Signs of Life (21 page)

“So hot and tight, Jeremy,” Kai groaned. “So good.” He gripped Jeremy’s hips and made little pulsing thrusts, opening Jeremy up slowly and carefully until his hipbones were flush against Jeremy’s ass, his cock buried to the hilt.

“Oh Christ, fuck me,” Jeremy grated, not even recognizing the ragged sound of his own voice, moaning as Kai pulled back almost to the tip and slammed back home. “Yes!” Kai set a rhythm that threatened to drive Jeremy out of his mind, pulling completely out and then forcing himself back inside, making Jeremy feel every inch, every ridge, every vein as it dragged along the sensitive nerves of his inner passage.

Jeremy circled his hips, bearing down, squeezing Kai’s cock until he finally succeeded in breaking Kai’s control, hearing his guttural roar as he rewarded Jeremy with a series of thrusts that shoved them both up the bed several inches. Jeremy pushed up fully onto the palms of his hands, fucking back in countermotion until Kai brought his hand around his throat and up to his chin, pulling Jeremy’s head and neck back into a painful arch, immobilizing him.

“Hold still and take what I give you,” Kai growled, punctuating each word with a balls-deep snap of his hips, the sound of their skin slapping together loud in Jeremy’s ears. Jeremy stood up on his knees and reached back with one arm, wrapping it around Kai’s neck, gripping Kai’s thigh with the other, holding on, his body completely given up to his use.

When Jeremy sensed Kai was getting close, his thrusts growing more ragged, losing the rhythm, he turned his head and pressed his lips into Kai’s cheek, gasping, “Touch me, Gorgeous, please.”

Kai wrapped one hand around Jeremy’s cock, and less than a half-dozen strokes later, Jeremy was coming so hard his vision darkened, hearing himself wail as the pleasure bore down on him, arcs of come splattering the sheets and pillows beneath him. Kai was right there with him, groaning incoherent words in Jeremy’s ear as his cock throbbed deep inside Jeremy’s ass, his hips stuttering as Kai fucked them both through the wrenching spasms.

Finally Kai let go of Jeremy’s neck and Jeremy collapsed forward in a heap, not caring about the sticky mess beneath him, Kai riding the motion down to the bed, his sweaty chest stuck to Jeremy’s back, his weight pressing him into the soft mattress. They lay there, gasping for air, their lips nuzzling each other’s stubbly cheeks, damp hair, any skin they could reach.

Kai pushed off of Jeremy and dealt with the condom, his turn to bring the warm washcloth back and clean them up. Jeremy rolled onto his side away from the mess on the sheets, feeling Kai spoon up behind him, rubbing his hand soothingly up and down Jeremy’s chest and belly.

“You okay?” he whispered.

“Mmmm,” Jeremy hummed, tilting his head back for a kiss. They kissed lazily for several minutes, enjoying the afterglow. “I may not walk ever again for the rest of my life, but wow, Kai. I didn’t know I needed that but—I needed that.”

“Me too,” Kai murmured, hugging Jeremy close. They drifted off to sleep, and Jeremy didn’t know how long it was before he felt the bed dip as Kai eased himself away, heard the rustling sound of him dressing as quietly as he could, and he rolled over to his back and peered blearily up at him.

“You leaving?”

“Yeah, I gotta go, Jere,” Kai said, sitting on the edge of the bed and leaning over for a quick kiss. “Busy week ahead, but I’ll call you. And next Saturday you want us to meet you here with the boys, or the new place?”

Jeremy was still groggy with sleep and satiation, but he managed to mumble, “New house, I think. I’ll text you the address, okay?”

“Okay.” Kai kissed him, then was gone, and Jeremy rolled to his stomach and was asleep again before the door even closed behind him.

WHEN JEREMY
awoke several hours later, he was chagrined to realize he was indeed having trouble walking. His ass was throbbing from the inside out, unaccustomed to the pounding Kai had subjected it to. God, he wouldn’t have missed that for the world, though. What a fabulous rush it was, to be held firmly under a lover’s control, to not have to do anything but take the pleasure he was being given. Jeremy definitely wouldn’t mind repeating the experience someday.

For what remained of Sunday, Jeremy rested, sat in the Jacuzzi, and relived every moment of his night with Kai, including their talk. During his few months in rehab, Jeremy stubbornly resisted the group or individual grief counseling he was offered, cynically rejecting the idea anyone who hadn’t known Brent, or didn’t know Jeremy, would be able to offer him any help at all. A fifteen-minute conversation with Kai showed Jeremy what a shortsighted asshole he was in depriving himself of the opportunity to talk through and articulate some of the self-doubt and worry he’d been living with after his family’s deaths. He really hindered himself, and his healing, by refusing the professional help he was offered.

Monday and Tuesday passed quickly, Jeremy busy with meetings with his general contractor and the various entities he needed to see to get his law practice up and running. By Wednesday when he still hadn’t heard from Kai, he debated calling him, but before he could his phone chimed with an incoming text:
Sooo busy! But can’t stop thinking about you. See you on Saturday!

Jeremy sent a short reply, then smiled, the small interaction warming his heart.

On Friday morning while sitting in a coffee shop, Jeremy, gripped by a spirit of devilment, sent Kai a text.
Wanna lick you.

A few minutes later, the reply came back:
Dude, are you seriously sexting me at work?
Jeremy snorted, hearing Kai’s incredulous tone in his head, feeling suitably chastened for bothering him while he was teaching children, for Christ’s sake. Just as Jeremy was about to put his phone away, another chime.
Where?

Jeremy laughed out loud, startling an elderly couple at the table next to him, and his thumbs flew furiously over the phone’s keyboard as he replied. For the rest of the day they went back and forth, sometimes with an hour or more delay between Kai’s responses as he was busy with his responsibilities, and by that evening, the exchange had grown extremely heated.

Finally Kai signed off for the night with,
Gonna go jack off now to thoughts of your tongue in my ass. Thanks for that.

Jeremy lay in bed, thinking about his new lover, wondering when everything changed in his mind from simply casual, good-time sex to a potential new relationship. He couldn’t deny that’s where he’d like things to be heading, and he realized the thought didn’t scare him. Well, didn’t scare him as much as made him sad. On impulse he picked his phone up from the nightstand next to the bed and dialed.

“Jere!” Jase’s rough voice was a little extra gravelly, and the sounds of what appeared to be a wild party were in the background.

“What the hell is going on, Jase?” Jeremy asked with a smile in his voice. “Sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll?”

“Pretty much, man,” Jase said. “Lemme go somewhere quieter.” Jeremy could hear the muffled sounds of Jase’s phone pressed against his chest as he talked and shouted to people on his way to wherever he was headed. Suddenly Jeremy heard a feminine voice that sounded demanding, even if he couldn’t make out exactly what she was saying.

“Yeah, Layla, I fucking know that label exec is coming,” Jase said impatiently, his voice coming clearly through the phone as he held it up to his ear again. “He can wait a few minutes while I talk to my friend. No, it’s not Carey, it’s my friend Jeremy. I did so tell you about him! Now go away.” By the time Jase snorted with exasperation and muttered, “Got rid of her, fucking finally,” Jeremy was shaking with laughter.

“Your manager sounds like something else.”

“She’s a pain in my goddamn ass,” Jase said darkly, though a thread of fondness ran through his voice. “Just got done with a concert, one of those see-and-be-seen things that Layla likes to set up for us. Label execs coming out the woodwork, man.”

“That’s good, though, right?” Jeremy asked, propping himself up on his pillows.

“Of course, although I hate the kiss-ass bullshit sometimes. Reminds me too much of the military, licking ass just because some dude has a gold star on his collar. You either like our music or you don’t. I shouldn’t have to make nice so you like me too.”

“Nah, you love it. Admit it. You love everything about it.”

Jase sighed. “I do. Dammit.” They laughed together, and then Jase said, “What’s up, Jere? It’s so good to hear from you.”

Jeremy took a deep breath, and then blurted out, “I met someone, Jase.”

“
What?
Oh my God, that’s fuckin’ fantastic!” Jase’s voice rang with delight. “Tell me about him!”

Jeremy told him how he met Kai at that club and what happened there, the unbelievable coincidence of running into him again after the incident at Jeremy’s home, the time they spent together since and the different conversations they had, leaving nothing out.

Jase was quiet until Jeremy finished, and then he said, “I like him already.”

“I do too, Jase,” Jeremy admitted. “A lot. But don’t you think it’s too soon—”

“Too soon?” Jase interrupted incredulously. “It’s been two fuckin’ years since Brent died, Jere. And I didn’t know him as well as I would have liked, but what I do know is that he would have wanted you to be happy again.”

“He would have, because he loved me,” Jeremy said quietly. “And what I meant was I’ve only known Kai for a few months, and we spend a lot of our time together having sex.”

He felt his face get hot as Jase chortled, saying, “Finally time you started getting laid again, man. Nothing wrong with that.” He sobered quickly, his voice serious as he said, “From what you just told me, though, you’ve spent a lot of time with him out of bed too. Maybe in the company of others and not always in ideal situations, but you’ve seen enough to get a sense of the kind of man he is, a survivor, a fighter. Someone that’s smart and self-confident, compassionate. See, I listened just now!”

Jeremy gave a sort of watery chuckle, his throat tight.

Jase went on. “And sometimes, Jeremy, with someone, they just—I don’t know, man, they just fit you. They fill those empty spaces inside you with stuff you didn’t even know you wanted or needed. You can’t explain it, but sometimes it’s just—right. Don’t question it, just grab on to it with both hands.”

“But it feels sometimes like I’m trying to replace Brent and—”

“No,” Jase said. “You’re not replacing Brent because Brent can’t be replaced. You can’t put Kai in the part of your heart that will always be Brent’s, man. Don’t look at it like that.”

“How do I look at it, then? How?”

Jase blew out a breath, obviously marshaling his thoughts. “Look, when I was sixteen, my mom was pregnant with her seventy-trillionth kid. And one of my little sisters asked her if my mom would still love her when she had the new baby. I’ll never forget what my mom said, about love being like the flame of a candle. It glows brightly, but yet it can light many more candles, a roomful of them, without losing its glow. And the other ones it lit glow just as bright without taking one single thing away from the original candle. Does that make sense? My mom said it a lot fuckin’ better than that, man.”

Jeremy swallowed past the giant lump in his throat. “Yeah, that makes sense. Thanks, Jase.” Jase grunted, then a short silence fell before Jeremy whispered, “How did you get so smart, knowing just how to deal with my fucked-up mess?”

“Us fucked-up messes need to stick together, right? Love ya, dude.” Jeremy didn’t even get to reply as Jase suddenly shouted, “Okay, for fuck’s sake, Layla, I’m
coming
!” And then the line went dead.

Jeremy held the phone in his hand for a second before opening up the Brent folder and pulling up his favorite pic of him, one Jeremy had taken at the beach their first weekend in San Diego. They weren’t married yet, but had just gotten engaged, and they were staying at the Hotel del Coronado while they waited for their household goods to arrive from Florida. Brent had finally gotten away from his oppressive family, and he was in love, about to be married. He was looking out at the ocean when he suddenly turned and caught sight of Jeremy walking toward him, and the sheer happiness on his face was breathtaking to behold. Jeremy managed to snap a picture, and he looked at it now, the memory warming him instead of hurting him.

“You’d like him, I think,” Jeremy whispered. “And I’ll never let him take your place because I want him to have his own place. You don’t mind, do you? Because you know I’ll always love you.”

And it had to be a trick of the light, an illusion created by emotion and tired eyes, but Jeremy could have sworn Brent’s lips, stretched in that beautiful smile, pursed up in a kiss.

KAI WIPED
his sweaty, grimy hand over his equally sweaty and grimy forehead. The boys were all in rough shape, hot and filthy. Jeremy had texted that morning and asked them to come out to the cabin instead of the new house, saying,
I really do need my attic cleaned out. Sorry!

The boys groaned when Jeremy led them up a set of narrow stairs to the attic that made up sort of a third floor of the cabin. It was full of old, broken-down boxes, stacks of yellowed newspaper, and other detritus Jeremy said he thought had been there for years, well before his ownership. He had handed out face masks to block the dust and other airborne particles, providing rubber gloves, buckets, scrub brushes, and mops. Before he left to run some errands, he told them once again he had lunch for them downstairs, and to please respect his bedroom and study as off-limits.

And then he went, leaving them to it. Kai was warmed to know he trusted him, trusted
them
enough to leave them basically with the run of his house. During lunch Kai showed the boys around a little, enjoying the awe on their faces as they took in the glass-enclosed patio, the fireplace, the comfy outdoor furniture, the covered Jacuzzi.

Now Kai stood with his hands on his hips, looking around the attic. He wouldn’t say it was sparkling clean by any means, but they’d made a definite improvement. He and Loren had hauled bag after bag of trash out to the end of the driveway, and Loren had even found a tarp to cover the old boxes with to keep them from disintegrating into a sodden heap courtesy of the steadily falling rain. When the room was cleared out, the boys had swept, then mopped, using the scrub brushes to try and remove what look like dried bird shit from the floor and part of the wall, the origins of which were confirmed when an ancient-looking birds’ nest was spotted up in the rafters.