Signs of Life (18 page)

As Loren ate his lunch and scrolled through his phone, Kai watched him fondly, wondering, not for the first time, about the mysteries of life and love, why the person who
should
be perfect for you just… wasn’t. He shook his head, knowing he’d never figure out that particular enigma, and as he gathered up his lunch trash to throw it away, he hooked his arm around Loren’s neck and gave him a smacking kiss on the top of his head. Loren grinned, and as Kai pulled away, he noticed with a start Jeremy was leaning in the open doorway to the study, his gaze speculative as he watched them.

Kai didn’t acknowledge Jeremy but continued cleaning up, telling himself that no matter how strong the sexual pull was between them, Jeremy was basically a fuck buddy, a good time, and Loren was as important to Kai as food or air. He had to remember Jeremy was only temporary, only for fun. Without looking in Jeremy’s direction again, Kai yanked open the front door and rousted the boys back to work.

AFTER THE
work crew left for the day at about 3:00 p.m., Jeremy spent part of what remained of the afternoon finishing up a brief he’d been working on, finally putting work firmly aside to change the sheets on his king-sized bed and make sure the bathroom was clean, with fresh-smelling towels and washcloths easily accessible. Then he pulled a plastic sack out from under the sink where he’d stashed it a few days ago, dumping the contents out on the bed and staring at them for several minutes before picking up the condoms and lube with a slightly trembling hand and shoving them under one of the pillows.

When he’d stopped by the drugstore a couple of days ago to pick up the items, he was surprised at how hard it was to do. The last time he bought condoms and lube, it was so he could make love to his husband, and he remembered the occasion so clearly. Their baby was due in about two months, and Brent came to Jeremy one day and broached the idea of a “babymoon,” the last trip they would take as just a couple before becoming parents. Jeremy was all for it, pleased to see Brent enthusiastic about something for the first time in weeks, even being able to rouse himself out of bed to sit with the computer and plan it out.

Brent wanted them to fly up to San Francisco for a few days, then take a driving tour through Wine Country. Jeremy loved watching Brent spend hours researching bed and breakfasts and winery tours, curled up next to him on the couch or in bed with his laptop while Jeremy worked on paperwork. Together they decided to rent a sporty little convertible to tool around in, Brent teasing Jeremy about needing oversized sunglasses and scarves for their hair, like the people in those old ’50s movies.

The day of their departure finally arrived, and Jeremy was tingling with anticipation. He and Brent hadn’t made love in at least a month, and that night they would be in a luxurious San Francisco suite. Even though Brent couldn’t drink alcohol while taking heavy psychotropic medication, Jeremy planned a seduction to end all seductions the minute the hotel room door closed behind them. He was thinking strawberries and sparkling cider, whipped cream and chocolate, Brent beneath him….

Jeremy had groaned and cursed the late afternoon traffic, pulling into their large curving driveway and fighting off a frisson of unease at the closed-up look of the house. When Brent was feeling good, he liked to open all the shutters and let the light in, and Jeremy told himself maybe he just had a headache and wanted to rest before their flight.

As he let himself in the front door, however, his heart fell to his toes. There were no suitcases in the hall, no carry-ons packed and ready to go. Brent had pushed Jeremy out the door that morning promising to pack for him, murmuring that his taste was by far better than Jeremy’s. Jeremy conceded the point, pulling Brent to him for a gentle kiss before murmuring, “I trust you, love. Pack for us and I’ll see you tonight. This week will be wonderful, you’ll see.”

Brent smiled at him sunnily, and Jeremy relaxed as the day went by, certain he was over the worst of the depression and maybe coming out of it completely.

Then he arrived home to a dark, silent house and went looking for Brent, finally finding him wrapped in a blanket on the oversized chaise lounge on the back patio, still in his pajamas, his hair sticking up messily and stubble bristling on his cheeks and chin, his blue eyes dull and lifeless. Jeremy knelt down next to him, reaching up to brush a lock of hair off Brent’s forehead, tamping down the hurt at how Brent flinched away from his touch.

“Baby,” Jeremy had said as gently as he could. “Our flight leaves in a little over three hours, and it doesn’t look like we’re ready to go. Can you get up and go get dressed? I’ll pack for us, and if I forget anything, we can just buy it there.”

Brent turned his face away, his voice shaky. “I don’t want to go anymore.”

Jeremy felt acute disappointment mixed with anger surge through him and he said, a little more tersely than he intended, “But why, Brent? You spent so much time planning it, and there’s no reason we can’t try to go.”

“I don’t want to go, Jeremy!” Brent had cried. “I can’t!”

“Yes, you can!” Jeremy shouted, not meaning to but unable to manage the disappointment, the worry, the anger. “You haven’t even fucking tried! Why won’t you at least try, Brent?”

Brent dissolved into tears, curling up into a fetal position on the chaise facing away from Jeremy. Jeremy let him sob for a few minutes, sitting there thinking how fucking sick he was of the crying, the sleeping all day, the inability Brent had to function on even the most basic level. The doctor had promised this medication would help, and it appeared for a couple of glorious days as if it had, only to have Jeremy’s burgeoning hope snatched back cruelly and stomped into the ground.

Jeremy had wallowed in his own misery for a minute longer, finally kicking his dress shoes off and crowding onto the chaise behind Brent, pulling him into his arms.

“Shhh, baby,” he soothed. “I know you’d try if you could. It’s okay. Shhh. We’ll try again in a few weeks. Maybe you’ll be feeling better. We still have time before Zachary is born. We have time, love.”

“I’m sorry, honey,” Brent moaned. “I’m so goddamned sorry. I just—”

Jeremy didn’t let him finish his sentence, murmuring to him, assuring Brent of his love, his devotion, that he had no intention of “divorcing him to go off somewhere to live and be happy,” as Brent entreated him to do over and over.

Finally the storm passed, and Jeremy spent the rest of the evening calling and canceling their myriad reservations, gritting his teeth every time someone said, “Our cancellation policy states that your deposit is forfeit due to the late notice.”

They never got to take their trip since Brent died less than a month later, but Jeremy comforted himself many times with the fact their last few weeks together were really good ones. It looked like a small adjustment in his medication helped Brent turn a true corner, and they were very happy at the end. When things were at their darkest, when the winds of the abyss were howling at his feet, Jeremy clung to those precious memories like a drowning man holding on to a life ring.

Now Jeremy had lube and condoms ready for a different man, a man Jeremy didn’t have to worry about in any way except for making sure he had a good time in Jeremy’s bed. Pleasure was the goal, fucking the sole reason for them being together that night. Jeremy couldn’t wait, relishing the thought of the uncomplicated, stress-free and worry-free evening ahead, a night where he and Kai could just enjoy each other’s bodies to the fullest, could spend hours figuring out what made the other scream.

Jeremy rubbed his aching, half-erect cock, enjoying the anticipation, checking things over in the bedroom one more time before going down to start a simple dinner of seafood pasta, Caesar salad, and fresh cheese bread.

By the time the doorbell rang a short time later, the house smelled amazing, and Jeremy was freshly showered. Before he opened the door he took a deep breath, telling his body to calm down, that they had all night. He swung the door open and all his resolve flew straight out the window. Kai stood there, black leather jacket, a skintight graphic T-shirt showing underneath, belted jeans and black boots, fucking lip ring and eyeliner all present and accounted for, along with a half smirk quirking up his full lips. He looked sexy and dangerous, and so fuckable Jeremy thought he might explode from lust right then and there.

He growled, reached out, and grabbed Kai by the lapels of his jacket, yanked him inside and shoved him back against the wall, slamming his mouth down over his, devouring him, their kiss raw and carnal. Kai gave as good as he got, hooking one leg around Jeremy’s hip, pulling him close and starting a slow grind against him. Jeremy tore his mouth away, gasping for breath, delving one hand under Kai’s T-shirt to find his nipple ring and tug on it, flicking the hardened tip with his thumbnail until Kai threw his head back against the wall and moaned.

“I want to fuck you right here, up against this wall,” Jeremy grated out, dragging his open mouth up and down the straining tendon of Kai’s neck. “Do you want it? You want my cock?”

He bit down and Kai groaned, threading his fingers through Jeremy’s hair and pulling his mouth back up to his. Their kiss was hot, wet, and messy, and Jeremy reached up and yanked Kai’s hands from his hair, slamming his arms up hard against the wall over his head and pinning them there at the wrist.

He pushed his hips into Kai’s, circling against him as he whispered, “I want to hold you down, make you take me. Make you feel every inch of me inside you.”

“Yes,” Kai breathed. “Take me.”

Suddenly Jeremy froze, his mind flashing back to that conference room meeting with the two attorneys, and Kai’s words,
“Sometimes I was able to fight them off, and sometimes I wasn’t.”
And here was Jeremy, fucking tool that he was, threatening to hold Kai down and “make him take it”… again. Even after making that same mistake at that goddamn
fucking
club.

Self-loathing roared through him and he pushed off of Kai, ignoring his bewildered look, his wet and swollen lips, the way his T-shirt was rucked up over a slice of muscled belly so enticing Jeremy felt lightheaded with the lust pulsing through him. He stumbled away into the kitchen and collapsed down onto one of the barstools that ringed the island.

There was silence from the foyer, then a rustle as Kai apparently took off and hung up his jacket, then came into the room, a cautious, questioning look on his face.

“Did I do something wrong, Jeremy?” he asked.

Jeremy scrubbed his hands over his face as he said, “No. God no, you’re perfect. You’ve got me so tied up in knots I can’t even think straight.”

Kai moved up behind him and put his hands on Jeremy’s shoulders, leaning down to murmur, “I don’t see any problems with that statement. I was ready to be fucked against that wall. Still am.” He pressed his groin into Jeremy’s lower back, letting him feel his excitement, the ridge of his erection. Jeremy reached behind him and gripped the back of Kai’s thigh, pulling him closer for a minute before releasing him and spinning around on the stool to face him.

Kai insinuated himself between Jeremy’s legs, sidling close and draping his arms around Jeremy’s neck.

“What is it, then?”

“I just—I remembered how in that meeting you talked about—well, you talked about what you went through in juvenile detention.” Jeremy swallowed hard, his mouth dry. Kai cocked his head, looking mystified.

“Yeah?” he said slowly. “What does that have to do with us?”

Jeremy couldn’t help but touch, putting his hands on Kai’s hips and stroking the soft skin just above the waistband of his jeans with his thumbs. Kai’s eyes went heavy-lidded, the kohl he’d lightly drawn around them making him look so exotic, so sexy, that Jeremy was breathless again.

“You drive me insane,” Jeremy said huskily. “So much that I can’t think rationally. I just told you that I wanted to hold you down and make you take me or some stupid-ass ignorant comment like that. I don’t want to trigger you, Kai. I’m so sorry. Again. I’m a complete and utter asshole.”

Comprehension flooded Kai’s face, and he leaned down again and nipped Jeremy’s bottom lip, tugging on it with his straight white teeth before pulling back and pressing their foreheads together.

“Da fuck, man?” he whispered, his accent thickening, sending a thrill rocketing through Jeremy. “Ain’t nobody makes me do a fuckin’ thing I don’t wanna do, I told you. And what I wanted was for you to fuck me against that wall, hard and fast. You asked if I wanted your cock, and Christ, I want it so fuckin’ bad I’m about to explode.” He grabbed Jeremy’s hand and pressed it against his crotch, letting Jeremy feel how the thick column of flesh in his jeans strained against the denim.

Jeremy squeezed him, watching Kai’s face as he traced the hard length until he found the head and rubbed the ridge roughly with his thumb through Kai’s jeans. Kai parted his lips, his rough groan causing Jeremy’s own cock to pulse with need.

“Yes,” Kai breathed. “Take me any way you want.”

Even through Jeremy’s excitement he must have still looked unconvinced, because Kai sighed and moved away a few inches.

“Look, I know those punks ruined your gym, but do you have another room that you use to work out in, something with more space than in here?” Kai waved his hand around the kitchen, encompassing the living room, both of which were large but full of furniture.

Jeremy was mystified but he went along with it, standing up and taking Kai’s hand, pulling him up the stairs until they reached a room at the back of the house on the second floor.

“The previous owners made this into some sort of yoga studio or something. I was going to put a treadmill in here after what happened to the gym, but there’s really not enough room.”

The “yoga studio” was good-sized, with floor-to-ceiling mirrors on every wall, the floor covered with mats that hooked together to create a cushioned surface.

Kai turned in a slow circle and gave a whistle under his breath. “Wow.” He looked narrowly at Jeremy. “Just how rich are you, homes?” Jeremy shrugged impatiently, and Kai went on, “Okay, come at me, bro.” Jeremy stared at him in bewilderment, and Kai quirked his sexy lips up in a smile. “Haven’t you ever heard the kids say that? Well, come at me, bro. Take a swing at me, rush me, kick me, grab my hair.”