable the vibrator to really massage her clitoral cluster.
Xerox this blank template and use it to create your own routines
Stage 1: First Kiss
(less than one minute)
TONGUE:
_______________________________________________________________________
FINGERS:
_______________________________________________________________________
HAND:
__________________________________________________________________________
Stage 2: Establishing Rhythm
(three to five minutes)
TONGUE:
_______________________________________________________________________
FINGERS:
_______________________________________________________________________
HAND:
__________________________________________________________________________
Stage 3: Developing Tension
(five to ten minutes)
TONGUE:
_______________________________________________________________________
FINGERS:
_______________________________________________________________________
HAND:
__________________________________________________________________________
Stage 4: Escalation
(three to five minutes)
TONGUE:
_______________________________________________________________________
FINGERS:
_______________________________________________________________________
HAND:
__________________________________________________________________________
Stage 5: Pre-Orgasm
(three to five minutes)
TONGUE:
_______________________________________________________________________
FINGERS:
_______________________________________________________________________
HAND:
__________________________________________________________________________
Stage 6: Orgasm
(less than one minute)
TONGUE:
_______________________________________________________________________
FINGERS:
_______________________________________________________________________
HAND:
__________________________________________________________________________
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