So Many Reasons Why (19 page)

Emma,

To say it was a surprise hearing from you would be an
understatement. I am so glad you decided to get in contact with me. Believe it
or not, I think about you every day and wonder how you are going. I last saw
you when you were a little girl, I can only imagine the young woman you have
grown into.

I want to hear all about you and your family, and I
hope one day you can meet mine.

Love and best wishes,

Maria.

Staring at the screen, I found myself smiling, so glad that
Simon pushed me into reaching out to her. It felt surreal, having a whole
section of family that I’ve never really known. I tapped out a response,
detailing all of my life up until this point, omitting the attack and the
current issues. That stuff was way too heavy for a second email. I didn’t want
to risk scaring her off. I thought about asking her what the deal was between
her and dad. In the end, I decided against it. Whatever it was, now was
probably not the time to drag up old wounds.

Asking Cass over was a good move. After she'd battled her
way through the reporters, she turned up on my doorstep with chocolate and ice
cream like any best friend would. I hugged her.

“You okay?” She smiled at me, and kissed my forehead. I
nodded, sniffling back tears.

“Did you see the paper?” I asked, embarrassed. She nodded.
She reached out and rubbed my arm.

“Who cares? That will blow over in no time. They will move
onto the next story soon. I’m sure some overpaid, talentless actress will have
an alcohol and drug fuelled bender soon enough. Speaking of which” She held up
a copy of
Mean Girls
. I laughed in
spite of myself. That was Cass, always positive.

“I’m worried Derek saw the article.” I admitted. Again, she
nodded.                    

“He is not stupid enough to come back here and wind himself back
in jail.” Cass scoffed angrily.  I wish I shared her confidence.

Cass put on a movie. We laughed our way through
Confessions of a Shopaholic
when my
phone buzzed. I checked the number before answering. It was only a matter of
time before the reporters got a hold of that too.

“Hey.” I smiled. I was so glad to hear Simon's voice.

“Hey you.” He tried to sound light, but I knew something was
up.

“What is it?” I felt my stomach tense. Bad news. It was
always bad news.

“They want me to keep my distance from you until this blows
over. A week or two they reckon.” I heard him sigh. This was as hard for him as
it was for me.

“That's not too bad is it? I was expecting months.” I tried
to lighten the mood. This was good news right?

“There is more. They say they can't allow the protection
order I had put out on you. “

“Oh.”

“Shit Em, we will work this out. I don't care if I have to
park outside your apartment every night myself. Or his.” He added spitefully.
“Though if I'm ten feet from him I reckon I might kill the bastard.” He
muttered. “I have to go Em, I will email you later. Love you.”

I didn't even have time to say I love you back. I told
myself to focus on the good. I'd only have to go a week or so with Simon. I
could do that.

“So, what did he say?” I jumped, forgetting Cass was there.
I relayed the story to her. I left out the part of him wanting to kill Derek,
not entirely convinced that was a joke.

“Oh Em, let me and Tom take care of you, please? You would
do it for either of us in a heartbeat.” That was true. Roles reversed, she
wouldn't have a choice. I’d be cuffing her to her bed if necessary.

“Okay.” I said, too tired to argue any more. Not only that,
I was scared. Really scared.  “Hey so what's with you and Tom anyway?”
Their odd behaviour flashed back into my mind. I’d been meaning to ask her for
days what was going on.

“What do you mean?” Her face flushed bright red. I stared at
her. I'd never seen Cass blush.

“Come on, I need a distraction.” I begged. Making her feel
sorry for me was the easiest way to get information out of her. She was hiding
something, and I wanted to know what it was.

“Oh I really like him Em. With your history, I didn't want
to, you know.”

“Our history? Cass we have never really been anything more
than good friends.” I laughed.  “If you want to tap that, go for it.”

Cass glared at me. “There's no use anyway, he doesn't even
know I exist.” She said in despair. “Not like that, anyway.” She shook her
head, red locks flying everywhere. Tom really was daft sometimes. He had a
beautiful girl like Cass right in front of him and he didn't even know it.

“I will talk to him.” I decided.

“No!” Cass shrieked, throwing a cushion at me. “I'd die of
embarrassment. I don't want a pity date. I couldn't think of anything worse!”
She buried her face in the cushion I'd just thrown at her.

“Okay, settle down, I won’t say anything.” I crossed my
fingers behind my back. Payback for calling Simon the other day maybe? I
giggled. Cass caught my smile.

“I swear, Emma Mancelli....” She warned, her blue eyes blazing,
figuring what I was up to. I smiled at her innocently.

“I won’t say a word.”

“What did you want to talk about?” Tom threw me a beer. Cass
had gone to work, leaving Tom to babysit me. A perfect time for my plan to take
hold. My match-making was proving to be a great distraction.

“Nothing, just thought we could catch up. How are you
going?” I tried unscrewing my beer. Stupid top. I put the bottle under my
jumper to give more traction. Finally it twisted off.

“I'm good.” Tom replied slowly, eyeing me with suspicion.

“Seeing anyone?” I asked casually. I picked the lint off my
blue jacket. Yep. That was me. I was the queen of acting casual.

“What? What is this Em? Since when are you interested in my
love life?” Tom looked really confused, and I didn't blame him. This was not
going according to plan. I decided a more direct approach was needed.

“Are you an idiot?” Okay, possibly too direct, judging by
the bewildered expression on Tom's face. His mouth hung open in shock. “Are you
even aware Cass is in love with you?” Tom’s mouth dropped lower. He snapped it
shut, and opened it again. I giggled. He looked like a fish.

“Say what? Where the hell did you get that idea?” He ran his
hand through his dark hair, searching for signs he may have missed. “Holy shit,
the other day.” He breathed.

“She said she couldn't believe she had a crush on you.” I
finished. There, the seed had been planted. And technically I hadn’t done
anything wrong. She was the one who blurted that out to him. I had merely just
reminded him. Like any good friend would. I left it at that. No more meddling
from me, it was up to those two now to either get it together or fuck it up.

“
Love Hurts,
or
Psycho
?” asked Tom, raiding my DVD
cabinet. He held the two choices up. I screwed my face up, unsure of whether he
was serious. Nobody could be that inconsiderate, could they?

“Seriously? They're your choices?” I dragged myself out of
my chair and over to the cabinet. I pulled out
Bubble Boy
. I tossed it at him. “You are a bad, bad friend.”

“What, why?” He looked at his two choices, dumbfounded.

“I can’t see my man for who knows how long, and my attacker
just got released from prison.” Sometimes I wondered why I was friends with the
guy. He made a face, obviously realising his insensitivity.  “And you're
offering up
Psycho
to me.”

“Shit, sorry Em, I'm a dick.” He said, apologetically.

“Just put the movie on, Tom.” I sighed, lying down on the
couch.

Halfway through the movie, which I just wasn't able to get
into, I felt my phone vibrate. I glanced at Tom, he was glued to the screen.
Simon. He'd sent me an email, just as he'd promised.

Em,

I hate not being able to be there with you, not just
to be able to protect you, but because you are sexy, and I love you so much. I
know, I know, I'm such a romantic, right?

I hope you are okay, and not worrying too much about
things. This will all blow over soon. And if it makes you feel any better,
Derek has not left his sister’s house in Connecticut since his release. Just
don't ask me how I know this. Just add it to the long list of rules I’ve broken
for you.

Love you,

Simon.

I smiled. I instantly felt better knowing Derek wasn't
lurking in the bushes outside my apartment. And no doubt if he made any
indication of heading toward New York, I'd hear about it.

Simon,

I love you, I love you, I love you. You always know
how to make me feel better. I know you won’t let anything happen to me. I wish
you could be here right now. There are so many things I'd do to you...

Em

I was surprising myself with how well I'd adapted to sexy,
flirty Em. In typical Simon fashion, a reply popped up on my phone.

Well now I am intrigued. It would almost be worth
risking seeing you, just to find out what it is you'd do to me. And here I was
thinking you were a nice innocent girl I could take home to dinner with my mom.

Temptress Emma took over inside of me. I'd clicked send
before I'd even realised it. I re-read my message and gasped. I felt my face
redden. What a dirty little girl I'd become.

You could take me home to dinner with your mom, and
she'd love me. But only because they wouldn't see what my foot was doing under
the dinner table, or on the drive over. If you were here, right now, I'd blow
your mind, among other things. Em xx

“Hi baby.” I said sweetly. My phone had rung almost
immediately.

“Don't you ‘baby’ me.” He growled. “Do you have any idea how
hard I am right now, how much I want you?” I giggled. I loved this control I had
over him. I glanced at Tom again, still glued to the movie.

“Hold on.” Easing myself out of the chair, I ducked out of
the room. In my bedroom, I laid down on the bed. “That's better. Now where were
we?”

“You were turning me on, Miss Mancelli.” I closed my eyes
and imagine him lying there next to me. I could almost smell his aftershave.
His dark hair would be unruly and everywhere, framing his lovely deep blue
eyes. His lips would be so soft, so gentle to kiss.

“I wish you were here.”

“And what would you do to me if I was there?” His voice was
husky now, and low.

Almost hushed. I wondered for a moment if he was still at
work. The thought of him calling me whilst still there was incredibly sexy.

“I'd kiss you. I'd be straddling you. Every now and then I'd
accidentally grind myself against you, to feel your hardness.” I could hear the
sound of his zipper, I found my own hands wandering underneath my skirt. My
finger slipped past my panties and into my entrance. I gently tickled myself as
I continued. “Then I would undo your fly. Your penis would spring out, as if he
was so excited to see me.”

“Oh he would be.” I could hear muffled sounds on his end.

“I'd lick the tip of your penis, before taking you completely
in my mouth. Your tip would be pressing against the back of my throat.” I
whispered. “And then I'd-”

“Hey what the hell? What is this then?”

I jumped, trying to pull my skirt down and sit up on the bed
at the same time. Tom stood at the edge of my bed, an accusing look on his
face.

“You were having phone sex!” He shrieked, laughing
hysterically.  Oh shit. In the distance I could hear Simon calling my
name. I must have dropped the phone during the interruption. “Don't let me stop
you.” Smirked Tom, obviously very pleased to have discovered this. I'm sure he
was thinking how long he could hold this over me for. I knew Cass would know,
probably within the hour.

“Simon, I have to go.” I said tightly

“What exactly did he catch you doing?” Simon asked, amused.

“Same thing you were doing at work, I'm sure.” I shot back.
I hung up on him laughing loudly. I suppose that counted as a happy ending. I
turned my attention to Tom.

“Thanks mate.” I slapped Tom on the back. “Nice work.”

Tom laughed, ignoring my obvious sexual frustration. “Hey if
you'd told me I wouldn't have barged in.” He protested. “If you need a hand...”

“Piss off.” I growled.

Tom eventually left. He had wanted to sleep over, apparently
under orders from Simon, but I refused. It was still pretty early, only 9pm. I
switched on the news with a bucket of Ben and Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream.
My current obsession. If I couldn’t have sex with Simon I would eat ice cream,
dammit. I spooned down mouthfuls of half melted ice cream. How the hell was I
supposed to get through two weeks without him? I barely coped with two days.

And what if his boss decided he needed to stay away from me
longer. Or worse, permanently? Feeling sick from an overdose of ice cream, I
trudged off to bed.

“So any idea how much longer?” It was the fifth day Simon
and I had spent apart. I was getting desperate.

“Hopefully not much longer. I miss you so much.” The stress
was beginning to show in his voice. I had no idea how much shit he was taking
at work from his colleagues about our relationship.

“And Derek?” I asked nervously. Simon would tell me of any
movements in the case, I knew that, but I struggled to hold the fear at bay.
Every gap in the curtain, I wondered if he was looking in. Which was utterly
ridiculous, considering he’d need a hell of a ladder.

“Still with his mother.” He paused for a moment. “Listen Em,
I’m going to come over tonight. I need to see you. This being away from you is
tearing me apart.” Part of me wanted to scream how bad an idea that was. The
other part of me wanted so desperately to see him.