So Many Reasons Why (17 page)

“I'm going to tell mommy you groan lots.” She laughed. Just
what I needed. I could imagine how that would be taken by the Claire. So long
as she didn't mention how much I enjoy her daddy's magic fingers too.

“I will tell your mommy you giggle lots.” I shot back, tickling
her. Maddie shrieked, dodging away from my grasp.

Dinner was a success, according to Maddie my lasagne was
better than anyone's, even nanna Anderson's. The mention of Simon's mother made
me glance at him. He winked. I turned back to Maddie.

“And what's Nana Anderson like?” I asked Maddie innocently,
well aware of Simon's wide grin. I know, I know. Fishing for information from a
five year old. Not cool. Maddie thought hard, as if this question required a
great deal of consideration.

“She's nice.” She began. “She smells like soap. And she has
a beard.”

“Maddie!” Simon exclaimed, laughing. “Watch what you say.
And you.” He turned his attention to me. Me? I mouthed, pointing to my chest.
“Yes you, don't pretend to be all innocent. Shaking down a child for
information, it's appalling.”  He shook his head disapprovingly, a glint
in his eyes. I shrugged.

“I know, I know, I'm evil, but where else am I going to get
any info?”

“Um, oh I don't know, me?” He shook his head. “Okay, what do
you want to know?” I thought about it. What did I want to know? I reeled off a
list of random questions. To his credit, he answered everything. He had one
brother and one sister. His brother, Andrew lived in London and was married to
an Irish girl. They had three children.

His sister lived at home with his mother. She had suffered
severe brain damage in an accident when she was 14. She couldn't talk, walk or
communicate at all. Simon visited her every week to read to her. His mom and
dad had divorced when Simon was 23, his dad died of cancer three years ago. He
spoke to his mom twice a week, and Maddie saw her every fortnight.

“Anything else?” He asked, raising his eyebrows. Maddie had
long lost interest in our conversation and was curled up on the couch watching
cartoons. I shook my head.

“I think that just about covers it.”

“Okay, so your turn now.”  I looked up at him, both
surprised and slightly alarmed. He knew everything about me, what else could
their possibly be?

“Okay.”

“Brothers? Sisters?” I shook my head.  “Nope. Only
child. Mom got sick after me and couldn't have any more kids. They wanted to
adopt, but then...” I trailed off. They had been in the process of filing
paperwork to adopt when I was attacked. Both became way too unstable to care
for another child after that.

“Aunts? Uncles? Cousins?” He prodded. I tried to think. My
dad had a sister, but she lived in New Zealand and I hadn't seen or heard from
her since I was about six. I had no idea if I had any cousins or not. Simon was
shocked by this. I felt embarrassed. Was it that strange not to know your
relatives?

“Next question?” I said defensively. He was being an
arsehole. So what if I didn't know whether or not I even had cousins?

“No, give me a minute.” He pulled out his tablet. “Do you know
if she's married?”

“Yes, well she was anyway. Phillip Geary.” I rolled my eyes
as he tapped away on his tablet. This was supposed to be about him opening up,
not about my estranged family.

 Why did everything end up turning back onto me?

Stupid Simon and his 'close' family. I was about to get up
and join Maddie on the couch when he spun the tablet around triumphantly.

“What's this?” I asked testily. The shit head was getting on
my nerves now. If it wasn't for Maddie I'd have kicked him out by now. I didn't
need his damn magic fingers. Or his soft mouth. Or his long hard...ooh god.

Focus Emma! I snatched the tablet out of his hands. It was a
picture. Two girls, both looked to be in their early teens. They were sisters,
I could tell, the same wavy blonde hair, green eyes, and long, toned limbs. I
read down the bottom. 'Natalie and Layla Geary, 11 and 12 first sisters to make
the national junior netball league'

“What is this?” I repeated confused. I snatched the tablet
out of his hands.

“Your cousins. These are the daughters of Phillip and Maria
Geary, from Auckland, New Zealand.” I gaped up at Simon in wonder.

Holy shit. I had cousins.

I stared at the picture again. They both looked happy. I
wondered how perfect their little life was. I searched for a date. 2010. So
they'd be 14 and 15 now.

Wow. I wondered if dad knew them. He and my aunt had had a
massive falling out the last time I saw her. No idea what it was about, but it
was big enough for her to move countries and never contact us again. I was
surprised I’d even managed to remember their surname.

“Can you get Aunt Maria's details?” I don't know if I was
more curious or nervous as Simon took back the tablet and tapped away again. I
waited impatiently. He looked up, grinning. “How did you even find her?”

“Em. Think about what I do for a living. It’s part of my job
to track people down. A number okay?” A number? What the hell would I say? Hey
it's your niece you haven't spoken to in years, what's been up? Oh you know,
the usual, rape, attempted murder, and agoraphobia, how about you?

Somehow I didn't think that would go down too well.

“I can’t call her.” I shook my head. No way, no how. I could
barely call for pizza, let alone my estranged Aunt. Simon looked perplexed.

“Then how about email?” Email. I guess email was okay. She
could ignore it if she wanted. It would be up to her to make the move, and I
could control how much I told her, how quickly. I nodded.

“Can you email her email address to me?”

“Done.” Smiled Simon. “Now what do I have to do to get a
kiss around here?”

I stared at the open page on my email. It seemed like such a
hard email to start. How was I supposed to strike up contact with someone I
didn't know? Simon had gone home, so this seemed like the perfect time to write
to her.

Hi Aunt Maria,

Wow, this is hard. I have no idea what to say or even
where to start. I happened to find your email and I wanted to contact you. I
haven't seen you since I was six. I'm not sure what that was all about, but I'd
love the chance to get to know you.

If you don't want to email me back, I understand.

Emma

I pressed send. There. Now it was out there. No going back.
I'd just wait to see if I got a reply. If not, I'd leave it. It felt good to
get that out of the way. I closed the email, and opened Google.

“This is such a bad idea.” I said aloud. No good could come
from me researching the man who attacked me. That, unfortunately, didn't stop
me from typing in Derek Moosly into the search box.

More than a million links showed up. I needed to narrow it
down. I added 'assault girl' to the box. His picture filled the screen. I
shuddered. I had spent so long trying to block his image out of my mind. His
eyes gave a glimpse of the evil he was capable of. I quickly scrolled down. I
needed that image gone. My breathing steadied as I focused on my search. I
clicked on a page titled 'Rapists behind bars'.

Everything I could have possibly wanted to know about this
man was on this page. He grew up in a small town in Kansas, his father killed
his brother at age ten, in front of Derek. His mother had suffered depression
following the death of her son. His father was thrown in jail for sexually
assaulting Derek and his sister Jane. He died as a result of a fight in jail.
His mother now lived in Connecticut, with Jane. Margi (his mother) had pulled
herself together and now worked as an aged care nurse. Jane was studying
medicine at university.

Then I saw it. Right there in black and white. I began to
panic. My breathing sped up, I felt faint. I quickly texted Simon, knowing I
was not far from passing out. The phone rang. I looked at it, unable to pick it
up I was shaking so much. No, no, no. Fuck. This could not be happening. Not
yet.

But it was.

Derek Moosly had been released on parole. He was out already.
It had only been a day.

Fuck.
I lifted my arm up and touched the side of my
skull. Shit my head hurt. I tried to think back. I couldn't remember anything.
I opened an eye and glanced around the very blurry room.

Simon. Mom. Police? Ambulance?

What the hell?

“Simon?” Instantly he was down beside me, clutching my hand.

“Shit Em, you scared the hell out of me.” His face was
etched with worry. His eyes were red and puffy, unable to disguise the fact
that he'd been crying.

“What happened?” I mumbled. I closed my eyes again, the urge
to rest overpowering the need to know what was happening.

“You texted me, and I couldn't get in. I called your mom,
but she was so far away I called the police.” He bit his lip, suddenly looking
sheepish. “I owe you a new door.” I shook my head, trying to remember. The door
hung on by one hinge, a big hole in the middle of the front, no doubt from his
foot.

“What?” I prompted. He looked uncomfortable. And nervous.
Really nervous. Like he wanted to day something I wasn’t going to like hearing.
I was more alert now. What happened? Why was he shit scared to talk to me? He
sensed my agitation and put his hand on my arm.

“I saw your laptop.” he hesitated, cocking his head
slightly, like I was a puzzle he was trying to work out. “You saw Derek has
been released.” I began to cry. Now it all made sense. Memories of the events
of the day raced back through my mind. Released. Free. Free to attack again.
What if he came after me? Here I was locked away in a prison and he was going
to be out there.

How the fuck was I supposed to cope with that?

“Shh, it's okay Em. I won’t let him hurt you.” I looked at
him helplessly. I loved him for wanting to help, but I hated him for promising
something he couldn't keep.

“You don't know what. You're not always with me. You don't
know what will happen” I cried. My heart was racing again. Mom looked on,
her face creased with worry. She glanced at Simon. They exchanged a
meaningful look.

“I'll move in.” Simon said. He said it so easily, like it
was the simplest thing in the world.

“Doesn't mean you will always be around.” I argued. 
“And no, I don't want to risk Maddie getting caught up in this.”

“I will have a squad car shadow you 24/7 if that is what it
takes for you to feel safe.”

“I will never feel safe.” I whispered softy, not caring how
dramatic I sounded. “Not even a hundred police cars could make me feel safe.”
All I could think of was how tragic I seemed. I was sounding more and more like
a Danielle Steele movie each day. Simon helped me to the bed, with the help of
one of the ambulance officers. I felt numb and woozy. A side effect of the
injection they had given me, according to the ambulance guy. I let myself be
laid down and accepted the tablets given to me.

“They will help you sleep.” Someone said, I was not sure
who. Everyone was sort of blurring into one another. I thought I could see moms
head poking around the bedroom door, but I also thought I saw her cartwheel
across the room. I closed my eyes, unable to trust my sight.

“..She can't be left alone.”

“..Might try it again.”

“She won’t be. I can be here.” Simon. I knew his voice.

“You can't be here all the time. At least at home there will
be someone around all the time.” Oh god no. The last thing I wanted was to go
back home. I tried to make my voice work, with no success.

“I think she needs to be here. She needs that stability. I
will have someone on her all the time, and when I'm not here I will arrange for
Cass, or Tom to be here.” Simon's voice was firm. Forceful, even. He knew what
was best for me. Mom didn't respond. Strange. Mom always had a comeback.

I dosed off.

The light shined through the crack in the curtains, hitting
me right in the eye. I really needed better curtains. I sat up, stretching.
Shit I felt bad. I remembered most of yesterday, but the anxiety and panic had
mostly eased. My rationality had kicked in. I knew the chances of Derek coming
back for me were extremely low. I also knew Simon would have the entire police
force on my doorstep if he needed to keep me safe. I tiptoed out of the
bedroom. I could hear voices. I wanted to hear what they were saying. The door
of the living room blocked their view of me. Both Cass and Tom were there, Cass
curled up on the couch, Tom sitting on the floor opposite.

“I know, but for what that bastard did to her, he should rot
in hell.” Cass's voice was hard. She had no sympathy for Derek.

“I know he hurt Em really bad. I know he stuffed up her
life, I am not taking his side. I am just saying, as someone studying law you
need to be impartial to your personal connections, and look at the facts. The
facts are he did his time, without incident, and he, whether you agree or not,
deserves the chance to make right.”

“You've got to be fucking kidding me. I can’t believe I had
a crush on you. How can you expect me to be impartial when this asshole ruined
my best friend?” She said forward, angrily. “How can you be so impartial?”

“I'm not fucking impartial. I am one hundred percent behind
Em. I'd kill the guy if it meant protecting her. I'm just trying to point out
the importance of staying neutral in the profession you’re going into.” He
shrugged helplessly. He knew there was no way he was going to win this
argument.

I gently pushed open the door, making them both jump in surprise.

“Em!” Cass rushed over, giving me a hug. “You're up.” She
grabbed my hand and led me over to the couch, forcing me to sit down. Tom
smiled at me.

“I was worried about you Em. You okay?”