So Many Reasons Why (22 page)

In the distance I saw a flash of light. It was there and
then gone. Maybe I'd imagined it? My feet pushed forward, as though they were
in control, not my brain. Right now I wasn't sure my brain was capable of
anything.

I heard the sound before I felt the pain. The sound of
something hard hitting the back of my head. I reached up. Warm. Blood, I
guessed.

Everything went black.

“Please. Help me.”

It was her. Even though I couldn't see her, I knew it was
her. I could hear the fear in her voice. The same fear I'd felt, and
experienced.

My head felt like it had exploded. Dried blood matted my
hair. My heart pounded. It was dark, but I could make out the girl tied to the
bed in the corner of the room. I could make out Gary sprawled out on the floor
near the door, a pool of blood trickling around his chest. He wasn't moving. I
couldn't tell if he was alive.

Then, I saw him. Sitting in a chair, staring at me.

Smiling. Anger surged through me. How
dare
he smile
at me.

“Wow. I can't believe what a beautiful woman you have grown
into.” He smiled broadly. He sounded like a proud long lost relative, not a
deranged rapist. “It's so good to see you again. How have you been? This is
such a surprise!” There are so many ways I wanted to answer him. Most involved
some kind of utensil and an orifice he could jam it in. But I knew my best
chance of getting out of this alive was to keep him calm. And talking.

“Good.” I croaked. I coughed. “I have been okay.” My voice
was clearer, but still reeked of nerves. He smiled. I could tell he liked I was
scared. That's what he got off on.

 Suddenly he was on his feet.

“Oh god I'm so rude!” He exclaimed, jumping to his feet. He walked
over to the girl.

“Have you met Mandy?” He untied her and pushed her toward
me. She winced at the grip of his hand around her arm. She fell in front of me.
Her eyes were dead. Dark rings circled them.

“You two should get along great. You have so much in
common.” He laughed. I felt sick. I didn't want to know what he'd done to her,
but deep down I knew. I could see it in her face. Her expression. It was the
same one I’d worn ten years earlier.

“Why not just come for me?” I asked him. He seemed surprised
by the question. Then humour filled his dark eyes.

“What makes you think I even wanted you again?” He chuckled,
amused by my question. Then his turned serious. “This isn’t about you, Emma,
though I thought about you every day. What I did to you, I thought if I could
get out, I could make things right. But I can’t.”

“Oh don't look so scared Missy. Us three, we are going to
have a great time.” I heard Mandy next to me whimper softly. Derek rolled his
eyes. “Don't mind her.” He said, reaching over and kicking her in the back so
hard she gasped.

I flinched, as though the kick had wounded me. “She has done
nothing but complain since we started! At least you were quiet. So well
behaved.” His voice faltered as he smiled.

He was thinking of me. Us. The thought made me want to
vomit. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

“So let her go?” I suggested lightly. “We can have fun
without her.” I kept my voice as light as I could. Inside I was screaming. All
I needed was for him to let her go.

“I need to go back, Emma. I can’t handle it out here. I need
to make sure I won’t get out again. And she,” He motioned toward Mandy, “Will
make sure of that. Or more to the point, what I do to her will make sure of
it.” He smiled at me, and winked.

Feeling sick, I tried again to swallow the lump in my
throat. This time, I was less successful.  I lunged forward, most of the
day’s food ending up all over my top. Derek jumped back in disgust. I almost
laughed at the irony.

He
was disgusted with
me
?

“Aww seriously Emma?” He tipped his gun toward to my top.
“Take it off.” My eyes widened. No. I couldn't. I wouldn't.

“It's making me feel sick and I want it off. Now!” He
ordered, his voice raised. This time he aimed the gun at me. I slipped the top
over my head and threw it into the corner. The feel of his eyes on me made my
stomach churn again. I crossed my arms over my chest, covering what I could of
my pink lacy bra.

“Pretty.” He licked his lips. He sneered at me, exposing his
cracked rotten teeth. “Pink suits you.” He offered, as if he was trying to
flirt with me. I looked away, repulsed. This man had controlled my life, my
nightmares, for so long. He grinned. He was enjoying my response to his
attention. He loved that I despised him.

His eyes darted toward Mandy, as if he'd forgotten she was
there. Slowly, he moved. Each step nearer to her than the last. Finally, as he
stood right in front of her he grabbed a handful of her hair and forced her to
stand up. Tears spilled from her eyes.

“Please don't.” She begged. Ignoring her pleas he threw her
onto the bed. He turned, facing me.

“I tried, Emma. I tried to be good in prison. Out here I
can’t handle it.” His voice cracked, as he positioned the gun under Mandy’s
chin. Her eyes were filled with terror, silently begging me to help her. “I need
to go back.” We both turned toward the door as it burst open with a bang.
Police swarmed inside the small cabin.

“Get away from the girl.” A gun aimed directly at Derek's
head failed to deter him. He simply laughed.

“You think I care if you shoot me? You think I care?” His
voice was challenging. He clicked over the gun, ready to fire. I watched in
horror as Mandy squeezed her eyes shut and swallowed. The sound of gunshots
pierced my ears as I fell to the floor in a heap, my hands over my ears. I couldn’t
look up.

“Are you hurt?” My eyes cracked open ever so slightly. A
kind looking policewoman was gently placing a blanket around my shoulders. I
shook my head. Derek lay dead in the corner, a pool of blood forming around his
abdomen.

“I think I'm okay.” I struggled to control my breathing. I
wasn't okay. My heart was racing and the room was spinning. But I was alive. I
had faced my fears and lived.

“Come on, you need oxygen.” She led me outside, squeezing me
closer as we passed Derek’s body. An ambulance officer placed a mask over my
mouth and guided me back onto a stretcher.

“Emma?” Simon! I struggled to sit up, his hand pressed down
gently on my shoulder.

“Stay there baby. You need to rest. I'm here, I'm not going
anywhere.” Tears welled in the corners of his eyes, threatening to make their
escape.

“Why are you crying?” I asked, reaching over to touch his
tears. I wiped them away.

“I'm just so happy you're okay. I couldn't bear the thought
of anything happening to you.” He hesitated. “When I saw you had been trying to
reach me, I was so worried. And then Gary-”

“Gary!” I panicked, the memory of his lifeless body filling
my mind. Simon shook his head.

“He didn't make it.” He looked at me sadly. I thought about
his wife. And his daughters. Simon enclosed his hand in mine.

“I love you so much.” He said, his voice breaking.

“Hey you.” Simon leaned across the bed and kissed my lips
softly. “Any idea on when you can get out of here? I want you back at my place.
No arguments.”

“I wasn't planning on arguing actually.” I said honestly. “I
was hoping you'd offer.” Simon raised his eyebrows and smiled down at me. He
shook his head in amazement.

“You are always welcome. Any time. All the time even.” I
couldn't tell from his expression what that meant. Had he just asked me to move
in with him? Surprisingly, I liked that idea.

“Hi Em.” I glanced around Simon to see Cass and Tom walking
into the room. Strangely, I’d had more visitors here in hospital than I’d had
the entire past year at home. The biggest shock of all was when my father
walked into my room. It had taken almost losing me again for him to realise
that he couldn’t just shut me out.

“I’m so sorry Em. For not being the father you deserved.”
He’d said, crying in the chair next to the bed. “I just want you to know, I’m
seeing someone.” What? My face dropped. His eyes widened as he realised what I
thought he meant. “No, no Em. I wouldn’t do that to your mother. A
psychiatrist. I meant a psychiatrist.” I began to laugh, relieved that he
hadn’t come in here to confess his infidelities.

“Em, I’m going to fix our relationship. I promise you that.
I am so sorry I didn’t let Maria into your life. I wanted to protect you so
badly.” Then he’d left. In all, he’d stayed with me for all of five minutes,
yet it was the most time I’d spent with him all year.

“Hey guys.” I struggled to sit up to make room for Cass to
sit. My whole body ached. I tried to ignore the pain that was writhing through
my body. I was so happy to see them. And together? I raised my eyebrows at
Cass. She blushed slightly.

“Hey Simon, can you get me a water? And maybe take Tom with
you?” He nodded, taking the hint.

“So?” I asked once we were alone. Cass bit her lip,
unsuccessfully trying to hide her smile.

“Well, we are together. I think.” I squealed and did a
little bed dance. Ouch. Ow, ow, ow! I grimaced in pain. Bed dances were a bad
idea. I turned back to Cass and squealed again. Cass blushed an even deeper
shade of red.

“You are such an idiot. We have only been out a couple of
times. I'm not even sure what it is yet.” I shrugged her protests off.

“You two are meant for each other. Like Simon and me.” I
paused, thinking about his earlier comment. “I think he asked me to move in.”
Now it was Cass's turn to squeal.

“Oh Em, I'm so happy for you.” She hugged me and kissed my
cheek. I was happy too. The happiest I'd ever been.

“What have we missed?” The boys wandered back in, Simon
carrying a jug of iced water. He poured me a glass which I took gratefully. I
was so thirsty.

“Not much, Cass was just telling me about the hot guy she's
dating.” I teased. Tom nodded smoothly, giving me a wink. I laughed.

My doctor walked in, not bothering to look up from his
folder. “Miss Mancelli?”

Cass and Tom stood up.

“We better get going.” Cass came over for another hug. “So
glad you're okay Em.”

“Thanks guys. Love you both.” I replied, giving Tom a kiss.

“Right, Miss Mancelli. How are we feeling?” He still hadn't
looked up from his notes. His bedside manner left something to be desired.

“Not bad.” I raised my eyebrows at Simon, who suppressed a
laugh. The doctor nodded, mumbling to himself.

“Okay, we just need your blood pressure a little higher and
then you're free to go. You and the baby are both fine. It’s just precautionary.”

“Pardon?”  Surely I hadn't heard him correctly. I
glanced at Simon, who looked as shocked as I did. “Baby?” The doctor looked up,
surprised. Well that got his attention.

“You didn't know? I guess that’s not surprising. You are
only about 3 weeks along.”

Simon met my gaze. Shock. Amazement. Excitement. His eyes
filled with tears. I finally breathed out. Wow. I'd spent so long coming to
terms with never having a child, that hearing this news was nothing short of
shocking.

“We are going to have a baby.” I smiled at Simon. He smiled
back.

“We're having a baby.” He agreed, kissing me tenderly. I
shook my head in amazement. Was this really happening?

I rolled onto my side to snuggle up to Simon. The empty
space was warm, indicating he hadn't long gotten up. I shuffled over to make
the most of his remaining warmth.

Two weeks had passed since Derek Moosly had been killed. Two
weeks since I finally felt the hold he had over me begin to lift. I'd finally
been released from hospital, Simon insisting he was moving in with me. I was
still having trouble digesting the fact that I was pregnant. Both of us were.
Simon had arranged an appointment with one of New York's top OB's for this
morning. How he'd arranged a home call I do not know.

“Hey baby.” I smiled as Simon placed a cup of tea and two
slices of buttered toast on my bedside table. He leaned down to kiss me. Even
now I still received tingles every time he touched me.

“Hi.” I replied, sitting up. I re-arranged the pillows
behind me until they were just right. I took the toast. “I could get used to
this pampering.”

“I hope you do.” He winked. “Now the doc will be here in
half an hour, so drink up and give me a yell when you're ready for a shower.”

“I can shower myself.” I laughed.

“I know.” He winked again. “I just like to watch.” I
giggled. Could he sound anymore creepy? I watched him leave the room. I
couldn't quite get over how wonderfully things were going.

Simon and I.

Tom and Cass.

And now being pregnant. For the first time since the attack,
I was beginning to enjoy life again. Mom and dad had visited me a few times
now. It was a slow process, but we were getting to a point where we could be a
family again. Some kind of family anyway. Maria and I were also in contact. We
were taking things slow, but slow was better than nothing. If any of the last
few weeks had taught me anything, it was that life was too short to shut people
out. I finished my tea and toast, and tiptoed into the bathroom. I was halfway
through my shower when I felt hands wrap around my waist.

“You were supposed to call me.” Simon whispered sternly in
my ear. I spun around, facing him. We kissed. He pushed me against the tiles,
lifting me onto his hips. “We don't have time for this.” He groaned.

“I heard you're very quick.” I whispered in his ear. He
grinned at me.

“You'll pay for that little insult later.” He said, amused.
He smacked me on the bottom and pulled me from under the water. I grumbled, not
ready to finish my shower just yet. He was right though. The doctor would be
here soon.